grace's notes: hello everyone! I'm finally here with a long awaited and overdue update! I still have more to say so please stick around til the end for more updates and explanation. ALSO a little bit of a preface: something a little bit explicit happens towards the end of this chapter that may be a little much for a non-mature audience. the beginning of this introduction is the opening that you've all already read (with some minor adjustments to match the update) so feel free to skip ahead. I also apologize for how unbelievably long this entire thing is but consider it two parts of the first episode morphed into one and an extra long gift for how long I've made you all wait. enjoy!

"Total Drama Highschool"

Setting: An abandoned highschool in the middle of nowhere. Time period: Present day.

Chris McLean (voiceover): Throughout over nine years of Total Drama, eager viewers at home have sat on the edge of their dusty old futons salivating over the drama, plot twists, intensity, emotion, and violence that our show has continued to pour out over the last decade. Fans have gotten the privlege of seeing their favorite, determined and money hungry contestants battle it out over enormous amounts of monster cash!

A montage of various footage from past seasons is shown.

Chris (VO): But of course, millionaire status and fame isn't achieved with just a pretty smile and talent alone. Unless of course your name is Chris McLean. For years, these poor pathetic teens have been forced to endure some of the nastiest, gruesome, brutal, and death defying challenges ever seen across mainstream reality television.

The montage now transitions to clips displaying different challenges Chris has concocted over the years. Once the reel ends, the camera transitions to the host standing in front of what appears to be a yellow school bus. Chef Hatchet sits in the driver's seat wearing a stereotypical bus driver uniform and an expression that states that he hates his life.

Chris: During meetings with our producers and executives, we often find ourselves asking one obvious question when it comes to the consideration of the following season. How can we make this time around even more controversial and pain-inducing than the last? Well, after about a year of brainstorming a brilliant idea blossomed in my brilliant mind. We've been through barely operating aircraft and radioactivity...but what one thing is scarier and closer to a hell on earth than both of those things combined? One answer, folks...HIGH SCHOOL!

The bus drives away revealing a large two story highschool with various buildings surrounding it. The school has a grand feeling to it, complete with a a wide entrance staircase, stone walkways and large trees. The most notable feature, however, is the words "Wawanakwa High" plastered across the middle of the entrance and on the electronic bulletin board. The camera now transitions to Chris closing a locker and walking down a hallway. In the background, we can see interns sweeping in janitor uniforms.

Chris: Highschool years are some of the most formative years in a young person's life. They can either be the transition into a successful adulthood or be the source of scarring and haunting memories that are painful to remember. Right here in these very hallways is where our competitors will be forced relive those oh so dreadful experiences.

Suddenly, we see Duncan and Harold. They appear to be bickering before Duncan stuffs him into a trash can and walks away. Next, Lindsay appears as she then proceeds to accidentally slam a locker door into her face and smudge her mascara. The camera then transitions to Chris sitting in a dim janitor's closet.

Confessional: Chris

This season, confessionals, AKA the tea spilling of contestants' deepest darkest secrets and true thoughts about one another, will be recorded here. In this smelly, dense, and unorganized janitor closet. Guaranteed to give anyone with OCD and claustrophobia alike severe anxiety. (Chris steps into a mop bucket and falls to the floor like a frazzled mess.)

The camera transitions to Chris sitting alone at a lunch table in the middle of a large cafeteria.

Chris: Here is where they will dine on disgusting, processed, school food. Fresh from the freezer and provided by the tax payers. And prepared by none other than Total Drama's own...Chef Hatchet!

Chef appears in a stereotypical lunch lady uniform complete with a hairnet and pink apron. The host laughs right in his face at the ridiculous sight before Chef flings mashed potatoes into his face, shutting him up. The camera transitions to Chris standing in an empty classroom, writing something on a blackboard.

Chris: We've scowered the globe looking for twenty-six of the most cunning, determined, and interesting competitors we could find...all gunning for the chance at one million dollars!

'$1,000,000' is written across the board. Chris circles it repeatedly with chalk.

Chris: Have they got what it takes?

Camera transitions. Chris standing at a podium at what appears to be the football stadium transformed into a graduation ceremony. He catches a diploma. Chris wears a cap and gown. Chef stands behind him in a women's pantsuit. The graduating crowd is full of all fifty-two past competitors also wearing caps and gowns.

Chris: Or will they be expelled from school grounds and be forced to take their butts back home for a ride on the crusty, beat up leather seats of the school-bus of shame? Who will flunk? Who will drop out? Who will faint at the sight of seeing my gorgeous face? Join us for all answers to those questions and more on the most dramatic and twisted season yet. Right here on...Total. Drama. Highschool!

Everyone throws their caps into the air. Various cheering and screams are heard in the background. The camera pans to the hats flying into the stratosphere. The graphic "Total Drama Highschool" appears on screen. Fade out.

"Welcome, Freshmen!"

The camera pans over the interior of a large school bus. Twenty-six college students fill the seats, their ages ranging from eighteen to twenty-one. The view from the adjacent windows reveal a pitch black sky and barely visible surroundings. A majority of the young adults are sleeping while the other handful are either half-awake, nervous, irritated, or high on adrenaline and excitement. Most particularly of these thrilled few is MAXIMILLIAN DARTH, the amblant gambler. Max is a well groomed and tall man with a decent tan. He is seated directly behind the irritated bus driver and next to ROCHELLE WILSON, the brutal badass. Rochelle is a beautiful African American woman, exuding a vibe of confidence in both herself and her attitude.

Max (joyfully & politely): Excuse me, boss! How much longer until we arrive? The drive from Toronto to Muskoka is only about three hours. And honestly, I feel like we've been on the road for an eternity.

Rochelle: For real, yo! We've on this bus so damn long that Chris McLean prolly went on and found a whole new motherfuckin' cast. If we have to sit any longer in this cold ass bus I'm gonna get pneumonia or some shit.

Max: Could you maybe give us an idea of how much of a ride we have left? By the way, your driving...great man! Never felt safer in a car in my life.

The bus driver blatantly ignores the remarks and continues to stare off like a robot into the abyss. CARMELLA ROSECIA, the headstrong journalist sits to the row across and left of Max and Rochelle. She is a caramel skinned Latina woman with an hourglass figure that has thickness in all the right places. She looks probably the most annoyed out of the group of passengers. To her left is PIPER CHAMBERLAIN, the furry, who is currently knocked out sleeping. She is a somewhat overweight woman with almost pale skin and faded, cheaply dyed, purple hair, wearing a T-shirt that on it has an animated anthropomorphic animal posed in a provocative and sexual manner.

Carmella: This is the safest driving you've ever been through in your life?! I feel like I've been riding in a death trap!

SLINKY HIGGS, the heavy risker, a nineteen year old boy with long skater like hair, perks up behind her resting his hands on the back of the seat. Next to him is MIKEY WEST, the eccentric performer, a tanned and quite slim guy wearing half-rimmed glasses with a friendly look in the eyes behind them.

Slinky: How so?

Carmella: What the hell do you mean?! If I were to combine the number of unnecessary overly sharp turns and amount of times this psycho randomly decided to drive literally fifty miles over the speed limit it'd be unbeilevable!

Slinky: Nah, dude! That was freaking awesome. Felt like I was in an action movie.

Mikey: Yeah, it was pretty cool. Every time this guy pulls some crazy shit with the wheel it's like you can feel your blood rush through your veins.

Carmella: Almost dying is your idea of fun?! Boys are insane I swear.

Slinky: I'm just living my life. You gotta go with the flow and take the craziness it throws at you. It's too short not to.

Carmella: How stupid. Live like that and you'll end up dead. Life needs planning and structure.

Slinky: Ah, I beg to differ. See, in my everyday life, every decision, big or small, is decided by the flip of a coin.

Mikey: Awesome saying, man. I'll have to start living by that myself.

Slinky: No, I mean it. Literally.

Slinky pulls a dime out of his pocket, flips it onto the palm of his hand and smirks. Mikey raises an eyebrow, Carmella rolls her eyes, and Piper lets out a disgusting snore.

Mikey: Wait, seriously?

The camera pans to the two seated in the row behind them. WALTER HARVIS is a short young man with a round face and hair that is styled into a short bowl cut. Next to him is NORA BLAKELY, the energetic tomboy, a nineteen year old girl with ginger red hair and protruding belly sticking out of her sweater. She sleeps comfortably with her legs wide open, a hand on her stomach and the other reaching into a bag of potato chips.

Walter: Idiocy. Pure idiocy. How is it that not one neanderthal on this unsophisticated bus ride has shown even the faintest sign of intelligence?

Nora snores again, drool coming out of her mouth. Deep in her sleep, her head falls on the shoulder of Walter. In pure disgust, Walter screams in horror as he pushes her off of him.

Walter: Despicable!

We move to the row to the right and across from Walter and Nora. Seated there is TIMOTHY BROOKES the peppy camp counselor and MAGGIE OTTENHEIMER, the sarcastic misanthrope. Timothy is generic looking wearing a sweater vest and a beaming grin that states he is more than happy to be there. Maggie is a green eyed brunette who wears a look a of simplicity and a bored expression as she stares out her window. Headphones with loud music play in her ears to blast out the world around her.

Timothy (loudly): Oh, isn't it a terrific night? The cold weather is oh so cozy. Perfect for snuggling. And fellow campers, I must say, I am oh so terrifcly thrilled to have the honor of competing by your side! Competition is terrific but let's not forget the most important thing, folks! To have fun!

Everyone ignores him. Timothy nudges the annoyed girl sitting beside him.

Timothy: Why hello there, friend! Are you as terrifcly excited to finally be on Total Drama as I am?!

Maggie (mumbling): How does anyone have this kind of energy at three in the morning?

Timothy: I'm Timothy! What's your name?

Maggie (sarcastically): Nice to meet you. So what gave away my interest in a conversation? Was it my smile or the fact that I have my music playing and clearly don't wanna be bothered?

Timothy: ...what a terrific name!

In the row behind them sits ROBIN O'DARE, the type-A perfectionist and RHYS SNELL, the creepy occultist. Robin is six feet and toned with dark brown hair and an overall clean cut look of someone who appears put together. However, a notable grey strand of hair may say otherwise. Rhys is tall, lanky and pale. Most of his face is hidden by his black hood but his broken nose is what stands out amongst it most notably.

Robin (on the phone:) Told you, dad! It's my time to shine. Hard work pays off! And pretty soon you'll- Hello?

Robin frowns and hangs up the phone.

Robin: Sorry about all that. My family never listens to me so phone calls are pretty impossible. Uh, anyways, I'm Robin.

Robin extends his hand out but Rhys ignores it.

Rhys: Rhys. You were on the phone for almost two hours.

Robin: Rhys? Cool. Yeah, sorry again.

Silence.

Robin: ...So, uh, why'd you join the show?

Rhys grabs him by the collar and his once quiet tone suddenly turns to a demonic sounding one.

Rhys: I WILL STEAL YOUR SOUL, SACRIFICE YOUR LOVED ONES AND SEND TO YOU TO THE NETHERWORLD.

Robin let's out a frazzled yelp and runs away to the next available seat. Rhys chuckles under his breathe. Sitting alone with an extremely nervous expression on his face is BENNY MILLS, the teenage child. He stands at only five foot one and his small body shakes like a chihuahua. His large innocent brown eyes and youthful features make him seem younger than his counterparts. Robin plops down on the seat next to him, catching his breathe and alarming Benny who was doodling in a coloring book.

Robin: Hey.

Once Benny looks up at the much taller boy he immediately becomes flustered and blushes. He looks away shyly.

Benny: H-hi.

Robin raises an eyebrow at the small boy but then smiles at him. The row behind the two boys is LAVINIA FRYE, the nihilistic dreamer and MIO CUYEGKENG, the UFO girl. Lavinia is a quite interesting sight with pale albino skin, back length white hair and dramatic eyelashes. She has a calm and peaceful aura about her. Mio has bright green hair, the fringe of her bangs covering her forehead. Behind her big glasses, her eye has a slight twitch in it. Lavinia's face is completely buried into a book, mystical designs and strange patterns on its cover. Mio ponders for a little bit before smacking it out of her hands.

