Hi eveyone, this is my first story so I hope you enjoy and any feedback would be appreciated!

"Barnum!" WD yelled, causing Anne to look up. "What are you doing here?" He grinned as PT walked toward them. The older man had become something of a rarity around the circus since he'd handed over the reins to Phillip so he could spend more time with Charity and his girls so it was a bit of a surprise to see him making his way across the ring towards them.

"Haven't you heard?" Barnum laughed. "Carlyle's got the night off- your stuck with me tonight I'm afraid!"

Anne's brow furrowed. Phillip had been very quiet the day before, and maybe a little bit off, but she was sure he hadn't mentioned anything about having a night off- in fact he'd barely said two words to anyone and then had disappeared the second the show ended. It seemed strange in a way that she couldn't quite put her finger off.

Barnum and her brother were deep in discussion about the show that night while she was lost in her thoughts, P.T. caught her eye as she looked up, still wearing a slight frown of confusion.

"W.D.- do you mind if I steal your sister for a second?" Barnum asked, gesturing to Anne.

"No, we've got everything ready. I was just going to go and see if Lettie needed anything." He nodded, and with a quick squeeze of his sisters shoulder he disappeared off in search on the others.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with Phillip?" Barnum asked, cutting to the chase the second W.D. was out of earshot.

"Me? I was about to ask you the same thing!" Anne shot back.

"You haven't heard from him?" Barnum frowned. He'd assumed that at least Anne might have some idea what the hell was going on since he hadn't been able to get any kind of explanation out of Phillip.

Anne shook her head, pulling her phone out of her pocket to check. No messages or missed calls. "No, what's going on?"

Barnum pulled a face, dragging his bottom lip between his teeth. "I don't know. It just seems strange. He sent me a text saying he couldn't make it tonight could I fill him for him at lunch time today and then I've been trying to call him ever since but his phone just goes straight to voicemail."

"Did he say he say why he couldn't be here?" Anne asked.

Barnum shook his head. "No. You haven't heard from him at all?"

"Not since the show ended last night."

"He's probably just not feeling well or whatever." Barnum shrugged. "He's been working non stop, it was bound to catch up with him sooner or later. We need to start getting ready, I'll give him a call later and check on him."

Anne opened her mouth for a moment as if she was going to speak, then closed it again. Barnum patted her on the shoulder then disappeared off to get ready for the ready for the show. She stared at her phone for a moment, willing him to call, then pushed the thought from her mind and disappeared through the curtain to go and get ready. Barnum was right, Phillip was probably just asleep anyway. She'd get through the show and then go and check he was okay, for her own peace of mind.

Her earlier worries were almost completely forgotten by the time the show was over, they stood in the centre of the ring and the applause and cheers reverberated around them. The elation of another show filled her, the feeling of freedom flying gave her washing over her and it wasn't until she glanced to her right and spotted Barnum there in the red ringmasters coat instead of Phillip that her earlier worries came rushing back.

The applause seemed to go on for an immeasurable amount of time. Usually she'd soak it up, the sign of a job well done, but that day she just wanted to get backstage and get changed so she could go and find out what was going on with Phillip. Eventually Barnum caught her eye and nodded and as they turned to go backstage she pushed her way to the front and ran to get changed.

She was halfway out of the door into the bitterly cold New York winter night when she heard Barnum behind her.

"Anne! Wait!" She knew he'd been running after her from the way he was slightly out of breath. She paused in the doorway and waited for him to catch up. "I'll come with you." His expression was grim and she wondered for a moment if maybe he knew something she didn't.

The crowds thinned out quickly as they quickly walked the few blocks between the circus and Phillips apartment. It turned out to be a good job Barnum had come with her- she'd only been to Phillips apartment a couple of times and in her hurry to get there she'd been about to go in the complete opposite direction. They made their way down the dark streets quickly and silently- the only sounds the crunching of snow under the their feet and the distant wail of sirens.

She was so lost in thought, trying to think what on Earth could've happened to Phillip between him leaving the circus the precious night, that she walked straight into the back of Barnum when as he came to an abrupt stop in front of Phillips building. "I'm sure he's fine." Barnum said quietly as he opened the door, she wasn't sure if he was trying to reassure her or himself. "He'll just be asleep I expect." The truth was though, although neither of them were saying it out loud, they both had the unsettling feeling something was wrong- after all that was what had led them to his apartment to check on him. They both just needed to see with their own eyes he was okay. Then maybe she'd be able to breathe again.

