A Winter's Dream

"How long has he been like this?" Katara asked.

No one could look her in the eye. Not Aang, not Suki, not Zuko; no one could. If Toph could have, she wouldn't have either. No one wanted to watch as Katara knelt by her brother's side, tears streaking down her face as she tried her best to compose herself.

"How long?!" Katara demanded.

"Four days," Aang said at last. "I gave him some medicine, but he didn't seem to get any better. I don't know what's wrong with him."

"I think it's some kind of fever," Zuko said, "I mean, he's burning up and he's delirious…I don't know what else it could be."

"Maybe an infection?" Suki suggested. "I'm sorry, Katara, none of us know. All we know is that four days ago, he started to get weak and sluggish, and then he started vomiting, and then he became bedridden. We all had our suspicions, but none of us know."

"I gave him medicine," Aang told his wife. "Everything I could think to give him. It helped somewhat…but not enough."

"Well…good thing I'm here," Katara choked out.

She bent the snow around her into water, and a moment later Sokka was surrounded by glowing blue water as it cascaded over his body. Katara's brow furrowed. She tried her best to feel what the water felt, to find what his ailment was, but she was just as lost at the rest of her friends. She stayed focused, though, not leaving his side for hours as she tried to heal him.

"Sokka," she said when she no longer had the energy to continue. "Sokka, talk to me…what's wrong with you? What's happened?"

Sokka moaned and mumbled, but she couldn't understand a word of what he was saying. She leaned over him, putting her ear right by his mouth, but his words were too soft and slurred for her to make anything out. She doubted that he had even heard her at all. With a sigh and a tear, she sat back down on the snow and bundled Sokka up in more furs.

If it was just a fever, the best way to get rid of it was to sweat it out and then get rid of the sweat.

"Zuko…?" Katara asked.

"Yes?"

She was glad that he was still in the room. "Start a fire for us…please. A really warm one."

Zuko nodded and went to the fire pit, stacking fuel on top before lighting it up. A large fire roared behind Katara as she continued to work, but her brother didn't seem to get any better. His eyes were glazed over and unfocused, but his pupils weren't dilated. Katara put a hand to his forehead; he still felt too warm.

"Katara," Aang said, walking up behind her and putting his hands on her shoulders. "You've been at this for hours. You need rest, too. You can't help him if you're too tired."

"I'm not tired," Katara snapped at him, and batted his hands away. "I'm full of energy. I don't need any rest."

Aang backed away and went to go sit on the far side of the fire with Zuko and Suki. None of them said anything as they watched Katara, bent over her brother, whispering things to him and asking him questions.

Sokka's eyes closed, and panic surged through Katara. "Sokka!" she gasped, more tears falling down her face, but when she put her hand to his neck, she was relieved to find a steady pulse and a calm breath. She sighed and lowered her head to her chest, closing her eyes.

"You're too young to go," Katara whispered. "The spirits can't have you. Not yet."

xoxo

Sokka woke up on an iceberg that was floating in the middle of the ocean, but he wasn't cold. He felt warm and fuzzy and content. Above him, the sky was a pristine blue, and soft clouds drifted lazily through the air.

With a grunt he stood up, pushing himself up with…weaker legs than he was used to.

Sokka looked down at himself, and found that his body was young again. He was a teenager, only sixteen years of age.

"What?"

Sokka went to the edge of the iceberg and looked over, seeing his face. He was indeed his teenage self again. But why? He…he was an adult. A man fully grown. So why did he look like this? Maybe…maybe he'd never grown up, and he had just dreamed it all. Maybe the war had never ended, but he'd wanted it to end so badly that he had dreamt for years at a time that the war was over and he was happy with his family.

But…no. That didn't seem right. The memories of being an adult were too clear, and there were too many of them for them to just have been an illusion.

So what was going on?

Sokka went back to the center of the iceberg and laid down, watching the sky above him. Watching as the day turned to evening, and the evening turned to dusk, and the dusk turned to night. A full moon high in the sky watched over Sokka as he laid there, adrift in a never-ending sea.