Lavinia: Why'd you do that, hun?

Mio: L-listen to me, we haven't got much time! This bus ride has gone on for far too long. My suspicions I fear are becoming a rEALITY!

Lavinia: Reality? Well then I refuse to listen to anything more. Please leave me to my reading, dearie.

Mio smacks the book out of her hand again. Lavinia looks frightened, scooting away from the neurotic girl and putting a hand over her mouth.

Mio: GET OUT OF YOUR LITTLE FANTASY WORLD, WOMAN! THIS BUS IS TAKING US TO AREA 51 SO THAT THE GOVERNMENT CAN FEED US TO THEIR SECRET MUTATING ZOMBIE AILENS AS SACRIFCE!

Lavinia rests a hand on her wrist.

Lavinia: Dearie, oh no. It seems as though the monstrosities of this world have gotten to you, too! Trust me, all you have to do is dig from the inner depths of your spirit, release the negative energies and-

Suddenly, a watch like device on the wrist Lavinia's hand is layed upon starts flashing red. Mio screeches.

Mio: OH MY GOODNESS! S-SHE'S ONE OF THEM! EVERYONE SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE SHE SICKS YOU WITH MIND CONTROL.

Mio runs away frantically towards the front of the bus before hitting her head on a metal pole and knocking out unconscious.

Rochelle: I want whatever homegirl's on.

We go back to the rear of the bus. Sitting to the row left of Lavinia is STERLING RAINES, the charming jock and JOE SANCHEZ, the awesome big guy. Sterling is a tall twenty-one year old guy with a toned body and muscular arms. Joe is a Latino man who is undeniably fat with a hulking build and some impressive muscles in his arm. He has gelled black hair and a half shaved beard. Joe munches on a large multilayered burrito, a bowl of beans, rice, guacamole, and tortilla chips, periodically dipping them in salsa. Along with all of that he slurps on a large soda. Suddenly, Joe burps loudly, waking Sterling.

Joe: Ooh! Sorry about that, holmes.

Sterling: Nah it's fine, dude. I never wanna stop a man from grubbin'. What you munching on?

Joe: This? Oh just a little snack I grabbed from my mom's taqueria.

Sterling looks at Joe's large meal and raises an eyebrow.

Sterling: ...yeah, little snack. It's alright though, man. I needed a little wake up call. We're probably already almost there! Woo! I'm psyched.

Joe: Me too! I've dreamed about being on this show for years. My compás back home always told me I didn't stand a chance. Look at me now foos!

Sterling: Ah! I feel you, man. I joined this show to prove my dickhead dad wrong. If I win he has to pay all my college funds.

Joe: Pay your college funds? Oh, I get it. You're one of those rich spoiled ass white boys, huh? Have your parents pay for your all finances, no responsibility. The homies back home would roll up and bust a cap on your ass, no hesitation.

Sterling looks at him, startled. Joe laughs, he rests an arm around Sterling, patting his back.

Joe: I'm only kidding, primo. We can't shoot white people. That's how guys in gangs get behind bars in a snap.

Sterling (startled): You're in a gang?

Joe: Nah, I left the life a while ago. I got lucky. That normally doesn't happen. Or maybe they made me leave because I'm too fat for running from the cops.

Sterling laughs.

Sterling: You're funny man. I think we're gonna get along awesome.

Joe: Ha! No doubt, homie.

They man hug. In the row behind them is RENGE BRIGHTSTEEL, the lovestruck bard and YANG FERORUM, the protective brawler. Renge is a slim, fair skinned boy with bright orange hair and green eyes. Yang has golden blonde hair and wears a leather jacket along with a shirt decorated with a flame design on the front of it. The two of them are wrapped in a fluffy blanket, Yang's arm interlocked with Renge's for warmth. Her head rests on his shoulder.

Yang (sleepily): Renge?

Renge (excitedly): Yes?

Yang: Can you play me something? I can't sleep.

Renge: W-wait. Like right now? But there's people around.

Yang: Yes, right now, dummy. And I'm sure they'd appreciate it. The sound of your sax is the most soothing sound in the world.

Renge: That's an exaggeration. But o-okay I guess. Anything for you.

Yang: You're the best, Rengenald.

Renge (playfully): You know I hate being called that.

Yang: Shut up. You love when I say your full name.

Renge (infatuated & under his breathe): I really do.

Hesitantly, Renge pulls his saxophone out of its case whilst Yang looks at him gleefully. Nervous, Renge begins to play. Not even fifteen seconds into playing he is interrupted.

Carmella (irritated): I swear to God, whoever's playing that better shut up before I come back there and break that thing in half.

Wide eyed, Renge stops immediately.

Renge: Yang! Please don't make a scene! It's perfectly understandable that-

He notices she's fast asleep. He wipes sweat off his forehead.

Renge: Phew. Gosh, she's so cute when she sleeps.

To the row left of them is ALICE BLACK, the bubbly clutz and KIYOSHI HAMASAKI, the spunky samurai. Alice is tall and has an almost model like physique. She wears a pink headband under her back length hair. Kiyoshi is an Asian girl with black hair pulled into a ponytail. The two girls are laughing.

Kiyoshi (laughing): W-wait. So you just fell straight off from your bike into the trash can?

Alice (laughing): Yeah. It was literally so embarassing. But at least I got a good glance at my cute neighbor... who ignored me afterwards, but it's OK.

Kiyoshi: What? But you're so pretty! And you have such clear skin!

Alice: Aw...well, thanks! I have a pretty extensive skin care routine. Coconut oil literally saved my life. Lots of avacado face masks. Rosewater spray. Charcoal exfoliators. All the stuff that's been like, scientifically proven to be healthy for your skin.

Kiyoshi: Oh, um, cool!

Alice: Enough about me, though! What's your deal, girly? What are you good at?

Kiyoshi: Good at? Well...I'm a third-generation samurai?

Alice: A samurai?! Woah that's so cool! I'm shook. I've never met a samurai before.

Kiyoshi (shyly): Y-yeah. It's a family heir kinda thing.

Alice: Who totally must be so proud of you! That must take so much skill and practice.

Kiyoshi: Years. And I wish but somehow I always feel like I'm failing them-

Suddenly, two hands reach down near the two girls chest regions, seeming to try and grope their breasts. Immediately, they smack the hands away.

Kiyoshi: Ew!

Alice: What the heck?

The two turn around to see the culprit, revealing it to be EDWIN DOSCHE, the disgusting pervert. He has a noticeably long brown moustace and wears a striped fedora with a short ponytail sticking out from the back of it. Next to Edwin is JACKIE PEARSON, the country girl. She's a blonde bombshell with piercing blue eyes and revealing clothing.

Edwin: Salutations, ladies. Sorry, but I noticed how breathtakingly gorgeous you two were and absolutely could not miss the opportunity to have a quick grasp of your... womanhood. If that's okay.

Alice: No, you creep. That's so not okay!

Kiyoshi: That's sexual harassment, you pervert! We could report you to the police for that.

Jackie: Oh, get over yourselves you dumb feminist bitches. It's not Edwin's fault you two don't know how to accept a compliment.

Alice: What is wrong with you?!

Jackie: No. What is wrong with you? For turning down this hot hunk of a man?

Jackie caresses his cheek, turning him towards her. Edwin smiles creepily. Alice and Kiyoshi cringe and turn away in disgust.

Jackie (seductively): You are the sexiest thang I have ever laid eyes on.

Edwin kisses her hand. Jackie looks down at the crotch of his lap and notices a...situation. Obvious disgust washes over her face, but she quickly hides it with a fake smile.

Edwin: I could say the say the same thing about you, my darling. Oh the things I would do to you in privacy.

Jackie: Whatever your heart desires, sweetie pie.

Jackie almost vomits. She turns to the side and gags, hiding how grossed out she is from the pervert sitting next to her. To the right of these two and sitting alone is JESSE CRAFTER, the secretive athlete. She is a quite tall and intimidating woman with an extremely muscular physique. Even in her sleep, she looks ready to crush someone to pieces. We're taken back to the front of the bus where Timothy has decided to stand up.

Maggie: What are you doing?

Timothy: Alright, my pals!

Jeremy: We're not your pals!

JEREMY ROBERTS, the flirtatious fuckboy and IVONNE BROWN, the gospel prodigy, sit in the row directly in front of them. Jeremy is a Hawaiian boy with black hair made into a surfer like haircut. He has a fit, gorgeously tanned and toned body and a handsome face that anyone could agree is extremely attractive. Ivonne is a large curvaceous African-American woman with a wig that looks to be extremely high-quality and expensive. In fact, everything about her screams expensive from how dramatic her makeup is to her gold hoop earrings, to her designer leapoard print top, to her fur sleeping mask. Ivonne, alarmed by Jeremy's comment, awakes from her slumber.

Timothy: Awesome! If we're not pals, that's also terrific! All relationships are healthy and necessary for experience in a healthy young adult life.

Jeremy: Boy, if you don't shut the hell u-

Timothy: Anyways, campers!

Nora: Why does he keep calling us campers?

Walter: Of that I am immensely uncertain. But what I am certain of is that he is unfathomably annoying.

Timothy: It's super duper quiet on this bus, folks! While silence is terrific and great for babies, so is noise! Lots of it! And who here knows the best way to create noise?

Jeremy: By punching you as hard as I can in the fucking face?

Timothy: By singing!

Ivonne stands up from her seat.

Maggie: No. Absolutely not.

Ivonne: Child, did you just say singing? Well, sweet baby jesus! Hallelujah! Sang I will! Honey, I was born for the spotlight.

Maggie: Don't encourage him.

Timothy: Very good Ivonne! Yes! We will be singing some good old fashioned, summer camp, repeat after me chants!

Max: Why is he talking to her like she's five years old?

Rochelle shrugs.

Ivonne: I'm more into that soulful classic rhythm and blues! But, hey! Sangin' is sangin'.

Mikey stands up. Slinky stands with him.

Mikey: Yes, dude! I like your energy! Me and my acting troupe do chants all the time before a big show!

Timothy: Very good, Mikey!

Rochelle: The fact that he already knows everyone damn name is creepy as hell.

Alice stands. Kiyoshi stands with her.

Alice: EEEP! I LOVE SINGING!

Yang stands.

Yang: Me too! Come on, Renge.

Renge: H-huh? Okay!

Renge stands.

Jackie: Sing to me, baby.

Edwin: You got it, tuts.

Edwin stands. Joe stands and Sterling joins him.

Joe: My dad used to be in a mariachi band. He'd sing to me every night before I went to bed! Having a good voice runs in the family.

Jeremy: Cool, no one cares.

Sterling high fives Joe.

Sterling: Righteous, bro! Me and the boys at the fraternity know a few chants of our own too.

Walter: A fraternity? Disgsuting!

Lavinia, Rhys, and Nora stand one by one. Mio is still unconscious on the floor.

Robin: This is dumb. Singing for no reason is even dumber.

Benny nervously stands up.

Robin: On second thought, no it's not!

Robin stands up next to Benny. Suddenly, Jesse wakes up. Her eyes are red and she appears super angry.

Jesse: You idiots woke me up from my power nap! I swear, if any of you little pansies sing I will rip your damn heads off! It is three o'clock in the freaking morning and no one wants to hear no frilly little birdies sing a stupid campfire song!

Jeremy: I fucking second that! Ya'll are some annoying little pussies if you even think about singing any bitchass girly chants.

Max: I third that. Haven't we been tortured enough?

Slinky: Ignore them, Tim!

Timothy: It's perfectly fine, camper! I love constructive criticism! Please everyone constructive criticize away!

Jeremy: Jesus fucking Christ, does anything make this guy shut up?

Nora: What chants do you know?

Timothy: Gosh! Well, I have so many favorites! Boom Chika Boom, The Fabulous Cheer, Ninety-nine Bottles of Pop-

Mikey: YES! That one! I love that one!

Timothy: Terrific! Ninety-nine Bottles it is then! You ready, campers?