"Phillip! Open the bloody door!" Barnum hammered against the wooden door trying to rouse some kind of response from the other side. Anne held her phone to her ear, trying to call him yet again. She could hear the phone ringing on the other side of the door but despite the countless calls she'd made she hadn't had an answer. "Phillip you've got three seconds to open the door or I'll break it down." Anne caught sight of the neighbour sticking his head out of the door to see what all the fuss was about as Barnum took a step back and squared up to the door.

Thankfully Barnum was spared from having to try and force his way through the rather solid looking wooden door, the gentle clicking of the lock signalling that it had been unlocked from the other side.

A strange feeling of anxiety swept over her as she twisted the handle and pushed the door open. She felt like she was intruding, after all if he'd wanted either of them there surely he would've answered the phone or the door, but she also needed to see with her own eyes that he was at least sort of okay.

It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting inside the apartment as she stepped inside, vaguely aware of Barnum just behind her. As her eyes started to adjust she spotted Phillips legs just visible behind the sofa from where he was sitting on the floor. As she stepped towards him, dodging the empty beer bottles that littered the floor, Barnum turned on the lights earning a stream of expletives from Phillip as he moved his arm up to try and shield his eyes from the light, his beer still in hand.

"For gods sake Phin, turn the bloody light off and leave me alone." Phillip mumbled, his words running together.

"How about you get up and tell us what the hell's going on." Phin shot back, moving to stand beside Anne who crouched down to get a better look at Phillip.

As she looked at him, Anne realised he was still wearing the same clothes he'd been in when he'd said goodbye to her the night before. The dark circles around his eyes suggested he hadn't slept, his lip split and swollen. He drained the last of his beer and dropped the bottle noisily on the coffee table beside him.

"Go home." He sighed, looking between them both, wincing a little as the movement made his head spin. "Both of you."

"We're not going anywhere, we're your friends and we're worried about you." Anne said gently.

He looked down at the floor, not wanting to have to look either of them in the eye. "I'm fine. Fan-fucking-tastic in fact." He laughed sarcastically. "As you can see, being mixed up with you two has been great for me so far… so maybe you could just leave me to it this time?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Barnum snapped. Anne slowly stood up. Clearly they weren't going to be getting anywhere.

"You!" Phillip sneered at him. "You just couldn't leave it could you- had to convince me to leave everything I'd got and run off to join the bloody circus with you. What have I got to show for it?"

"Phillip." There was a warning tone to Barnum's voice as he towered over the younger man. "I think you've had more than enough." He sighed as he watched his friend reach for another beer.

"Oh give it a rest, I'm not at work you can't keep ordering me around here."

"Phillip." Anne frowned. She'd never heard him speak to Barnum like that, even when they'd disagreed about something at the circus.

"Are you still here?" Phillip sighed unhappily rolling his eyes.

"I came because I care." She shot back. "But I can see that's inconvenient for you, so I'll go- but don't go calling me to pick up the pieces of whatever the hell you've got yourself into here okay?" Her lip quivered as she fought to bite back tears- she didn't want him to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his words had hurt. She turned on her heel and bolted for the door

"Finally." He laughed quietly to himself, looking around for another beer.

"You need to sort yourself Carlyle." Barnum said quietly, pausing on his way back to the door. "I don't know what this is, but you know if you let me I'll help you- we all will, but not while you're like this. Whatever it is, just don't let it ruin everything you've worked for."

He waited in the doorway for a moment for an answer from Phillip that never came- eventually he gave up and headed out of the door in pursuit of Anne.

There was no helping someone who didn't want to be helped after all.

When he woke there were a couple of minutes between sleep and being fully conscious of where he was and his surroundings- and during those couple of blissful moments he forgot. All of the shit of the previous few days, the uncomfortable feeling of his back on the wooden floor of his apartment, the raging hangover… he'd even managed to forget, if only for a moment, why he'd been sitting on the floor drinking in the first place.

He pushed himself up off the floor with a groan, his entire body protesting at having spent the night slouched on the floor against the couch. His head spun and pounded simultaneously as he got himself to his feet. As he looked down he realised he was still wearing the clothes he'd come home from the circus in two days ago… he probably should shower, but if he was being honest all he really wanted was another drink. Looking around at the amount of bottles littering his apartment he somehow doubted that there would actually be anything left that he could drink.

He stumbled through to the bedroom, giving up on his plan of heading for the shower- instead flopping down face first into the bed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up feeling quite so rough, the old version of himself was more than used to it… but now, well he'd thought he'd got his life together. He buried his head deeper into the pillows to try and block out the sun that was streaming in through his bedroom window. He could've got up and shut the blind, but the idea of getting up and moving again hurt his head more than the sunlight.

