Author Notes: I know I dropped off the face of the earth for a while. Life has been busier than I would have liked. 2017 wasn't the most settled of years. I do plan, eventually, to finish my other story. This is one I was writing in 2016 which I wanted to finish before I posted it. It's not quite complete, but I know what needs adding to finish it. I'm finally ready to begin this journey.

Warning: This story contains several mentions of child death because this story is very dark.

Heavy

Dark brown curls clung to cheeks damp with thick, red blood. Big, wide eyes stared across at the body convulsing in the grass. Her bottom lip quivered, and the wailing began.

x

"Why did you bring the baby?" Korsak asked, tilting his head to the side and sticking his tongue out at the six-month-old in Jane's arms.

She raised an eyebrow. "You ever tried to find a babysitter at four in the morning?"

"Good point," he said, running a hand through the boy's hair. He clapped his hands together and reached for him.

With tiny chubby fingers, the baby reached back. Korsak leaned forward until he grasped at his nose. Korsak yowled in protest.

"No, no, Rico," Maura said, untangling the baby's fingers from around his nostril. "Not Uncle Korsak's nose."

Jane passed him across to Korsak, who lifted him up onto his side and blew raspberries on his cheeks, until the baby howled with laughter, and Korsak's face lit up with glee.

"I'm glad somebody can be cheerful," Jane said, rolling her eyes. She marched toward the police tape cordoning off the house.

"You probably don't wanna go in there," Korsak said, blocking her path.

She stared down at her son, his light brown hair ruffled from where Korsak had teased it with his fingers. The wakeup call had come in shortly after her ritual three am call from Rico. Whilst she usually managed to drop back off around four, she didn't much appreciate the additional late night workload.

"What's happened?" Maura asked; her medical bag clutched between her fingers.

Korsak held Rico's cheeks in his hands and sighed, glancing back up at Jane and Maura. He cleared his throat. "We didn't know when they called you. I figured you might not want to, since Rico's only little. We'd all understand if it's too much for both of you."

Jane frowned. "Korsak?"

"Our victim is a baby."

Swallowing the lump that threatened to settle in her throat, Jane turned to Maura, who turned to her. She could see the moisture already gathered around Maura's eyelids. They both looked at Rico, their shoulders dropped.

"Are you okay with Rico?" Maura asked. Korsak nodded.

Jane gripped her arm as Maura set off toward the house. "You're going in there?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Our son."

"Our son is alive and well," Maura said, her words slow and methodical. Jane stared into her eyes, desperate to find some semblance of pain that matched her own. The build-up of tears did not disappoint. "But unlike us, there is a family grieving their child, and I will not let them down."

She cleared her throat, pushing down the tears that threatened her. "Okay."

She grasped at Maura's hand, clumsily interlinking their fingers despite the fragility of her resolve. Maura's metal band collided with her skin and she felt grateful knowing that it, and their son, existed.

"Let's do this," she said.

x

The baby, barely a year old, lay lifeless in her crib; a pool of blood soaked the mattress. Her family were a shaken mess in the living room, still dressed in nightwear. Finding the strength to carry out her duty had never been as difficult as in that moment. Jane turned away, tears skirted her cheeks. She felt her stomach heave. No other case had ever had such an effect since her days as a rookie, and she'd seen some horrific things over the years.

"First kid since the kid?" a CSRU technician asked. Jane nodded. "I was like that after mine was born."

Maura was already leaning over the opened gate of the crib, attending to the body. Sometimes her ability to carry on astounded Jane. She always thought she was stronger, more capable of pushing her own things aside. Then she watched Maura collect evidence off a baby, six months after giving birth, and she realised she'd never be as strong as her wife.

"There are three gunshot wounds," Maura said. The quaver in her voice threatened her professionalism. She stepped back, her face ashen. She peeled off her gloves and slowly walked across the room toward Jane. If she hadn't been fully focused on Maura, she probably wouldn't have heard her speak. "Who would shoot a baby?"

"That's the hardest part," Korsak said. Jane stared at his empty hands, aghast. "He's okay, he's with Frankie."

She leaned against the yellow nursery wall, her heart thumping inside of her chest. Maura clung to her side. She slipped an arm across her back and cradled her. "Maybe we shouldn't have come."

"I'm okay," Maura said, though her voice continued to betray her. "What is the hardest part, Korsak?"

"The baby was shot by her four year old brother."

Dark brown curls covered in blood. A pair of dungarees soaked in red. The highest pitched wail she'd ever heard. A man screaming. Her ears ringing.

A flash of horror spread across Jane's face. Her throat closed over and she crumbled to the ground. She squeezed her eyes tightly and focused on every harried breath.

When she opened her eyes again, Maura, Korsak and the CSRU technician crouched in front of her. She stared into their eyes, one by one, unable to fathom the feelings that caused her heart to bounce around inside of her chest. In the distance a child cried, pulling her slowly back into the room.

"Jane," Maura whispered, clutching her hands. "Jane, can you hear me?"

"Yeah," she said, fixing her gaze on Maura's hazel eyes, so full of emotion. She wrapped her hands across her stomach and leaned forward. "I feel like I'm gonna barf."

Korsak handed her a glass of water. "Drink that."

She looked up to thank him, but he was already on the other side of the room with the crime tech. An arm wrapped around her back. She glanced down at the hand on her left side, even though Maura was on her right. She let her pull her up until she could support herself against the wall.

"We should probably go home," Maura said. "I can conduct the autopsy first thing in the morning."

"I'm okay," Jane said, more to appease her own fractured mind. Every movement, every step felt like it was someone else carrying it out in front of her. She sipped the water, abandoning the glass on a bookcase as they walked out of the room.

