I do not own or have any dealings with '2 Broke Girls'. This is pure fanfiction fantasy... Enjoy.
This is an re-imagined ending for the season 3 episode 2: Slaps for Pants
The Slap
After Caroline, raised $1,500 for new pants on 'Go Fund Yourself', money that could've went towards the cupcake business; Max got pissed and couldn't express how much it upset her. So after seeing Caroline show off her expensive new pants, she then sent a group text that Max forgot to take Caroline of that said: "I'm so sick of her" which made her feel bad; so she decided to take the slap to the face that Caroline sold for $500,but only after she realized how much Caroline meant to her.
"So, you're not gonna stop me Caroline?" Max Black said with the paper bag on her head about to head out to the lobby of the Williamsburg Diner.
"Nope." Caroline said, still kinda tiffed about the chain text, but happy seeing Max's true feelings and admitting she loved her as a friend.
"Arrg! Alright." Max huffed.
"Love you too Max." Caroline said as Max exited the prep-area.
Max, enters the lobby and the diner crew is standing there with the two Asian-American hipster girls, expecting to see Caroline get her slap to the face. If only Caroline Channing knew the truth about who raised the $500 she would truly be devastated and more heartbroken then she already was. You see, the diner crew raised the money because they thought Caroline was being selfish and deserved it.
"So Max, why are you wearing that paper bag?"
"Oh Earl, I couldn't do it, Caroline made me feel all bad so I told her I'd take the slap for her don't worry she's back there dancing to her runway music."
"But Max, we all chipped in to see that witch get her just desserts oh yeah! really see what she had coming to her... and you chicken'd out... I could slap you my self!" Sophie said angrily
"I'm with Sophie on this I wanted to see her get slapped down a notch get her off that 'high horse'!" Han Lee said throwing his hands in the air in frustration.
"Come on guys just stop it i don't want Caroline ever to find out we did this."
"Well, you said we could slap that rude bitch, and that it was going to be worth it since y'all raised the money."one of the Asian hipster girls said.
"A deal is a deal Max... you got to take one for the team... I dont like it but I'm not wasting my money. Money, that could be well spent on a date with 'Mary J. Juana'." Earl said.
"Yeah! put up or shut up Max! Go ahead girls, take a whack... but first, let me get in at good angle to take a picture - if you don't mind Max." Oleg said as he got Max into focus with a camera he mostly used, for high quality 'erotic pictures '.
"Would y'all hurry up! I've had it up to here with this procrastination... if y'all won't do it I will!" Han said his face beet red with anger.
"'Up to here' you don't even have it down to there, so pipe down short stuff!" Max said, shooting dagger-eyes at Han.
"That's it hold me back Sophie!"Han said lunging at Max.
"Max, you know I'm this close to calling Caroline out here so like Earl said "put up or shut up'." Sophie said as she held Han back by his sweater.
"Alright - alright! just give me a moment to compose my self."Max said straightening her uniform.
"Do it now or, Caroline! oh Caro...!"Sophie whispered taunting Max.
"OK Dammit! one of y'all candle arm making hipsters do it but make it quick!" Max Black said as she closed her eyes bracing herself.
Just then, Max felt the sting of a slap through the paper bag. Relieved it was over, but hurt more by all the backstabbing she just done.
"Open your eyes Max, I can't believe you just took a bullet for me I mean... well slap. you're a good friend." Caroline said standing there to Max's amazement.
"You just saw that? - I mean, that was all you saw right?" Max said as Caroline hugged her.
"Oh yeah,boo. Now get back there and let's finish setting up shop... and once again - thanks." Caroline said with a smile as Max headed back to the cupcake window.
"And this girls is for you (Caroline hands the two Asian-hipster girls $500) Thank you so much for teaching that waitress Max a lesson." Caroline said a smirk; satisfied Max just got her comeuppance.
"Caroline! You knew?"Earl said astonished, to see Caroline standing there.
"Yes Earl, the pants cost only a $1,000. Max Black, isn't the only one who knows how to be shady... I'm Wharton savvy and y'all say one word to her she'll be crushed so zip it... that goes for you too tiny-toon ."Caroline said, with the look of satisfaction on her face.
"I can't believe it! Those wax art hipsters just made $500 and we're out $500... ugggg! I'll be in my office." Han said angrily as he slumped away.
"Wow, I have to give it to Caroline. I didn't think she could be anymore of a witch... but here we are... I'm just soooo damn mad! Oleg, let me slap you around some! I just wanna smack someone and since Caroline's not here you're it!" Sophie said raising her open palm at Oleg.
"Oh yeah baby... Earl, tell Han I gotta take care of some business I'll be back in half an hour."Oleg said being ravaged by Sophie at the diner entrance.
"Oh yeah Oleg, I wanna smack ya up somethin' good, I might even use Chestnut's riding-crop... oh yeah - oh yeah!"Sophie said in passionate rage.
"Give it to me sweet baby; lets leave this dump, giddy up!" Oleg said as he playfully smacked Sophie's backside.
"Whatever, the whole damn place could burn... I could be getting baked right now... what the hell, guess I'll mix myself a drink with Hans top shelf brandy."Earl said staggering towards the service area.
"Excuse me, can we please get some service please?" A couple ask sitting at the booth, usually claimed by Sophie.
"Sorry folks, the diner is closed - goodbye... now get out!" Earl snapped, at the trendy out of town Manhattanites.
"How rude! Just wait till I post this on Yelp, and everybody hears about this!" The customers said as they exited the Williamsburg Diner.
"Yes dumpling,and I'll write about this to all my 64 subscribers, on my 'F is for fine-dining' culture blog. This place is about to go down!"His partner said as the diner door closed.
"Whatever, do I look like I give a damn!? I'm almost 80 years old Yelp away, whatever that means. And don't forget to F yourselves...come again now." Earl said as he stood at the bar mixing himself a drink.
"Where are all my customers!...and my staff!? if you could call them that." Han says raising his hands in frustration.
"They all went bye-bye!"Earl said sipping his drink.
"Are you drinking!? Is that my brandy, Earl!? And where's Oleg? Oh, whatever! I don't even know why I bother!"Han said in defeat.
"I've been saying that for years Han. Now toddle on back to your office... you are kinda killin' my buzz."
The End