Wow. I have not posted anything in a long time - and it's been even longer since I posted for Pitch Perfect. This is a short (three-chapter) story set in the same universe as my other Pitch Perfect stories. It comes after They'll Learn Much More Than I'll Ever Know and before Beautiful Tree. This situation in this story is described in passing in the last chapter of Beautiful Tree, but never given much detail. It can be read on its own - but if you want more context, please visit those stories.

Warning: This story is sad. I usually do (what I'm told is) a fair job at mixing humor into my tragedy. This story will have humor - but the first chapter doesn't have much room for it. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It's been a long time - so I'm not sure if anyone who was reading my previous stories is still reading - but I would love to hear from old readers (and new). Please share your thoughts.

Chapter 1 - Even Though It All Went Wrong

"And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the lord of song
With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah."

~ Halleluiah by Leonard Cohen

Beca woke a bit after two in the morning, keeping her eyes closed for a moment while she listened for what had woken her. The soft sounds that came over the baby monitor were from Vera. Chloe would go – she always offered – but Beca felt it was silly to wake her wife when she was already awake – and she usually woke first when they cried or fussed. And part of her – a small, selfish part that she didn't acknowledge or allow often – liked when she was the one her babies needed. She crept from bed and into Vera's nursery, lifting the eighteen-month-old child carefully from her crib. She wasn't fussing so much as cooing. She was awake – and she was delighted now to see that Beca was awake too. The baby's intelligent blue eyes twinkled and she giggled as she was snuggled into her mother's arms. Beca sank into the heavily cushioned glider and pulled up her feet to the ottoman, positioning Vera so they were both comfortable.

"Your timing is off, little love," Beca told her in a doting voice. But she situated herself to feed the child anyway – they were both awake, what was the harm? Vera wasn't terribly hungry – she played more than drank – but eventually, with enough milk, the steady rocking, and Beca's soft singing – her eyes began to droop again. Placing the child back in her crib, Beca crept back into her bedroom. She intended to go right to bed, but pregnancy bladder struck – so she hurried to the master bath instead.

As soon as she sat down, she felt something go very wrong. Pain shot through her back and abdomen and blood spilled from between her legs. "Chloe!" Her voice was loud – louder than she intended – it could have woken the twins. But she was scared – and her tone rang with that terror. This was more blood than she knew how to comprehend. Her wife stumbled into the bathroom, bleary-eyed and alarmed.

"Beca?" She saw the blood before Beca needed to explain. "It's okay," she soothed, though it very clearly wasn't. She grabbed her phone and called Aubrey, asking one of the Swansons to get there as soon as possible. Then she called Stacie, who answered as though she had been wide awake.

"Stacie?"

"Chloe, what's up?"

"Beca's bleeding – really badly."

"Period amount?"

"More," Chloe answered in a tight voice, clearly trying not to panic.

"Okay," Stacy said. "Keep her calm – get her to the hospital. I will meet you there – ER entrance. If you pull up, they'll help you. Call Aubrey or CR to stay with the kids."

"Jesse is on his way," Chloe told her. "We'll leave as soon as he gets here." She hung up and turned back to her wife, who was still sitting on the toilet, sobbing softly into her hands. She rubbed Beca's back gently. "Sweetie – it's okay. We don't know anything yet – we don't know."

"Yes we do," Beca told her mournfully. Her tears dried up quickly – oddly so – in Chloe's opinion. She suddenly became very concerned about the mess. "Can you help me get cleaned up?" She asked.

"I don't think you should move too much," Chloe told her.

"Chlo, she's already gone," she said softly. Chloe nodded, her eyes pricking with tears at the finality of the words. But she bit her lip to stop the crying and went to the closet and pulled out a basket full of soft and old – but clean – rags.

"We can just throw them away," Chloe told her. Beca nodded. Pulling the lined garbage can closer, Chloe used the rags and warm water from the tub to help her clean up as best she could. The blood was still coming – too fast for even a heavy-duty pad.

"Just take a few towels for the car," Beca suggested.

"Who cares about the fucking car?' Chloe demanded. Then she broke, tears coming as she saw the look of anguish on her wife's face. "I'm so sorry – Bec. I didn't mean it that way – I just can't believe – "

"I know," Beca responded sadly. She felt her eyes closing. Her hands shook as she clutched her knees. "Chloe? I'm really tired."

"I know, sweetie. But I need you to stay awake. We're going to get you some help – really soon." Just then, Jesse hurried into the room and took in the macabre tableau. He didn't hesitate.

"My car is still running and sitting out front – it'll be faster to take that. I'll carry her to the car." Beca didn't argue – she didn't have the energy to make it down the stairs anyway. Despite the ineffective pad, she pulled up her underpants anyway, grabbing several towels as Jesse lifted her, bridal style, into the air. She fell slack against him and didn't notice Chloe's quick movements to grab their purses – pull on a pair of jeans – and locate the bag they'd already packed for a very different trip to the hospital.

