Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is purely for entertainment purposes, and I am making no profit off of this.

A nauseating palace of avarice loomed over my head, and the gilded, meaningless path under my feet felt icy as I walked, naked, through the void.

Then, I saw it.

The inhuman thing sat upon its aureate throne. Its abhorrent existence drew sustenance from the dwindling sanity of men in the face of ever increasing desire. Such was the lord of the almighty dollar. I was not worthy to gaze upon it.

I knelt before its ornate throne, and it grinned at me. Appendages of frigid insatiability shot out from the flesh of the beast, and reached out for me. They held me tenderly.

The world took on an ethereal, otherworldly quality, and for the first time in my life, I truly saw.

The beast reached out with more of its slender, tentacle-like limbs. They slithered around me, entrapping me in the embrace of the beast. Mouths opened all around me, kissing me. They whispered and chanted quietly, enlightening me.

"And so, Mammon lives again."

And that was how I came to be.

I had lived my life surrounded by piles of ill-gotten wealth. One could always earn something using means of dubious morality. Conveniently timed words, and corporate backstabs.

Money, power, prestige, I wanted it all.

Of course, with karma being legit or something, I was reborn into easily one of the most screwed up, most stressful environments. That was discounting the fact that in twelve years, I would be sentenced to a death by the cold steel of Itachi's blade.

Yeah, I was an Uchiha.

God dammit.

At least I still had a penis.

My parents looked down at me with blazing Sharingan. They wanted the memory of their baby to be emblazoned into their brains with the searing brand of the Sharingan's eidetic memorisation.

These people were little more than walking corpses. An NPC, being puppeteered by a cruel god. In twelve years' time, they would all be dead. Their bodies would probably be desecrated by the likes of Orochimaru and Danzo. Power hungry fools with little moral boundaries plucking tiny crimson orbs out of skulls.

I would only be another body to desecrate, another pair of eyes to collect.

That is, if I did nothing.

Despite karma dropping off with a death sentence, the beast of Mammon had also given me all of the tools to survive, to thrive even, in this cruel world.

Mother and Father's eyes would become embedded into my own skull come time of the massacre. It's not like they would have much use for them when they were dead.

The Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan would be mine.

Unless, of course, they didn't have Mangekyou. That would be problematic.

But I had faith. The beast had whispered to me so many things. So many secrets. Enough secrets to blackmail the universe itself.

BANG! FWOOSH! CRASH!

The wall of the hospital blew off, revealing a village covered in fire.

Was this the Kyuubi attack?

Balls.

My eyes burned.

As the beast crawled into the world, my twin, my master, my will.

Mother and Father were dying.

Mega balls.

Their blood flowed a crimson river. It washed over me. I bathed in the blood, I was a child of the blood. I was a child born in the midst of fierce combat. Crimson eyes went dormant in Father's skull. He was already half dead from the initial explosion, and was now on fire. He was looking rather like a burnt marshmallow.

I giggled a little bit.

My eyes bled.

The beast crawled into my eyes, changing them to suit its needs. Malice flooded through my optical nerves, building upon them, changing them, improving them.

Then, I felt it.

The loss. I was so naked without my suit. I was so empty without my obviously fake smile. I was so alone without my pile of wealth.

And I was so lost without my world.

I had died. The world that I knew had vanished, and I was lost.

And so, the beast fed on my loss. The beast fed on my desire to have something, to own simply for the sake of ownership. There was nothing without possession. The world ran on the treadmill of Mammon.

Mother had various pieces of shrapnel embedded in her body. She was bleeding profusely from the various wounds in her body. Thankfully, her eyes were untouched. They could still be scavenged. She looked rather like a strange cross between a turtle and a porcupine, with the copious amount of debris that pierced her body.

My undeveloped mouth produced more babble-like giggling.

My eyes were on fire.

And finally, the beast, satisfied, crawled out of my skull, and hovered in the room in a nebulous cloud of avarice.

Mother looked at me in horror. She opened her mouth in a silent scream. She repeatedly activated and deactivated her eyes, in hopes that her infallible Sharingan were deceiving her. I considered her carefully.

Were her eyes Mangekyou? They-

The beast swooped down into Mother's skull and fixed her, made her more useful.

-were! Hot damn! I thought these things were supposed to be rare, right? Are they not? Actually, didn't the Uchiha have a practice of killing their closest friends to awaken the Mangekyou? Doesn't matter. How would I store them for when I was ready for the implant?