He realised, as he pulled it over his head, that the pillow on the left side of his bed still felt faintly of Anne. God he missed her. The realisation that he'd done exactly what he'd promised her he wouldn't do hit him even harder than his hangover. She'd been laying there, exactly where he was, when she'd asked him to promise her that if things got hard he wouldn't push her away and start drinking again. And what had he done at the first sign of things getting a bit difficult? Maybe they were right after all, he didn't deserve her.

He wanted to tell her, he did, but the trouble was he hadn't got a clue how he was supposed to do that. Growing up he'd been taught repeatedly that showing any kind of emotion was a sign of weakness and should be punished. Even though there was a rational part of him somewhere now that knew that almost everything his parents had told him was very wrong, and also that Anne loved him and genuinely wanted to help him, he couldn't find a way to get the words out to tell her how he was feeling. Instead he'd settled for brushing her off and telling her everything was fine…. and that was how he'd ended up at the liquor store. Again.

The sound of a key being turned in a lock somewhere registered vaguely in the back of his mind, from his position starfished face down on the bed. He'd obviously fallen asleep at some point, not that he had a clue when- but it was definitely dark outside. He squinted trying to make out the time on the alarm beside his bed- the combination of having just woken up and being hungover meaning it took his brain a lot longer than it should've done to process the fact it was nearly ten at night and he had in fact slept through the entire day.

"Oh good, you're alive." Barnum's sarcastic comment from the doorway frightened the life out of him. He scrambled to turn himself over and sit up at the same time to work out why the hell Barnum was standing in his apartment. The sudden movement brought on a wave of nausea that made him squeeze his eyes shut tightly and focus solely on not throwing up. When he tentatively opened his eyes again a few seconds later Barnum was still stood in the doorway of his bedroom, leaning against the door frame and looking at him judgmentally.

"What are you doing in my apartment?" Phillip sighed. He'd ask the obvious question first, but he was almost certain he knew the answer. There was going to be a lecture coming from his business partner for certain.

"I stole your key when I was here last night. Thought it might be easier than trying to get you to answer the door if you decided to carrying on drinking yourself stupid. Looks like I was right too." Barnum shrugged, gesturing to Phillip who was still lying there in the clothes he'd been wearing two days ago and looking like he might be sick any minute.

"You were in my apartment last night?" Phillip frowned at him.

"You don't remember?" Barnum raised an eyebrow at him. Phillip flopped back against the pillows so he didn't have to see the look of disappointment Barnum was giving him. "I can't say I'm surprised. Anne was worried about you and I was a bit worried about what kind of state she mind find you in so I came with her."

Phillip groaned, sitting up again. "Anne was here too?" His fuzzy brain was starting to recall some vague memories of someone being there last night. His stomach twisted, thinking what he might've said or done. "Oh god."

"Yeah I'd say that pretty much sums it up." Barnum smiled, but it didn't touch his eyes. He took a step closer, arms folded across his chest. "Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on here then?"

Phillip bit his lip, thinking. "It's fine." He said slowly after a moment.

"Yeah, good one." P.T. raised an eyebrow at him. "You're too drunk to come to work and you expect me to believe everything's fine? Come on Phillip, I care about you- so does Anne- and whatever it is that you've done or has happened, I'd really like to think you could just tell me rather than going back to drowning yourself in a bottle."

Phillip opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, and then closed it again. His father had been right, he was absolutely pathetic. He'd given up everything he'd had for the circus- promised himself it was going to be a fresh start and a chance to actually do something half decent with his life- and then one visit from his father and he was back to doing what he did best. Drinking himself stupid and ruining everything for everyone.

"Well?" Barnum prompted. "You'd better start talking because I'm not going to keep lying to everyone and trying to cover your ass so you can lay around here and get drunk."

"I-"

"You what?" Phineas took a breath to try and calm himself down. Maybe Charity had been right and he should've let her try and talk some sense into Phillip instead. She'd always been better at this stuff than him. "You thought you'd go back to the old Phillip Carlyle who just drank himself stupid every time things got even slightly difficult?"

"Just go." Phillip said quietly. "I'll be at work tomorrow, okay? We can just forget this happened." There was a pleading edge to his voice as he looked hopefully at his partner.

Barnum hesitated for a moment. "Fine." He nodded. "But you'd better be there, on time and sober. One chance Phillip." He reached into his pocket and fished out the key he'd used to let himself in, placing it down on the bedside table before he turned to leave.