"You're an asshole."

Chat's fist hangs in the air, waiting, like maybe the bump is just going to be delayed a moment. "Huh?"

"You heard me," Ladybug says, and her fist does form, but instead of pressing against his it jabs him in the shoulder. Hard.

"Ouch."

"A big," she punches him again, "stupid," and a third time, "asshole!"

The fourth punch really actually hurts.

"Seriously, ouch!" His own fist finally drops as his other hand comes up to cover his sure to be bruised arm. "What the hell, Bug?"

She storms off without another word and then Alya's there, eyebrow raised, phone poised and probably recording.

She looks at him questioningly. "Um..."

"Don't post that."

Alya sighs and drops her phone to her side. "You're so mean to me."

"Well, apparently," he says over his shoulder as he takes off in the direction Ladybug just vanished, "I'm an asshole."

He catches up to Ladybug on a rooftop a few blocks away. She's twenty feet ahead of him when he lands on the gravel and he has to shout over the sound of her crunching feet. "Bug!"

She doesn't even slow down, yoyo out and ready to fling again.

"Bug!"

Her yoyo circles a fire escape on an adjacent building and she's almost airborne when he pushes off and vaults right into her path.

"Ladybug, stop!"

She does stop, but likely only because continuing forward would send her careening into him and the both of them hurtling over the edge of the four-story building. Gravel kicks up under his feet and he has to fling his arms out to regain his balance.

"What," she grounds out, "do you want?"

"Hmm, let me think." He retracts his baton and tries to regain his breath. It was a long, hard battle and now he's had to overextend himself to make up for her head start. "Hawkmoth behind bars, an entire four cheese pizza from Pernety's just for myself, to sleep in until noon on the weekends, world peace, and, oh yeah - to know why you're so mad at me."

"Because, you're an -"

"An asshole, yes, thank you, you've covered that thoroughly."

Her fists are clenched at her sides and her shoulders are wound so tightly that they're practically up by her ears. He wants to reach out and comfort her, to ease this tension that's built up, but he's fairly certain contact from him at the moment would not have the desired effect.

He forces himself to stay planted in place. "Care to elaborate on why?"

He takes her silence to mean that she doesn't.

Okay, he's going to have to work this out himself. "We were fine when the fight started," he says, mentally rewinding through the last half hour. "You laughed when I arrived."

He'd made a spectacular pun upon his entrance, of course. He loves it when the akuma makes it easy - and time-related villains? The easiest. He could have spent the entire battle punning, but Ladybug would have gotten ticked off. See? There he goes again and he didn't even mean to. He mentally banks that one to use later in the conversation if her mood shifts. It'd be a shame to waste it.

Her earrings beep.

"So it wasn't something I did before the fight. It was something I did during."

She folds her arms across her chest. "What an excellent deduction."

Angry sarcasm. Maybe the mood for puns is further off than he previously anticipated.

"Okay, so..." He mentally rolls through the puns he dropped, trying to figure out when she stopped laughing. She didn't laugh at "hands up" but she did smile at "timely solution," which was after that. So she wasn't pissed yet, but - wait.

"You didn't think 'hands up' was funny?"

She makes a face that's somewhere between incredulous and pissed-off.

"You know, like a clock has hands," he waves his in front of him, fingers splayed like a jazz dancer, "the minute hand and the hour hand?"

No visible reaction.

His hands fall. "Well, it's never funny when you have to explain it."

He mentally runs through a few more. "You didn't laugh at 'tocking too much.' Was I an asshole before that, then?"

"Would you stop going through puns?"

He gestures helplessly. "I'm trying to figure out a timeline."

"How about you fast-forward to the part where you completely ignored my instructions."

Well, that narrows it down. There was one instance he can think of when he definitely did not follow instructions. Like hell he was going to do what she told him to when it was so stupid. "You mean the part where you told me to leave?"

Her earrings beep again. "That's the one."

Wonderful. "So you're pissed at me for choosing to stay and save you instead of abandoning you."

Her gaze meets his. There's an ire there that he's rarely seen, but at least he's making progress. Maybe.

His ring beeps.

"I'm pissed at you for not listening."

He throws up his hands. Is she serious right now? "I'm not going to listen when what you say is ridiculous. If you had taken that hit -"

"You don't get to pick and choose which orders you listen to, Chat."

His brain screeches to a halt, circling violently back to one specific word. "Orders?"

"You do what I say."

He scoffs. Now it's his fists that are clenched tightly by his side. "Since when?"

"Since always."

"We're a team, Bug. Isn't that what you're always saying? Equal footing and all that?"

She turns her head to the side, refusing to meet his gaze. "Not if you're going to make stupid decisions."

