Hello and welcome. I'm super excited you clicked on this story and hope you stick around. If not, that's alright. This story is mostly about emotional trauma. There are mentions of physical child abuse, but nothing descriptive. I'm trying to be as psychologically accurate as possible. If there's anything you find inaccurate, please let me know.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Warnings: mentions of physical abuse, neglect, manipulation, emotional trauma, lemons in the far away future, AU, and OOC for plot purposes.

Also, Naruto is 8 in the first few chapters.

Enjoy.

Ninja was better than orphan.

Even as the parents glared and scoffed when he walked passed, he knew that the title of orphan gave him a bad name. At the moment, they claimed he wasn't normal. That the other kids were better. They said he was ugly. Naruto didn't understand it, but surely the title of ninja would ease their minds. He wanted normal things. Parents. Friends. Food. Games. The orphanage provided all of it and none of it. The older kids were mean. The younger kids ignored him. Sometimes they played with him. Other times they didn't. It was only when Naruto moved from orphanage to apartment that they became friendly, and by then Naruto had moved too far away.

Now he stood at the school gates. Far away was the kid that begged for a chocolate bar. Now he was literate. He was starting school, and Sarutobi-Jiji said he would learn to be a ninja.

He didn't know what a ninja was, but it was a far better title than orphan.

He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for a teacher to arrive. He's always wanted to attend school, and only got the chance recently. He arrived at the gates an hour before it started, but that was for the best. Carelady, the woman who ran the orphanage, always said he ruined any kid he came in contact with, so however much he wanted friends, he knew he shouldn't make any. Not if he didn't want to hurt any of the other kids. He was used to it anyways, being alone and friendless. No one ever wanted him, and those that did always changed their mind.

It's not normal to be friendless.

"Loser." He heard. Naruto craned his head. He knew he shouldn't—that it was a forbidden feeling—but the knots in his chest released into excitement. The kid behind him was so different from orphan kids. He wore clean clothes that fit snugly around him. They weren't baggy or too small. They weren't stained and black. He wore blue, with a fabric looking so soft Naruto reached out to touch it.

The boy slapped his hand away.

"Hi. I'm Naruto. I'm kinda new here, so…" He trailed off, expecting the boy to introduce himself. He just stared at Naruto, like Sarutobi did when he got an apartment, and Naruto looked down at his feet. The boy said nothing, and Naruto didn't know whether he hadn't heard him or if he was ignoring him.

They ignored him at the orphanage. But these were new people. Kids that didn't know how bad he was. They knew nothing of how he broke dishes or said the wrong things or even that he couldn't read three months ago. He was starting over with a new batch of kids. And although his mind told him they'd be better off without him, his mouth insisted on moving and sprouting nonsense.

That was why the boy ignored him. He opened his mouth and said something wrong.

"I didn't ask." The boy said. And those three words were enough for Naruto to hope again. Maybe he didn't say something wrong. Maybe the kid was shy and needed a little push. Maybe, just maybe, he'd have his first friend today.

"Well, what's your name?" Naruto asked.

"Shut up." He felt his excitement wane. Would all the kids be like this? Or was it just this one? School was supposed to be a drastic change from his time at the orphanage, yet this kid acted like the other kids.

Was he wrong? Was school the hell of the orphanage? Were the kids just as bad here as they were there? "Ok." He said, turning back to the school. Perhaps it was best if he stayed silent, that way no one heard how wrong he always was, how stupid he'd always been.

It was an hour before the teacher came in to unlock the doors. Naruto had sat crossed legged before the door, telling himself there were tons of kids and not all of them would be like this one. And as each minute passed, he became acutely aware of how little he cared for the boy across him. There would be other kids, and at least one of them was bound to be nice. So, with renewed confidence, he bounced off the ground, eyes gleaming, and walked through the doors.

Not knowing where to go, Naruto followed the boy to class, assuming they were the same age and had the same class. As he knew only the boy and no one else had arrived, Naruto sat next to him. He wrung his hands together, bruising his lip as he watched students file in. He could talk to one, try to make a friend. But what if they ended up wanting to silence him like the kid beside him had? What if they heard the demon within him? The monster? What if they could see it with only a glance?

The teacher glanced at him once, twice, thrice, then checked a paper. Naruto shuffled in his seat. Kids were one thing, they did as they were told. But adults were different. They held the power, the authority. They did what they wanted, took what they wanted, punished when they wanted, and had all the control in the world. Adults were what he never wanted in life. They gave him what he didn't want, and he wanted to get away from them before they could get near.

