The Long Dark

Chapter 6: Crucible part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

/\/\/\/\

She ran moonlit streets. The District roads were dark and deserted, families safely indoors under gaslight, every house window a shadowbox. Sakura headed to Aoba's home beyond the shuttered marketplace. The pastel drapes were closed, no light shone under the door seam. She crept to his shed and selected a ladder from the rungs on the outer wall. After a moment, she set it down and reached into the satchel with Toji's money. She didn't know how much a ladder cost and hoped a handful would suffice. She stuffed the bills into Aoba's mailbox, hefted the ladder over her free shoulder, and headed to the western woods leading to the Soryu Estate.

Not that she had actively planned this out but stealing into the mansion property flitted through her head over the past few days, and the logistics settled into the back of her conscious mind. She needed a ladder to scale the gate but beyond that was nothing save a hazy, well-intentioned meeting with Shinji.

But her hand was forced. Sakura could no longer stay in the District with Hikari, nor could she leave Shinji trapped with Lady Soryu. Now she had the means to escape thanks to her brother. Now she could be strong on her own terms. She would rescue Shinji and together they would find freedom, for once in their lives.

The woods were nearly pitch black. She had to hold one arm out to feel the edge of the tree line and keep on the path. Here there was no moon or stars.

The estate gate swung out of the dark and she nearly collided with it. By instinct she hid, peeking through the bars to the mansion. It was a barely visible stain of black against the stars. She saw no lights, no movement.

Sakura laid the satchels by a bush and set the ladder, the top rung just below the full height of the gate. She ascended and lightly swung over the top, dropping to the ground inside the estate. She unlocked the gate for a swift exit. She approached the mansion.

She wasn't sure how she'd convince Shinji to leave with her, aside from calling in the favor he still owed her. Running away from home was not in the same scope as borrowing a book but he had experience with the former. She was positive the strength of her feelings would reach him. She wasn't worried about failing; they had to escape together. In her mind, there was no alternative.

But before she could convince him she had to find him. And gain access to the mansion. She stood at the front door, weighing her options. She tried the handle carefully; it was indeed locked. She crept to the side door near the small garden. It too was sealed tight. Of course Lady Soryu was paranoid enough to lock every entrance at night. She'd have to find an inconspicuous place to break in.

Sakura edged close to the building wall, coming within sight of the towering windows of the parlor. It took her a moment to realize a lantern was glowing inside, and she ducked away to hide. She peeked around the bend of architecture and saw Shinji holding the lantern, near the high book shelves lining the far wall.

She paused. One of the shelves was jutting into the room at an irregular angle. There was something behind it, a passageway she could barely make out from her vantage point. She watched Shinji disappear down it, the light from his lantern growing dimmer until it vanished completely into the inky black of the rest of the chamber.

Sakura waited. No one else came. No one emerged from the hidden passage. She waited.

She retreated to a small side window. She tested the strength of the glass. She removed her shoe and used the heel to break the top pane. The crash was devastating in the still night. She waited, molded against the wall, one eye raised to watch for anyone investigating the noise.

No one arrived. Minutes passed. Sakura steeled herself and used her shoe to clear enough space to reach through and unlatch the window.

She climbed into the empty parlor. Shadows swam across the room. Sakura moved towards the jutting bookcase. Beyond it was a narrow stairwell leading down into unnatural dark. She saw nothing but black.

Her hand reached in and found the cold wall. The palm slid, slick with sweat. She glanced behind her. The parlor was still. She faced forward. She stepped into the dark.

/\/\/\/\

Each step was a test of nerves. She tread slowly, utterly blind in the narrow passage. All she heard was the scrape of her shoes and her own uneven breath. She descended.

She stumbled as the stairs evened out to a floor. Light crept around the corner of a short passage ahead of her. Sakura held the wall, lined with pipes, edging towards the bend.

"Mr. Shinji?" she whispered.

The narrow hall opened to a massive chamber. The smell and heat hit her. It was harsh industry, all oil and flame. She was on a wide platform overlooking a pit dominated by a metal silo that rose to the intestinal tangle of wet pipes running the ceiling. It was dim. No natural light reached her. Scattered gas lamps outlined numerous vats and furnaces, rows of tables crowded with tools and texts, tubes and beakers of colored liquids, gauges and graphs displaying incomprehensible figures. Everything was well-used, nicked and stained. The floor of the platform was spotty with some type of liquid. Beyond that, the pit glistened in the near dark.

