Draco heard everything as the conversation around his body echoed in the dream room.

"He's freezing!"

"He didn't take anything from me; all my potions are still here."

"Theo, look at this. What is it?"

There was a long pause, so long Draco thought Theo might not have heard the question.

"I can't believe he really took it."

"Took what?!"

"That's—that's Draught of Living Death. I knew he was having trouble sleeping but holy dragon balls … If he took too much of this he could be stuck in there."

"Stuck in where?"

That was the moment Draco understood what Theo had tried to tell him. Blaise was never going to stop loving him. Draco knew he didn't deserve it. He did not deserve the pain he heard in Blaise's voice or the worry in Theo's. All he wanted to do was sleep. It was the only way to escape the fear of Death waiting for him around every corner, and there were many times when his fear outweighed the love he had for his friends.

"We need to find his Reaper."

"Can you make the antidote?"

"Blaise, I would need Boom Juice, sloth brain, Moondew, and a stewed Mandrake. The only way to get those ingredients is from the Potions stores. So unless you want to tell Professor Snape I'm dealing potions under the table and get me expelled, we need to find his Reaper."

"Fine, but this is your fault, Theo. You should never have given him Draught of Dreamless Sleep. He can't be dependent—"

"I will tell you the same thing I told him. This is not my fault because he ordered me to give him the potions. He is scared, Blaise. If he has a Reaper then he's being raised just to die at the right time. How the hell do you cope with that? Whatever happens inside his head is a reminder of that, so he can't ever escape it. He wants out; he wants to rest. And I get it, I completely get it, but I can't help him right now! So I need you to stop blaming me for a problem Draco caused himself and help me find his Reaper!"

"Is he stuck like this? Am I going to be watching over him for the next few years, hoping and praying he doesn't accidentally kill himself?"

"No one asked you to watch over him."

"No one needed to."

"Maybe that's your problem. You are giving too much of yourself to someone who can never give it back. Draco was never going to be able to love you, not with his father around, but you chose to love him anyway like a fucking idiot."

Draco cringed, but at least someone finally had the bollocks to say it.

"He has already given it back, that is the point! The only time my mother really cared for me was while she was trying to land another husband. That is not family. From the time he met me when we were four, Draco wanted to be with me. I never knew what that meant, what it was like to have someone who just wanted to be near me for the sake of it. Because Draco cared, his family took me in. I will always be grateful for that, thankful he gave me something resembling a family. I love him with everything I have, and it's okay. He needs more of that, I think."

"Look, as one of your best mates and one of Draco's, I think the two of you should shag it out."

"We need to find Hermione now!"

Their voices faded away but Draco caught their conversation until they reached the common room door.

"Seriously, one shag and—"

"There is a world out there somewhere where we can fall in love and not feel bad about it. But it is not this one, Theo, and I don't want to know what I am missing."

"That's fair. I mean, it's not fair, but—"

"I know."

Draco hated it. He heard the door shut and the silence outside was equal to the silence in his head. He would rather listen to the voices in the cabinets than listen to them in his own head. Draco always made them sound worse than they were.

He wanted to throw something, but there was nothing in the dream room but cabinets. He wanted to hit something, but he was alone. So Draco flung open the cabinet doors and slammed them shut again. He felt better for a second or so, so he did it again. And again and again until he could hardly lift his arms anymore.

Draco screamed in both pain and frustration. He had done this to himself. Maybe if he wasn't so scared all the time, he could handle this. Ever since he met the Dark Lord, fear seemed to run his life. He kept running from everything and everyone. Draco hid parts of his life from Hermione, he kept Blaise at a distance, and all-out avoided Hannah because she always saw straight through him. He fell to the floor and leaned against the cabinet, wondering whether that would ever change.

His eyes fluttered closed after a few minutes, and he was finally able to rest.

.oOo.

"DRACO!"

He sat up, startled, and hit his head on the edge of the cabinet. He winced and hastily stood up.