"Sokka," said the moon.

"Who…?" Sokka asked, sitting up right.

"Sokka…"

"What?" Sokka asked, standing straight up and staring at the moon. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"You don't recognize me?" the moon asked him. "You know me. You've known me all your life."

"I…I don't understand," Sokka admitted.

The moon began to waver, its pale, round face transforming into a woman, dressing in white flowing gowns, framed by white flowing hair.

Sokka fell to his knees. "Yue," he said.

"Yes, Sokka," Yue answered. "I never thought I'd see you again. But here you are. Just how I remember you," she said.

She floated down from the sky and landed on the iceberg with Sokka. With her standing there, the night was suddenly moonless, and only Yue and the millions of stars around them illuminating the black night.

Sokka put his hand out, wanting to touch her, but he thought better of it. He took a step closer to her, still not believing his eyes. Yue was here, real, right in front of him and talking to him. She may only be a ghost…but she was here.

"I didn't think I'd see you again, either," Sokka said. "Why, though? Why can I see you?"

"Your spirit is close to mine. You and I…not since I was alive have I been this close to you," Yue said, and she touched Sokka's cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "I've missed you so much. I've watched over you, all your life, whenever I could. I saw you live a long and happy life…a life I never had."

"Does…does this mean I'm dead?" Sokka asked her.

"No," Yue said. "You're not dead. Not yet, anyway."

"What do you mean?" Sokka asked her.

"Your spirit is still attached to your body. It's holding you back. You're alive in both worlds, though, because you are so sick," Yue said.

Sokka could get lost in those blue eyes of hers. He leaned in close to her face and parted his lips. He was about to kiss her, but he stopped. He hoped he wasn't being played by some trickster spirit; this seemed just too good to be true. To see Yue again, after all these long years…

"You can kiss me…if you want…" Yue whispered.

Before Sokka could, Yue closed the distance between them and put her lips on his, kissing him slowly, sweetly, savoring his kisses. She might never have them again, so she had to make these last. Her ghostly hands wrapped around his neck and then rested on his shoulders. Sokka cupped his face as he kissed her.

When Yue pulled away, she opened her eyes and rested her forehead up against his.

"Am I dying?" Sokka asked her after a long moment of silence.

"Yes," Yue answered. "I will not lie to you. You are still so young, and there is so much life for you to live. You could still do so many things on Earth. You could have a full life, one without regrets or missed opportunities…"

"You miss your life, don't you?" Sokka asked her.

"Yes," she said with a nod. "I miss being alive. I miss living. I miss being able to walk amongst my people, to spend days and nights with my friends, to eat and drink and be merry. All of that's gone now. Life had so much to offer, and life was so sweet. If only it wasn't for that firebender…" Yue said. She closed her eyes and a single tear streaked down her cheek, falling onto the ice below them.

"What would you do if you had lived longer?" Sokka asked her.

"I would have married you," Yue said.

Sokka blinked in surprise. "But…what about your people? About your duty to your tribe?"

"I've thought long and hard. I can see so many lives up there in the sky, and I see so many people living in misery because they denied themselves happiness. Just like I did. If I could live again, I would live my life to the fullest. I'd not fear risk or chances. I'd live like I know that I was going to die young. I would have married you; I would have played with my friends; I would have spoke my mind when I should have remained silent," Yue said. "I was always so eager to please others, to serve my tribe, that I didn't live for myself. Sometimes I wonder if I ever lived at all."

"Don't say that," Sokka told her.

"But it's true," Yue said. "And even as the moon I am not free. I am bound to the sky, and to the spirit world. I am the constant companion to the ocean, and to the stars. I will always have those obligations."

"Everyone has obligations," Sokka told her. "That's just life."

"But that has always been my entire life," Yue said. "There was always more to life than that."

"Like what?" Sokka asked her.

Yue wrapped her arms around his waist. "Like love," Yue said. "Like personal happiness. Sometimes life can be found in a strange water tribe boy from the south."