Chloe drove carefully, but quickly – and with the time being what it was, they hit no traffic. By the time they reached the ER, Beca could barely keep her eyes open, let alone help get herself out of the car. She was barely cognizant that two nurses were helping her onto a gurney. Then Stacie's voice was coming from the ceiling. No. That wasn't right. She was staring at the ceiling – Stacie's voice was coming from above her. She must have been walking with the gurney.

"Stace?" Beca tried to speak, but the word slurred.

"Hey, sweetie," Stacie said, reaching for her hand. "We're going to take good care of you – just close your eyes." Beca did, finally allowing the exhaustion to take over.

Emily had been staying with Stacie that week – she'd been in town for a recording session with Beca. A recording session that has been scheduled to start in a few short hours. The doctor had thought quickly and clearly enough to bring her to the hospital. She looked bleary eyed and shaky, but she was there. Chloe was thankful for her presence as she was relegated to a waiting room. Emily hugged her and sat with her, offering the words they both knew were false comfort – but that were craved anyway. It took barely five minutes before Stacy joined them. She was in scrubs and tennis shoes now and she walked in with a nurse and knelt immediately in front of Chloe.

"Chloe – I'm so sorry. The baby is gone."

Chloe nodded; Beca had been pretty sure of that. It wasn't a shock so much as a painful confirmation of what she already knew in her aching heart.

"Chlo, we can't get the bleeding to stop. We have to remove the baby. But we also need to do a partial hysterectomy."

"Beca won't like that," Chloe said with a shake of her head. "She wants more kids. We want more kids."

"I know," Stacy said soothingly. Her tone tightened. She clearly didn't like what she was saying – but it was the cold, hard truth. "But if we don't do this – she won't be here with you to find a way to make that happen." Chloe blanched.

"She could die?"

Stacy didn't blink and her expression remained stoic but empathetic. "She's lost a lot of blood. And it's not stopping. Once we do the procedure, it will. But we have to do it."

"So it's the only choice."

"It's the only chance Beca has." Chloe nodded. She signed the papers that the nurse handed to her and grabbed Stacy's wrist as she was about to leave.

"You bring her back to me."

"I will do everything I can – but I need to do it now." Chloe let go and Stacy disappeared, leaving them to wait again.

The surgery didn't take a terribly long time, but it had been messy. Emergency surgeries usually were. Stacy quickly threw her soiled clothing into a bin in the locker room and jumped into the shower just long enough to rinse off the feeling of so much blood. It hadn't actually touched her skin, but the visualization of so much blood was enough to make her feel gross. She dressed again in street clothes and pulled her hair into a messy bun. She had sent a nurse ahead of her to tell Chloe and Emily that the procedure was over – and that she would be with them momentarily.

When she reached the waiting room, Chloe was perched on the end of her seat, watching for her. She jumped up as soon as Stacy appeared. Stacy hugged her. "She's going to be fine," she promised. Chloe pulled away so their eyes met.

"When can I see her?"

"She's in recovery right now – when she wakes up and they make sure she's stable; they'll move her to a room. Then you can see her." Chloe nodded. Her watery blue eyes looked directly into Stacy's.

"She's alone right now?"

"No," Stacy promised. "No. There's a recovery nurse with her. She's not alone."

Chloe still looked panicked. "How do I tell her? Oh my god," she sobbed. "She's going to be devastated."

Stacy gently rubbed her back. "Eventually, she'll understand," she promised. "It was the only option."

The next few hours were painful. Chloe was in no condition to make phone calls, so Stacie had the awkward and awful task of contacting Jesse, Aubrey, and Beca's dad, and Chloe's parents. Then she joined Chloe and Emily to wait for Beca to wake up. She was almost asleep on the sofa in the corner when the tiny brunette started to stir. It was Chloe, sitting in a chair next to the bed and holding her hand, who made a loud enough noise to rouse Stacie. The young doctor moved to sit on the bed behind Chloe's chair and they waited.

When Beca's eyes finally opened, they searched for and found Chloe immediately. She saw Chloe's tear stained cheeks and her own eyes filled. A hand came up to cover her mouth and she turned her face away from them as the morose, pain-filled sobbing began.

Stacie and Emily crept from the room to give them a bit of privacy – and waited nearby in the hallway. Emily paced, pulling at the finished edge of her navy sweater that was decorated in a pattern of hearts. "Does this happen a lot?"

"With Beca?" Stacie asked, her eyebrows drawn quizzically together, not quite understanding what the younger woman was referring to. She was working on much less sleep than was advisable. She needed to fix that soon, or she wouldn't be good to anyone.

"With people who are pregnant," Emily responded. Stacie saw then that the fear she'd picked out in Emily's expression was not just for Beca.