Naruto looked down at his desk, choosing instead to be good and unnoticed than bad and get full attention. He didn't always know why they wanted to hurt him, but they did, and being invisible seemed to be the cure.

The boy leaned close to him. He hadn't smiled a bit since arriving, unlike Naruto, whose smile went out to everyone that passed him. He should probably find a seat next to someone who wanted him near, not by a kid who simply told him to shut up.

"You know," the kid said. Naruto turned his head, excitement growing. The boy had spoken to him without prompting. To him! Maybe he had chosen the right seat, and didn't need to move at all. "If you act small, people treat you like your small. Put your head up. Look forward. And pretend to know what your doing."

Naruto looked the boy, then at the teacher. He'd always looked down, from the day he was born to the day he started school. It'd been part of him since his first beating to his first apartment. Looking down was safe. It was easy. It was simple. He went unnoticed, he apologized, he moved on.

"That's what my mom told me. Seems to work."

"Oh." Naruto said, "she sounds nice, your mom, I mean."

Carelady was the only mom Naruto had ever known, and she was the meanest person he knew.

"Shut up."

Naruto took his advice. He put his head up, looked forward, kept his eyes trained on the teacher. If you look small, they treat you like your small. He hoped beyond anything he'd hope for, well, besides school, or course. But nothing happened. People still passed him by. They glanced at him, turned their heads, and moved away.

If you look small, they treat you like your small. But if he looked up, if he looked forward, they still thought him invisible. He was a petty, unimportant person, and they knew it. Why try to look better than you were? Why act as if you knew everything? Why pretend?

Nevertheless, he kept trying, and when his head started leaning down, he forced it back up. He tried smiling and waving too, still not saying a word. Most waved back at him, so he must've been doing something right. But when two girls walked up to him, he knew the boy's advice was sound. Perhaps he'd have to meet the boys mother and thank her, as the two girls were looking at him and only him.

"Why are you sitting next to Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto frowned. Her eyes were a deep emerald, contrasting with her bubblegum hair. Naruto had thought she wanted to talk, or at least introduce herself. But it was about the boy next to him. Sasuke, the one who told him to look up. Had Naruto stolen this girl's seat? Why hadn't Sasuke told him? He would have moved. He could have had a nice friendship with the girl had her first impression had not been one of a thief.

"Did I take your seat. I'm sorry. Just let me grab my—"

"We don't have assigned seats." Sasuke said. Naruto looked at him, then back to the girl. No assigned seats? Then why was she asking for the seat Naruto chose?

"But she's—"

"Being annoying. You don't have to move."

"Of course, you have to move." The other girl said. She had longer, paler hair than the other. "Sasuke-kun wants to sit by me."

Naruto glanced between the two girls. They both wanted his seat? But there was only one, and the chairs weren't nearly big enough for two people. Maybe they should have come in earlier, taken the seat as Naruto did, and things would be settled. Now, they wanted to kick him out? He'd claimed the seat first, and unless the teacher came in and told him to move, he was staying.

"Besides." The pink haired girl said, grimacing, "Your clothes are filthy. Sasuke-kun shouldn't have to endure you for a whole hour."

Naruto looked down at himself. His clothes were baggy, but they were clean, not a stain in place. His favorite orange gleamed proudly off him. He'd bought it for this day. And the other clothes he'd bought fit better and were far more colorful than the grey of orphanage clothes. Was it truly filthy? Had he chosen the wrong outfit to wear? Looking around, he saw that other students wore nothing similar to his attire, and suddenly, he felt more out of place than ever.

"Maybe you should get your hair checked, pinkie. Are you sure Sasuke wants to see that for a whole hour."

He hadn't meant to be mean. He didn't want to be mean, especially on the first day. This was what was done in the orphanage, when kindness lost its appeal and all the children turned on one another. The words spoken were some of the harshest Naruto had ever said. He had grown used to talking back (never at adults), and enjoyed when the older kids sat them all down to give a lesson on insults and comebacks.

Sasuke quirked a brow, as if surprised he'd had the guts to speak such atrocities. The girl looked down at her hair, caressing it before turning to Sasuke. Naruto winced. This day was supposed to be filled with laughter. He was meant to befriend everyone, yet here he was, acting like he did when carelady wasn't watching.

"How can you say that?" She said, pushing her hair behind her ear. "It's so mean."

"So is calling my clothes filthy." It was the only defense he had. No apology. No regrets. The older kids put emphasis on that lesson. Never regret what you said lest you prove them right, especially when they provoked you first.

She'd given the first attack. He defended himself.

The girl looked over to Sasuke, down to her hair, then back to Sasuke before running off to another seat.

