Chapter VI: Doubt Falling into A Never-ending Chasm

General Leia Organa was tired, in every sense of the word. Everything leading up to the Battle of Crait, if you could call it a battle, and the subsequent aftermath, had taken their toll. She had finally lost hope for her son's redemption, and now that Luke was gone, she didn't know if she had the strength left to keep going. But, despite her growing doubts, she was still a leader, and she had people counting on her. So, though she felt weary and downtrodden on the inside, she put on the mask of a steadfast warrior, for the sake of her Resistance. Her friends. Her family.

She was in the medbay, checking up on Rose, who had been drifting in and out of consciousness since Crait. They were managing well enough with the provisions they currently had. Between the Millennium Falcon's emergency stash and whatever could be found in the smuggler's den, they at least had resources to pull from. But nothing they had would make a substantial difference. Poe was leading a crew on a mission to scrounge up more portions, medical supplies, and any other goods and materials that could potentially be useful to them. But the day was waning, and they hadn't checked in yet.

Lieutenant Connix had been assigned to go with Chewbacca to the Falcon, to monitor the coms while Poe's team was out. It wasn't ideal, but until they could bring the base's terminals online, the Falcon's systems were their only way to relay information. Connix's job was to report back with any updates, either to Commander D'Acy or General Organa directly. The last status they had available suggested that the crew was trying to establish contacts at an outpost where supplies would be readily available. Whether or not they were successful remained to be seen.

Leia was just about to leave Rose and find Commander D'Acy, to see if Connix had brought back word recently, when there was a sudden outbreak of panicked voices and heavy footsteps headed her way. Before she had time to react, Poe abruptly burst through the door, carrying a motionless Rey in his arms. They exchanged a quick look and Leia could see the urgency and concern in Poe's face, an unusual display of emotion for him. She motioned to the open cot on the opposite wall from where she stood by Rose's bed. He swiftly strode towards it and lowered Rey onto the weathered mattress.

"What did you do, Dameron?" Leia probed skeptically as she made her way to the medical station, searching for a medisensor, or any device that could be used to check Rey's vitals. Poe shot her an affronted glare while her back was still turned to him, before redirecting his attention to Rey. "I didn't! We just arrived, and I found her in a fixated trance right before she collapsed. You won't find what you need in there, but we may have something helpful from our supply run. Finn's on his way." Leia nodded as she approached the bedside, leaning slightly forward to feel Rey's forehead and hands, gingerly. The way she tended to her was motherly and instinctive, as if she'd cared for this girl all her life. "She's burning up, but her hands are freezing. Did she say anything to you before she passed out?"

Poe started to reply, but they were interrupted by Finn. He entered the room with what appeared to be a worn-out duffle bag. BB-8 was hot on his heels, beeping frantically. "I've got… the supplies… now what?" He was out of breath and looked a bit disoriented. Beads of sweat had already formed across his forehead. Poe reached out an arm. "Toss me the bag. You don't look so great, buddy. You should take a breather." Finn pitched the bag to Poe, then slumped back against the nearest wall, gasping for air. "Breathing… yeah… yeah… got it… good idea…" Poe rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly, while rummaging through the bag for something useful. Once he found what he was looking for, he dropped the bag at the foot of the cot. "Here. I knew I remembered us finding one of these. It's a little beat up, but it's functional." He handed Leia the medisensor.

Rey began to stir as Leia activated the device to scan her. Poe quickly moved to grab an empty cup off the station counter. "I'll go get some water, she needs fluids." Leia responded with a distracted "mmhmm", still focused on Rey as Poe left the room. Finn was still panting when BB-8 rolled up to the side of the bed, beeping away and swiveling his head back and forth between Rey and Finn. "No, Rey isn't going to die. And Finn isn't going to have an aneurism either." Leia didn't look up as she continued the scan. The droid didn't seem satisfied with this answer, so he warbled and spun around in a pacing manner. Leia replied again, this time with a hint of amusement in her voice. "Yes… I'm sure." She paused briefly, a wistful smile passing over her as she remembered something Han always used to say. "This isn't my first rodeo." BB-8 thought about protesting again, but Finn disrupted their exchange, slowly pushing off the wall to join them. "Her eyes are fluttering. I think she's waking up."