She tried to force what she saw into some sense. This was not a basement furnace. This was something unnatural.

She did not see anyone else on the cluttered platform. She crept forward along the tables, past unidentifiable machinery, crouching low, ready to break away. Every nerve was on edge, her muscles tensed for use. Her eyes made sweeping scans of the area. There were too many shadows, too many places to hide.

She paused by one of the tables. On it was a tall flask filled with tinted liquid. Floating inside was an eye. Stringy nerve tissue trailed behind it. She slowly walked around to see the iris. She knew the night ocean color.

"Mr. Shinji."

"Ms. Suzuhara."

She spun. Asuka emerged from behind a large vat across the platform. Shinji was in her shadow.

"It's late," she told her. "Won't your guardian worry?"

Asuka spoke and moved casually, strolling to block access to the exit. Her hands rested in large pockets of a white coat that brushed her ankles, stained and smeared with dark liquids. Shinji followed in her wake, head down.

"What are you doing here?"

Sakura struggled to remember the answer. Her eyes fell on Shinji. Resolve settled over her.

"I'm, I'm here for Mr. Shinji."

"It's rather late for a house call."

"I'm here because I'm leaving the District. I'm leaving, and, and I want Mr. Shinji to come with me." She silently pleaded for him to react, to look at her, to say or do something. He refused her. She hurried on. "I'm not leaving without him. So let him go."

"Let him go?" Asuka spared a moment to glance back at him. "I told you before, he must stay here. There is nothing for him outside these walls."

"You don't know that. You're just making excuses to keep him here. Mr. Shinji is smart and talented and nice. He doesn't deserve to be your prisoner."

"So that's how you see it." She appraised Sakura, almost in boredom. She gave the impression of a sigh. "You can't give him what he needs. With each iteration I move closer to the truth. I cannot stop now."

With a leisurely motion Asuka withdrew her right hand from the coat pocket. The pistol she held was long and heavy. Sakura froze in surprise as she lined up the sight. Shinji's eyes went wide. He rushed ahead.

"No—"

The crack of the gunshot was enormous, filling the entire chamber. Shinji's head burst apart above the left eye. His body shuddered and slumped to the ground. Dark red tumbled out of him, flowing freely over the floor.

Sakura screamed. She screamed without choice. She screamed until her lungs burned, until she panted guttural breaths in tears. She lost strength and her legs buckled. Her knees struck blood. She fell forward, catching herself with her hands.

Pain lanced each palm. She turned them over. Minute, toothed gears stuck into her flesh. There were dozens, hundreds more, in the blood pool, leading back to his opened skull. The red had drained enough to display the clusters of tubes and gears and piping inside. She stared.

Asuka looked on, taken aback but not upset. With a near shrug she reached into another pocket and began unceremoniously reloading.

"This third iteration continues to surprise me," she said. "An Iron Doll trying to rescue a human of its own volition, defying his creator… What blasphemy."

"You're not God," Sakura whispered.

"I would never claim to be so callous. I allowed you to see him. I allowed you to love him. But you could never make him who he needs to be."

She cocked the hammer. Sakura remained on the floor, in the blood, in the gears, quiet teardrops running down her face, staring at Shinji. Asuka stood over her.

"It hurts, doesn't it? Don't despair. You won't live with the pain long. You won't have to feel anything at all."

She aimed the pistol.

"Am I not merciful?"

Asuka never saw the pipe. It struck the back of her skull with a wet crack. She crumpled to the ground in a heap atop the pistol.

"Did I kill her?" Aoba asked, gripping the section of pipe.

"Sakura!" Hikari ran past him, covering her mouth at the scene. She edged the pool of blood and bent close to her. "Sakura! Are you okay!? Are you hurt?"

She did not answer. She stared blankly down at Shinji. The tears had stopped, nothing but wet stains down her cheeks and blouse.

"Sakura!"

Asuka groaned. Her body stirred in the blood pool.

"We need to get out of here," Aoba said.

"But… Sakura is…" Hikari was close to hysterics.

He stepped past her and dropped the pipe. He scooped Sakura up in his arms. "Come on."

They retreated back to the narrow staircase, Aoba leading the way. They ascended in the dark. The parlor came into view, light from the stars guiding them out.

Kaworu Nagisa stepped under the threshold holding a heavy gas lantern.