"Hermione?" he asked. Draco looked around and found her leaning against the other cabinet. Her cloak had become a grey jumper and jeans, with trainers of the same colour. She had pulled her hair back and Draco chuckled because she looked absolutely knackered for someone who never slept. "How did you get in here?"

"I always know when you're in danger," Hermione answered. "I feel it like someone's wrapping their fingers around my heart and trying to pull it out of my chest."

"That's … That's rather romantic," Draco teased. He did not miss the way Hermione's cheeks flushed.

"It would be romantic if you hadn't nearly killed yourself!" she shouted.

"I just wanted to sleep!" Draco shouted back. "I cannot keep doing this! I am afraid of closing my eyes, of losing what is real and what isn't. I hate ending up in this stupid room!"

Hermione put her hands on her hips and asked, "Are you finished?"

"Yes," Draco pouted.

"Why do you end up here?" she asked.

He thought about it for a minute. Before he saw the cabinet in real life, the dreams occurred at random. It happened when he was frightened, with no timetable. If Draco went to bed scared, or if a Dementor was outside their dorm window, he wound up in this room.

"I land here when I am scared," Draco admitted. "Only then."

"Have you ever been stuck?" Hermione asked.

"I am stuck now!"

"Without drugs, Draco. Have you ever been stuck in your mind?"

"No," he answered reluctantly.

"And you always make it out, don't you?" Hermione asked.

Draco nodded and said, "Yes."

"Then why do this? Why would you trap yourself here, knowing you always wake up?"

"Because I hate walking through the cabinet!" Draco shouted. He threw his hands in the air and said, "Every time I hear what people think about me, what they say, how useless I am. What a terrible person I am. I am weak or I'm unworthy or I am only here to make sure Harry Potter's destiny goes as it was fucking planned to. I don't want to hear it anymore, Hermione!"

She rolled her eyes and Draco didn't have it in him to yell at her anymore. He deserved her scorn.

"Do you understand how special you are?"

"Do not give me more of that 'chosen' nonsense," Draco insisted.

"The universe selected you then," Hermione quipped. "You should feel proud it chose you over someone like Ron or even Blaise, who is more loyal to you than anyone deserves. I am here because of you, too. No matter how much you keep trying to dance around it, I know who you are, Draco Malfoy. I know that you will do what needs to be done, you will work toward it and you will do what is right when the time comes."

"The Dark Lord said I kneel or I die," Draco whispered. "I don't want to kneel."

"Then don't."

"But my parents say we do what we must to survive," he countered. "And I don't know what to do. I hate being here. Each trip through the cabinet forces me to hear all those things about me that aren't what the universe needs me to be."

Hermione placed her hands on Draco's shoulders. Draco did not want to look at her, but she tilted his chin down until he had no choice.

"Everything inside of you is what you need to be. The universe is not making you into anything. You keep searching for some other person that you need to be, but they aren't out there. You don't need to be your father or Harry Potter. You have to stop thinking that way! Put it all down; the expectations and the …" Hermione waved her hands around as she looked for the appropriate word. "The trauma!"

"I don't know how," Draco admitted.

"Stop being so preoccupied with your own life," Hermione said. "Focus on your friends, your family, and your House. Those are the people you want to protect right?"

"Yes," Draco said with a nod.

"And you would die to protect them?"

"Of course!"

"And that is what you will do," Hermione said. She pulled Draco into a hug. "You built these walls to protect yourself from love and fear and failure, but that is not who you are. You, Draco Malfoy, feel things so deeply that you can't be yourself with all these walls up. You are not what your father believes you are, and you are not what Lord Voldemort needs you to be. You are the opposite of those things. Where your father believes you are weak, you are strong. When Voldemort tells you to kneel, you stand. And yes, that will kill you."

"I don't wanna die, Hermione," Draco admitted, pressing his forehead into her shoulder. "I'm fifteen—I don't wanna die."

"I would give anything for you to see twenty, Draco. Anything. But neither one of us will have that privilege."