Naruto stood up, ready to give his seat to the blond girl. She'd been significantly nicer than the other, and he was feeling a tinge of regret. Maybe he should've given up the seat before his mouth took over his brain. That way he'd still have a chance of something good happening.

The girl didn't seem happy to have his seat, and instead of standing away so he could move, she stepped closer, blocking his path down the aisle. "Your clothes are filthy. That's just a fact. You had no right to talk to Sakura that way." She said, before storming off besides the other girl. Naruto plopped down, brushing his hands through his hair. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't what he planned. He wanted to be friendly. He wanted to learn stuff. He wanted—he wanted…

Not this.

"Well," Naruto looked towards the front, where the teacher was writing something on the board. "Now that that's settled, we should start class."

He hadn't realized how silent things had gotten until then. All—or at least most—students had arrived, and were staring in Naruto's direction.

They heard everything. From the insult the girls gave him to the insult he'd given back. They heard his mouth sprout attacks for no reason other than to… to what? Defend himself? He could have moved. He could have kept silent. He could have done anything besides hurt another person.

Too late now.

"Loser." Sasuke said. Naruto let himself sink under his desk, never looking up at the teacher or the students. He was invisible once more, forgotten, as it had always been, and as it should be.

The next few months were spent as if he were still at the orphanage, only no one hit him. He had deemed his teacher 'the devil' because he had a way of torturing Naruto without laying a finger on him. He continued sitting by Sasuke, not because he wanted to be near him, but because he got a kick out of Sasuke's suffering at sitting next to the loser of class. The girls—Ino and Sakura—if he remembered correctly, hadn't stopped their goal of sitting in Naruto's seat, and he refused to hand it over.

His fate was sealed the moment Sasuke labeled him a loser. And now, that was all he was. The class took Sasuke's words as law, as if he were the king and they the followers. Naruto couldn't correct them because they weren't wrong. He was a loser. He started school knowing only how to speak. Reading was something he wasn't taught until recently, and math too, was foreign until Sarutobi-jiji handed him his own tutor. And even with that tutor, it wasn't enough. Grammar had him trapped. As proven in taijutsu practice, his muscles were nonexistent. Ninjutsu was somehow worse, as his chakra decided to go wacko over even the most basic of techniques. All the necessities to be anything within school grounds he didn't have.

Today's lesson involved basic math, a required curriculum even for those becoming ninja. They were allowed to work in groups, but every time Naruto tried asking for help someone always gave him the wrong answer.

Iruka-sensei never did a thing.

He stole a glance at Sasuke. He was the king of the school, even managing to silence the class when the teacher couldn't. People listened to him. They worshipped him, a kid who was no better than anyone else, yet had everything people strived to gain.

It took one word from Sasuke Uchiha for Naruto to become the outcast.

Even so, no one laid a hand on him. No one bruised him. No one hit him.

He saved enough money to buy a stuffed dog. That was more than anything he'd ever had before.

"Hey." Naruto resisted the urge to glare beside him. Kiba was notorious for picking on lesser students, and had taken to Naruto as his next target. Naruto had been ignoring him, hoping that he'd leave him alone as the orphan kids often did when they got no response to provocation. But Kiba refused to let up, even after months of receiving nothing but nods and glares from other students.

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

There wasn't much time left in class, and Naruto still hadn't finished the worksheet. Iruka-sensei would pull him after class again from another chat on how he needed to do his work. He stared at each problem, looking at all the lines and numbers. Iruka-sensei said something about long division (and he thought multiplication was bad) and suddenly school had become far more complicated.

"Fine, ignore me again. But I'm having trouble with number thirteen." Kiba pulled out his own worksheet, pointing to the problem with his pencil, "think you can help?"

Naruto's paper was blank.

"Oh wait, you can't even write."

He couldn't figure out number one.

But he sure as hell knew how to write.

For the first time since starting school, he truly felt as if he was going to cry. It had been months of swallowing tears, and weeks of hiding fading bruises. He's been tossed around and mocked all at once. School was far too similar to the orphanage to be safe. The teacher saw and heard everything yet did nothing, and the king set Naruto up for hell before he'd even begun.

"Would you shut up, already? No one cares, Kiba. No one. Just shut up."

He couldn't figure out basic math.

He bit his lip. Throwing a pity party here would lead to more taunts, more mockery. Crying certainly wouldn't do him any good, not in a place that was all about appearances. He listened to the scraping chair as he stood, took one look at Kiba, then pushed Kiba aside and walked down the aisle, passed the teacher, and out the door.

"Where do you think you're going?"

It didn't matter where he went, just as long as he was away from there.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I have a tumblr account under the same name. If your interested, check it out.