Rey groaned as she gradually regained consciousness, lifting her arm to block the light from her eyes. It took her several moments to adjust to the sudden change in brightness. Once her eyes became less sensitive, she cautiously laid her arm back down and squinted, hazily taking in her surroundings. Poe reentered the room, filled cup in hand, just as Rey was struggling to sit up. She was attempting to prop herself up with her elbows, immediately regretting the decision as a sharp pain stabbed through her temples. Finn reached out to steady her as Poe neared the bed, and Leia gently instructed, "Stay still, hon. You've had a bad spell."

But Rey didn't seem to comprehend what she said, still straining to elevate herself before dizziness caused her to sway shakily. This time, Poe braced her, lifting the cup to her now chapped lips. "Whoa, there. Take it easy, kid. You're gonna get a concussion if you keep trying to hit your head like this. The water will help. Just sip it nice and slow, ok?" She tried to give a faint nod, but the throbbing sent her reeling again and she winced painfully. Poe motioned for Finn to put an arm around her back, so he could support her head gently while she drank. "Ok, easy now. That's it. Small sips. Just a little at a time." He tilted the cup and she roughly swallowed. Her throat felt like sandpaper, but the cool liquid was soothing.

After a few moments, she felt balanced enough to lean forward on her own. Leia was looking over the reading from the medisensor. "Rey, according to this, you're dangerously dehydrated, and your blood sugar levels are much lower than they should be. This doesn't make sense. You don't appear to have any sort of infection, though you are running a fever. The only other cause for symptoms like these would be extreme malnourishment. Even with our efforts to conserve rations, your levels shouldn't be affected this severely. When was the last time you ate?"

Rey stared at her blankly for a moment, trying to grasp the question so she could formulate an answer. Even as flushed as her cheeks were in her current state, she could feel the heat rising as she stammered timidly. "I… I was… I wanted to… make sure there was enough… for everyone el-, " her eyes suddenly grew wide and she promptly lurched to the side, doubling over and retching violently. Unfortunately for Poe, his foot was in the direct line of fire. BB-8 made a noise that sounded like a disgusted "ewww", followed by a mocking chuckle. Finn attempted to stifle his own repulsed snicker. Leia was less than amused. Naturally, it would be Poe who got bombarded with such a putrid assault. Karma brings swift judgement, though this was, undeservedly, a mere slap on the hand in comparison to some of Poe's most recent transgressions.

Poe didn't seem overly fazed, however. She had mostly vomited water and bile. He continued to steady Rey, rubbing her back patiently while she was still heaving. "Ok, kid… breathe… don't tense up. Just breathe through it." Once Rey's stomach finally stopped contracting, Poe helped her lay back down on her side, in case she felt any more sudden urges to puke. As he got up to search for something to clean himself off with, Finn offered to find rags to clean the floor with as well. BB-8 followed them when they left the room to go find the necessary cleaning supplies. Leia turned her attention back to Rey. There was no mistaking the displeasure in her expression and tone as she repeated her previous question. "Rey, when was the last time you ate?"

Rey suddenly felt like a small child being reprimanded for not eating her vegetables. "Only a few days," she replied weakly. "I've had to go longer without on Jakku. On multiple occasions. I just wanted to help…" Leia frowned, growing increasingly agitated. "That is a dangerous game to play. You could fall seriously ill. You already have a high temperature as it as. How the force does starving yourself help us?" Leia was crossing her arms now. Rey imagined herself slowly shrinking beneath her gaze. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm used to not always having food to eat. The others needed to eat more than I did. I knew I wouldn't have to fast for long. Just until the supply crew could bring back more rations. I tried to make up for it with water, I swear I've been drinking every chance I get."

Leia let out an exasperated sigh, her voice stern and scolding, but evenly composed. "Rey, you are not on Jakku anymore. Your body has adapted to eating healthier portions on a regular basis. Not to mention the fact that you've been over-exerting; pushing yourself to the limit since you started training. Adrenaline dehydration can be crippling, even if you've been drinking as much as you say you have. Do you have any idea how life-threatening this can be? If we can't get you to keep down liquids, you'll only become more dehydrated, and your fever won't break. It can also lead to hallucinations and seizures." She eyed Rey suspiciously for a moment, sensing her apprehension. Rey's pulse quickened, and she thought she was going to be sick again. But the feeling was fleeting, and she shifted her gaze downwards without responding to Leia's mention of deliriums.

