Secret Weapon

Chapter 1: Crisis.

Author's note: So this is an AU happening somewhere around ep 11 of season 6 of Arrow, involving season 5 and centered around a certain someone... well, haha, those who know me will guess who it is, but I'm not going to throw around blatant spoilers just yet, it will all become clear in the story :p (Although I'm a sucker for spoilers and tempted to tell ya.)

Let me rein myself in enough to just say this AU story is me fixing what in my opinion both writers and producers of Arrow have done wrong this season.

Warnings: Angst

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Oliver's mayoral office, January 2018.

Oliver had paced the length of his office for so long he thought he might have actually worn a groove in the floor. He was stressed, exhausted, frustrated, and most of all, even though he hated to admit it: he was scared.

Everything was going to hell and he did not know how to fix it. He felt tempted to make another List, although, this time, it would not be one containing the names of people he needed to kill, but a list of what was wrong with his life.

He was under indictment as mayor.

His loved ones were being threatened by Cayden James, a man driven by an unjustified vendetta against him, a man who'd also put the entire city under siege and killed dozens already, planned to kill thousands more, all because he thought Oliver had killed his son.

Most of Oliver's team had abandoned him.

The other-earth Laurel, a mirror image of his former lover and then friend, was now both hunting and haunting him.

He had a son, and had no idea how to be a proper parent to him.

He had a wife, but he wasn't sure he was making any sort of a good job on that front either. Felicity seemed to pick up all of his slack.

He felt as though he was failing everyone, on all accounts. As a leader, a father, a friend, a husband, a person who was supposed to protect them all, who promised it to them and yet failed to keep that promise time and time again.

It fell upon him like an avalanche.

The Island still haunted him. Almost losing William, watching the place explode while knowing all his friends and loved ones were there.

Even though it turned out most of them had managed to survive, he was still waking up in the middle of the night, shaking at the memory. He remembered tossing Chase's body overboard after he instructed William to go below deck. Remembered feeling like a failure, again. He'd made a promise to himself: not to kill. He tried to save Chase from killing himself. He failed. Yet another one in a seemingly unending sequence of failures, which, in recent weeks seemed to increase in number.

The situation with Cayden escalated so rapidly Oliver felt his head start to spin. Was he having a panic attack? How, HOW could he fix it?

And yet, his mind kept coming back to the island and eventually this train of thought led it to a place he never expected it to go.

"You know, it takes a special kind of idiot to actually get dumber with time." The echo of Malcolm Merlyn's voice rang out in his ears, and despite of the depreciating tone of the comment, it was a welcome voice.

He hadn't expected it, but, after Felicity had told him the Dark Archer had perished on the island, he did actually mourn him. He didn't allow the emotion to take over, focused on other things, but now, months later, it really hit him.

Malcolm sacrificed his life for Thea. And yes, they had been arch-enemies years ago, at the time of the Undertaking, but later on, Malcolm had come through for him, time and time again. Always, without fail, despite their rocky relationship.

Oliver found himself flooded by a multitude of memories. Of learning Malcolm was the one who'd rescued Thea during Slade's siege of Starling. Of later working with Malcolm to defeat Ra's Al Ghul and disrupt the entire Alpha Virus scheme. The way he could rely on the man then, the way he had patiently listened to Oliver's struggles when they cooperated, the way he came up with useful advice.

"I'm glad we got to work together, you and I. To trust as we did." Malcolm had said after their victory over the previous Ra's. Oliver remembered saying something about how he'd never forgive him for what he'd done to Sara, to Thea. He remembered the faint glimpse of regret in Malcolm's eyes before the man turned away. Merlyn usually kept his emotions to himself; it seemed as if he was made of stone, but from the distance of time, Oliver suddenly remembered many of these little glimpses. Barely noticeable, and yet... so important.

The brief flash of regret on Malcolm's face after Oliver announced HE would duel him instead of Nyssa for the Lotus potion, after being the one to egg him on into the duel in the first place.