Stacie expression softened and she shook her head. "Not this far into a pregnancy. The percentage is low. Less than half a percent after 20 weeks. It's not normal."

"What happened?"

Stacie shrugged and pursed her lips while she considered the question.

"We don't usually know. They'll do an autopsy – there could possibly be a genetic reason. But in most miscarriages, we don't ever know why." Emily didn't have an answer to that. She stopped asking questions and started pacing again. Stacie leaned tiredly against the wall and closed her eyes, waiting.

They had only been waiting for twenty minutes when a nurse found them. "Dr. Conrad?" Stacie opened her eyes and stood up straight, trying to look more like the commensurate professional and less like someone who had three hours of sleep and surgery on a friend under her belt. "Mrs. Beale is asking for you." Stacie nodded.

"You might want to wait out here," she suggested as she gave Emily a reassuring hug. Emily nodded and pointed to the nearest waiting room. She headed that direction while Stacie walked slowly back to the hospital room that contained Beca and Chloe.

She knocked on the doorframe and waited until both women looked up before entering the room and closing the door behind her. She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward to hug Beca, who looked thoroughly devastated. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Eventually, Beca pulled away and sat back against the pillows. She wiped at her eyes, which were painfully swollen from crying. "Chloe said there's something else that happened." Stacie looked at Chloe, who couldn't - or wouldn't – meet her eye. Tears began streaming down her cheeks again and Beca looked at her before turning back to Stacie, her expression begging for answers.

Stacie took a deep breath and sighed. "Beca, when you came in, the baby was already gone. There was nothing to be done. But we couldn't get the bleeding stopped. We didn't have any options – we did a partial hysterectomy. I'm so sorry – I wish there was something else – "

Beca shook her head. "It's not your fault," she said, her words choked by tears. "Please, don't apologize." Her hand flew to her mouth, trying in vain to hold in some of the pain and agony that was pouring from her. She sobbed so hard that Stacie grabbed for the emesis basin, getting in front of her just in time. Beca vomited violently, holding her abdomen, which she now realized hurt like hell.

A nurse hurried in and took the basin from Stacie and then helped Beca rinse her mouth and lay back carefully. "Do you need anything right now?" The nurse asked.

"Um," Beca said, blinking back tears. "I just noticed," she said shakily. "That I am in pain. A lot of pain, actually."

The nurse looked at Stacie, who sat down again in front of Beca. "How much pain and where?" Beca did her best to describe it. Stacie nodded and looked at the nurse. "We can use a stronger dose of morphine today," she told the nurse, who left to fetch the medication. The nurse brought back the medicine cart and Stacie had to stand to plug her credentials and the order into the computer. Once the morphine had been administered, Beca allowed herself to be laid back in bed, reclined with fewer pillows.

"If you need anything at all, just push the button," the nurse told her. "Otherwise, I'll be back to check on you in about an hour." Beca nodded.

"Is it kicking in yet?" Stacie asked. Beca nodded. Once she was sleeping, Stacie turned to focus on Chloe, who looked far too pale and was visibly shaking. "Chloe, I think you need to lay down for a little bit. Come on, you can use the recliner," she said, nodding to the comfortable chair on Beca's other side. She stood and tried to draw the other woman up with her, but Chloe shook her head.

"No. No," she said shakily.

"You're not going anywhere. You can still see her. And I promise, Beca will be sleeping for a few hours with the pain meds she just had. So, let's take care of you for a few minutes, okay?" Chloe allowed Stacie to move her and did try to relax in the reclined chair. Eventually, exhaustion won over and she fell asleep.

When Beca woke a few hours later, she was insistent that she see the baby. The nurse was trying to talk her out of it, as gently and politely as possible. There were two very different schools of thought on mothers seeing their deceased infants; the nurse fell into the pool of people who thought it would be too disturbing. Stacie, returning to the room, set her coffee aside and told the nurse she would take over.

"Honey, what's going on?"

"I want to see my baby," Beca said, stubbornly. She had the same expression that she usually wore just before she got exactly what she wanted.

Stacie pursed her lips. "I need you to really think about what you're asking. Are you sure this is what you want?"

Beca nodded, tears slipping down her cheeks. She swatted at them and wrapped her arms around herself. "Yeah. I need to."

"Okay," Stacie said softly. "I'll take care of it. It will be a while. But I'll get her up here."

It took over two hours, but Stacie and the charge nurse arranged it. The charge nurse had gone down to the morgue herself and came back with the rolling bassinet, the form inside swaddled snugly in in a soft pink blanket and knit hat. When she entered the hospital room, Stacie thanked her and took the bassinet before closing the door. She carefully lifted the tiny body and carried her to the bed. Beca let out a horrible sound somewhere between a sob and a whimper. She composed herself quickly, given the circumstances.