Everyone standing takes a deep breathe.

Maggie: Kill me now.

Everyone standing (singing): Ninety-nine bottles of pop on the wall, ninety nine bottles of pop! If one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-eight bottles of pop on the wall!

The singing continues. Those not standing plug their ears. Ivonne can be heard oversinging various vocal riffs in the background, Rhys surprisingly sings but in a low and scary tone, and Lavinia sings in a breathy indie voice. Jesse rubs her palm and first together as if she is about to fight, Rochelle rolls her eyes, and Walter continuously bangs his head into his seat as if he is being tortured. Finally, Mio regains consciousness and begins running up and down the aisle of the bus.

Mio: WE'RE HEADING TOWARDS OUR IMPENDING AILEN DOOM AND YOU'RE ALL SINGING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

Most particularly irritated of everyone is the bus driver who gets more and more angry as the singing goes on. There's a slight twitch in his eye that proves this. Suddenly, Carmella comes in behind him. She pulls a microphone out from behind her.

Carmella: Sir, I just want you to know that this is absolutely all your own fault! If you had just done your one simple, super easy, pre-instructed job, and NOT driven like a wretched insane fucking maniac and gotten us to our destination in a timely manner; then it is more than likely that no one would be singing, no one would be angry and that EVERYONE would be where they were supposed to be instead of being on this cold ass, flu inducing, cramped bus! Could you answer a quick interview question for my reflective article on shitty, lazy, medium-wage paid employees who work in Canadian education and suck at their fucking job? How does it feel to know that you can't do one simple task and that you suck at your fucking job?

Carmella extends the microphone in front of his face. That was the final straw. The bus driver has had enough. He slams the breaks harshly causing everyone to come jolting forward. The singing stops. Mio slams into Carmella who's head comes colliding into the dashboard with a loud thud, knocking her unconscious.

Rochelle: Woah, man, chill! We've had to endure this long ass bus ride just as long as you have!

Slinky: Yeah, dude, that could have nearly killed us!

Carmella and Mio get up. Mio holds her hand on her head in pain. There's a noticeably large bruise on Carmella's forehead.

Carmella: Oh, NOW you care about almost dying, Slinky.

Max: Yo...your forehead.

Carmella: What?!

Carmella stares at her reflection in a rear view mirror. She screams. Jeremy and Max laugh. Suddenly, Jesse walks down the aisle with her luggage in hand, the most notable thing being her large sports bag. She begins shoving past people with ease who are standing in her way. Once she gets to Carmella, who is examining herself in the mirror, she pushes her to the ground once again.

Mio: Where are you going? I don't think this is where we're supposed to get dropped off.

Jesse: Yes it fucking is. Why else would the bus driver stop here? Now outta my way, four eyes!

Jesse shoves past her, knocking her down with her sports bag. The other competitors begin to follow after her, getting their bags from the overhead compartments and exiting the bus, except for Piper who is still sleeping. She and her luggage are thrown like a rag doll onto the sidewalk. Once everyone is off the bus, Benny goes up to the entrance, confusion in his eyes.

Benny (nervously): Um...excuse me? Mr. bus driver sir? Are you sure this is where we're supposed to be driven to? We're kinda in the middle of nowhere. There's no buildings or anything. I think you might um...have the wrong place. Totally not having any judgement over your driving, by the way! I'm just, you know, really really confused. Heh.

Robin comes up behind Benny, resting a hand on his tiny shoulder. Benny trembles and turns bright red.

Robin: Yeah, man. The high school is no where in plain sight. Your GPS must have given you a bad location or-

The bus drives away.

Sterling: Wow, what a dick.

Robin: Don't let that get to you, okay?

Benny: Oh! Uh, okay. T-thank you.

Robin smiles. Benny blushes and looks away.

Kiyoshi: Okay. This is actually so bad. Soooo bad.

Slinky: How so?

Renge: Because we're lost in the middle of nowhere?

Slinky: Ohhh, right.

Rochelle: Once I see that asshole, Chris McLean, I'm gonna beat his ass I swear.

Walter: Me, as well!

Jeremy: Oh please, dweeb. What are you going to do?

Walter: I'll have you know, neanderthal, know I can lift not one but TWO milk cartons with no problems whatsoever! I can also open a jar of mayonnaise no sweat!

Jeremy smirks and knocks Walter down with one finger.

Nora: Okay, guys. Let's relax. I mean has anyone considered the fact that this is all part of one of Total Drama's big elaborate stunts?

Joe: That's what I'm saying! The cameras and crew will probably be out here in no time. Chris McLean's gonna come out and be like "Haha, got you foos."

Mikey: Or...not. And we actually just really got dumped in the middle of nowhere by an insane bus driver.

Max: Yup. And it's all because of happy boy over here and his annoying singing.

Max gestures Timothy. Timothy just smiles.

Jackie: Aw, come on. Don't blame that poor fella. Blame this bitch! She's the one who set the bus driver off.

She points at at Carmella.

Carmella: Hey!

Piper: OH, NO! IS THAT REALLY TRUE? DOES THAT MEAN I'LL NEVER GET TO READ ANOTHER SMUTTY FURRYFIC AGAIN IN MY LIFE? OR BE ROBBED TO ENJOY THE PLEASURES OF RABBIT AND WOLF EROTICA?

Alice: ...what?

Edwin: Ah, erotica. Nothing better than a good'o classic porno. The sight of HD breasts flashing in your face.

Piper begins crying and hyperventilating, breathing loud donkey breathes. The other competitors join on the hyperventilation, their worried murmuring getting louder and louder until everyone is basically yelling and arguing with each other. Ivonne trails off and notices a sign that something intetesting.

Ivonne: HEY, YA'LL! I think I found something.

Edwin: Is it viagara? Because I'm in deep need of that tonight, you know what I'm saying, ladies?

Edwin raises an eyebrow at Yang suggestively. Renge glares at him and pulls her away from him, holding her tightly.

Ivonne: No, ya'll! Really! Come look at this.

The other twenty-five contestants huddle around a large billboard. On it says "Wawanakwa High. 8 Miles North." Next to that is a graphic of Chris McLean with a thumbs up and a devious grin.

Jesse: That fucking asshole.

Next is a montage of the contestants walking in the cold weather in misery, their luggage in hand. Lavinia wraps herself warmly in a large white jacket. Rhys whispers something creepy into Mio's ear, making her runway in fear. Piper struggles to pull a large suitcase with an unknown huge item inside of it. Yang and Renge huddle together with their shared blanket. Alice trips and falls into a puddle. She is helped up by a smiling Joe. Lastly, Edwin pervertedly stares at Rochelle and Nora's behinds as they shake in front of him. He gropes them, they look over their shoulder, and both slap him angrily. Finally they all stop at what appears to be a highschool.

Sterling: I think this is it, dudes. We finally made it.

Ivonne (out of breathe): Oh...praise God. We did it. Hallelujah.

Ivonne holds her gut and fans herself. Piper comes in and collapses on the ground next to her, gasping for air.

Piper: I CAN'T BREATHE! I'M HAVING HEART PALPATATIONS!

Mio: OH, NO! THE AILENS HAVE GOTTEN THROUGH TO YOUR BRAINWAVES AND SOMEHOW MADE THEIR WAY INTO YOUR LUNG CAPACITY! DON'T WORRY! I'LL PERFORM CPR ON YOU!

Piper suddenly speaks normally again.

Piper: Okay. But can you do it with this mask on, please?

Piper hands Mio a mask of what seems to be a male anthropomorphic wolf. Mio raises an eyebrow at her. Slinky is steadily walking back and forth.

Mikey: Hey, dude. You alright?

Slinky: Yeah, this is just an old runners trick. Helps your heart rate calm down faster.

Mikey (sarcastically): Okay, yeah. Because you know all about what runners do.

Slinky: Yes, actually! One time I asked the coin if I should run a marathon. And guess what? It said yes.

The camera moves to Joe.

Joe: Wow. I can't believe it. After all the struggle we're finally here. Just look at this place.

The contestants all take a look at the grand highschool. The dim lights from the sign that reads in big white letters "Wawanakwa High" still illuminates the dark black sky. Sterling takes a Polaroid camera out of nowhere and snaps a photo.

Max: Wow.

Nora: It's actually...really nice. How do you think Chris McLean had the money to afford to rent out an entire highschool?

Robin: Well, I mean they did fly around the world for an entire season.

Yang: Wow, amazing. It's perfect.

She glances at Renge.

Yang: We did it, Renge! We're on Total Drama!

Renge: I know! I'm glad we're in this together, Yang.

They embrace tightly. Maggie practically vomits.

Maggie: God, if there's one thing I hate more than PDA it's a cringeworthy couple. And would you look at that? My two favorite things wrapped into one. Lovely.

Renge & Yang: Oh, no! We're not dating! Just friends! Yup...just friends.

Maggie (sarcastically): Oh, yeah, you two totally don't have a thing for each other.

She rolls her eyes and walks away. Kiyoshi approaches them.

Kiyoshi: Wait, you two already know each other from before the show?

Renge: Yup.

Kiyoshi: Dang it! If I would have known you can do that, I would have brought my boyfriend along with me, too.

Yang: But, he's not-

Lavinia: Pardon, my dearies. Sorry to interrupt the celebration, but my senses are telling me we are missing an all to important presence in our atmosphere.

Jackie: Albino's right. Where's McLean?

Max: Probably waiting for us behind those doors.

The group goes to the main entrance doors. Robin tries to open it.

Robin: It's locked.

Jeremy: Or you just got string bean arms.

Timothy: Hey, my pals! What's that?!

An electronic bulletin board meant for school annoucenments is turning static as if a video is about to play on it. The contestants gather around it. Suddenly, the one and only Chris McLean, the host of the show, appears on screen.

Carmella: There he is! Hey, dickface! Would you mind telling us why our bus driver was a total buffoon who left us stranded in the middle of nowhere! WE NEED ANSWERS, MCLEAN! EXPLAIN!

Walter: He can't hear you, dunderhead. It's a pre-recorded video.

Sterling: A seven hour bus ride and an eight mile walk in the cold and this asshole couldn't even do us the decent of appearing in person? Even after all he put us through?

Suddenly, Walter is slapped in the face with a hockey puck. He turns around to see the culprit, Jesse.

Jesse: Sorry, nerd! I was aiming for the screen.

He grumbles under his breathe.

Chris: Hello, students! And welcome to your first day or...night...or morning (he sadistically laughs) at Wawanakwa High! Great choice of setting, right? Isn't it great to be back in highschool, my dear college students? Thought it was all behind you when you graduated. Oh, the memories. The failed grades. The bullying. Love it. Anyways, you know me! I'm Chris McLean, your host and worst nightmare for the next eleven weeks. Look around you. The people you see are those who you may find to be friends, teammates, bitter enemies, maybe even a boyfriend or girlfriend over the course of the show. But! Most importantly they are your competition. And in the end only one of you will be left standing to win a grand prize of one million dollars! Now let's get to it. You've all had an amazing night I'm sure. Absolutely beaming with excitement to know that there is one final part to today's mission! And even more thrilled to be competing in extraneous and tiring challenges at now five o'clock in the morning!

Everyone but Timothy groans.

Timothy: Oh, yippee, how fun!

Chris: For the final part of today's contest all twenty-six of you will search the around the entire school to find where, I, your oh so handsome and fabulous host is hidden amongst this big big campus. The perfect challenge to not only accommodate yourself with the school and the environment, but ALSO because I know you all are aching with desire to finally see me.

Rochelle: This man is unbeileveable.

Maggie flips off the screen.

Chris: Once we are all together we will decide the teams, discover your living arrangements for this season and discuss what's all about to go down! Prepare yourself, students because Principal McLean has lots of mayhem in store for you. (He laughs maniacally) Welcome back to high school, freshmen. See ya soon!

The screen powers off.

Maggie: Jerk.

Carmella: I can't wait to get my hands on-

Max: Yeah, yeah, yeah, honey. Anyone have ideas of how exactly we're supposed to get inside?

Suddenly the previously locked entrance doors begin to slowly but automatically open by themselves.