Sokka blushed and wrapped his arms around her waist. He parted his lips, meaning to kiss her, but Yue was the one who pulled him in. Pulled him into a long and deep kiss, as if she were searching his soul for something. Something romantic or sexual, something that would awaken something in her or satisfy what she'd never had.

"Yue," Sokka whispered her name.

"Sokka," Yue whispered back. "I wish we could have had more time together."

"I'm here now," Sokka said, "doesn't that count?"

"You're too hollow," Yue said. "You're not fully here."

"But I am here. And we're together. It should count," Sokka told her. "I'm here with you, and you're here with me, and we're together. So…that counts."

Yue smiled and giggled. She looked so beautiful when she was happy.

"Oh, Sokka," Yue said. "You're just the way I remember you. You haven't change at all."

"Is that a good thing?" he asked.

"To me, it is," Yue answered. She closed her eyes again and laid her head on Sokka's shoulder.

Sokka smiled and pulled her into a tight hug, never wanting to let her go. He wish he could have given her the life she had wanted. He wished that she could have lived longer, and that she had had more freedom. But that was life as a princess; always a sacrifice to their nation. Their lives, their freedom, their happiness. He'd learned that with Yue, just as he'd come to learn that with Azula. And with Zuko. The price of royalty, and the price of a goddess, was steep.

"I'm sorry," Sokka whispered into her hair.

"Don't be," Yue whispered back. "There is nothing you could have done."

"But I can do something now, can't I?" Sokka asked. "Isn't there something I can do for you. I've always been able to do something. I'm not about to give up now."

"You have your's sisters spirit," Yue said. "Stubborn and willful, proud and strong, kind and compassionate."

"She's a good influence," Sokka said.

"There is nothing you can do for me," Yue said with a sigh. "Just this. Just stay here with me for a little bit. Let me feel you again. Let me see you again. Let me pretend that I still have you, to have and to hold. I just wish that we had more time."

"We have all the time in the world," Sokka said.

"No, we don't," Yue said. "You are still alive. You're feverish and sick, but I know you will get better. Your friends are waiting for you, and your sister is crying for you. You have to go back soon."

"Not that soon," Sokka said. He made Yue to look him in the eye. "We still have time. I can still make you happy. Just tell me what I need to do."

"Hold me," Yue told him. "And tell me about your life. Tell me what's it's like to grow old."

"It's not the greatest thing in the world," Sokka told her. "You get all wrinkly and your joints start to hurt. You can't run as long and…and you don't smile as much, or laugh as much. You stop seeing the beauty in everyday things. You have your heart broken over and over and over again, until your heart has healed into a scar. Eventually, life seems more like a chore than a gift."

"You don't like your life?" Yue asked him, worry crossing her face.

"I like my life. I love my life. The friends I've made and the loves I've had. It's just…" Sokka sighed, not knowing how to explain it. "It's just, I'll never be a child again. This body—" he said, gesturing to his teenage form, "—it's just an illusion. I'll never be as young as I once was. I've seen too many things, and I've done too many things. The years can weigh on you like a burden, and a child doesn't have to deal with that. They're just…they're just so much more happier…and they're so innocent. Yeah, that's the word, innocent. The older you grow, the more regrets you have."

"That's not true," Yue said. "I am eternally young, and each night I regret so many things. I regret being so timid and docile, I regret locking myself away, I regret trying so hard to be the perfect princess and never doing anything fun. I regret and regret and regret. If I had lived like you had, I would have had regrets, yes, but I would have had them. I would have been able to look back and say, 'At least I did it. I may not have liked it, but I know what it feels like now.'"

"Sometimes it feels horrible," Sokka said. "Somethings, they feel so bad if feels like your body is made of dead sediment, and your heart is filled with sand, and your bones are all achey."

"I know that feeling," Yue said. "I've had it before."

"Oh," was all Sokka could say to that.