"So you betrayed me," Malcolm's look had said. And even though the Dark Archer's next words were venomous, the look and his actions told a different story. Oliver had enough combat training to know Malcolm had pulled his punches during their fight, and had not expected Oliver to go as far as to maim him.

"I thought of you as a son once, Oliver," he'd said to him after Nyssa burned the Deamon''s Head ring. Yes, Malcolm was angry at him then, so, so very angry. Although, now that Oliver remembered his expression from that night, he realized his anger had really been a mask, or perhaps a defense mechanism to deflect a world of hurt and disappointment. He'd outed his son to Damien Dahrk, even worked with him, but then it became clear to Oliver, he'd only done it because a wave of emotions had clouded his judgement. Then, Malcolm continued with the nefarious cooperation to protect Thea from Dahrk's planned nuclear attack on the entire planet. It was logical; twisted, but logical. He'd helped Oliver's team in the end, but all Oliver gave him in return was just basically telling him to bugger off.

Another glimpse of that haunted, sad gaze after he'd said it. Oliver flinched at the memory.

And yet, then there he was, months later, at the Arrowcave, insisting to help Oliver rescue Thea, even agreeing to work with Nyssa.

'You're not welcome here, Merlyn,' Oliver remembered saying when Malcolm came to the Arrowcave. And there it was again. That flicker of hurt before Malcolm regained his composure and made some sarcastic comment in return. He'd caught the dart Oliver had thrown at him, but perhaps on some metaphorical level, it had really hit him. Well, Oliver's words must have stung. But Oliver remembered Malcolm had even offered a veiled apology for kidnapping William.

Then there was the most vivid, the most haunting memory of all. Oliver had to sit down at his desk as it came crashing in.

The Malcolm Merlyn from when Oliver was just a little boy, from before Rebecca was killed. A kind man, open, honest, quick to joke around. Oliver had thought of him as family then. He let his memory travel back to those days.

Oliver's parents' marriage had always been a rocky one, a sharp contrast to what Rebecca and Malcolm's had been. Oliver remembered the joy he felt when, after listening to Moira and Robert quarreling, he got to grab his backpack and run to Malcolm's car, so he could take him for a sleepover with Tommy.

He remembered a particular weekend, after a very loud fight, when he'd just ran to Malcolm's car as if for life itself. Malcolm was standing outside and caught him as he fell into his arms, sobbing.

"Hey, hey, buddy, what's wrong? Are they fighting again?" Malcolm queried.

"Yes!" little Oliver had sobbed. "And I'm so sick of it, I don't want to go back there ever again, I'm scared!"

Malcolm helped him strap into the back seat, drove away from the manor, then stopped alongside a suburban sidewalk when he heard Oliver was still sobbing. He climbed next to him and hugged him.

"Ollie, it's okay, adults quarrel sometimes," he said in a calming tone. "Your mom and dad fighting does not mean they don't love you. They will figure things out, I'm sure."

"Well they haven't, for so long. I'm tired. They quarrel at night, and at breakfast and stuff. I don't want to go back, please don't make me go back!"

He remembered Malcolm holding him, calming him before he spoke again. "I won't force you to go back, but they are your parents. Although, I can make you a deal. I will call them at some point this afternoon and tell them how you feel, tell them to behave. Meanwhile, you have an entire weekend with Tommy and," he paused, then broke into that warm smile of his "Auntie Rebecca has made your favourite strawberry pie. We will go play some soccer, watch some movies."

Oliver remember feeling relaxed and reassured. Malcolm climbed back into the driver's seat and took him to Merlyn Mansion.

He ended up staying there for a week. Beautiful summer mornings, no quarrels, just warmth. And Malcolm was there, returning early from work, playing games with him and Tommy, laughing.

Oh, how Oliver missed the blissful days of childhood. How much he missed the Malcolm from then. Untainted by suffering which he never courted or deserved.

But then again, even after he'd returned from Nanda Parbat, Malcolm had managed to retain at least vestiges of kindness.