Benny: Um, does that mean we just go-

Like wild animals, the other contestants begin to sprint frantically into the high school, pushing and shoving each other in the process. Benny is almost trampled over. Robin attempts to grab his hand and save him before Benny is pulled away first by Alice and Kiyoshi.

Alice: You're coming with us, you little cutie pie.

Mikey: Million dollars here we come-

Jesse shoves through Mikey and Slinky as they go flying off to either sides.

Carmella: Out of my way! Move it! Move-

Suddenly Mio wacks Carmella over the head with a metal pipe she pulls out of nowhere. Jeremy pushes through various people like they're objects and literally picks up Piper, Timothy and Walter and throws them out of his way. Edwin, Jackie, and Lavinia attempt to keep running but collide with Joe's large body and bounce off of him in the process. Yang clings onto Renge.

Yang: Don't let go, Renge!

Renge: I won't!

The entrance doors slam shut.

Chris and Chef exit a room labeled "Teacher's longue" with cups of coffee in their hands.

Chris: Nah, dude. This school is so freakin' humongous they won't even know where to look! Whose idea was it host this season here again? Oh that's right; me!

Chef rolls his eyes.

Chef: You know, I taught a high school class once.

Chris laughs.

Chris: Yeah, right. A class on what?

Chef: Cooking! What else?

Chris: They let you teach a cooking class? That's like letting me teach a class on how to be ugly! It makes no sense!

Chef: Shut the hell up, man! I went to culinary school!

Chris: Yeah, whatever, dude. So anyway, what were you like in highschool?

Chef: Oh, you know. Quarterback, ladies man-

Chris opens the door to a classroom labeled "Music room" filled with instruments, music stands, and band equipment. Inside, it is revealed that the room is pitch dark. The only thing lit are several candles surrounding Rhys performing some kind of occultist ritual. In the center appears to be some kind of dark spell book and satanic symbol on the floor. Lavinia sits in another corner of the room on a desk, meditating.

Rhys (in a low voice): Welcome, Chris McLean. We've been expecting you.

Chris and Chef scream at the top of their lungs. Frantic, Chris flips on a light switch and destroys Rhys's set up. Chris blows out the candles, a terrified look on his face as he catches his breathe. In the background, Chef sprays a random bottle of holy water he pulled out nowhere.

Chris: NO, NO, NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! T-THERE WILL BE NO DEMONS...OR CURSES...OR ANYTHING! ESPECIALLY NOT ON MY SHOW! NOTHING! How did you two even get here so fast?!

Lavinia: Simple. We followed the imprint your footsteps made and tracked the energy to their most recent location. Seriously, a child could have done it.

Rhys: Understood, Mr. McLean. But you should know...you have made the demons and lingering spirits very upset. I'd regret doing that if I were you.

Lavinia: Demons? No such things shall exist in this world! For, I, the great Ego 777 will now use a light spell of of truth and honor to rid of the negative energies! Be gone!

Lavinia does some kind weird movements with her hands and imitates the sound of a magical sparkles and spell casting. Rhys looks at her unamused and Chris looks irritated.

Lavinia (calmly): Whoosh. The energies have disappeared and we may return to peace once more.

She returns to meditating. There's a slight awkward pause.

Rhys: She's full of shit. She's no magician, you can just sense it about her. What disrespect to people who actually have supernatural abilities. (Returning to a scary tone) And it's all wrong, now that the demons have been provoked, it's only a matter of time before they unleash their darkness and wreak mayhem amongst all of us. There's no way to stop it now and it all could have been avoided-

Chris: ENOUGH, MAN! You're freaking me out! No more of this dark twisted evil demon hoo hah! I was high on caffeine but now; you're killing my vibe! And frankly, I don't think anybody wants to hear about any of this satanic bullcrap at five o'clock in the morning! SO! I'm gonna need you to ZIP IT!

Rhys: Don't-

Chris: ZIP IT! (Chris regains his positive tone) Now! Rhys and Lavinia! (Chris snaps in Lavinia's face, waking her up) Welcome to your first day at Total Drama High School and congratulations on being the first contestants to complete the challenge! Truly an accomplishment. Rhys you're on team A and Lavinia you're on team B!

Lavinia: Lovely, dearie. What do we next?

Chris: Nothing! You leave me alone until the other contestants get here. Ugh.

Chris sits at teachers desk and pouts childishly. Chef shrugs.

Carmella walks aimlessly down an empty hallway, seeming a bit frustrated. The hallway is decorated with yellow lockers, glass windows and doorways, bright white walls, variously colored tiled flooring and occasionally a few staircases, indicating that the school has multiple levels. Carmella opens a classroom door and peers inside. Once she realizes it's empty she slams it shut. Irritated, she stomps over to a series of lockers, looking inside each of them before closing them all chronologically. Once she reaches the final locker, Jeremy awaits behind it, resting a hand non-chalanatly against the frame. An expression of flirtation and mischief rests upon his smirk. Carmella screams.

Jeremy: Hey there, cutie. Didn't mean to scare you.

Carmella shoves past him and continues searching.

Carmella: Oh, please. You had every intention of frightening me, you asshole. Through past experimentation with online dating, which I must add was strictly for research, I was able to grasp some grade A intel on exactly how the whole fuckboy scheme is operated.

Jeremy: Damn, girl. I guess you have me already all figured out then, huh?

Carmella begins walking towards him agressively, pushing him into a corner.

Carmella: Drop the act, dickhead. You clearly don't believe me, but allow me to break it down. FIRST, you're gonna attempt to sweettalk your way into my heart. Play up a charade of some fake boyish charm and goofiness and bad pick-up lines. SLOWLY MAKING YOUR WAY, into manipulating some poor girl into falling into your tricks of using them for casual sex.

Jeremy: Listen, baby. This is more than just about me wanting to smash-

Carmella: Hold up, jerk, I am not finished! Either way, it always ends with you using females for their vaginas and a quick hookup. In which afterwards, they'll never hear from you again. Because let's face it, all they were to you was just a hasty booty call. Women are nothing more to you then objects you can take advantage of. And if I were some naive dumb little girl, I would fall right into the trap. But, I'm not. I'm not gonna fall for your good looks and give you that satisfaction-

Jeremy: So you admit I'm good looking?

Carmella: That's besides the point I-

Jeremy: You know what I think?

Jeremy presses her against a locker. He puts his hands on either side of her so that she's practically trapped between him and that their faces are merely inches apart.

Jeremy: I think. That the only one playing an act here is you. You talk a big game of how you're too strong and independent and educated to fall for me. When in reality, it's the exact opposite. You hide behind this bitchy persona and all these big words to make people think you're too good for them. But quite honestly, I can just see it in your eyes. You're just like every other thirsty hoe that comes my way. You want me so bad. You're practically salivating over the opportunity to get a piece of me. Which...I can be all yours baby. You just gotta ask nicely.

Carmella pushes him off her once again with force and slaps him.

Carmella: I'd rather die! Typical fuckboy defense mechanism. Resorting to the sexist argument that girls can't be smart and think for themselves. As if!

Carmella pulls a microphone out from her bag. She puts it up to his face as if she's interviewing him. She looks at an imaginary camera. Jeremy is weirded out.

Carmella: I'm here with award winning stereotypical douchebag, Jeremy Roberts! So tell me, Jeremy, how does it feel to know you have such a fragile ego and add to the dangers of a society that encourages toxic masculinity?

Jeremy: Damn, you know what? You're hot. But, you're annoying as shit...and weird.

Jeremy walks away in the opposite direction. Carmella seethes with anger. There's slight twitch in her eye. She discovers another door and peers inside. It appears to be a small janitors' closet. She looks around in confusion for a while before her eyes light up.

Carmella: Aha!

Confessional: Carmella

So this must be the confessional! Ha! But I mean are any of you surprised that I actually found it first? It was practically given that I'd be the first to do discover it. I have been looking for the opportunity to vent all freaking night! Where do I even begin? The terrible bus ride, the cold eight mile walk, the psycho driver? Don't even get me STARTED on that narcissistic asshole-

Piper, Kiyoshi, Alice, Benny, and Mio open the entrance doors to the cafeteria. The other four look around, but Mio scurries off to the back. There's several silver lunch tables, a salad bar, and a checkout counter used for the lunch staff to serve food directly. In the back, there is two doors, presumably leading to a freezer and a kitchen.

Kiyoshi: Wow, so this must be the cafeteria, huh? A lot bigger than the one at my old highschool, that's for sure.

Alice: Do you think the lunches here are gonna be like, gross? Oh, my gosh. I hope they have vegan options. If they don't, I'll literally die.

Piper: You're vegan?!

Alice: Yes, girl! Literally how can anyone live with themselves knowing they're killing animals? Like I love animals.

Piper: Thank you! Finally someone with a mutual appreciation for wildlife creatures! When will people finally realize that our furry friends have feelings?! They cry, they laugh, pay their taxes, go to the grocery store, file lawsuits and gET OPRESSED BY SOCIETY JUST LIKE THE REST OF US!

Kiyoshi, Benny, and Mio look at her with somewhat of a confusion on their face. Alice is unphased.

Confessional: Piper

I'm a furry. A furry with over five years of experience and knowledge in the community to be exact. (She pulls out what appears to be the head of a purple anthropomorphic rabbit costume with red lipstick, seductive eyes, and brown hair cut into the style with bangs) This is my fursona! Banana Sweetmaple! Yeah. Furries are treated with so much stigma. They don't understand us! They think our lifestyle is weird and gross. But, no more! It's high time that furry creatures finally get the same respect as human- (A mop bucket falls from the ceiling and hits her head.)

Alice: Oh, my gosh, yeah! I totes feel you! Plus all those like processed chemicals and stuff are like, so bad for you body.

Kiyoshi: Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt. But, we've been looking for a while now. I think almost around the entire school. Anyone have any ideas? I'm frustrated.

Benny: U-um, me too. Plus this school is so big and scary...it's so much bigger than my old highschool. Do we even know where we anymore? Are we lost? Did Chris trick us?

Kiyoshi, Alice, and Piper all collectively "aw." Alice pulls him in and pinches his cheeks.

Alice: You are sooo adorable! And tiny! You're like...the little baby brother I always wanted. Well, I have brothers. But none of them are this cute.

Kiyoshi: I agree! Awwww.

Piper: Such a cutie pie, but you'd be even a cuter in a little fur suit!

Kiyoshi: Don't worry about being lost. We'll find Chris. And once we do, we'll give him a piece of our mind. Don't be scared, okay?

Benny: W-wow. No ones ever been so nice to me before, I feel so...loved. Thank you guys.

Alice: Awww! Group hug!

Kiyoshi, Alice, and Piper wrap around Benny.

Confessional: Benny

Wow. The confessional room! This is so cool! Me and my cousins used to pretend to be in these all the time. And now it's the real thing! And...friends! Real friends. I'm so happy! I don't have a lot of friends back home. Or any at all, actually...Maybe I shouldn't have admitted that to the entire world. Heh.

Suddenly, Alice, Kiyoshi, Piper, and Benny hear rustling and loud crashes and bangs coming from the back room. They run to go inspect it. They open the door and reveal it to be Mio throwing various pots and pans across the room and raiding drawers and cabinets for food.

Kiyoshi: Oh, my gosh, what are you doing?! I don't think we're supposed to be back here.

Mio: Stocking up! It's only a matter of time before unidenified life forms from other planets attempt to abduct us in our sleep. We have to arm ourselves and save every last bit of food we can!

Benny: Abducted? W-what do you mean? Isn't this a reality show?

Mio: That's what they want you to think! It's all fake! None of this is real! We're all just pawns in their big game!

Alice Stop it, you're scaring him! There's no ailens, there's no big spaceship coming to kidnap us in the middle of the night-

Suddenly, everyone realizes Piper has been peeling and eating a banana from the large pile of stolen food.

Piper: What? I was hungry! I had to sit through a seven hour bus ride with no crackers or anything! I deserve a little snack.

Mio: Get your own, tubby! I found this first.

