woah i'm not dead! sorry about disappearing though. in case y'all aren't aware, my motivation for writing is kind of all over the place, so i apologize in advance for random hiatuses like this one. also, just wanna apologize in advance for how horrible this fic prolly is. it's really late and i feel like this fic is garbage and makes no sense? hhh idk don't listen to me i'm tired.

so the title for this came from that one meme that's like: "i made a calculation, but i am very bad at math." and in this case. well. shadow's kinda an idiot :/ and sonic isn't too happy about it.

rated t for swearing, mild suggestive themes, and some violence/blood bc shadow's a reckless lil shit.

At this point, Shadow thought his spine was going to just shrivel up and collapse. It'd probably feel better than the utter agony he was going through, if he was being honest.

G.U.N. has never really been kind to the striped hedgehog. They recognize that he was built to be the Ultimate Lifeform; that he can go much longer than others without sleep or eating, that his skin is much tougher to cut through, that his strength and reflexes are god-like, and they take advantage. Send him on more strenuous missions that any other, sane agent would instantly decline.

And sure, sometimes it's utter hell. But, he's kind of got an apartment to upkeep, especially considering the other inhabitant is unemployed, and, well, this certainly pays the bills. Even if sometimes Shadow gets this really bad urge to just sock the commander in his stupid face.

Like right now. Because he's been sitting in this damned, tiny, cramped air vent for nearly five hours, spying on Doctor Robotnik as the madman plans out his next big scheme. Sure, he's got a high pain tolerance. Doesn't mean his back doesn't feel stiff as hell and he's not sweating through his pores, though.

But, luckily, his mission finally seems to be complete. The doctor's been rambling to himself enough that he's been able to pick up some small tidbits on things like 'relocating the Phantom Ruby' and 'recycling the wrecked Death Egg Robots.'

Beginning to crawl back out to the way he came from, Shadow sends a short text to Rouge, saying, Done. Heading back out now. Meet you in ten at the rendezvous point.

As he continues his sluggish, uncomfortable journey out to daylight (or really moonlight, at this point) he also starts to daydream. He can practically smell the buttery popcorn awaiting him at home, where a certain blue hedgehog is probably awaiting him, curled up on the couch in a blanket, ready to snuggle and watch movies. Shadow can just barely smell the aroma of pine trees that weaves its way through the cerulean male's fur, can practically taste the sweetness of his tongue. He can feel soft quills beneath his fingers, tender to his touch but bristling with ecstasy, he—

No, wait, something's off.

Pushing aside those ever so tantalizing thoughts, Shadow's face crumbles into a stern frown, stopping his crawl. Something strong, nearby, pulsates in the atmosphere, waves of sheer energy rolling off like a voracious ocean. The beating energy smacks straight into the agent, sending his mind into a dreary spin as he tries to gain hold of his bearings. The energy, it's so—so…

Some voice in his head, that sounds sort of like Rouge, or maybe even Sonic, chastises him with an overbearing, don't you even dare, idiot. And he ponders it, a moment, before something much stronger and even a little familiar seizes his chest—pride, compulsiveness, bloodlust? Chaos, who even knows at this point—and suddenly, Shadow finds himself leaping down from the vent into a wide, dark chamber.

Steel walls huddle around him from all sides, the occasional computer, or deactivated robot, or pile of scraps strewn about. There's a large set of doors straight ahead, and dammit, he just knows that fresh air, and a quick jog home, and cuddles and kisses and laughter is just on the other side, but. Well.

First, he needs to get past the killer robot.

"Did you really think we didn't know you were here?" Metal Sonic hisses, hunched slightly in an eerie stance, head hanging low and glowing red eyes peering right back up at him.

Shadow snarls at the mech, fiddling absently at one of his inhibitor rings. Dammit. What!? These were custom tailored; they were supposed to make him invisible!

Like it read his mind, the robot sneers in a tone that's terribly similar to someone Shadow loves, but also so horribly off-sounding and sharp, "You thought you'd go unnoticed, hedgehog? You thought you'd slip right under our noses?" It snickers, if robots even can do that, but it's this bone-chilling noise that makes Shadow's fur prickle and his teeth grate. "You forget how much stronger I am when I have an emerald with me. I can sense even the faintest Chaos signatures."

The striped hedgehog narrows his eyes, calculating. Of course, he curses to himself, of course Metal has an emerald.

"So what's your plan?" Shadow asks, clenching and unclenching his fists because he's tense, dammit, and he just wants to go home. Why the hell did he decide to approach the damn power source, again?!

Metal cocks its head to the side, steel talons twitching. "I plan to have some fun, hedgehog. Because, as it may seem, I've got quite the advantage over you. I don't sense anything beyond your bare Chaos signature coming from you. But I've got a super-powered gem stuffed in my engine."

Shadow bares his teeth in a snarl he hopes is menacing. His arms tremble slightly as he tenses up in a more looming stance; exhaustion sucks greedily at his bones.

