Amanda's POV:

She really didn't want to be doing this. Every step up the stairs she took, she thought about how much she hated herself for what she was about to do, how she was about to show herself at her weakest moment to the strongest person she knew. But she made herself keep going, just one more step, then another, and another, because she knew that she had to do this, no matter how much it was breaking her. It would break her more if she didn't.

Finally, the stairs stopped, and Amanda found herself face to face with a door. She was momentarily disorientated, not having prepared herself for ever actually reaching the top of the stairwell. There was only one final thing to do now, and that was the hardest bit of all. But she knew she couldn't turn away now. There was barely any strength left in her...but just enough to step forward, reach up, and knock on the door.

Step, reach and...knock. Knock. Knock.

Olivia's POV:

It really had been the most uneventful Saturday in the history of Saturdays. Every single menial task that she had been putting off for the last few weeks had built up and she had reached a point where she literally did not have a single clean plate or pair of underwear left in the apartment, which meant one thing. Cleaning day.

She'd tidied every inch of her flat meticulously, leaving no cushion unturned or sock forgotten, put on the washing machine, then the dishwasher, and then the washing machine again, until everything smelled like citrus and cotton and there wasn't a speck of dust in sight. It had taken the entire day and it wasn't until now, 9pm, that Olivia had finished, feeling accomplished, and very exhausted. The thought of cooking anything felt beyond her at that point, though she desperately needed to eat, so she poured herself a glass of wine and resolved to make something after she finished it. She was just about to settle onto the sofa, when she heard 3 almost inaudible knocks on her door.

Placing her glass down on the coffee table, slightly irritated at the interruption, she headed over towards the door. She had no idea who it could be; it was too late to be anyone she didn't know, she wasn't expecting anyone she did know and most normal people used the doorbell.

She looked through the peep hole on her door, and almost fell back in surprise. Amanda? What was she doing here?

Olivia opened the door, and almost fell in surprise again.

"Amanda?"

Amanda looked at her and she could tell right away that the younger detective had been crying. The light in the hallway was dim, but Olivia could make out tell-tale mascara smudges and damp eyes. There was also her posture, too—nothing about the way the blonde usually held herself was present here. She was slightly hunched over and looked fragile, clutching her arms as if she was about to physically break.

Realising she had been stood staring at Amanda for a good minute without saying anything, she opened the door fully and stepped back to let her in. Amanda hesitated, but walked in, stopping as soon as she made it into the apartment.

"Olivia, I-"

Olivia stopped her before she had a chance to continue. Softly, so much that it was almost a whisper, she said:

"Amanda, anything you need, take it. A bed, a shower, some food, anything. You don't need to ask or explain anything."

Amanda looked down at her feet, unable to make eye contact. "Thank you, Olivia." It was sincere and said with a catch in her throat that made Olivia want to reach forward and take the blonde in her arms and hold her as tight as she could, but instead she just gave a little smile.

"You can call me Liv."

This made Amanda look up at her, big blue eyes showing a flicker of something Olivia wasn't sure of, but hoped was a tiny bit of happiness. A hint of a smile came from the detective and Olivia felt her heart thud a little more than usual.

"I didn't bring anything, I'm really sorry, if it's a problem I-"

Olivia cut her off again. "It's no problem at all. My room is just through there and there's some nightwear in the bottom drawer of the cupboard on the left. My bathroom is through the door in my bedroom and there should be a clean towel on the rail. Help yourself to anything else you need. Have you eaten?"

Amanda shook her head. "Would you like to eat?" Nod. "Is pasta okay? Another nod. "I'll fix something up ready for when you're done."

"Thank you Liv." Amanda smiled gratefully, then made her way towards the bedroom. Olivia felt her heart thudding again when Amanda called her that, and turned away towards the kitchen, feeling her face flush and not wanting Amanda to see, even though the detective was now far out of sight. She busied herself with the pasta, deciding she had enough time to make a pasta bake, and searched her cupboards for a sauce.

Olivia had no idea what had happened to Amanda, and wanted to protect and look after her so badly, a feeling that was new to her and a little bit startling. Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly new, her feelings towards Amanda having softened over the year that she had known her, but they had taken a turn somewhere, and she wasn't quite sure where that somewhere was, except that it involved an unsteady heart rate and red cheeks. Whatever it was, Olivia didn't want to think about it, and only think about how she could help the detective.

Pasta cooked, sauce on, mixture in a dish, dish in the oven, timer on. Wine time again. Olivia made her way back towards the sofa, the only sounds she could hear being the padding of her bare feet across the floorboards and the quiet tick-tick-tick of the oven timer behind her. And...what was that? Was Amanda…crying?

Olivia couldn't help herself, a motherly instinct taking over, and she found herself walking into her bedroom. The bathroom door was ever so slightly ajar, and she couldn't hear the shower. She couldn't hear any other sound, except—there it was again.

"Amanda?" Olivia called out, barely concealing the panic in her voice.

No reply.