Oliver thought back to his own brief training with Ra's. It was so brutal. Malcolm had endured two years of it, adding to that the trauma of losing his wife... Was it any surprise he turned into a killer? And yet still, Malcolm did still have this KINDNESS about him. It was erratic and mixed with moments of absolute cruelty, however Oliver could not help but wonder. If he'd gone through the training Malcolm had been through, would he become as erratic and cold?

Wasn't he anyway? Was he any better, really? He'd tortured people, killed people, he'd become calculating and cruel. He looked back to his first days of training his recruits months back, to his treatment of them. Then he compared it to when Malcolm had trained him and Thea to fight Ra's. The Dark Archer had been at least ten times kinder.

Oliver sat and thought, thought back and further back again to these moments of kindness, of vulnerability Malcolm had shown. Especially when they were working together against Ra's. Their quiet conversations by the fire. During one of them, Malcolm had let slip he still missed Rebecca, missed Tommy, then looked away and his expression grew so-so... haunted. Oliver had not known how to respond, so he didn't. Now he wished he had. He wished he'd at least attempted to comfort the man somehow.

And then: Lian Yu. He remembered that during their rescue mission there, Malcolm never questioned or challenged him, only offered this strong, unwavering support.

Felicity had told him Malcolm hadn't hesitated for a second to take Thea's place on the landmine. Oliver knew Felicity always hated Malcolm, but what he did back then, it convinced even her there was goodness left in him. A whole lot of it. Entangled in darkness and pain, it was still there.

A knock came on the door to his office and Thea entered.

Oliver looked up at her and realized she rarely even talked about Malcolm. Her father. Who'd sacrificed himself for her. After she woke up from her coma, she barely said anything, she just… moved on, returned to her work as his PR specialist, to her life, as if the man who had numerously rescued her had never even existed, as if his sacrifice meant nothing. Why would she do that? Oliver suddenly remembered Malcolm briefly mentioning the Lotus could never be a permanent solution for her bloodlust. He'd never gotten into specifics, but Malcolm was the head of the League and he rarely, if ever got into specifics anyway. What if her bloodlust had turned into something else, perhaps an incapability to fully feel emotions?

Oliver was so consumed by his thoughts he didn't even hear what his sister was saying. Some red tape babble he was so sick of.

"Ollie?" Thea insisted. " I need you to sign this stuff and the press needs-"

"Not now, Speedy," he said, feeling the mourning for Malcolm rising, along with his sudden anger at Thea.

"Ollie, this really needs to be sign-"

He cut her off, screaming, "I SAID, NOT NOW!"

She backed away slightly, clearly shocked and scared by his violent reaction. "Ollie, what's wrong?"

He had no patience for her now. "Everything's wrong, in case you haven't noticed! Fine, I'll sign the damn documents!" He grabbed the files from her. "But I'm not dealing with any press tonight or taking any calls. Cancel my meetings for tomorrow morning as well."

"Alright," she agreed reluctantly. "But at least tell me what's going on?"

"I've been doing some thinking. Perhaps you should be doing the same type of thinking," he said a little harshly, referring to his reverie about Malcolm in a very veiled manner, not in the mood to explain himself.

"Listen Speedy, I need to head out now, blow off some steam, so just...do what I said, okay?" He forced himself to sound softer.

"Okay," She answered.

Oliver headed for the private garage of the mayor's office building where he parked his bike, not in the mood to deal with any potential journalists at the main entrance who always seemed to hover around him nowadays.

He knew exactly where he wanted to go and sped through the streets to get there. The Merlyn Global. It was the place where he always met the Dark Archer back when he was infiltrating the League, whenever he was in town. The building was abandoned and in consignment, but because Malcolm had secretly signed it over to Thea, and she decided not to do anything with it, it remained untouched, save for the "Merlyn Global" logo being turned off.

Whenever Oliver looked out at the city at night, it was the only building which remained dark. Even the Glades were sparkling again. Malcolm had insisted they meet on the roof of the former MG, perhaps as a masochistic reminder of his first defeat at Oliver's hands. Or perhaps, he had chosen it as a way to somehow replace the memory of their Undertaking duel with the memories of their cooperation in defeating a common enemy? The Dark Archer's logic could be convoluted like that. Or did it actually show sentiment, Malcolm's will to mend fences, heal old wounds?