She carefully accepted the not-yet-stiff form of the infant and cradled her, identically to how she would have in several months - in much better circumstances. Chloe had decided that she couldn't handle this stark reality, so she had gone for a walk with Aubrey, who had arrived just an hour before. Emily had gone back to the Beale-Mitchell household to nap and then help Jesse and the nanny with the five assembled children.

Stacie could think of many placed she'd rather be, but she couldn't leave Beca alone, so she sat and remained silent as Beca studied the tiny face of her lost child. The baby had been as gorgeous as the first three. If only her skin was pinker and a bit warmer, she would have looked like she was sleeping. After twenty minutes of silence, Beca looked at Stacie.

"I need a few minutes."

Stacie nodded and stood, leaning over to press a kiss to her friend's temple. "I'll be right outside if you need me." She left and closed the door gently, walking into the hallway. She paced and performed several breathing exercises, trying to maintain her composure. She dealt with this often enough. More often than anyone should have to. But this hit much, much too close to home. She was wrapped up in her own head and almost walked directly into Jesse.

"Hey," he said, his hands catching her before they collided.

"Hey," she said softly. "I thought you were with the kids."

He shrugged. "Two nannies and Emily. I just wanted to check on Beca and Chloe." His eyes moved toward the correct room.

Stacie cleared her throat. "Chloe's with Aubrey – talking a walk to get some air. Beca has the baby."

"Oh," he said uncomfortably. "I didn't know. That's a thing?"

Stacie nodded. "It depends on the mother – what she wants. And hospital policy. We allow it if it's requested by the parents. Sometimes it helps with closure."

"Wow," Jesse said, releasing a deep breath and shifting uncomfortably.

"Yeah," Stacie agreed solemnly. They moved to stand against the wall outside Beca's room and kept one another silent company. After several minutes, they both stiffened at the same moment when they heard Beca begin singing. Stacie broke then, covering her mouth as she sobbed. She turned away, but Jesse closed the distance, pulled her into a hug, and let her cry.

Once she calmed down, Stacie excused herself to the closest restroom to wash her face. She steeled herself before exiting again. Chloe and Aubrey were back – standing with Jesse. Stacie walked up to the redhead and put a hand on her arm. "Are you sure?" She asked her.

Chloe nodded, her expression falling again. "I know it makes me a bad mom – but I just can't do it. I can't see her like that."

"That does not make you a bad mom," Stacie told her firmly, squeezing her hand. "Everyone deals in their own way." She sighed. "Why don't you and Aubrey go wait down the hall? I'll come and get you in a bit."

Chloe knew she meant that she was going back inside – and didn't want Chloe to accidentally see the baby if she didn't want to. The two women walked toward the waiting room and Jesse reluctantly followed. Stacie took a deep breath before letting herself back into the room.

Beca was still holding the baby, gazing down at her. "She's so small," Beca said when she realized she wasn't alone.

"She should have had almost three more months to grow," Stacie reminded her.

"Otherwise, she looks perfect," the brunette whispered.

"I know," Stacie answered.

"When do I have to give her back?"

"When you're ready," Stacie said, biting the inside of her cheek to stop the flood of tears that wanted to come.

"I don't think I can be ready for this," Beca said, hugging the infant to her chest as her sobs started again.

Stacie joined her on the bed, rubbing her back soothingly. "I know, honey. I know." She put an arm around her friend and held her while she cried. An hour later, after sitting mostly in silence, Beca was struggling to stay awake. "You need to sleep," Stacie told her gently.

"I can't," Beca said, gazing down at the baby. "I can't give her up."

"You have three other babies – and a wife – who all need you. You can do this." Eventually, Beca shifted and took several deep breaths before gently kissing the infant and carefully handing her back to Stacie. Stacie took the bundle in her arms. "I'll be right back," she promised. She returned the infant to the morgue, carrying her instead of utilizing the bassinet again. She shuttered as she handed the child back to the head nurse in the morgue.

When she returned to the maternity ward, Chloe was back inside the room, this time on the bed, holding Beca while she slept. Stacie peered in, then walked wearily to the waiting room.

"You need to sleep," Aubrey said, the moment she laid eyes on Stacie.

The brunette nodded. "I think Emily has my car."

"I'll take you," Jesse said.

Stacie look at Aubrey. "I'll be back soon. If they need anything – "

"They are in a hospital full of people who can help them until you get a full night's rest," Aubrey responded. Stacie sighed and pursed her lips. She followed Jesse to the parking garage and promptly fell asleep as soon as he began driving towards her home. She woke long enough to get herself inside and into bed.

Thank you for reading. It's a heavy topic, so I don't think the word "enjoy" is where you go with this - but I hope that you (enjoyed) reading this - and I would love to hear from you. The second chapter should be up by mid to late this week (by Friday at the latest).