I tried to force my underdeveloped infant body to crawl up her rapidly paling flesh, a task that proved to be impossible for my underdeveloped infant body.

With a sweeping dive, the beast burrowed once more into my eye sockets, and propelled me forwards with the wind of the divine.

And suddenly, I was there.

The beast grinned as it watched through my eyes with clarity that could only be achieved with the magical eyes of Samsara.

I reached for her eyes. She was too weak to struggle. My chubby infant hands reached into her eye sockets. Her face was white with terror.

The beast followed through my veins and guided my hand.

Her eyes came out with a wet pop.

The beast, content with its work, grinned, revealing a smile full of needle-like teeth. It spoke to me, "Farewell, avatar of Mammon," its eyes focused sharply upon my figure.

A glaring red light span brightly in its eyes, enveloping the room in a scorching display, "Conquer this world for Mammon won't you?"

At age forty-three seconds, I had unlocked the Mangekyou Sharingan.

I'm just as confused as you are.

The minute I woke up, I knew my Mangekyou abilities. My theory is that activation of the Mangekyou had connected pathways in my brain to give me an inherent understanding of the new abilities.

They were… lacklustre when you compared them to the other ones displayed in the Naruto universe.

With my left eye, I could do a short range teleport.

Fujin

It sounds pretty awesome at first, but when I said short range, I meant short range. I could probably go about half a metre at the very most in any direction. Honestly, just straight up walking would be way easier than using the Fujin. It may or may not be an exploitable ability in combat, but it didn't matter either way. Shisui managed to become absolutely broken using the freaking Shunshin, so I didn't see why I couldn't do the same.

With my right eye, I could make an unbreakable Genjutsu to make myself or any object invisible.

Dodomeki.

Unfortunately, this only covered the visual part of things. Any shinobi worth their salt would be able to find me by sound and maybe smell just as easily if I were visible.

Dodomeki ended up being useful in the hospital though, for hiding Mother's Mangekyou Sharingan from the prying eyes of the ANBU searchers. I was on the brink of unconsciousness when I used Dodomeki instinctively,

Neither of my Mangekyou abilities had any much use in open combat. I would be reasonably good in infiltration, with Dodomeki's obvious application and Fujin perhaps letting me get behind locked or sealed areas, but the moment I stepped on the battlefield would be the moment that I died. I suppose that, with the Susanoo, perhaps I would be able to stand a chance, but manifesting a Susanoo would be harsh on my reserves, especially now as an infant.

The only positive thing about my Mangekyou abilities is that neither of them used very much chakra. That fact isn't exactly relevant when you consider that I'll hardly be using either of them.

I really hope that Mother's Mangekyou have something better in them.

I also would barely be able to use the Sharingan until somewhere around Genin or Chunin. Since I skipped all tomoe stages, I was stuck using a fully matured Sharingan, which, while better than the other Sharingan, was also harder on the chakra reserves. I would be a beast in combat for all of thirty seconds. Then I'd probably fall unconscious from chakra exhaustion.

This Mangekyou bullshit seems like a lot more trouble than it's worth. Especially because my Mangekyou abilities suck.

Oh yeah, and compounded with all of that bullshit, because my parents died, I was passed on to a willing Uchiha adopter.

Guess who was willing to take in a baby with a freaking Mangekyou?

Every goddamn person in the clan.

Guess whose word had the highest sway in the Uchiha clan?

Frickin' Uchiha Fugaku.

You know, Sasuke and Itachi's dad.

I was their adopted brother.

You've gotta be shitting me at this point.

Hey, being Itachi's brother now, maybe I'd be able to escape death at the Uchiha massacre the same way that Sasuke did?

Hopefully?

Oh yeah, Fugaku and Mikoto, my new adoptive parents, the frickin' Itachi and Sasuke's parents, decided on my name, as my parents didn't have time to, being murdered by the Kyuubi and all that.

They named me Kyouki.

Insanity.

Real funny, guys.

A/N: So I rewrote the chapter a bit. I'm not quite certain where I was going with the whole 'Mammon' thing, but I might incorporate it a little more throughout the story if anyone likes it. I thought that the whole premise of the 'Mangekyou baby' might make more sense if I used a sort of ROB character rather than having the baby magically awaken them on their own.

I also removed the interlude at the Hokage's office. I'm not sure that it made much sense, now that I've gone over it. It seems to me that the Hokage and his associates would probably have better things to talk about after the Kyuubi attack than a random baby.

So let me know if you liked the changes. If you do, I'll just keep it. If you don't, I still have the old copy, so I can restore it.