For a moment no one moved. Aoba pivoted Sakura away from him, keeping his eyes on Kaworu. Hikari bumped into his shoulder. Kaworu looked on, more inquisitive than anything else.

He moved aside, ushering them up.

Aoba only hesitated a breath before hauling both Sakura and Hikari by the wrist up into the parlor. They passed Kaworu.

They escaped through the front door to the wide lawn before the gate. They had crested the knoll for receiving carriages when they saw the first Iron Doll.

It emerged from the forest, rising above the tree line a tall, lanky shape against the night sky. Flesh and metal moved in concert as spindly legs easily stepped over the estate wall. Each footstep trembled the earth. Its breath shook the air. Hot mist escaped from the barred muzzle over its face. Red ember eyes burned through the dark, leaving fiery trails as it moved.

Another Doll appeared to the east. Then another to the north. They stalked towards the mansion. The main gate opened and soldiers poured in, as others scaled the walls across the estate grounds.

Aoba stopped running at the advancing wave, holding up one hand to show he was unarmed, the other keeping Sakura upright. Hikari followed his example as a squad surrounded them, rifles raised.

They were separated and taken into custody, ushered towards the gates by a small contingent. One of the soldiers was forced to carry Sakura. As he struggled to drag her along her eyes fell back on the mansion, ringed by men and Iron Dolls. It was in flames. Fire burst through windows, licked over the roof and ate away the surrounding gardens. It chaotically lit the night, casting shadows across the lawn as smoke and ash billowed up to blot out the moon and stars. The army was reduced to a crowd of spectators. Sakura watched with them as she was pulled away, the Soryu Estate burning under a sea of heat and light.

/\/\/\/\

A large swath of forest was cleared away outside the estate grounds for a provisional camp. Even now the sounds of Iron Dolls uprooting and snapping trees at the root drifted to her ears, above the bustle of regular soldiers and staff.

"Are you feeling any better now? Can you tell me if you're hurt anywhere?"

The army nurse met her vacant eyes. Sakura did not respond.

She was in a tent, sitting on a cot. The nurse tended to her, cleaning away the spatters of Shinji's oil blood from her. The wet rag she used was already dark with it. Sakura watched with a detached attention. That was probably all that remained of him now.

She reached up and weakly held the edge of the rag. The nurse startled, but let her have it. Sakura held it in her lap. Her hands became wet and dark. She stared at the rag, trying to feel something.

A voice from beyond the tent reached them: "We're coming in."

The tent flap lifted and Makoto Hyuga entered, along with another man. He was tall, needing to bend at the waist to make it inside. His scruffy hair brushed the height of the tent.

"How is she?" Hyuga asked the nurse.

"She doesn't seem injured but she hasn't said a word. I cleaned her up as best I could but…"

All eyes fell on Sakura. Her gaze hung on the rag.

"She needs rest," the nurse decided.

"Duly noted," the other man said, holding the flap open. "Thanks for your work."

The nurse could take a hint but frowned at them. "She needs rest," she reiterated as she was ushered out. "Don't do anything to stress her."

"Maybe we should let her be, sir," Hyuga said.

The tall man closed the tent and stood before the entrance. "Give me an update, Lieutenant."

"But…" He remembered his place. "The fire is out but it'll take some time to fully search the mansion remains. It appears the fire was started inside."

"Other survivors?"

"Nothing yet. We have a perimeter set up, along with checkpoints for thirty miles on all roadways."

"You don't sound hopeful."

"Initial excavations indicate a complex network of underground tunnels. There's no telling how long or how many there are until we physically explore each. It could take days."

"I see." The tall man's eyes never wavered from Sakura. "You know her, right?"

"I wouldn't say that, sir," Hyuga responded. "I met her once in the District, through Lieutenant Aoba. He knows her guardian."

"What was she like?"

"She was well-spoken, smart…" He frowned. "She missed her brother. He was a soldier who died in the War. She said she didn't have any photographs of him."

The tall man nodded vaguely. He was quiet a long moment. "Lieutenant, you're dismissed."

Hyuga looked surprised but held his dissenting tongue. "Yes, sir." He saluted and left.

They were alone. He watched her. She stared at the rag in her lap.

He squatted before her to find her eyes. "Hey there," he said brightly. "My name is Ryoji Kaji."

Despite his smile his eyes were heavy and dark. Old, tired eyes the rest of his face tried and failed to combat. Sakura's expression was blank.

