- Edit: Fixed some formatting issues (I just KNEW there would be some) and fixed a few word-choices -

This is my first story I have written & I seriously hope the formatting is correct...

This was based on a prompt from Tumblr that I will put at the bottom of the story

All I can say is this: I tried.

Kakashi's thoughts - Italics

Normal text - Normal (Obviously)

The annoyingly bipolar retard of a captor strode back into the room where Kakashi, Genma, and Tenzo were being detained in. The orange-masked porn-stealing son-of-a-bitch happily greeted the heavily injured and restrained trio.

"Yo! Tobi is back-"

"Give me my book." Kakashi coldly spoke, practically glaring kunai at the butt-munching, dick-less man that was currently towering over him.

"Eh? Tobi doesn't know wh-"

"Oh. I'm deeply sorry. I forgot I was communicating with a brain-dead lunatic. Hold on, let me simplify it for you; book. Orange flippy thing. Give it to me." The Hatake, despite being restrained completely to the wall behind him, still manages to look scary and vaguely threatening.

"Um... Senpai? Could you not do this right now?" Tenzo, being the cinnamon roll that he his, attempts to reason with him.

The air gets significantly colder as killing-intent leaks out of the shit-eating man whose mother is probably a deformed sock. The KI was thick enough that it roused Genma from his state of unconsciousness.

"Huh, wha...?" Genma groggily slurred his words, barely grasping the situation at hand.

Something clicked in the back of Tobi's head. "...I could kill all three of you on the spot." Tobi's voice dropped at least two octaves in comparison to the obnoxiously cheerful voice he was using not too long ago. He stared down at the younger man, harsh enough to cause a lesser man to piss themselves on the spot.

Kakashi simply glared back just as hard. "Let me see how many fucks I give... One fuck, two fuck, three fuck, four- Oh wow, they just flew out a window."

Genma takes this moment to snap back into reality and glanced disbelievingly at Kakashi. "Did... Did he really just sass our captor...?"

Tenzo just sighs. Rhythmic thumping could be heard in the corner of the cell from Genma attempting to knock himself out, again.

"Why aren't you taking this seriously, Hatake!?" Tobi slammed his fist right next to the surprisingly still masked ninja. Who still. Hasn't. Flinched. At all.

"Well, maybe if you were even the slightest bit smarter, then I might take you more seriously." He ever-so unhelpfully supplied.

Their captor turned around and took several deep, audible breaths.

After a few moments, he turned back to Kakashi again. "You do still want this. Right?" Tobi took out Kakashi's limited edition, signed copy of 'Icha-Icha Paradise'

His face visibly brightened, despite his mask covering the bottom half of it. "Yes." Kakashi made a futile move to grab it, but his limbs were restrained by chakra-sealing cuffs.

"Too bad." The book- his baby... his love... his life... his porn- burst into flames before his very eyes.

"Oh jeez." Tenzo shook his head disappointingly. "You shouldn't have done that."

Tobi laughed at Kakashi's expression of pure sadness and shock. "That will be you next, Scarecrow. Heehehehe..."

That man continued to laugh, but Kakashi barely registered anything other than the smoldering ashes laying by his feet.

"I wonder what I should do next? Maybe kill your little kohai over there? Or maybe-"

His beloved book finished smoldering and Kakashi was semi-aware of the annoyance that was still talking.

"-and feed it to a goat!"

The dead man walking stopped talking. Finally

"What? No response, Hatake!? Too scared? Or are you so upset about your stupid erotica that you don't even know how to respond properly! Maybe you-" Tobi choked before he could finish his sentence as Kakashi's hand broke through the chakra-sealing cuffs that chained him to the wall, and tightly gripped his neck.

Kakashi paused in the action of choking the life out of this stupidmurderer to look into the other man's one visible eye. "Don't refer to Icha-Icha as just a 'stupid erotica'."

"Senpai, NO." "Taicho, NO." Genma and Tenzo spoke simultaneously, not knowing exactly how much damage Kakashi would be causing this time.

...

Five Hours Later

At the Hokage's Office

"Will one of you asshats explain to me exactly why I am filling out hundreds of damage reports relating to the fact that a good portion of our's and Iwa's land was reduced to ash!?" Hiruzen was close to throwing the literal mountain of paperwork at the stupid shinobi in front of him.

After a few moments of silence, Kakashi -Hound- took a step forward, refusing to meet his leader's gaze, and said "...No comment."

"Get out."

Prompt:

Captor!Person: "I could kill you."

Person A: "Lemme see how many fucks I have... One fuck, two fuck, three fuck, four, oh shit, they flew out the door."

Person B: "Did... Did you just sass our captor?"

Person C: Sighs wearily.

(I am not certain who the source is from, but I will give them credit if someone does know)