Oliver arrived at the building and dismounted his bike, then actually went inside, instead of taking his usual route straight to the roof. He went through the offices, everything the same as it had been years ago, save from some leftover police tape. Oliver was sure Malcolm had taken precautions to keep the place running just enough, to not fall into ruin, but still it was just a mausoleum to the disgraced Merlyn name, to Malcolm Merlyn's former glory. He took the elevator to the penthouse. It was dusty, full of cobwebs, but otherwise untouched. Oliver looked at Malcolm's desk, picked up the picture of Malcolm, Rebecca and little Tommy, a reminder of happier, more innocent times for all of them.

Then he made his way to the roof. An entire kaleidoscope of memories hit him then, and, paradoxically enough, his Undertaking night duel with Malcolm was not one of them. Perhaps the man had really achieved the goal Oliver had suspected him of. Instead of the duel, Oliver remembered their clandestine meetings when they tried to combat the Alpha Virus threat, their meetings afterwards, when Malcolm was the new Ra's and couldn't risk appearing in public. Oliver recalled they had shared some good times back then. Especially one. Malcolm brought him his favorite champagne when they met a few days after Oliver's birthday. He was one of the few who'd even remembered. They just sat there, talking, Malcolm making some funny, mildly sarcastic remarks. They still were in the middle of a war, against Dahrk back then, constantly under attack, but Malcolm did something Oliver would never forget.

"Look up, just for a second, Oliver," he'd said.

He did, and he saw so many stars, a myriad of them. "This is why it's called Starling City. This is why I love it. Look at them and forget your troubles for a while."

Oliver looked at them and it was one of the best gifts anyone had given him, which cost nothing, but meant everything.

He did the same thing now, and there they were. Winking at him, so far away and yet so close. He allowed himself to be relax by their soothing presence, but then, the thoughts of the troubles with Cayden James he knew he had to eventually face returned.

Oliver leaned against the banister, looked at the flickering lights of the city in danger of being destroyed

He searched for an answer to the problem and it started to dawn on him.

He had the support of Felicity, of Thea, of Quentin, even the now somewhat skewered support of Curtis, Dinah and Rene. But he also knew none of it was enough to defeat Cayden James. He was twisted and unpredictable, always ten steps ahead.

Then, he allowed himself to admit the truth, a painful one, but still, the truth.

He was lost. He was confused. And who was the one person who had always brought him back from feeling this way? Who was the one person he really needed right now? The person who actually possessed intellect powerful enough to outwit Cayden James? Only one name rang in his ears, and perhaps it was the reason why Oliver had felt so drawn here.

Malcolm Merlyn.

With his tactical skills, his cunning, his no-nonsense approach, his skill to motivate people in times of crisis, he would be the perfect weapon against Cayden. But now, he was just what? Ashes in a landmine crater on Lian Yu, of all places.

Oliver wished none of it had happened, wished Malcolm was with him right this moment, one of his snide remarks at the ready, followed by valuable advice, as always.

He breathed in heavily. Where the hell are you, Merlyn, right when I need you the most?!"

Rhetorical question. Oliver leaned against the railing on the roof, feeling cold and unsettled. He stared out at the lights of the city, a city which would soon be turned to dust by Cayden James and his associates. He felt so powerless.

Suddenly, he thought he heard a faint sound on a roof just next to the dark Merlyn Global building.

He turned around and saw a silhouette there, bow in hand. The moonlight showed it was clad in League uniform.

"Malcolm?!" He exclaimed, but after he blinked, the figure was gone. Oliver jumped to the next rooftop anyway. He found nothing and noone there. He turned away, resigned. It must have been just a figment of his imagination, wishful thinking. And that's what his life had really been recently. Wishful thinking, nothing more. He returned to the Merlyn Global roof, resignation sinking in. He made it to his motorcycle and went home.

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End notes: So this is the chapter, I hope you enjoyed. Please review, next one's already in the works!