And that was the truth, wasn't it? Twenty years old was more than either of them could hope for. Draco sighed as all the fight left him. He wrapped his arms around Hermione's waist, thankful the universe had at least seen fit to give him someone to look up to. She said,

"You have to deal with this fear then put it aside. You won't end up here again once you accept what you are afraid of. At least, I think that's right. I can't promise, I've never dealt with this sort of magic before."

Neither one of them let go for several seconds. When Hermione finally pulled back, Draco wiped some watery buildup from his eyes. He swallowed hard and asked,

"Do you think there is a world out there where I'm happy?"

"There has to be one," Hermione insisted. "I wish it was this one."

"Me too," Draco said with a laugh.

Hermione smiled then walked over to one of the cabinets. She pressed her fingertips to the bars and they melted away, like tiny metal snowflakes that melted against the floor. She sighed in relief.

"I am so happy that worked," Hermione admitted. She turned to face Draco and asked, "Do you trust me?"

"Do I have a choice?" Draco asked. "Can you wake me up?"

"No," Hermione replied. She shook her head and Draco huffed. Hermione amended, "You can wake yourself up."

"How?"

"I told you," Hermione said, not happy repeating herself. "Face your fears and this goes away."

Draco realized what he would have to do and shook his head.

"Hell no."

"You have to do this to get out of here," Hermione said. "You said you would do anything to escape this room forever, Draco. This is the anything."

"Then I'll do anything but the anything," he quipped.

Hermione rolled her eyes and pointed to the inside of the cabinet.

"There is one way to solve your problem. You can either stay here in a permanent state of dreamless sleep or you can be brave. I know which choice the Draco Malfoy from my world would make. So what are you, Draco, going to do?"

He groaned and ran into the cabinet before he could think about it any longer. He felt Hermione right behind him when that disembodied voice shouted,

"LITTLE MALFOY!"

Before Draco could step forward again, Hermione placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You have to face it, Draco, not simply run through it. If you run you'll just pop out of the other cabinet."

"Then what do I do?" he asked. He swallowed thickly and his hands shook, so he stuffed them beneath his armpits.

"Why you think you hear this?" Hermione asked.

Draco shrugged.

"I hate feeling 'little.' Like I will always be smaller than my father."

"Are you?" Hermione asked.

"No, not really. If I look to the future I will never get, I know I would probably be a shitty person. But I know I would love my son as my son, not as his mother's child. I know I would choose to see Muggles as people and I would never tell my son who he can and cannot love."

"I agree," Hermione added. "Do you feel better?"

"A bit," Draco admitted.

"Take another step, then," she prodded.

"Do I have to?"

"You could turn around."

"Fuck that," Draco said as he stepped forward.

"A DISAPPOINTMENT IN OTHER AREAS!"

When he heard his father's voice all Draco could say was, "He means I am a disappointment in all areas." Draco kicked at the floor of the narrow cabinet hallway. "I wish I could stop trying to impress him."

"I think every Draco in every universe wants to impress his father," Hermione said. "You wouldn't be you otherwise."

"But I am never going to matter enough for him to care, am I?"

"Perhaps it is okay to want to please your father, and the answer is to not make everything about him. Become the person you want to be instead of the person he thinks you should be."

"You've been telling me that for years," Draco said.

"Now that you're stuck in here, maybe you'll finally listen," Hermione quipped back.

Draco nodded and stepped forward again. He listened to the usual chorus of voices, combating every one. Facing his fear of inadequacy, and of death.

"YOU MAKE HIM FEEL UNWORTHY, TOO!"

It was Hermione's voice then. She had been speaking about Blaise and it never left Draco's mind. He felt responsible for how Blaise felt about himself. Draco held so much of Blaise close to his heart that they were intertwined for life.

"I wish I could change that," Draco admitted aloud.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"We know I will die, but Blaise won't. I do not want him to … To …"

Draco got a little choked up and Hermione placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I love him more than almost anyone, and knowing that I … My death will break him apart. As terrified as I am of dying, I hate myself even more for choosing to do it, for leaving him here behind me. He deserves so much more than he's been given, Hermione. He should be happy; everyone loves him. And I am going to take that away from him."