He cleared his throat. "Mind if I smoke? I know some young ladies don't care much for it. No? Alright."

He fished a cigarette from an inner pocket on his jacket. He patted himself looking for a match.

"Just need a light…"

He craned his neck over to the lantern at the bedside. He inhaled, held it, sat on the earthen floor, kicked open the bottom of the tent flap as he stretched out, and exhaled a plume towards the portal.

"There."

He reclined against the side of the cot. The wood frame squeaked pleasantly.

He sat and smoked. His cigarette burnt away to half before he spoke again.

"I talked to Lieutenant Aoba and was able to piece together most of what happened. You must be confused, about a lot of what you saw. I think you've earned an explanation, at least.

"My job is to track down and contain any Iron Doll technology outside the army's reach. Basically, if someone is messing with something they shouldn't be, I'll find them." He paused. "I was late this time.

"We've been monitoring all the resources funneling to this District for a while. They were, in turn, funneled to the Soryu Estate. We knew something was going on here but I never imagined Soryu would miniaturize and sanitize Iron Doll technology. And for such a, um, mundane purpose."

He glanced behind at her, looking for offense. He met her blank face and continued.

"The Collaborator she employed, the one you know as Kaworu Nagisa, was a Host defector. We've been looking for him since he disappeared, before the Armistice was signed. He, like all Host, is immeasurably valuable. The technology taken from them created new weapons, including Iron Dolls. The key to our surviving the War. And the one who imparted the knowledge was Nagisa's sister, the Host scientist the army codenamed 'Rei.'"

Sakura was unmoved.

"Ah," Kaji said. "Forgive the preamble. I'll get to what you should know." He produced a new cigarette, using the fading first to light it. "Many years ago, before the Host invaded, there was a girl named Asuka. She was the lone heiress of the wealthy but dwindling Soryu family. She was arranged to wed the lone son of the small but brilliant arms manufacturing Ikari clan. His name was Shinji."

Her eyes flickered up from her hands.

"After the Host invaded Shinji Ikari was given an officer's commission in the army's weapon development division. The Ikaris were gifted but their arms were no match against the Host. That changed after we captured Rei.

"She was… uncooperative. The army did a lot of things to her to get her to talk. Things I cannot condone, but understand. We were all desperate. But Rei remained steadfast. The army had all but given up trying to get anything from her. With nothing to lose they sent Shinji in to take a crack at her. He opted for a different approach."

Kaji paused to smoke. He neglected the length of ash on the end of his cigarette until it fell between his legs.

"I don't know if it was all an act. I don't know if he truly loved her. But it was enough. Rei told him all her secrets, including how to create the giants the Host employed. The Ikaris adapted the technology and birthed the Iron Dolls.

"They are power unto the gods, constrained by man. They need conductors, humans, to activate. It was supposed to be a check on their strength. Shinji volunteered to be the first. He was determined to see the situation he began through to the end.

"The Doll killed him, devoured him whole. Nothing was left. From that failure the Ikaris refined the process. The subsequent Iron Dolls gave us equal footing with the Host. A few months later the Armistice was signed.

"Rei was found dead shortly after Iron Doll production began. The army ruled it a suicide but they had everything they wanted from her. A quiet execution isn't unthinkable. Her betrayal of her people for Shinji, more than her death, spurred Nagisa to defect, to find out why she did it. Why was humanity worth saving? He was obsessed with finding the answer. It led him to research Shinji. Which led him to Soryu."

He was quiet, smoking. The cigarette burnt away.

"Why tell me all of that?" Sakura finally spoke.

Kaji looked back at her, like he forgot he wasn't alone. He sobered. "My brother and I were conscripted together, right after the War began. We wound up in different units and lost contact. Those early days were… hard. I was focused on survival. I thought I could be strong and block everything else out. To try and forget about the scores of people dying around me. I even forgot about my brother most days.

"Eventually I was transferred back to the capital when Iron Doll production began. I thought, I made it out alive. I was one of the lucky ones.

"It wasn't until later I learned my brother volunteered for dangerous assignments behind enemy lines, scouting positions and capturing Host soldiers. He rose through the ranks, trying to reach a position with enough clout to get me into a safe post.

"When he died on a mission, the higher-ups took pity on me and transferred me off the frontline. All that time I spent looking out for myself, my brother spent looking out for me."