She swipes it out of her hand.

Piper: You can't spare one banana?

Mio: This is survival of the fittest! Every woman for themselves.

Kiyoshi: Alright, that's enough! Take a chill pill, Mio. Come on guys, let's go find Chris.

They all begin to walk away from Mio. Suddenly, Mio's wrist device begins flashing red again. A robotic voice begins to repeat the phrase "AILENS are here! Is that ant?" over and over again.

Benny: What the heck is that?

The all turn around again.

Mio: AILENS! AILENS! I should have known! Right from the moment you tried to brainwash me with your extraterrestrial propaganda.

Benny: What are you talking about?

Mio: If you think I'll let you creatures escape this place that easily, you've got another thing coming!

Piper: Huh?

Mio: DIE! AILENS! DIE!

She picks up a large frying pan and a knife from the floor and begins to chase after them chaotically. They all run away in terror and scream at the top of their lungs.

Nora, Rochelle, and Slinky all sit in the bleachers of the school gymnasium and surround Timothy who is showing them a photo album of what appears to be badges. The gym is large with two sets of wooden bleachers on each adjacent side. There's a large basketball court, volleyball nets, and banners meant to showcase past accomplishments of student athlete alumni. Instead, the banners only have Chris's name on them. Robin sits to the side of them, an annoyed expression on his face. Timothy points at badge with a design of a cat stuck in a tree.

Timothy: And this one I earned after saving a tiny little kitty cat from a super tall tree! My mom was really proud of me for that one!

Nora: Aw, how sweet.

Timothy: This one I earned after knitting handmade wool sweaters for the all the old folks in the neighborhood retirement home. They were so fantastic!

Timothy points at a picture of himself surrounded by a group of elderly people wearing the colorful sweaters with unamused and irritated expressions on their face. Timothy stands in the middle with a wide grin and a thumbs up.

Rochelle (sarcastically): Yeah. You can tell they're real happy to be wearing them.

Timothy: This badge I earned after saving twelve campers who were stuck all alone in the middle of the woods. The poor kiddos. They were so scared.

Nora: Okay, now that's actually pretty cool. You saved a bunch of little kids who were stuck in the middle of the forest?

Timothy: Well...no. It was actually my buddy Bobby Jenkins who found them. But I did tag along with him for some fantastic moral support!

Slinky: Did you earn any of these badges from doing anything like...dangerous?

Timothy: Yes, actually! This is my cliff diving badge! I earned it for diving off a cliff!

Rochelle: No shit.

Confessional: Rochelle

These people are weird as hell. Especially creepy smiley dude. Seriously, I haven't heard one negative thing come out of homeboy's mouth. Something else man. Where I'm from we earn no motherfuckin' badges. Shit. We're lucky if we can even walk the streets at night without getting jumped or having our damn money stolen. Shit, if there was a badge for surviving on welfare checks or hopping fences, I'd be number one scout. Also is it just me or does it smell like someone spilt a whole thing of floor cleaner in here?

Timothy: Yeah! After I jumped I hit my head on a large boulder and sustained a concussion.

Slinky: Well, that's awesome either way, man! You took the risk and that's all that matters.

Timothy: What a fantastic way to look at it, camper!

Robin: Hey! Don't mean to interrupt your guys' positivity party! But would any one of you be so kind as to explain to me how this is beneficial to finding Chris in any way?

Rochelle: Chill, bro. We practically searched the entire damn school. What else are we supposed to do?

Robin: Actually try?! I mean that is the challenge isn't it?

Nora: Meh. We're just taking a little break. What I always say is if you can't figure it out yourself, just sit around and let other people solve the problem for you.

Robin: Well you and I clearly lead two different lives.

Slinky: I have an idea! Let's ask the coin. Magic coin, should we stress ourselves out even more and continue to look around the big ass school? Or should we chill here and kick back until the challenge is over with?

Confessional: Slinky

Poor dude is so stressed out. Hopefully one day he finds how fun it is to just live in the moment. I mean if it weren't for my coin, I don't know what I'd do! It's the answer to everything! Is that new Avengers movie worth seeing? Coin! Scrambled or over-easy? Coin! Bow tie or regular tie? Coin!

Slinky flips the coin.

Slinky: Oh. Well would you look at that? Looks like we're relaxing.

Rochelle: I'm down with that.

Nora: Woo! Finally time to let the girls loose! Ahhh.

Nora unclasps her bra from behind her shirt, throws it behind her head, kicks off her shoes and socks, rests her hands behind her head and reclines her feet on the seat in front of her. Rochelle looks at her in disgust and appears to have had a whiff of her smelly feet. She scoots away. Nora pulls a can of soda out, chugs it and burps.

Slinky: Sweet.

Confessional: Nora

I don't care where I am. If I wanna get comfortable I'm gonna get comfortable. Screw other people's judgements. We had to walk for eight miles straight! My poor feet were aching in pain, man. Of course I'm gonna let them a little air to breathe. And besides, nothing better than the smell of some fresh toes after a long day, know what I'm saying? (Nora chugs the soda.)

Robin: So your resolution is to just give up and sit here like a bunch of bystanders? Well, not me! Have fun being some lazy sloths. I have a million dollars to win.

Nora, Rochelle, and Slinky shrug. Timothy continues to flip through the pages of his badge book.

Timothy: I admire your determination, camper! Journey onwarth!

Robin rolls his eyes and continues to walk away.

Confessional: Robin

If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself! All those lazy people did was show me that if I'm gonna win this game, the only teammate I can rely on is me. Mom, dad, you may not care. You're probably not even watching this. But I guarantee you, I'm gonna win! And you'll regret ever not believing in me! (Robin sniffs the air) Did someone spill a bottle of floor cleaner in here?

Jeremy, Max, Sterling, and Walter all wait outside a room notably larger than other the other classrooms they've come across. By the door is a sign labeled "theater." Max and Walter examine what appears to be a display case meant for school trophies, ribbons, awards, and memorabilia. Instead, it is full of various Chris McLean bobbleheads, plaques, Gemmy awards, and T-shirts.

Max: This guy really is so full of himself, isn't he?

The doors from the theater suddenly open and Mikey and Joe emerge from inside it.

Sterling: Anything, guys?

Joe: Nada. No bueno.

Mikey: The theater is absolutely amazing though, guys! The stage is huge! And the audience looks like it can fit up to four hundred people! All the different musicals and plays we could perform! The elborate sets.

Jeremy: Four hundred?!

Mikey: Yeah!

Jeremy: Wow!

Mikey: I know, right?

Jeremy: No one gives a fuck. And if I have to hear you or anyone else sing a stupid song again, I'll knock your teeth out.

Jeremy walks ahead of him. Mikey furrows his brows in anger.

Confessional: Mikey

Jesus, what a dick! It's one thing to be an asshole for absolutely no reason but to blatantly disrespect the art of musical theater is a whole other boundary. Whatever though. I've been doing this since I was twelve. And someday, when that guy sees the name "CARMICHAEL WEST" in shiny golden broadway lights he's gonna regret the day he ever talked down to me. Suck on that, bitch! (He begins to sing a song from a random musical at the top of his lungs)

Joe: Yo, my man. I saw you mackin' on that fine ass Carmella girl. How'd that go?

Jeremy: Forget it, bro. Thought I wanted to smash, but that bitch is fucking crazy.

Sterling: Crazy? Naw. She seemed like a blabbermouth, but not crazy.

Jeremy: She pulled out a microphone, started to interview me and pretended to talk to an imaginary camera.

Sterling: Oop. Never mind, man. I take it back. Bitches be bonkers. You dodged a bullet with that one.

Joe: Chica es muy pendeja y loca. I guess the the fatter the ass the weirder the bitch.

Jeremy, Sterling and Joe laugh hysterically and fist bump each other. Walter trails behind them, grumbling under his breathe. Max raises an eyebrow at him.

Confessional: Walter

Typical locker room talk. Brainless men relying on tasteless, toilet humor as their only form of entertainment. Nothing I haven't been acquainted with! I've met plenty of people like these imbeciles. All muscle, all looks, no substance. It only makes winning this contest that much more simple. And also. Couldn't that dim witted, demented, excuse for a host pick a better spot for the confessional tapes?! There's mold on the ceiling! And it's so dimly lit in here that you can barely see a thing!

Jeremy notices Walter grumbling under his breathe. He chuckles.

Jeremy: What's wrong, man? Why you making those noises? Got a dick stuck in your throat?

Walter glares at him.

Sterling: Bro. Why does he sound like a fucking monster truck? Like you know those noises they make when they rev their engines? Watch!

Sterling begins immitating the sounds a monster truck. Walter begins spazzinng and twitching his eye.

Joe: Holy shit, ese. Too accurate. But you know what? He sounds more like a trash compactor. Like the sound your sink makes when you turn on the garbage disposal.

Joe imitates the sound of a garbage disposal. Walter's spazzing and twitching increases.

Confessional: Joe

(Joe makes the trash compactor noise and starts laughing again.) Holy shit, that's too damn funny.

Confessional: Sterling

Okay, listen. I'm a nice guy, OK? So, to all the people I may have uh...picked on in highschool who may say I haven't changed, I have changed! I'm a changed man! I'm not the dude I was back then. It's just... that Walter dude is such an easy target. I mean, I kind of have to make fun of him, right? Dude has a bowl cut. Who has a bowl cut anymore? And his voice is so nasally he sounds like a fucking cartoon character. (He starts laughing again) I've changed, I swear!

Jeremy, Joe, and Sterling continue to laugh at Walter and make jokes about him in the process. At this point, Walter is having a full on spaz attack on the floor as if he is having a seizure and making pterodactyl screeches. Max witnesses all of this happening and mouths the words "what the fuck." Max then notices Mikey has been dancing some kind of strange routine in the background the entire time.

Confessional: Max

I'm probably just as confused about what's happening out there as you all are. But, whatever. Winning this game looks like it may be easier than I thought. They may as well hand me the prize money now. Everyone's so easy to read it's almost not even a challenge anymore. Who's my real competition? Walter is super intelligent but it looks like his short crazy temper gets in the way of him accomplishing anything. Sterling and Joe are just your big typical dumb jocks. Mikey is a weirdo. That Jeremy, though. There's something about him he's not letting on. I can't quite put my finger on it. Guess only time will tell what really is in store for me. The only way to know is to keep playing the game. (He chuckles and smirks.)

Max walks away from his previous group and bumps into Robin.

Max: Hey, man. Where you going?

Robin: I don't even know anymore! I've been walking in circles forever.

Max: Mind if I tag along?

Robin: Sure, why not. What's happening over there?

Max: Hell if I know.

Max and Robin start walking the opposite direction. Joe, Sterling, and Jeremy continue laughing at Walter and Mikey dances in the background.

Scene transitions to Maggie and Ivonne walking down yet another empty hallway. Ivonne is singing a random classic R&B song from the 1960s, rather loudly. Maggie has her ears plugged.

Maggie: Could you maybe not sing so loudly?

Ivonne: Oh, sorry sugar. Can't control myself sometimes. Sangin' is all I do. Day and night. Twenty four-seven.

Maggie (sarcasitcally): Day and night? Your family must LOVE that.

Ivonne: Ooh, honey! You bet your sweet booty they do! We sing everywhere. In church, parties, you name it! We're a musical family. We've been in the entertainment industry for ages, child! It's in my blood. I truly can't help it. So I'm sorry if it bugs you, child. Do you know who my daddy is?

Maggie: Why would I know who your dad is? Unless that's what you use to refer to your boyfriend which is disgusting in my opi-

Ivonne: No, baby! My daddy as in my father. Jerome Brown.

Maggie: Jerome Brown? No way. Like the famous soul singer from the 1960s? He's a legend. All of his records have went like platinum.

Ivonne Yes, baby! Woo! Finally someone from our generation who knows about my poppa.

Maggie: Well, of course. All I listen to are the classics. Today's current pop music is absolute garbage.

Ivonne: That's amazing! And yes, baby, it's true! My dad is a legend in the world of R&B, soul and gospel music. I mean, he practically invented it. And some day I pray to sweet baby Jesus that I can be just like him.