"No you're not, Draco," Hermione insisted. "The person that kills you is the one who takes you away from him. That is not your fault at all. Blaise knows it."

"He does not want me to die. I don't want to die."

"Maybe we're wrong," Hermione suggested. "You could live a long, happy life."

"We both know I won't. The only thing I am more terrified of than dying is living a life underneath Voldemort. And that is what I would have to do, isn't it? There is no peace there. Blaise and I would still have to hide what we are to each other. No, Hermione, I understand the choices I have. I just wish Blaise did not have to pay the price for them."

Draco could see the door at the other end. He took another step forward and Headmaster Dumbledore's voice rang throughout the hallway.

"HOW IS IT THE UNIVERSE DECIDED TO RESHAPE YOUR DESTINY, AND NOT HARRY POTTER'S?"

That was always the worst one. Draco cringed every time he heard it.

"Why does this one affect you so much?" Hermione asked.

"Because he is important and I just … I'm not."

"That sounds like you."

"And he was your friend," Draco admitted. "You wish you were assigned to him instead of me."

"I used to," Hermione said.

"And now?"

"I trust you more."

Draco nodded and asked, "Is that all?" He was ashamed at how desperately he wanted to know the answer.

"No."

She didn't need to add anything; Draco understood. He took another step forward and—

.oOo.

Draco opened his eyes. He took a giant breath in then coughed it up. Blaise and Theo immediately appeared at his bedside.

"Are you okay?" Theo asked.

Draco turned to look at them and smiled.

"Yeah, Theo, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Blaise asked.

Draco nodded, then Blaise whacked him in the face with a pillow.

"You absolute sonofaBITCH!" Blaise said, hitting Draco with a pillow.

Draco held up his hands to protect his face and shouted, "OW!"

"Do not EVER," another whack, "do that," another hit, "again!" Blaise punctuated that last word with a final blow. He heaved with the effort and tossed the pillow away.

"Are you finished?" Draco asked.

"No!" Blaise shouted. "I am not finished. When you want to do stupid things, you come to me. You know that, Draco! You went to Theo for the Dreamless Sleep and outright stole Living Death, so I want to know why you are cutting me out of your life."

Draco cast a glance at Theo, who said he forgot something in the common room. Draco watched Hermione follow him out of the corner of his eye. He shifted up to a sitting position, leaning against the pillows Blaise hadn't managed to toss away. He looked down at his thumbs and said,

"I am not cutting you out of my life."

"Then what would you call it?"

"I was ashamed of what I was doing," Draco admitted. "I could not look at you and take the potions."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't have taken them! Blaise shouted.

"I needed to sleep."

"If you have a problem, you tell me and you tell Hermione. She can help you with things I cannot even begin to understand, things I don't want to think about. But I … I … I can do things for you, too."

"Of course you can," Draco insisted. "That is the problem. I do not want you to help me through everything. You need time for other people, not just to be here for me every moment. One day I will not be here and you need to have people who can help you after I am gone. People you care about."

Blaise looked at the discarded pillows and said, "You are being stupid again."

"Aren't I always?" Draco teased half-heartedly.

"I told you I saw what life without you looks like," Blaise said. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest. "I was miserable. My mother was the same, I still had no father, and without you I had no family. I had a different childhood and became a different person. The only thing worse than you dying is not having you in my life at all, and I don't care how many times I have to say as much before you hear it."

Draco heard it. He always heard it, he just wished it wasn't true. He asked,

"Do you think there is a universe out there where I am happy?"

"I know there is one where we get to be together the way we want to be, and I like to think you're happy in that one."

Draco nodded. He liked to think that, too.

"Promise me one thing?" Blaise asked. "Promise you will always talk to me when you feel like something is too much. You are my best friend, and you have to let me know when you need me. I'm not Hermione, I can't see inside your head."

"You wouldn't want to," Draco quipped.

"Promise me," Blaise insisted.

After a few seconds, Draco acquiesced.

"I promise."