"Fine, then. Let's dance."

Something strange catches in Metal's optics—an unsettling glint of, Chaos, amusement, maybe? And then the machine is gone, in a flash, as if it was never there. Promptly, Shadow can just feel a stone cold figure, brimming with hot and ravenous energy, appear behind him, mere inches away. And, for once, the hedgehog's reflexes fail him, from fatigue, from surrender, from fear.

A blood-curdling scream tears through the stagnant laboratory.

Sonic had been warned, countless times, to never drink coffee. Because he was already the fastest thing alive and, caffeine? Well, it didn't quite mix well with him. His heart rate was already going way over the speed limit, anyway.

But it's nearly two in the morning, and his boyfriend still isn't home yet, and Rouge isn't responding, and he's not supposed to contact him on missions, and Chaos dammit, he's worried as hell. Because when Shadow was telling him about this operation, he was told it was a simple, incognito thing where he just needed to gather some intel. He was told that Shadow would be home by, like, eleven, tops.

And now it's nearly two in the morning.

So, yes, maybe he's been sitting on the couch, playing the news in the background in case—Chaos, forbid—he hears news of some horrible incident, cradling his third mug of coffee in his hands, eyes glued to the front door a few feet from the couch, praying to every god he can think of that his idiot is going to stumble through the door any second, explaining that maybe he just was so tired he crashed at Rouge's, or that G.U.N. decided to hold him up with paperwork, or—or—

He hisses, then, blinking violently because his eyes are, uh. Burning and dry? Did he space out again? And why's—? Oh. He spilled some coffee on himself.

Something in the back of his head is whispering, It's because you've been shaking like a fool for the past hour and a half, and, yeah, he can concede to that notion. Whether he's been shaking from the anxiety or the caffeine, though? Hell if he knows.

It's then that a blinding light engulfs the apartment, suddenly and painfully, before snapping back into nonexistence in half a second. And, standing by the door, swaying and bruised and bloody and holding a fucking Chaos emerald like he just won the gold at the Olympics, stands a—possibly delirious—Shadow.

"Holy—" Sonic is already leaping off the couch, and he really, really meant to just set down his mug but he's already running up to the other hedgehog and, shit, was that ceramic shattering?

The males collide in a tight, careful hug, the darker one standing dizzily, the lighter squeezing around his waist and cursing into ebony fur. Sonic is vaguely aware that his whole front feels wet—and, yeah, it's probably blood—but all he can think about is that Shadow's home.

Withdrawing from their embrace, the azure hedgehog continues to grip the other's sides. "Chaos, Shads! Are you—are—shit, what happened?!"

He's got every right to be as concerned as he is; Shadow looks like a complete and utter mess. His face is pale, he's got burn marks all over him, his right leg's twisted badly, and there's this disgusting, horrible gash on the side of his hip, just barely below his ribcage.

The striped teenager grins like an idiot (because he is one), and manages out, "… Ran into some… trouble."

Sonic frowns. "Well, no shit! Are you—? Fuck, what are you doing here?! You need to get to a hospital—!"

"No."

Shadow, then, witnesses a true spectacle—possibly the most intense, simultaneously furious and horrified expression he's ever seen.

"'No'?!"

The agent shakes his head, leaning into his partner and curling shaky fingers around his back, digging them into soft, blue quills. "No," he whispers again, "I-I just… Just wanna… Stay here…"

"Shads, we don't—" Sonic nudges up the charcoal male's chin, eyes wide and searching, "We can't just—you need medical attention."

"No." And this time, the blue blur startles, because his boyfriend looks like he's about to pass out, and yet he sounds as powerful as thunder when he says that. "No, I… The emerald, i-it can… Please, I just want…"

Sonic blinks the wetness from his eyes the second they begin to sting with tears, because, Chaos, this is so stupid. And yet, those ruby orbs look so tired and longing, and—ah, dammit.

He knows that feeling. Knows what it's like to get out of some hairy fight, and just not want to get rushed to a hospital. Because, sure, it'll save him, but, sometimes it's nice to not be stuck in a sterile room, with wires hooked up and shots digging into skin and doctors hovering around the bed and—

Sometimes you just wanna go home, you know?

"Chaos, just," Sonic plants a small kiss on a gaunt, bruised cheek, "Just come over here."

The speedster resists a growl from crawling out of his throat at that shit eating grin he swears he spots, flickering across the striped hedgehog's face in an instant. Instead, he drags the stumbling agent over to the couch and settles him down, quickly dashing over to the first aid kit in the bathroom, before returning to his boyfriend's side.

Sonic begins with dabbing away most of the blood, though it takes some effort, as it's mostly dried and clumpy in his ebony fur at this point. He sighs heavily, using his free hand to card delicate fingers through thick, black and red quills. "What's even the point of keeping nice furniture around, huh?" he murmurs, and Shadow's lips twitch a little despite his quickly fleeing consciousness, "I mean, it all just gets sliced open, or blown up, or covered in blood every other week, anyways."