"From what Poe told me about the condition you were in when he found you, I suspect you've already started experiencing the former of those symptoms. Malnutrition only adds to that. Your immune system is gradually beginning to break down, and you won't be able to fight off infections. We have less medical resources right now than we do portions. The best way to help the rest of us is to take care of yourself. We need all of our team members to stay as healthy as possible, especially now. We've been doing what we can for Rose, but she needs our undivided attention. And we need to procure and preserve whatever medical instruments and medicine we can, in order for her to improve. But, if we have to also be worrying about you, we'll never make our supplies last."

Rey began to tear up as Leia berated her. "I… I'm sorry… I didn't know… I honestly thought I could handle it." Leia's appearance softened, and she carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Rey's hand tenderly. Her tone was much gentler now, something like maternal concern seeping through. "Rey. You are valuable to us. Not because of what you can do, or who you could become. You are family. And you are irreplaceable. You have a good heart. But, for a while now, I've sensed that something is troubling you. You've been somewhere else the past several days, as though you're going through the motions, but you seem… distracted." Rey felt a twinge in her chest, her heartrate subtly increasing again, causing her to grimace. She remained silent, hoping any visible signs of distress would be passed off as simply feeling unwell.

If Leia registered her discomfort as more than achy queasiness, she didn't let on. Instead, she offered some advice. "I think you'll find we have a lot more in common than you realize. I may not be as attuned as my brother was, but I do understand what you're going through, Rey. Being force sensitive is hardly ever easy. And it can sometimes feel like you carry the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders. But you aren't alone. If there's something wrong, I want you to know you can come to me. My only concern is for your well-being, Rey. You can't keep sacrificing your health for the sake of everyone else."

Rey slowly nodded, taking her time to collect her thoughts. "Thank you… I appreciate your kindness. I've been alone my whole life, so trusting and depending on others… it's still very new to me. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, and I'm sorry that I ended up being exactly that." Leia simply squeezed her hand in reply, sitting with her in silence for a while longer.

Finn and Poe had come and gone, cleaning where needed and bringing extra bedding for Rey to feel more comfortable, since she would have to stay in the medbay overnight. BB-8 firmly planted himself beside her, refusing to leave the room as long as she was there. Rey was warmed by the droid's affectionate display. He was probably the most adorable watch-droid she had ever been acquainted with.

Rey was instructed to continue drinking fluids, and to eat a small dose of portions once an hour or so, until her stomach could handle more. They wanted to make sure she wouldn't throw it all up again, and she would need to have someone monitoring her temperature periodically through the night. It would be a couple of days for her to fully recover, but a gradual transition back into her accustomed diet was the best way to prevent further system shock.

Poe would have to be up early the next morning to head out on another supply run, but Finn volunteered to stay with Rey, and Rose, through the night. Before Leia left them, Rey expressed her gratitude again for taking care of her. Leia squeezed her hand once more and told her to get some rest. Finn fell asleep rather quickly, having brought extra blankets and a pillow to make a pallet along the wall, halfway between Rey and Rose. Rey couldn't help but smile. He really was a great friend.

Rey tossed and turned for a while, unable to drift off. Leia's comments about hallucinations were still nagging at her. It should have comforted Rey to know that what she'd seen during her episode was just a mirage brought on by her delirious state. But Leia's statement about sensing that something was troubling her was unsettling.

Something was wrong, and she knew it was affecting her in more ways than one. The way Leia had spoken to her almost seemed as though she knew about Rey's secret. Of course, that was paranoia. She had no way of knowing. Rey wasn't very convinced by her own assertion. Leia was a very intuitive woman. Was it really so hard to believe she could possibly know about Rey's former connection to her own son? She pushed the thought immediately from her mind. This was madness.

When would she be able to put him out of her head for good? He was gone, she knew that; it was something she reminded herself of every day. And yet, he'd affected her in such a way that she was imagining things in her dreams, and now, even while she was awake. That nearly imperceptible feeling at the base of her skull was nothing more than the result of debilitating headaches and extreme nausea. And if telling herself that didn't calm her nerves, then she'd attempt to brush it off as psychosomatic.

She needed to learn to bring her illusory premonitions under control. Her anxiety was only draining her confidence, as well as her overall health. The only way to push past these mental barriers was to stop allowing fear to rule her life. She couldn't keep running and looking over her shoulder forever. So, for tonight, she would believe her wishful lies. The pit in her stomach that continuously churned was just her body's reaction to deprivation. And her restlessness was a direct result of fatigue. It was time to leave her troubles behind and rest. Once sleep came, it was a quiet, dreamless night.