"Oh, so my decisions need to be evaluated on a case by case basis? I need to ask permission?" He dramatically bows at the waist, his hand pressed against his chest in deference. "My liege, if it behooves you, might I exhale?"

"Don't be stupid."

He brings himself back to standing. "Apparently that's not something I can be trusted to do. Can you give me more explicit instructions, lest I accidentally injure myself? Which foot should I step with first?"

She swings her hand wildly, like her anger is coursing through her so fiercely that it's starting to lift appendages. "When we're in the middle of battle I can't have you second guessing my instructions. I have to have blind faith that you'll do what I tell you to do."

He throws his hands up in answer. "How about blind faith that I'll do what needs to be done?"

"According to whom?"

Her earrings beep.

"You're the only one who knows what to do? I'm supposed to be a mindless minion only doing your bidding? Is that what you think?"

His ring beeps.

"Maybe that's for the best."

He can't believe what he's hearing. His eyes scan her up and down, almost hoping it's an akuma. But she's the same Ladybug, no purple mask, no puppeteer pulling her strings. "If that's what you're looking for, I think you should hire an assistant. Because I'm a partner."

Her blue eyes flash. "And what's the point of a partner if they're not always there?"

He throws up his hands. Again. "Are you kidding me right now? I'm always by your side."

She jabs her finger back behind him, pointing in the direction of the fight. "You weren't!"

"Yes, I was!"

"Not when that beam hit you you weren't! You vanished, Chat. You vanished!"

That's true, he did. And it was creepy as hell and totally awful, but it was him that vanished and not her and that's the important part. Because without her everything would be lost. And without him - oh.

All of his anger leaves in a rush, his voice dropping instantly. "Ladybug..."

"You were gone." Her fists curl up in tiny, angry balls. "Just gone!"

He takes a tentative step forward. "I came back."

"This time."

"Every time." His hand falls gently on her arm.

She flings him off. "You don't know that!"

"Of course I do." He closes the distance between them. "I'll always come back to you."

She plants her palms against his chest and shoves, pushing him back a step. "It's not in your control!"

Her earrings beep a final warning.

"Hold on, Tikki," she shouts, "I'm not done!"

What? They can do that?

"Give me a second, Plagg," he tries.

Ladybug pushes him again. "You keep throwing yourself in danger without any regard for what will happen."

He drops his hands over hers, preventing her next shove by pressing them against his chest. "Every time I throw myself in danger I know exactly what will happen. You'll be safe."

She yanks her hands from his hold. "I'll be alone!"

"You can handle yourself. You were just saying how perfect your battle plans are."

"I can't! I can't do this without you."

He smiles, trying for humorous. "Don't be silly, you'd get a new Chat. Plagg wouldn't leave you hanging."

"I don't want a new Chat! It's not the suit and the baton and the Cataclysm. It's the puns and the smile and the..." She trails off, her eyes meeting his. When she continues, her voice is quieter. "The way you support me, the way you make everything brighter, and your -" when did she get so close? "- your eyes."

The kiss, he would decide later, was inevitable.

In the moment, however, his brain can only register that she tastes sweet - like berries and sugar - and feels like nothing he could have imagined and nothing he'll ever be able to describe. He's not sure if fireworks are going off behind his eyelids or his entire body is short-circuiting, but there are definitely explosions involved.

Her hands are somehow back on his chest, but they're gentle now, fingers curving, trying to find purchase on the material of his suit.

Hey, his suit! He's so going to owe Plagg extra cheese for this.

"You're an asshole," she says softly as she pulls back and meets his gaze. "You put yourself in danger without any regard for what it would do to me if I lost you."

"It's my job to protect you."

"It's your job to stay with me."

"No, it's not. That's just an added perk."

She swipes tears off her cheeks. "I realize I'm being irrational. I can pull myself out of this situation and see objectively that it makes sense for you to be the one to make the sacrifice. I understand that I need to be there to purify the akuma but, god, Chat. You don't know how it feels when something happens to you." Her heart is in her eyes. "There just this overwhelming pain inside and it makes it hard to breathe and -"

He kisses her again.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be than beside you, My Lady. I can promise that leaving you will always be the absolute last resort. And nothing will stop me from coming back."

This time it's her that kisses him.

"I know," she says.

He brushes a tear from her cheek. "I would love to stay here for the rest of my life, but as it is I probably owe Plagg more cheese than I can afford."

She nods and sniffles and he really, really doesn't want to walk away.

"Hour you doing?" he asks, stepping back and extending his baton. "Still ticked?"

A laugh bubbles up and she shakes her head with a smile. "You're an idiot."

He grins. "Better than an asshole."