A/N This is a little one shot AU Season 8 starting episode 8 and beyond. After Castle confronts Kate in Episode 8 they don't get back together and eventually divorce. Also the shooting at the loft didn't happen. I know some of you will probably hate this but it's been in my head and I could continue it if there is interest

/

He sat at the kitchen counter nursing a scotch. She'd lied to him. She'd been gone for thirty six hours and he found out she had lied then, too. Then after promising no more secrets, she lied again. She walked out on him leaving him hurt, bewildered and angry. She'd gone down a rabbit hole again. Chasing Loksat and shutting him out all under the guise of protecting him. They were supposed to be partners. In crime and in life. Always. She didn't even think of coming to him with this. A soft knock on the door shook him from his thoughts. He got up and crossed the expansive open space of the loft and answered it, not completely surprised to see her there.

"You were right." She blurts out as she walks past him into the loft, "You were right about everything."

"Okay." He says slowly, "Could you be more specific?"

"About pretending to break up and go after Loksat together. You were absolutely right."

"Yeah, I wish you had come to me." He says

"Well, I'm here now. So let's do it." She says

"Its' not that easy." He says

"But I thought you would – "

"I would just take you back after everything you put me through." He cuts her off

She sighs heavily, "Look, Castle, I hate that I hurt you. That's never what I wanted."

He looks at her in disbelief, "What did you think would happen, Kate, when you left? That I would just put up with this indefinitely?"

"I was trying to protect you." She explains again

"We've been in dangerous situations the entire time we've known each other. But this time you cut me out with some lame excuse about needing time." He says, his anger increasing

"Rick, please. I need you. Don't make me do this without you." She pleads

He looks at her for a moment, "You chose to do it without me when you left and my guess is you wouldn't be here now if I hadn't found out. So what makes you think I'm going to take you back?"

"I thought you would understand why I did it." She says quietly, "I guess I was wrong." She starts to head for the door but he stops her

"Do you remember what you said when I got my P.I license?" He asks

She turns back to him but doesn't respond.

"You said married people tell each other things." He says, "At the time it was kind of tongue in cheek because I had intended it as a surprise. But you really seem to have forgotten that. You promised no more secrets after you were gone for thirty six hours but that was a lie."

"I didn't want to lie to you. I…" The words stick in her throat because she knows there is no more she can say to explain her behavior

"Kate." He says with a heavy sigh, "If you want my help taking down loksat, you have it. But our marriage is another matter. I need time."

/

And she had given him time. They did successfully bring down Loksat. Mason Wood, Caleb Brown and all the others are now dead. They could breathe again. After all the dust had settled they find themselves at the place where many of their most important conversations had taken place. The place where she had told him about that wall and where he had proposed. Where they had discussed her being approached to run for state senate. They sit quietly for a while neither sure where to begin.

"Thank you." She finally says

"You don't have to thank me, Kate." He replies

"So, where does this leave us?" She asks, steeling herself for his response

"I wish I could say all is forgiven and we can just pick up where we left off." She admits, "But I can't."

She takes in a ragged breath, "So, you want a divorce?"

"I don't think I can trust you not to leave again." He explains

She desperately fights back the tears, "I'm sorry, Castle. I never wanted it to be like this."

"I know." He replies then gets up and walks away

/

The city is covered in a blanket of fresh snow and filled with the hustle and bustle of the holidays. It's Christmas Day and she's at work. As captain she didn't have to be but her dad was at the cabin and she wasn't going to sit alone in her apartment. The skeleton crew is there and Karpowski is just arriving for the evening shift. Esposito is with his mother and extended family and Ryan and Jenny are at her parents with the kids. She's keeping watch while others celebrate, packing Christmas up for good again.

"Hey, captain, anything to report?" Roz asks from the doorway of Kate's office

"No, thankfully it's quiet." She replies

"I think there's some wine in the fridge. Why don't we knock back a glass or two?"

Kate seems to debate internally for a moment, "Sure, why not." She agrees with a weak smile

"Great, I'll be right back." Roz walks toward the break

Kate opens her desk drawer to look for cups and she finds her stick man.