"Amanda?" She called out again, but much more quietly. There was nothing, and then a muffled sob in response.

Olivia walked over to the door. "Amanda, are you okay?"

Nothing.

"Amanda? Can I come in?"

Nothing again, but Olivia couldn't wait outside any longer. She pushed the door open, and what she saw almost broke her heart.

Amanda was sat on the floor of the shower, her legs pulled right up to her chest and held in place by her arms. She was wearing the t shirt she had come in wearing, and a pair of pants, and both were soaked through, stuck to her ivory skin. Her eyes were red, her face looked crushed, and tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Olivia walked up to her and crouched down at the edge of the shower enclosure. "Amanda...what happened?"

Amanda finally managed to choke out a few words. "Liv...someone...they...touched me...and...and...they..."

She let out a cry, and broke down completely, sobbing and spluttering and hiding her face in her knees.

This time Olivia couldn't stop herself. She sat down in the shower in front of Amanda, barely noticing the damp floor through her sweatpants, and pulled her in to her. Amanda's body shook against hers and Olivia pulled her in as tightly as she could, rubbing her back with her left hand and holding her close with the other. They stayed like this for a few minutes, until the shaking turned to shivering and the sobbing subsided.

"I just want to be...clean." It was barely a whisper. Olivia felt goosebumps appear on Amanda's arms.

Olivia reached up, and turned on the shower. The blonde tried to protest but it was too late, they were both soaked through now, and anyway, it didn't matter. All Olivia wanted was for Amanda to feel something other than devastatingly broken.

"Turn around," Olivia whispered gently into Amanda's ear. Amanda obliged, and turned so that her back was facing Olivia, her body firmly in between her Captains legs.

Olivia reached for her shampoo. "Can I?"

Amanda nodded. "Just let me know if you want me to stop." She nodded again.

Olivia poured a little in her palm, and then gently started massaging it into Amanda's hair. She felt her relax into her legs a little, and Olivia worked the product through the blonde locks, carefully untangling knots and making sure she didn't get any in Amanda's eyes. She let the water wash it out, and then repeated with her conditioner. When she tucked a piece of hair behind Amanda's ear, she felt the detective shudder a little, and Olivia had to stifle a giggle, knowing that she had accidentally found a sensitive spot.

When they had finished, Olivia reached for the shower gel a little hesitantly. At this point, she was beyond worrying what was inappropriate considering their job, but mainly not wanting to make Amanda feel uncomfortable.

Now it was Amanda who spoke. "Is it okay if..." She slightly lifted up her top.

"Of course."

Amanda pulled the t shirt over her head, Olivia helping when the material stuck to her body. She was suddenly greeted with perfect, toned skin, as Amanda was now naked apart from her pants in front of her. Olivia felt herself blush again, but pushed away the feeling, and poured a little lavender shower gel into her hands, and began to work it into Amanda's back. She felt every inch of her skin, shoulder muscles rippling as she glided her touch over them, making her way down Amanda's arms and then back up again.

She didn't need to worry about the other more intimate parts of her body, as Amanda took some gel too and cleansed the front of her body. Olivia couldn't help herself when her arms reached the small of Amanda's back, and she let them drift around to her perfectly taught stomach. She moved them back to Amanda's shoulders and massaged them gently as Amanda cleaned her legs, feeling the blonde relax even more in her legs as she released some tension she had been storing inside her.

Finally, they let the soap suds wash off of Amanda, and the two of them sat in silence, albeit not an uncomfortable one. And then, Olivia could just about make out a faint beeping in the background.

"Shit, the pasta." She sighed softly.

Amanda leaned forward, slightly out of Olivia's hold, covering herself once more. "You'd better get that," she said, sadness evident in her voice. But it wasn't the sadness that was there earlier and Olivia knew that Amanda would be okay this time she was on her own for a few minutes. Sweatpants and t shirt dripping, Olivia got up.

"Find something to wear in my drawers, anything you like, and come and find me when you do. Shout if you need anything."

She flashed a little smile at the blonde, who returned it, the smile not quite reaching her eyes but being progress from earlier in the evening. Amanda stood up, holding her soggy t-shirt to her chest, and reached behind Liv for a fluffy white towel. She started drying her hair and turned around so that her back to Olivia, who saw this as an opportunity to quickly strip of her wet clothes, suddenly very shy to undress in front of Amanda. She grabbed another towel, wrapped it around herself, and stepped back into her bedroom.

If Olivia had been confused about her feelings before, it was nothing compared to how scrambled her brain was now. She hoped it was just a natural instinct to protect Amanda, the same instinct that made her care so much about her job, but this felt different. It was unfamiliar, a bit unsettling, and however much Olivia tried she couldn't shake the feeling of warmth and safety that she had felt with Amanda pressed up against her.

Whatever it was, Olivia certainly wasn't ready to share these feelings with Amanda yet, so she quickly dug out another plain t shirt and leggings, throwing them on and returning to the kitchen to plate up dinner and distract herself from the events of the last half an hour.