She holds up a picture with herself as a child and her father.

Maggie: One question. Why are you on this show? Isn't your family one of the richest and most famous in Hollywood?

Ivonne: Because, honey! I've tryna dig my own path to fame! I wanna be famous without my dad's help and create my own legacy. I just wanna be more than just Jerome Brown's daughter, ya feel me?

Maggie: Then why not not go on one of those singing reality shows? Lord knows there's plenty of them now.

Ivonne: Those shows are all fake. There's no true winners on those things.

Maggie: Hm. Your dad probably appreciates that, being the authentic artist he is. Next time you see him, tell him I appreciate his music.

Ivonne: Sure thang, child! Ooh, wow. You know, you're a cool chick. Gimme some skin, baby!

Ivonne holds out her hand for a high five.

Maggie: No.

Maggie ignores it and keeps walking.

Confessional: Ivonne

I like that girl, Maggie! She keeps it real! Sure her voice is kinda monotone and she hasn't really shown any kind of emotion besides being irritated...and she a bit rude. But I can tell that she's amazing, I just know it. Like my daddy always says, the people with the biggest hearts never have to flaunt how kind they are to the world. You just feel it. And I may not know her completely quite yet, but I can tell her and I gonna be sistas by the end of this show. Maybe when everything's all over we can visit my daddy's recording studio and start an all girls' soul group like Diana Ross and the Supremes.

Maggie and Ivonne continue walking. Suddenly, Jesse comes and walks right through them, makes Maggie fall to the ground and Ivonne collide her shoulder into a locker.

Maggie: What the hell? What's your problem?

Ivonne: Ooh, baby. That's my bad shoulder.

Maggie gets up and Ivonne holds her shoulder in pain. Jesse turns around to face both of them with a smug smirk on her face.

Jesse: Ah, sorry. Didn't see you there. Guess I never really paid attention to things that don't uh...matter.

Jesse chuckles evilly.

Ivonne: Honey, there's no need to be so disrespectful. Didn't ya momma raise you better?

Jesse walks towards Ivonne, cornering her. Ivonne looks terrified at the much larger and muscular girl.

Jesse: My momma raised me stick up and take care of myself. I don't have to respect anyone if I don't want to. Especially useless, inferior people like you two. Get in my way, and I'll do what I have to. Even if that means beating your ass to a pulp...or worse. Got it?

Ivonne (scared): Y-yes, honey. I got it.

Jesse: Good. Now get out of way.

Wide eyed, Ivonne flees away behind Maggie, shaking and trembling. Jesse walks away.

Maggie: Who the hell do you think you are? You can't talk to us like that.

Jesse turns around with the same smirk on her face.

Jesse: Really? And why's that?

Maggie: Just because you have the physique of a fucking gorilla doesn't mean you suddenly hold some kind of superiority over us, sasquatch.

Anger flushes over Jesse's face. She steps towards Maggie. Terrified, Ivonne gets between them.

Ivonne: S-she didn't mean that. It was all a joke, haha!

Jesse: Hmph. It better have been.

Jesse walks away. Maggie takes an agressive step towards her, but Ivonne holds her back as Maggie resists.

Maggie: Why would you let her get away with that? Now she probably thinks she's more invincible than she already did before.

Ivonne: For your own protection, honey! That biggo monster lady may have deserved every last bit of sass you was serving, but she woulda snapped you in two in half a second! She like a whole damn foot taller than you!

Maggie: Screw that, worry about yourself. I don't need anyone to protect me.

Maggie shoves Ivonne off of her. Ivonne looks after her with a frown.

Confessional: Maggie

(Maggie peers her head into the confessional) This is where we're supposed to give confessionals this season? Screw that. There's almost no room in there, where am I even supposed to sit? (Maggie scoffs, rolls her eyes, and eventually slams the door) Okay, fine. Only because I need to get this off my chest. I have a problem with people who think they're better than others just because of how they look and where they come from. And by the way, Jesse? You might wanna lay down on the steroids. It's kinda obvious. (She looks around, clearly uncomfortable) Alright, I'm done here. (She hastily exits the confessional)

Maggie continues walking with Ivonne trailing a little behind her. Eventually, Maggie, discovers a door labeled "Music room."

Maggie: Music room?

Ivonne: Did you just say music room? Oh sweet baby Jesus, well that's where I need to be.

Ivonne slams open the door and reveals Chris standing there with a wide grin.

Chris: Maggie and Ivonne! Congratulations!

Maggie: Well, that was easy.

Yang and Renge have gotten into their bathing suits and play around in the school pool, laughing and splashing each other with water.

Renge: Here it comes!

Renge splashes her.

Yang (laughing): Screw you, Renge! It's so cold! It's so cold!

She splashes him back.

Renge: I'm gonna get you for that!

Renge puts his arms around her and they begin play wrestling in the water. Yang starts tickling Renge. She jumps on him and goes under water, making Renge submerge along with her. After a few seconds, they both come up breathing heavily. There's a slight pause but they both begin to start laughing hysterically. They swim to the edge of the pool and rest against the ledge.

Yang: Haha, wow. How dumb are we? Who goes swimming at five in the morning? Especially in freakin' fifty degree weather!

Renge: Only us, I guess.

Yang: Reminds me of that time in the sixth grade when you almost drowned at the local pool.

Renge Oh, God. My mom was so mad at me. The whole neighborhood was angry. Damn, we were crazy kids.

Yang: Crazy kids with a dream. I still can't believe we're even on this freaking show.

Renge: I know! It seems like just yesterday we were staying up till midnight to binge the whole season. Now we're here.

Yang: And there's no one I'd rather be here with.

Yang hugs him tightly. Renge's face lights up with joy.

Confessional: Renge

Yang. What can I say about Yang? She's the most amazing, sweet, independent BEAUTIFUL girl in the whole world. And I uh, have a confession. Since this is the confessional after all, heh...uh. I'm-I'm in love with Yang! I know, I know! You're all probably so surprised that your jaws have touched the floor! And I know that it's kinda an unspoken rule to not fall for your childhood best friend but, I can't help it! Yang is everything I want in a girl. She's taken care of me and been there for me for as long as I can remember. And now it's my turn! It's my turn to protect her. She's the best person on the planet and no one else compares! I know in reality she'd never fall for a scrawny little band geek like me but, the thought of anyone else with her makes me go crazy. I'm in deep. Maybe someday we can be married with five kids and-GAH! What am I saying?

Renge: Yang.

Yang: Yes, Renge?

Renge: There's something I've been wanting to tell you..for a while now and I uh, don't really know how to say it but-

Yang (excitedly): Renge Brightsteel, the man who never keeps a secret is keeping a secret?! Well oh my gosh, spill it Renge! What is it?

Renge: I...I, uh-

Suddenly, Kiyoshi, Benny, Alice, and Piper come running and screaming at the top of their lungs in terror. The other three stay dry, running along the side of the pool, however, Piper does not pay attention and runs straight into the water. She makes a large splash, causing a big wave that makes Renge and Yang fly backwards. Kiyoshi, Alice and Benny pant loudly and catch their breathe. Piper emerges from the water, spits out a mouthful of chlorine and makes sounds similar to a dying walrus. Renge appears somewhat annoyed, however Yang looks worried and immediately runs to the aide of Piper.

Yang: Oh, my gosh, girl. Are you okay? (She puts a supportive arm around her) Just relax. You have to breathe through your mouth, too. You're making yourself panic more than you need to.

Piper: But rabbits are only capable of nasal breathing!

Yang: But you're not a rabbit-

Renge: What the hell are you guys even running from?!

Alice (out of breathe): The crazy girl...with the green hair...she thinks we're ailens...and she chased after us...with a knife... and a frying pan.

Confessional: Alice

That was totes the scariest thing I've been through in literally my entire life! Scarier than that one time my local coffee house ran out of soy milk and almond mocha and couldn't make my order of a iced cinammon dolce latte! Literally the saddest thing ever! I had give in and settle for a raspberry iced tea, which no offense to the barista Cathy, tasted SOOOO bad. Hi Cathy, hope that didn't hurt your feelings! By the way that was such a long run. I never run. Unless a less there's a fifty percent of sale at the Khaki Barn. Other than that, I literally never excercise.

Yang: A knife?!

Yang gets out of the pool, assisting Piper. Renge looks after her with a frown and gets out as well. Yang puts a towel around Piper who is chattering her teeth and shivering. Renge stands behind the group with a towel of his own and his arms crossed.

Yang: Well, are you guys okay? Where did she go?

Kiyoshi: We don't know! We lost her somewhere around the basketball courts.

Benny: Thank God we're all okay. That was so scary! She looked like she wanted to slice our heads off.

Yang: Well, she's gone now. I'm sure by this point Chris caught her and put her in her place. In the mean time, let's get you dried off, girl. You're soaking wet.

Benny: Thanks for calming us down. W-we didn't know what to do.

Yang: Aww! No problem, sweetie.

She pinches his cheek and ruffles his hair. Renge grumbles in jealousy.

Piper: Where do we change?! I don't see a bathroom anywhere.

Yang: I think I saw a lockeroom on the right side of that building! I'm sure there's somewhere to take a hot shower and get out of those drenched clothes. I need to dry up too, so it's perfect!

Kiyoshi: Oh, same! I actually really had to pee.

Alice, Benny, Kiyoshi, Piper, and Yang all begin walking over to the girls' lockeroom.

Renge: Yang! Wait!

Yang: O-oh sorry, best friend. Girl code. We gotta help each other out. You understand, right?

Renge: But, you can't just leave me all alone out here! We're supposed to stay together, remember? Besides, that kid isn't even a girl, why does he get to go with you?!

Everyone looks at Benny, acknowledging his feminine looking appearance.

Benny: U-uh, no, guys, it's fine, I promise! I like boys.

Piper: Oh, honey, don't even worry about it. We already knew.

They continue walking.

Yang: I'm not leaving you anywhere. Besides, you still have to dry up yourself! Maybe even continue looking for Chris!

Renge: But, Yang!

Yang: I'll be back five minutes, tops!

She kisses him on the cheek and runs after the others.

Yang: Wait up, girls!

Renge looks at the floor and frowns.

Edwin and Jackie walk down the empty football field. Jackie has her arm interlocked with Edwin's and her head resting on his shoulder.

Jackie: Sure is a beautiful night, isn't it sugar pie?

Edwin: Ah, yes. A gorgeous night indeed. The stars illuminate your gorgeous blue eyes amazingly. You breasts as well.

Edwin attempts to grope her, but Jackie hastily pushes his hands away.

Jackie: Uh...let's save that for later in the bedroom, what do ya say?

Edwin: A lady on the streets, but a freak in the sheets. Hot.

Edwin closes his eyes and puckers for a kiss. Visibly uncomfortable, Jackie supplements lips with two fingers and pecks him with it.

Confessional: Jackie

Men can't resist me. Never been able to. It's a southern thang. I'm irresistible, what can I say? And to all my ladies back home right now watching this...I know this may seem stranger than your local horse mooin' like a hungry cow. But just remember ya'll...everything has a purpose. (She winks.)

Edwin: What do you say we freak it up over there in those football bleachers? One of my greatest erotic fantasies was always to get freaky deaky nasty with a cheerleader, sneaking off in the middle of her practice, her bent over and wet as she begs and pleads for my twelve inch gigantic monster-

Jackie puts a finger to his lips.

Jackie: Do you really want your first time with me to be in some grimy bleachers? Why, that's just rather hurtful if you ask me.

Edwin pulls her in by the hips.

Edwin: Oh, honey, no. I just...I can't stop thinking about all the dirty forbidden things I wanna do to you. All I can think about is having my hands wrapped around your hot body and every last inch of your breasts and thighs and hips and ass and beautiful delicate face. I need you all to myself. Badly. My testicles will turn blue if I have to wait any longer.

Jackie's face turns pale in disgust. She disguises it with a face of seduction.

Jackie: Oh, baby, don't worry. Once we're all alone...and everyone's asleep. We'll have the freedom to be as wild as a free range pony. And it'll all be worth the wait, I promise.