On the worst days there's still the possibility for joy

She thinks about what must be happening at the Castle loft. The big dinner was the night before. Christmas day usually meant sleeping in and eating brunch then presents, followed by curling up on the couch watching Christmas movies. Their first Christmas together as husband and wife had been bittersweet. He'd been banned from working cases and didn't have the heart to tell her at the precinct's Christmas party. He smiled as she read her first official entry in the Castle family Christmas card.

As partners go, we're here to stay

She'd broken every promise she had made to him.

"Alright, here we go." Roz says as she enters Kate's office and takes a seat in a chair in front of her desk

Kate offers another smile, "I've got cups."

Roz pours the wine and recorks the bottle, setting it on her desk, "Merry Christmas, Boss."

"Merry Christmas, Roz." Kate replies, Roz wasn't the closest of friends even after all these years but she was a good cop and Beckett often thought if she ever moved on Roz would be her choice to replace her

"You okay, Beckett?" She asks

"Yeah, I'm okay." Kate replies, "So, how was your mom?"

"Better, thanks. Glad I got to be with her some today." Roz replies as she sips her wine

A thick silence hung between them until Roz finally spoke again

"Is your dad at the cabin?" She asks

"Uh, yeah, he'll be back tomorrow."

Roz takes a sip of wine to give herself time to decide how to say what she wants to say next, "I'm really sorry about you and Castle."

Kate sighs heavily, "I know."

"Why don't you get out of here?" Roz suggests, "We've got this."

The thought of going home to her empty apartment doesn't appeal to her, "Nowhere for me to go, Roz."

/

A few hours later she finally leaves and decides to see if any place is open where she can get a late night bite to eat. She passes by Remy's, too many memories of sharing burgers and fries after closing a tough case. She decides on a little diner that is always open. She walks in and almost does a double take. He's sitting there with his back to the door.

Why is he here? He should be home with his family.

She cautiously approaches him, "Rick?" She says quietly

His head snaps up in her direction, "Kate?"

She offers him a nervous smile, "I didn't mean to bother you but…would you mind if I sit down?"

He studies her face, her eyes are still gorgeous, but something is missing, "Uh, yeah sure."

She takes the seat across from him, "What are you doing here? I mean, it's late. I thought you'd…"

"Alexis went to be with friends and mother is spending some time with her new beau." He explains, "What about you?"

"I was at work. But it was quiet. The night shift has it under control."

"Captains don't usually work on Christmas." He observes

"I didn't have anywhere to go." She says trying to be more matter of fact that it probably sounds

"Your dad at the cabin?" he asks

"Yes, he'll be home tomorrow." She responds

He just nods and an uncomfortable silence fills the space until Kate works up her never to speak again

"Rick, I…"

He holds up his hand, "No, don't."

"I love you. I never stopped." She says, "I was wrong. I should have come to you and we could have figured it out."

"Why couldn't you have just given it up, Kate?" He asks, "It wasn't your job to investigate it. You think a whole team of federal agents being killed wouldn't have been investigated? We had so much to look forward to. You became captain. What you always wanted. We even talked about kids."

"I…I wanted to get justice." She says weakly, knowing it's no real excuse, "You used to love that about me."

"Kate, you're not the only person capable of doing that. But it's like you're addicted to it. You have to be the one that saves everyone and everyone and everything else be damned. You got Bracken for your mother's murder. But that wasn't enough."

"Loksat helped him, Rick. I couldn't just walk away."

I'm not built that way

"Well, Bracken was right. You couldn't be satisfied just being my wife or being captain."

"Rick, that's not true. I love you. I wanted a life with you." She says

"You had it and you threw it away." He replies bitterly

She sighs heavily, "I didn't want the divorce, Rick."

"How was I supposed to believe you wouldn't leave again?" he asks, "and don't tell me there wouldn't be a next time."

"I'm here now. The Castle I know would say this is the universe telling us something."

"Kate…"

"Rick, I really want to try again. You were…are more important than any case and I stupidly lost sight of that. Do you think you could find it in your heart to…to give me a chance to show you that?"

He looks at her but doesn't answer, his expression unreadable.

She sighs again and stands up to leave, "Would you think about it?

He gives her a small nod

She gives him a soft smile, "Merry Christmas, Castle." She turns and heads for the door

"Kate." He says

She turns form the door to look at him, "Yeah."

"Merry Christmas."

She smiles again and turns to leave.