Kaji smoked. Ash drifted to the dirt floor.

"My brother died trying to keep me safe. I have an obligation to continue living. If I don't, then what did my brother die for? I can't make his sacrifice be in vain."

He rose, crushing his cigarette under heel.

"My brother is gone. He can't come back. Like your brother. And like Shinji Ikari."

Kaji lifted the tent flap with a forearm and ducked beneath it to leave. He did not look back.

/\/\/\/\

"Sakura?"

Hikari peeled the tent flap back and poked her head halfway in. She had not moved since Kaji left her, sitting on the cot, trying to absorb everything. Hikari hesitated under the threshold.

"I talked to the nurse. She said you weren't hurt anywhere, right?"

She wrung her hands. Feet scuffed the dirt. The look over her face was the same she wore the day they met. Tentative, self-conscious, but concerned. A yearning to aid despite misgivings. Sakura did not meet her eyes.

"I just want to make sure you're okay," Hikari told her. "Um, Mr. Aoba was worried, too." She hugged herself. "We found you from the letter you left me. You wrote 'Don't look for us.' I, I figured you meant Mr. Shinji and yourself. So, I went to Mr. Aoba for help and then we got to the Estate and saw the broken window and…"

Hikari looked genuinely upset.

"I'm so sorry about Mr. Shinji. I know you cared about him. I… I don't know exactly what you're feeling right now but I know how hard it is to lose someone you care for. I need you to know I truly did love your brother. I did cook for his unit once, like I said. And he did thank me. He smiled so easily at me, even in the midst of the War. How could I not fall in love with him?"

Sakura did not contradict her, and she took it as invitation. She entered the tent but kept her distance as much as she could. When she spoke again it was timid.

"What else you wrote, 'thank you.' I guess, you meant about the orphanage? I was glad to help. I still am. Because I… I wanted a family of my own. I wanted you to be that family, Sakura. If I could help you and you could help me, then, isn't that a good thing? I meant what I told you. I think we could both use a fresh start."

She inched towards the cot.

"Can't we go home? Together? We can start over again. You can go back to school and I can teach you how to cook and we can live like a family should. It wasn't perfect but it was better than what we had, right?" Hikari tried to smile. "What good is the truth if it makes us sad?"

Sakura gazed down at the rag clutched in her hands. It was dry now, stiffly twisted into a dark, grotesque mass. Her fingers were crusted with blood and oil, caked under her nails and trailing down her wrists.

All she could process was a numb pit inside her chest that froze out the anger and confusion and agony she knew should be there. It was like the surreal shock she experienced after Toji died. Sakura saw the world but everything was filtered before it reached her. Nothing touched her. Even now she was a thousand miles away from Hikari sitting right next to her.

Was this how Lady Soryu felt after Shinji died?

Maybe she and Nagisa were still alive, she idly thought. Maybe they would travel far away and restart. Maybe they would create Shinji again.

Maybe Sakura could find them.

Toji interrupted her plans about where to start looking.

You can't stop fighting.

Life is motion.

You can't stand still in time.

He was dead. She lived. He didn't have to continue on through pain and isolation. He didn't have debts to pay to the dead. He didn't have to feel.

She was tired of pretending to be strong. She was tired of fighting. All she wanted was to see Shinji again no matter the cost.

The dirty rag was heavy in her tiny hands.

A wellspring of disgust flooded through her. Ignoring reality to live a fantasy, disrespecting the dead and using them for your own desires was the domain of Lady Soryu. Asuka refused to accept truth and lost sight of her humanity. She grasped at delusion to satisfy herself. She killed her Shinji.

It would hurt. It would be lonely. But Sakura refused to emulate Asuka. She would not lower herself to that level.

Sakura looked up at Hikari. Her smile remained, hesitant but true.

"I'm not so desperate to mourn forever."

Hikari's smile strengthened as she nodded in encouragement. The smile faded. Her face fell, then collapsed into shame. She wiped at her left eye. A tear slipped free. Then another. She cried. She bowed her head as her shoulders shook from bitter, restrained sobs.

Sakura looked past Hikari. She looked past the open tent flap to the smoldering ruins of the Soryu Estate, waiting for the sun to break through the long dark of the ashen night sky.

/\/\/\/\

End

Author notes: I realize the pacing throughout this was clumsy at best but I didn't know how else to properly foreshadow things without some build-up. Not that I properly foreshadowed things.