Jackie caresses his cheek and runs fingers through his hair. Edwin breathes a sigh of love.

Confessional: Edwin

(Edwin is red, sweaty, and has an intense nosebleed) I can't believe this is actually happening. Golden blonde hair, shiny blue eyes, perfect boobs, amazing curves. She's every man's dream woman. And she's all mine. What can I say? Women can't resist me. Never have I met a woman so honest about her promiscuous sexual desires. It's amazing it's...euphoria. Most women shy away from me and I get it. The sight of my veiny muscles, protruding bulge, and hot manly energy is quite intimidating for the typical lady. But, not Jackie...wow. If I have to endure this much longer my penis is gonna explode.

Suddenly, Jackie sees Yang, Kiyoshi, Benny, Alice, and Piper all entering the girls' locker room. Her eyes light up and a devious smirk forms across her face.

Jackie: In fact, I think I have an even better idea. What do you think about not just one girl...but five all at once?

Edwin: Like an orgy? Sounds like a dream.

Jackie: See all those gals entering the locker room right now? Wouldn't it be just darn tootin if we could get them to join in on our little hoedown tonight?

Edwin: Those girls? No. They're not like you. They're not honest with themselves. It really is such a shame. A shame that they'll never get to go for a train ride on the Edwin Dosche express.

Jackie: But, let's face it they're all a bunch of whores. Their innocence is so fake. Charm them, sweet talk them, swoon your way into their heart like you did with me. And they'll be all over you.

Edwin: Wow, are y-you really sure?

Jackie: Sure as a possum eaten a sweet tater. It worked with me, right?

Edwin: You're right! I won't let those slutty little hoochies miss the chance to have a piece of my Mandingo.

Jackie: That's the spirit! Now. Here's what we're gonna do.

Kiyoshi, Yang, Alice, and Benny all sit at benches surrounding a few lockers. Piper stands to the side with water still dripping from her clothes. Yang pulls on some pants and dries her hair.

Kiyoshi: So...not to sound rude or anything, but uh, your boyfriend seems kinda clingy.

Yang: Oh, he's not my boyfriend. We're just best friends. Since kindergarten.

Benny: That's so cute! You guys are so close that you do everything together? That's adorable.

Piper: Guys! I'm soaking wet! And freezing! What do I do?!

Kiyoshi: Uh, I don't know, change? Dry yourself?

Piper: But I didn't bring any other clothes!

Alice: That's the only outfit you brought for the whole show? Tragic.

Benny: You seriously didn't bring anything else to wear?

Piper: Well, I did bring one thing...

Yang: Then change into that!

Piper: Uh...okay. I guess I have no other choice. Be right back, guys.

Piper goes into a bathroom stall to change.

Kiyoshi: She does know she can change out here, right? This is a lockeroom.

Alice shrugs and Yang puts on deodorant under her arms. Suddenly, Edwin bursts through the door, wearing a super tiny speedo that barely covers his bottom area. The girls (and Benny) scream. Yang defensively covers her chest area, still only wearing a bra.

Edwin: Hello, ladies.

Alice: Get out of here, creeper! This is the girls' lockeroom!

Benny: Ew, what's he wearing?!

Edwin: My ravishing damsels! It's okay! You need not hide yourself from your whore tendenices and desires any longer! You're safe and your clitorises will soon will be full of my massive, skyscraper sized ding dong! So feast your eyes, take it in, and end the lies you tell yourself! Join Jackie and I for the fuckfest extravaganza taking place right in my bed! Yes! This is reality! Accept your slutiness. Submit to your submissive ways and-

Kiyoshi: You're disgusting! You have creeped us out and made every woman on this show uncomfortable all night! And I will not stand for you violating, inappropriately touching or sexually harassing anyone any longer.

Edwin: Sweetheart-

Edwin's eyes widen. Kiyoshi has pulled out a sword, a katana to be exact, out of her bag and pointing it directly at him.

Benny: Is that a sword?!

Kiyoshi slowly walks toward him, and Edwin holds up his hands defesnively.

Edwin: Woah, woah, woah, honey! Relax! We can work this out!

Kiyoshi glares at him and doesn't budge.

Edwin: Oh. I get it. I can get with the whole female dominatrix masochist vibe. Kink-y.

Kiyoshi: That's it!

Kiyoshi let's out some sort of warrior cry and begins to chase Edwin who shrieks like a girl. Yang, Benny and Alice run after her.

Alice: Kiyoshi, wait!

A few seconds later, Piper emerges in her furry costume. The suit itself is an anthropomorphic purple rabbit with a large, open mouthed smile and beaming (almost creepy) blue eyes. The face of the costume has large dramatic eyelashes and red lipstick. The rabbit has large ears that are permanently stiff facing up. The suit has the body shape of a curvacuious human with woman with breasts and everything, however all the futures of an animal including large paws and a bunny tail. The size of the costume is humongous and intimidating standing proportional to humans as if it is one itself.

Piper: Guys? Guys?

Renge, now dry, walks with a sad expression on his face staring at the ground. He sighs. Jackie, quite the opposite, comes in a behind him with a smug, proud, and malicious grin on her face.

Jackie: What's the matter, booboo? You look sadder than a tumbleweed on an empty highway.

Renge: Nothing. Just had my entire night ruined, no big deal.

Jackie grins evilly.

Jackie: Aw, darlin'. Tell momma what's on your mind. I'll make it all better.

Jackie seductively caresses his cheek. Renge immediately pushes it away.

Renge: Uh, no thank you.

Jackie: What's the matter? Not into blondes?

Renge: I'm actually really into blondes.

Jackie: Oh. Are you gay?

Renge: W-what? No! I just have eyes for one girl and one girl only. And I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me alone.

Renge walks ahead of her.

Jackie: Your loss, sugar. (Mumbling) And biggest mistake.

Jackie chuckles under her breathe. Suddenly, Mio comes out of no where looking fumed with rage and craziness. Renge and Jackie step back, scared.

Mio: EXCUSE ME! HAVE YOU TWO SEEN PIPER, BENNY, KIYOSHI OR ALICE ANYWHERE?

Jackie: Nope. May I ask why?

Mio: THEY'RE DANGEROUS! THEY'RE AILEN LIFEFORMS TAKING FORM IN FAKE HUMAN SKINSUITS. I NEED TO STOP THEM BEFORE THEY ABDUCT US AND CONTROL OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

Renge: Hey! Wait a second! So, you're the one that was chasing them with a knife! Listen, psycho, you ruined my entire-

Mio's wrist device starts flashing red again.

Mio: AILENS!

Mio pulls out her knife and frying pan and chases the both of them as they start screaming.

Nora, Rochelle, Slinky, and Timothy remain in the bleachers. Slinky and Nora are passed out and Timothy is showing an unamused Rochelle more of his badges. Suddenly, Piper comes in, moping, and slouching.

Piper (crying): Hey, guys. Do you mind if I sit here with you? All of my friends just left me and I-

Rochelle: Holy, shit! What the fuck is that?!

Timothy: Wow, a live, anthropomorphic bunny rabbit! Fascinating...and terrifying!

Nora and Slinky wake up and catch sight of Piper. Immediately, they are scared.

Slinky: Gah! How long was I asleep for?!

Nora: This must be the beginning of the apocalypse! PETA used a top secret growth serum that causes animals to grow to human size and take over the world!

Piper: No, you guys! It's me! Piper! This is just my fur suit!

Slinky: Oh my fucking God and it ate Piper!

Piper: No, you guys calm down! Look!

Piper removes the head. There's a slight pause.

Rochelle: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Rochelle, Timothy, Nora, and Slinky all run away from Piper who chases after them, shouting and pleading.

Max and Robin enter the school's main office. In the front there is a check in desk meant for a receptionist, surrounded by various desks, computers and filing cabinets. Max snoops around, looking inside various drawers. Behind the receptionist desk is another closed off hallway. The two boys enter it and begin inspecting it. There is various doors meant for various school specialists such as "nurse," "counselor," and "athletic director." All the doors are locked. Finally the boys stop at the end of the hallway among the two largest and notable doors that are there. "Principal" and "vice principal."

Robin: Yes! I mean, come on, this has to be it, right?

Max: It'd make sense, no?

The two boys open the door and reveal an office that would be quite luxury for a principal. There's a hot tub, king sized bed, flatscreen TV, pool table, and a large Chris McLean cardboard cutout. Right in the middle of the room is a gold desk with a name tag that on it that says "Principal McLean" and a bobble head of the aforementioned prinicpal. However, no Chris himself. Most notably what the boys notice is Carmella raiding through the host's drawers looking at various files and paperwork. Meanwhile, Jesse is punching and destroying the cardboard cutout.

Max: Woah, it's amazing in here.

Carmella: Of course it's amazing in here! I mean, would you guys expect anything less from this glorified, egoistical, money hungry, sadistic asshole? GAH! I HATE HIM!

Carmella throws a bunch of the papers up in the air.

Robin: Oh my God, why are you going through his things? You're gonna get in trouble for that!

Carmella: Research! I mean there has to be something scandalous and juicy in here! I need material for the reflective article I'm gonna write as a future NY TIMES journalist in five years exposing the untold shocking truth about Chris McLean and all of his dirtiest secrets!

Jesse: And besides, he deserves to have his office destroyed! After all he put us through! Once I see that asshole, I'm gonna knock his lights out!

Max: You know, somehow I don't think punching a cardboard cutout of him will really be super beneficial in achieving that goal.

Jesse: But it's good target practice!

Jesse punches a large hole in the middle of its face. Robin pulls his hair, punches a filing cabinet and letting out a tiny scream of frustration.

Robin: Agh! This is so annoying! We've searched up and down this dumb ass school and still nothing! How the hell were we expected to accomplish anything without any pregiven instruction? No clues or anything!

Carmella: That's what I've been saying! It's absolutely ridiculous!

Suddenly, Chris's voice booms through a overhead announcement speaker.

Chris (over the speaker): Since some particular contestants have been decided to be a little ungrateful and nosy as of recently. And since it is taking you all way longer to find me than I expected, I'm giving everyone a clue. You can find me somewhere...musical. That easy enough? Sheesh! And to the aforementioned ungrateful students, if you don't get out my office right now I'll have you all EXPELLED off my show. Ha. I've been waiting all night to say that!

Robin: Somewhere musical? Well, duh! That's super easy!

Carmella: Why didn't I think of that sooner?!

Max: We passed by that room like two times!

They all run frantically out of the office.

Jesse: Wait, what?! I don't get it! One of you nerds get over here and explain it to me! GET BACK HERE!

Jeremy, Sterling and Joe are still laughing at Walter. Mikey continues dancing. Nora, Rochelle, Timothy, Slinky, Renge, and Jackie run past them.

Nora, Rochelle, Timothy, Slinky, Renge and Jackie: RUN!

Mikey: From what?

The five boys catch sight of Mio, chasing after them chaotically with a knife and frying pan along with Piper running in her fur suit. They all scream and start running away from them as well. A feet away from them, Edwin is still running and screaming in his speedo from Kiyoshi and her katana, proclaiming a battle cry. Benny, Alice, and Yang run behind her. Robin, Max, Carmella, and Jesse have reached the doors of the music room and are about to open it but are alarmed at the huge mob of people now running towards them.

Nora: OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN IT!

Max: Huh?

Carmella slams open the music door hurriedly. Max, Robin, Jesse, and Carmella hastily run inside. The remaining eighteen competitors all dash in, landing into a nasty dog pile. In the background, Chef plays the typical failing sound effect on a trombone. Chris wipes a tear of laughter.

Chris: Well that's one way to start the game.

The other contestants groan and hold various parts of their bodies in pain. They all slowly get up one by one.

Chris: Everyone please take a seat. Anywhere!

Reluctantly and angrily, the recently arrived twenty-two contestants sit around the already seated Ivonne, Maggie, Rhys, and Lavinia. Lavinia raises an eyebrow at Slinky who takes a seat next to her.

Lavinia: What happened to you, dearie?