The older male hums softly, shoving the Chaos Emerald into the other's hand. "Mm, it's comfy," he mumbles under his breath.

Eyeing the gem wearily, Sonic uses his free hand now to hover it over the largest gash, carved into Shadow's side. It looks like something large stabbed into him, but it's difficult to distinguish what, exactly. Regardless, the blue blur begins to summon some energy from the emerald, and suddenly, both the jewel and the hand above the wound become swallowed in a glowing haze of energy. Wisps of golden light begin to twist and twirl away from his fingertips and into the cut, and Sonic watches with wonder as the raw energy starts to pull at tendons and flesh, healing the injury as if it were never there. Shadow sighs in instant relief.

"The hell even happened?" Sonic wonders, eyes trained on his hand, focusing on healing the wound, "I thought this was just a 'gathering intel' thing."

"It was," Shadow grunts. He squints open his eyes again, face brightening slightly just at the mere sight of his partner. "… Until I ran into Metal on my way out." He beckons vaguely to the gash in his side. "D'ya know he can stab a whole hand into you?"

The cerulean hedgehog looks up in shock, searching the other's face like he's expecting that to be a joke.

After a moment Sonic gives up, returning his attention to the wound itself. "No shit."

The speedster watches as the last tendrils of skin lace back together, strung together by strands of Chaos energy, as ebony fur blossoms over the spot. The stab wound disappears completely, no sign of it left besides the puddle of blood beneath Shadow that formed because of it.

Sonic peers back up at those tired, ruby eyes, satisfied with his work. "So how'd he find you?" he wonders, before proceeding to shift his attention to his boyfriend's right leg, bent into a chilling position. He hovers a hand over the appendage, watching as it begins to shift back into a natural arrangement, a golden mist swirling around it.

"Not sure," Shadow replies, talking immensely easier without the unbearable pain rocketing across his body, "I think it was because of the emerald he had. Said it made it easier to sense my Chaos signature."

"So this emerald was hooked up to him?" the blue blur wonders, eyeing the gem curiously.

The Ultimate Lifeform shrugs and says, "More or less. I had to rip it out of his chest. It's easier said than done."

Chuckling, Sonic leans back a little. "Alright, got the majority done. Can't do much more without getting really drained. Knux still hasn't taught me everything about the whole 'healing' thing, so."

"It's fine," the striped hedgehog assures, already beginning to sit up, "You did great."

Sonic grins, bowing his head in close to have his lips meet Shadows. They lock together perfectly, lingering on each other's tastes for a moment, relishing, before they pull back slightly for a breath, to gaze into each other's eyes. "Thanks. Just promise not to be so reckless next time?"

"No promises," Shadow murmurs, before going in for another kiss. It's just as flawless, as gentle and intense, as he'd hoped for, and he can't help but gasp into Sonic when the blue blur's hand glides up across his face and runs through his quills.

Fireworks are glimmering through Sonic's head, and he subconsciously tugs at his partner, longing and desperate. "C'mon, let's go—"

Shadow stands, still a little weak and achy, dragging up the blue blur as well as they start to make their way to the bedroom. The striped hedgehog stops briefly, however, to peer over Sonic's shoulder when something catches his attention.

"Is that," the agent snickers, "Is that a coffee mug? Shattered on the floor?"

Sonic's face flares up, and he whips around, eyes landing on the puddle of steaming liquid and the shards of ivory ceramic. "I—uh, yeah, I just. I was waiting for you to come home."

The amusement falls from Shadow's face, and he rests his muzzle against the blue blur's shoulder, mumbling into it, "Sorry, I—sorry. I know how much you hate coffee. I didn't mean to—"

"Oh, don't even start," Sonic counters back, wearily. "Don't try to put this all on yourself. You got stopped by an evil robot. We aren't allowed to contact each other when you're on missions. This was all just—it was just a big mess, alright? All that matters now is that you're alive, and I'm gonna shower you with attention tonight, and tomorrow morning you're gonna make me the best apology pancakes ever, because you made me worried sick. Yeah?"

Shadow gives a smile, feeble and tired, and presses his lips once more against Sonic's. "… Yeah."

aaa i'm rly nervous abt this so hopefully y'all like it! and please r&r! it really helps!

ok so also, just an extra thing about my multichap fic, an island of angels. so. i originally wrote it a while ago, and while i've touched it up a little bit since, i'm still not very happy with it. i've posted the first two chapters, so feel free to check them out. i just wanna know: are y'all interested in it? bc if not, that's fine i'll delete it. but if you really like the concept, let me know, and maybe i'll consider completely rewriting it so i'm actually happy with it. i just don't wanna put unnecessary effort into a project that's not interesting to y'all in the first place, if that makes sense. so, uh. yeah. lemme know. thanks!