Maura held her upright. Each step felt so much harder than usual. "I doubt that."

x

Frankie handed the baby to her. Jane stared into his eyes, so unlike her own that for a moment she felt so distant that she didn't know how she'd ever find her way back to him. He grinned and wrapped his fist around her hair.

"No, no, Rico," Maura said, untangling his fingers. "Not Mama's hair."

She handed him over to Maura and slouched into the passenger seat of the car. She could hear Rico's wails, could feel the car start up, and movement of the vehicle. The bubble surrounded her, as though she'd gone diving and her ears were clogged with ocean water.

A man stared into her eyes. A bright light flashed across each pupil. The ringing continued. She wailed louder.

"Stop the car," Jane said. Maura looked at her. Jane repeated her request over and over until the movement stopped. She unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the car door, and leaned forward into the early morning breeze. "I don't feel well."

"What's going on?" Maura asked. "This can't be because of the baby."

"I don't," Jane tried to breathe evenly but her throat closed over again. She rested her feet on solid earth. "I can't do this."

"Do what?" Maura opened her door and walked around the car. She crouched down in front of Jane, her hands on each of her knees. "What can't you do, Jane?"

"I don't know."

Maura cupped her cheeks, holding her face steady. She stared into her eyes and felt a semblance of calm. Everything melted away. Listening to the methodical sound of Maura's slow and steady breaths evened her own to a steady pace. She felt a little better.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, lowering her head against Maura's shoulder.

"Don't apologise," Maura said, running her hands across Jane's back. "I'm here."

"I can't." Jane shook her head, silencing herself. She breathed deeply. "I can't shake it."

"I know."

"No." She pulled away from Maura, sitting herself back in her seat. Maura didn't move. "Not that. Something. I can't explain."

"Take your time."

She tossed her fist down on the dash. "I don't need time, Maura."

Maura pressed her lips together and stood up. Guilt overwhelmed Jane. Maura closed the car door, not saying a word as she climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine.

Barely a hint of emotion in her voice, Maura whispered "Let's go home."

x

A couple of hours later, Jane sat on one side of the table in the interrogation room, her knee bouncing up and down. She flicked through her page of notes, not daring to look at the man who contributed to the death of his daughter. She could still smell nitrocellulose mixed with a rusty old nail. She could still hear the distant cries of the little boy whose life would never be the same.

"Where were you when it happened?" Jane asked. She averted her gaze, hoping the lack of eye contact and relaxed atmosphere would put the father at ease. Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She dug her fingernail into a hole on the edge of the table and pulled out splinters of wood.

"In bed. Asleep."

Nonchalantly, she asked for details, establishing where the children were, where his wife was. "And where was the gun?"

"In a box."

"Locked?"

"No."

Her hand tensed up around her pen, frozen over her paper. She ignored the continuous buzzing against her leg. She didn't look up. "Where was the box?"

"Under the bed."

Tiny chubby fingers reached out to a shoe box, barely bigger than the feet in front of her. She gripped the edge of the lid, desperate to see what was inside. Two, large hands wrapped around her armpits and tugged her away.

Pressing her lips together, Jane clenched her fingers tightly around the edge of her papers. She looked into the father's eyes. Tears coated his eyeballs, a crease between his eyebrows. "You kept a gun in an unlocked box under your bed."

"Yes," he whispered, his voice broke under the strain.

"Could the box be locked? Was it made of wood, metal?"

He shook his head. "Cardboard."

She cleared her throat, despite the feeling of razor blades making it painful to do so. She took her cell phone from her pocket. Rico and Maura's faced smiled at her, 'Maura Isles' written on the screen. She pressed the red button, placing it beside her on the table.

Sitting down beside a large bed, so big she liked to jump on it when she was allowed; she reached forward and pulled the box toward her. Those hands again, grabbing for her, pulling her backward.

"You left," Jane began, her voice low and steady, growing louder and more abrupt with every word. "A loaded gun in a cardboard box, where your child could reach it."

Barely audible, the man cupped his blotched cheeks. "Yes."

"Are you aware that in the state of Massachusetts it is an offence to keep a gun in an unlocked container?"

"Yes."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jane sprang from her chair, banging both balled fists down on the table. She walked around the edge of the table, her movements a far cry from the anger in her voice. "Are you fucking stupid?"

"I needed protection."

Standing up, Jane's jaw clenched. She gripped hold of the front of his shirt, moving uncontrollably she lifted it towards her and rushed forward until she smashed him back against the wall. "Who the fuck was protecting your daughter while you were playing with guns?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered, repeating the words over and over. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks. The man withered under her touch. He crumbled, his knees slipped out from under him.

"Rizzoli," Korsak said, standing in the doorway. She stared back, her eyes wide, her heart beating loudly in her ears. "Out. Now."

Loosening her grip, Jane lowered him down to the floor, one hand still clutched around his shirt. She swiped at her cheek.

"I'm sorry," he continued to whisper.

Chewing on her lip, Jane stared once again into the eyes of the father, her teeth gritted together. She tossed the edges of his shirt away; a snarl escaped her lips, as she turned tail and exited the interview room.

"What is wrong with you?" Korsak asked, the second she closed the door.

"They let this happen!"

"If they let this happen we'll find out and we will prosecute." He folded his arms, shaking his head in derision. "Until then you will take a step back. Rico is clearly affecting your judgement."

The image of Rico on her cell phone filled her mind. The way he smiled when she entered the room. Blood drowned out the image of her son. She closed her eyes, her fist clenched at her side. "This isn't about Rico."

"Like hell it isn't," Korsak said, walking away. "Go check on the autopsy."

Author Note: I hope you've enjoyed the first chapter. There's a long way to go. Probably 11 or 12 chapters' worth. I already have 10 chapters nearly completed, the final 1 or 2 is still to be written. Your thoughts are much appreciated…