Warning: Profanity, drug references, and sexual references.

Note: The title comes from the ever-iconic Marina and the Diamonds song "How to Be a Heartbreaker."

A/N: Bitch, I'm back and poppin.

Just kidding, but I'm here to say 7teen isn't dead… or, at least, it's not on hiatus anymore. I'm pretty sure nobody reads my fics these days, especially since I've been taking time away for school—which is still my priority, so expect irregular updates—but I want to continue on with this. It allows me to practice with my writing, experiment with story themes, and exercise my creativity in ways that academics tend to limit me.

Also, this is my 100th story on this site, wow. Hope you enjoy "How to Be a Heartbreaker."

Chapter 1: Dating for Dummies

"...Wow, that sounded like a lot of fun," Sydni said, listening to Caitlin talk about her most recent date with Benj.

"It was amazing. I still can't believe he took me to see Carly Rae Jepsen!" Caitlin squealed in joy. "Benji is just my dream boyfriend."

Even though Nikki wanted to make a sarcastic remark about who she went to see in concert, she didn't want to put a damper on her friend's happiness. It was obvious to friends and strangers alike that he swept Caitlin off her feet. "It sounds like you really found 'the one' this time, blondie."

Caitlin sent her a warm smile. "I think so, too. Benj is just… everything I've wanted in a guy. Compassionate, sweet, funny, honest,"—she giggled—"and an amazing kisser."

While Sydni chuckled at that last part, it was sweet to see Caitlin be so infatuated. "I'm glad you've got someone who's right for you. You deserve someone just as good as you, anyways."

"Thanks, Sydni. I think you do, too," she replied, before her checking her vibrating phone. It was a message from Jonesy in the gang's group chat:

Yo, where u guys at?

Jen replied, At work, while Wyatt said, Omw to the mall.

Caitlin said, Me, Nikki and Sydni are by the fountain. In her peripheral vision, she saw Jude skateboarding around the vicinity. Jude's around here too.

Jonesy replied, K, I'll be there in five.

Minutes later, he arrived with some news. "Bruh, you'll never guess what I saw on Twitter!"

"What?" Caitlin asked.

"Remember Brandon?"

"Which one?" Nikki asked. "The one that got arrested for selling weed or the one who ran the school's blog?"

Knowing Jonesy, she assumed he'd talk about the one who sold marijuana.

"The one with the blog," Jonesy said. "Dude got a whole book published."

She raised her eyebrows. That was a surprise.

"Wow," Caitlin said, "that's wonderful!"

"Obviously I don't know this guy, but I'm assuming he's, like, our age?" Sydni asked.

"Basically. He graduated last year," Nikki replied.

"Oh, wow." It sounded like he was living one of her dreams: being published before the age of twenty-five.

"So, what's your angle in telling us this?" Nikki asked her boyfriend, knowing that he wouldn't mention a random person's success without strings attached.

His lips turned smug. "Well, I've been thinking—"

"Oh, no, he's been thinking."

He scowled at her. "Anyways, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was thinking of working on that dating book I never finished."

"What dating book?" Sydni asked. She could only imagine it being a disaster.

Nikki sighed. "Jonesy wanted to write a Dating for Dummies guide last year after working at a bookstore for two whole days."

"Hey, I learned a lot in those two days, babe."

"If you say so. Where do you even see this thing headed? Do you really think this dating guide of yours is going to be a New York Times bestseller?" she asked, entertaining his idea.

"I didn't say all that, but it'd be a great idea to get my name out there and maybe even make some bank." He hoped it would help him contribute to the Jonesy-Garcia-really-needs-his-own-freaking-car-as-soon-as-possible fund.

A dry laugh escaped her lips. "Good luck with that."

"Don't be such a hater, babe. It's not a good look."

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "I'm just going to kick back and see how this scheme of the week pans out."

"See how easy it is to be supportive?"

She replied by flipping him off.

"So, Sydni," he said, ignoring Nikki's gesture, "I was wondering if you could post the dating guide on your blog when I'm finished with it."

She furrowed her brow. "Can't you make your own blog and publish it there?"

"I mean, yeah, but you already have a blog with followers that'll actually read it."

She crossed her arms, displeased that Jonesy wanted to get her involved in his latest hustle.

"C'mon, Syd, help a friend out."

She remained silent, thinking it over, tempted to say no.

"C'mon."

She sighed.

"C'moooon."

Ever since her party a couple weeks ago, whenever she was by herself and idle, her mind kept wandering to Alejandro. Whenever she wasn't reading or writing or working or hanging out with the gang, she thought of him. She wondered if she did the right thing by deciding she wouldn't pursue him for right now. No matter how attractive or charming he appeared to be, she had already placed her heart into a charming guy's hands in the fall; he ended up breaking it during winter break, not too long before her birthday. She desired a drama-free summer, not another boy on her mind for another season. Perhaps she could use the extra distraction to escape her nagging subconscious.

"C'moooooooon."

On the other hand, she would have to put up with Jonesy. That boy was juvenile as hell.

"Earth to Sydni, are you even here right now?"

"Jonesy, shut up," Nikki snapped, pulling Sydni out of her mind.

"I'll do it," she decided.

He flashed her a bright smile. "Sweet!"

"But I'm going to be the one writing it, because I don't want to publish your writing unedited on my blog. No offense."

"None taken. I'm glad you decided to get with the winning team."

"She probably did it to get you to stop begging like a child," Nikki said under her breath.

Nikki was partially right—Jonesy's whining wore her down—but this was also an opportunity to stop overthinking for a while.

Caitlin clapped her hands in excitement. "Oooh, I wanna be involved! I think I've got enough dating experience to be qualified." Between being an avid reader of magazines geared towards young women and having been on as many dates as Jonesy, she was credible enough.

"You're in, princess," Jonesy said.

"Yay!"

"Looks like we might have a bestseller on our hands after all," he said, stroking his chin.

Nikki snarked, "Actual literary geniuses, watch out."