Slinky: I don't wanna talk about it.

Edwin sits next to Joe.

Joe: What the hell are you wearing, holmes?

Edwin: A speedo. What? Jealous of how well it flatters my bulge?

Joe: A-agh! Get away from me.

Joe moves away to another seat. Finally, the angry students all settle into their seats.

Rochelle: You better have a good ass explanation for what you've done to us, asshole!

Chris: An explanation? Well, whatever do you mean?

Max: Almost dying in the bus, freezing out off in the cold, the senseless scavenger hunt you just sent us on?!

Jeremy: It's six in the morning now, the suns already coming out! We're all tired as fuck!

Sterling: Yeah bro, we've been treated like shit for almost ten hours straight.

Walter: You're lucky we don't sue!

Jesse: Or beat you til you're dead!

Chris: Woah, woah, woah there students. There will be no suing, no beating, none of that. Unless you all want to end up in jail, of course. (He chuckles) Because folks, need I remind you of a little something called...your contracts!

Everyone groans.

Chris: Oh! And the next person who threatens my safety or legal well-being or goes through my personal property will immediately be expelled off the show!

Ivonne: You can't do that!

Chris: Of course I can! Considering it's my show and everything.

Alice: What was the point in making us run around the school like a bunch of crazy people?

Chris: Because I can. And because it's my show! Now stop interrupting me!

The competitors start murmuring angrily. Chris takes a deep breathe and recollects himself.

Confessional: Kiyoshi

Oh, my gosh. Chris really has no care for anyone but himself does he?

Chris: Anyways. Welcome students to your first day here at Wawanka High! And your first official episode on Total Drama Highschool.

There's a pause with everyone seeming annoyed, but soon everyone gives in and starts applauding.

Chris: It was a difficult process, but the producers and I are confident we picked a diverse and well rounded group of young adults. Some loveable.

Camera pans to Benny and Alice.

Chris: Some tough.

Camera pans to Joe and Jesse.

Chris: Some highly intelligent.

Camera pans to Robin and Max.

Chris: Some downright weird.

Camera pans to Mio and Piper.

Chris: And some...who I'm sure will be favorites of mine.

Camera pans to Jackie and Jeremy. Chris chuckles sadistically.

Chris: Now look alive, students! Because if you thought today was bad, well the worst is only yet to come! Each and every week, you'll compete in challenges all based around the many different areas of highschool. That means sports!

Jesse: Ha.

Chris: Theater!

Mikey: Yeah, baby!

Chris: And maybe even your classic high school standardized test!

Carmella: Where I excel.

Chris: We're back in high school! Home of questioning of sexuality, superiority complexes, and ignorant adolescents that think they know everything! The best part about highschool though? The drama! And with you all here and contrasting personalities and tendency to backstab each other in the back, chaos will definitely ensue!

Maggie: Wonderful. Can you wrap this up now, please?

Chris: I'm getting to it! Have any of you heard of a little thing called patience? Might help you in the long run.

Jackie: No one has any damn patience after what you put us through tonight.

Chris: Whatever. It's time to announce the teams! If I call your name, please stand on the left side of the room.

Chris gestures with his hand. As he calls names, the competitors get up and move.

Chris: For team one we have! Rhys, Robin, Benny, Jeremy, Sterling, Joe, Slinky, Kiyoshi, Alice, Yang, Piper, Carmella and Nora! You guys will officially be known as THE GRUESOME GATORS. Jeremy smirks.

Confessional: Rhys

(He chuckles.) Let the games commence.

Confessional: Jeremy

So you're telling me I got that little gay fag, a weird smelly ass bitch in a rabbit costume, AND the emo kid on my team? (He chuckles evilly) This is gonna be so much fun. And Carmella. We may have had a little disagreement earlier, but I'm all yours now. The window's open. Better take advantage of having the opportunity to have this body before it passes you up. (He winks)

Joe: Aw, shit. That's right, ese.

Alice: Ew! I don't wanna be an alligator! My skin is so not dry!

Carmella: What the hell do alligators have to do with highschool?

Chris: Team names are based off of real highschool mascots here in Ontario. Don't question my creativity. Anyways for team two we have: Maggie, Rochelle, Ivonne, Jesse, Jackie, Mio, Lavinia, Max, Mikey, Walter, Edwin, Timothy, and Renge! You guys are now THE HAWKEYED HAWKS!

Mikey: Hell yes, hawks are sick!

Max: What a stupid name.

Timothy: Yes! A fantastic super name for my troupe.

Jesse glares at him. Timothy grins at her. Jesse punches him in the face and he falls to the floor.

Confessional: Jesse

They put me on a team with that fucking goober?! Have you ever seen someone so annoying? Even breathing the same air as happy sunshine boy makes me want to strangle him until he turns blue.

Maggie (sarcastically): Yeah, Chris your creativity is really peaking through.

Yang nudges Renge.

Yang (playfully): Guess you're my competition now! I promise to not go too hard on you, but don't cry too much when you lose.

Renge: W-wait! No! Hold on, he can't do this! Yang he can't separate us, it's not right!

Chris: Alright! Now the moment you've all been waiting for! Your sleeping arrangements! Everyone follow me!

Everyone but Renge and Yang cheers and follows behind.

Nora: YES! FINALLY!

Edwin: WOOHOO! Finally some much deserved rest after a long long night!

Yang: Maybe some time apart will be good for us, Renge!

Yang cheers and runs ahead of him. Renge frowns and sulks ahead.

Everyone stands outside a series of portable buildings with confused expressions on their faces.

Chris: Welcome to your new humble abode, bachelor pad, fresh crib-

Rochelle: Yo bunk ass really had to go and pick the worst place for us to sleep, didn't you?

Walter: Portables are TEMPORARY buildings! Absolutely not meant for slumber! The walls are paper thin!

Nora: Exactly! And if there's a really bad heat wave we're gonna feel all of it!

Ivonne: Ooh, child. Please tell me them buildings have air conditioning.

Chris: Ha! Have you ever even watched this show?

Benny: W-wait. How do we know which room is ours?

Chris: Left building is for the Gators. Right is for the Hawks. You all can decide which room is for gals and which is for the dudes.

Edwin: What if we desire to make our living arrangements a little more...versatile?

Edwin raises an eyebrow at Maggie. She punches him in the groin.

Chris: Ignoring that! Rest up students! Get comfortable! Get situated! Because tomorrow at twelve PM we are taking our first... field trip!

Timothy: A field trip? Hooray! How exciting!

Jesse: Shut the fuck up.

Chris grins and walks away. The students tiredly drag themselves to their various rooms and start to unpack and move in.

Jackie walks to the bathroom. Edwin grabs her by the wrist.

Jackie: Ooh, darlin', you startled me. Starting off our little rendezvous with some rough foreplay, I see. I like it.

Jackie wraps her arms around his neck. Edwin lightly pushes her away.

Edwin: Pardon me if this is incorrect my sweet little country lass...but, I'm starting to think you've been manipulating me into embarassing myself.

Jackie: Wha? Pumpkin, no! Why would you say that?

Edwin: Well the whole locker room thing... you said it was going to help me seduce all of those lovely little sluts. But instead they all tried to hurt me! And I can't help but feel as though you took advantage of my sexiness.

Jackie: Why, honey, no! That's just not the case. Ya see, I really thought it would work but...clearly I was wrong. Some chickens never hatch from their eggs and I guess those dumb whores couldn't realize how much of hot hunky man you are.

Edwin: Oh, Jackie! I knew it! I just knew it couldn't have been true! You are the most gorgeous, erotic, sexy, naughty, spicy, woman I know! I wanna show my package to you and only you! And I can't believe that I ever doubted you for one second! Screw all the other hoochies on this show! I only want you! Is there any way I can make up my shifted point of loyalty towards you?

Jackie: Well...there is one thing.

Jackie whispers in his ear. Edwin jumps in excitement.

Edwin: W-ow! That sounds so absolutely exhilarating and hot! Anything for you my, sweet raunchy princess. Are you sure that will be okay, though?

Jackie nods.

Edwin: OKAY! Then I trust you! Let's do it!

Edwin approaches the window of the girls' side of the Hawk portable. Edwin peers through the window looking at a seductive Jackie who winks at him. All the other girls are fast asleep. Nervously, Edwin begins to pull down his pants and underwear. Jackie starts to unbutton her shirt. Finally, Edwin's bottom portion of his body is completely naked revealing only his uh...private body part. He puts a hand over it and begins to stroke himself. As she undresses, Jackie "accidentally" knocks over a lamp, making it shatter on the floor and awaken her female teammates. Immediately, they all wake up and realize the disgusting horror of what is occurring outside their window. They all scream at the top of their lungs. Jackie chuckles under her breathe, buttoning her shirt back up.

Jesse: Dude, what the fuck!

Jesse runs outside and begins to beat Edwin to a pulp, making him gain two black eyes, a busted lip and and two missing teeth. Jesse wipes her hands in completion. He lies passed on the floor. She heads back into the room.

Renge sits in the seat in front of the desk in front of an unamused Chris.

Renge: And that's why we have to be on the same team. Please, Chris, I'm begging you!

Chris: Ya know, if I had a heart or was a real principal with genuine concern for a student's wellbeing, I might actually feel bad for you. But, I don't.

Chris's phone rings. He picks it up. Chris's face slowly turns more horrified and disgusted.

Chris (on the phone): Hello? WHAT?! Seriously? Gross! WHAT?! Okay, absolutely. Bye!

He hangs up.

Renge: What was that?

Chris runs out of the room. Renge looks after him confusion.

Chris: Some gross shit, dude! Gross shit!

Chris and two police officers approach Edwin who has barely regained consciousness and is holding his head in pain.

Chris: Right there, guys.

The police officers grab Edwin by the shoulders and handcuff him.

Edwin: W-WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?

Chris: You're under arrest, man. Freakin' pervert.

Edwin: For what?!

Chris: Well, I don't know. Multiple counts of sexual harassment, walking into the girls' lockeroom, public mastrubation, BASICALLY public nudity. You're sick, bro. What's wrong with you?

The police officers drag away a resisting Edwin who is screaming at the top of his lungs.

Edwin: NO! NO! PLEASE! NO!

Edwin notices Jackie standing behind Chris with a devilish grin on her face. She blows a kiss at Edwin.

Edwin: NO!

Confessional: Jackie

Bye, bye, Edwin. It was fun while it lasted. I'll do whatever it takes to win this game. Anything. So if I have to lay down some southern charm and use my good lucks to my advantage, I'm gonna do that. Soon, all these dumb diddly fools will fall victim to my seduction. And I won't stop until I come out on top. (She laughs evilly)

grace's notes: and there it is! hope you enjoyed and I hope you feel your characters were written to justice. the pervert is unfortunately gone before competing but I have a feeling he won't be missed too terribly. anyways, although it took me over a month to complete I can genuinely say I had a ton of fun writing this first chapter for you all! this is such an incredible, quirky, diverse group and everyone brings a different element to the story that I am thrilled to expand upon!

however, I won't lie. I was briefly uninspired and unmotivated to come back to it for a moment. my personal life has also been incredibly hectic and busy...BUT I can assure you all that I will be coming up with updates for this story more frequently. although, expect shorter chapters than what you have seen here. I decided to make this a tad lengthier considering it is the introduction and everything.

sorry if anyone feels as though their contestant wasn't showcased as much as you would have liked. I tried to give everyone an equal amount of dialogue and screen time to the best of my ability, but time and time again that proved to be a little difficult. in fact, this whole story proved to be a big challenge for me. a cast of twenty-six is no joke and I truly had no idea what I was getting myself into. nonetheless, I've fallen in love with writing this and I hope you all liked it!

before you go, please leave me a review! it helps me a lot and gives me a boost of motivation in knowing that you all care enough to invest in the story. and in your review, I'm curious to know your answer to the following questions!

1) Apart from your own, who is your favorite character/ who intrigues you the most?

2) What predictions do you have for the story going forward?

3) How do you feel about Edwin's disqualification from the game?

that's all! thanks for reading and until next time, STAY HYDRATED!