The Fractured but Whole: Freedom Pals Unite!

Chapter 1: I've got just the 'Toolshed' for this problem

(… Well shit.)

I stare at the line of lava covering Cartman's door step in annoyance. All I wanted was to play with my friends and now I'm a prisoner in Cartman's living room. I was playing Fighters of Zaron with Kyle, Butters, Craig, Clyde, and Jimmy when Cartman suddenly jumped into his backyard dressed up as some sort of mutant racoon claiming to be from the future. Seriously, what the fuck is going on! He called us over to his house, saying that he needed help from the Fighters of Zaron and their king.

… It should be 'queen' since I'm actually a girl, but they're not ready to know that yet. I might lose them and the others as my friends if they find out I'm really a girl. Cartman wouldn't be that big of a loss, but losing Kenny, Butters, Stan, Kyle, and the others would be a huge blow. I'll never understand why my parents force me to pretend that I'm a boy.

… Anyway, back to the flashback. I hear Craig say that they're not playing that anymore and then Clyde said that they were all split up. What were they talking about?

(Now that I think about it, I didn't see Kenny, Stan, Token, Tweek, or Timmy anywhere. And what did Clyde mean by they were all split up? Are they fighting again?)

I then saw Cartman holding poster showing a missing cat named Scrambles and that it would offer an award of $100 to anyone who finds Scrambles. It wouldn't surprise me that the fatass would seize the chance to earn $100. I then heard him say something about a massive crime wave threatening our town. Some sort of crime syndicate. I then hear Clyde say that this would be too big of a problem for Coon and Friends. Cartman then asks the guys if they would rather let the Freedom Pals find Scrambles first and get the reward for their franchise.

I am just completely lost at this point. Mrs. Cartman then alerts Cartman that some sort of noise is coming from his basement. Apparently, it's something called the Coon alert. The next thing I know, Kyle, Craig, Jimmy, Clyde, Butters, and Cartman all run out on me, Kevin, and the other two members of the Moorish tribe. Cartman just basically calls us dorks and says that we can't play with them anymore. I try to follow him to see what's going on but he stops me.

"Sorry Douchebag," He snarled, "but I'm not going to let you play this game with us. Nothing you say will convince me, not even the fact that your dad fucked your mom." He closes the sliding door of his kitchen.

(What that actual fuck! Why would he bring something like that up?)

And that now leaves me stranded in Cartman's living room. Kevin and the others did invite me to hang out with them, but that mostly involved sulking and doing nothing. I left them at the gates of Kupa Keep and entered Cartman's house. I noticed that there was a password lock on the basement door, so I won't be able to get in without the code. Cartman probably has it written somewhere, but do I really want to get involved with Cartman again after last time?

I decide to try and leave his house, but that's where the lava comes in. I can feel heat from the Lego brick lava pile covering the steps. Curse my dedication to the game. Mrs. Cartman is apparently calling the police to remove the lava from the door step.

(… Ok, we can get away with calling this lava because we're kids, but come on! How gullible is this woman? … Come on Sally, stay focused. Maybe I can climb the fence of Cartman's backyard to get out.) I turn on my heels and slowly walk back towards the backyard.

I suddenly hear the sound of crunching snow. I turn back towards the open door and notice a kid decked out with power tools talking into his wrist.

"Yeah. I'll be there in five minutes Mysterion. Toolshed out!"

(Toolshed? … Wait. I recognize that voice. Is that… Stan? It is!) As he ends his call with this 'Mysterion,' he turns towards Cartman's house and notices me.

"Douchebag," I hear him say, "What are you doing here?"

The only answer I can give him is a quick glance at the lava. I had become used to being silent, since my family tries to isolate me from other people most of the time. They have been able to determine what I want to say by looking at my eyes or body language.

"Oh, that's why," Stan replies, "Ok, hang on. I'll take care of it." He then jogs over to Cartman's garage and opens the garage door. He comes back carrying a small portable generator. I watch as he plugs in a large jack-hammer shaped tool and points it at the lava.

"Stand back Douchebag," Stan warns, "My sandblaster is pretty powerful. I don't want you to get hit with any lava." I quickly nod and take two steps to my right. I hear the sandblaster reave up and the next thing I see is red bricks flying into Cartman's living room.

"Oh, never mind," Mrs. Cartman sings into the phone, "One of my Poopsickins' friends took care of it."

(… Damn this woman.)

"You can come out now dude," I hear Stan declare. I pull myself away from the wall and walk out of living room. I greet Stan with a grateful smile. He smirks at me while twirling an electric drill with his fingers as if to say 'You're welcome.' I get a better look at his costume and I have to say, it's awesome. He's equipped with yellow eye glasses, a white t-shirt, blue jeans, black and red tennis shoes, red and black gloves, and a utility belt.

(Hey! He's not wearing his hat! That's a rare sight.) I notice him looking me over.

"Dude, why are you dressed like that," Stan questions. I wasn't wearing the costume given to me during our raid on the Fortress of Darkness. I basically looked like Jesus without the beard he is usually seen with. My costume now consisted of black tennis shoes, blue jeans, a light blue t-shirt, a red cape, and a crown. I point towards Cartman's backyard, showing Stan the castle of Kupa Keep.

"I thought we stopped playing that when Cartman threw the Stick of Truth into Stark's Pond," Stan replies.

(I thought it had more to do with the fact that Kenny became a Nazi zombie and nearly killed us.)

We didn't exactly stop playing the game. After saving Kenny by farting on his balls, we ended the war and united the kingdoms to form the Fighters of Zaron. I was crowned a king, but I was considered lower in rank to Cartman and Kyle.

I then see Kevin and the other two boys walk out of Cartman's living room.

"Well, I'm gonna go play Star Trek VR," Kevin says with excitement, "Bye Johnny. Bye Andre." He waves goodbye before walking towards his house.

(Oh. Their names are Johnny and Andre. Good to know.)

I guess Andre and Johnny don't see me and Stan since they start walking in the same direction as Kevin, probably back to their houses.

"Who just switches games like that," Andre questions.

"Yeah, we could've had an epic showdown between us and the king," Johnny mutters. I slightly frown as I watch them leave. I guess Stan notices because he places his hand on my shoulder. I turn my attention back to him and give him a gentle smile, letting him know I'm alright.

"Sorry you got kicked out dude," Stan says, "Honestly, I don't know why Cartman didn't let you in. You kicked some serious ass on our past quests."

(Maybe he's still butthurt that I fought for Kyle and kicked his ass during the raid of the school. I guess the fact that my class was a Jew didn't help either.)

"Say, how about you join Freedom Pals with me and the guys" Stan askes, "I'm sure Doctor Timothy would welcome a new member. Stan holds out his hand to me and offers a warm smile.

(I always liked playing superheroes before moving to South Park. And it's been a while since our last group game.) I grin and quickly nod my head. I grasp Stan's hand for quick handshake and the next thing I know, Stan is leading me away from Cartman's house and towards the Freedom Pals' base.