Yue put her head to his chest again and laced her fingers through his own. She held his hands and rubbed his skin with her thumb. She smiled and breathed deep, but she couldn't smell him. He was just a phantom, after all. But she tried to remember what he smelled like, all those years again. He smelled nice…maybe even a little bit sweet. He smelled like…wood? Pine? He smelled like a warm, crackling fire. And ocean salt. And just a hint of exotic food.

Sokka began to stroke her hair. His fingers dipped into her white strands before he had to pull them out, his fingers getting twisted and tangled in her braids. He settled for cupping the back of her head instead.

How can something so ghostly feel so solid? he wondered to himself.

"Sokka," Yue whispered, "tell me about your life."

"Well…there's not a lot to tell. Every since the war ended, I've been leading a pretty normal life. I went back to the Southern Water Tribe and helped people rebuild. We've become a really good tribe. Nice sturdy buildings. Bigger population. It's almost as nice as the Northern Tribe now," Sokka said. "And…I made friends with Zuko. He was that angry fire prince…I don't think you ever met him, though."

Yue was silent as she listened to Sokka talk on and on about his life. She wished she could have been there with him, helping to rebuild his tribe, helping with the war efforts, helping with the tremendous task of restoring the world after a hundred-year war had left it ravaged and broken.

"It hasn't been easy…no one trusts the Fire Nation. I still don't. Not completely. Sure, Zuko turned out pretty okay in the end, but the entire Nation is now answering for war crimes and they don't feel that they should pay for Earth Kingdom infrastructure, and both of the Water Tribes have implemented bans on firebenders, and then Zuko was attacked in Ba Sing Se during his meeting with the Earth Queen during a counsel meeting… It's all been pretty crazy," Sokka said.

"It sounds crazy," Yue admitted with a smile. "But it sounds so interesting." Yue pulled her head from his shoulder and looked him in his eyes, clasping his hands so hard his fingers turned white. "Sokka, please promise me something…"

"Yes," Sokka said, without the slightest hesitation. "Anything. Anything at all."

"When you come back…and you're here in the Spirit World with me…please come and visit me. Do it often. And tell me everything. Everything in the world," Yue said.

"I'll do that," Sokka said. "I'll do that right now if you—"

"No," Yue said. "It's not your time. You have to go back. You've been here for too long anyway," Yue said. "Any longer, and you may not know how to find your way back. Leave now, while you still can."

Sokka gripped her wrists in his fists, not wanting to let her go, but he couldn't stop her. Like a ghost, she was fading fast, her body turning transparent and her spirit disappearing like a flame in the wind. Above him, the full moon reappeared, brightening the sky.

"Yue…" Sokka whispered, craning his neck to look up at her. He got on his knees and whispered and old Water Tribe blessing before standing back up.

He needed to get back to his world.

And he thought that he knew how.

He went to the edge of the iceberg again and stood on the edge, looking down at the freezing cold ocean beneath him. With a deep breath, he plugged his nose and dove into the icy water, waking himself up instantly.

xoxo

Sokka groaned and opened his eyes. It was dark, foggy, and he could barely hear anything. As consciousness slowly returned to him, he became aware of where he was. He wasn't out on the tundra anymore; he was inside a Water Tribe yurt. It was late at night, and the only light came from a low burning fire in the center of the hut.

He stirred, trying to push himself up and out of the furry sleeping bag. Beside him laid his sister, curled up on a pile of blankets and a bowl of water laying by her head. She was fast asleep, though her breathing was a bit odd. He figured that she must be having a nightmare. He knew it was probably about him.

"Katara," Sokka said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

His arms were an adult's arms. Looking down at himself, he found that he was an adult again. The same person he had grown into. No longer a sixteen year old kid lovestruck and fighting in a war, but an adult of fifty-something years, married and trying to put the world back together.

"Katara," Sokka said a bit louder, shaking his sister.

"Mm," Katara moaned, tossing her head from side to side and burying herself deeper into the blankets.

"Katara, wake up, it's me," Sokka said.

"Mm," Katara moaned again. She opened a single eye and his face swam into view. It took her a few moments to process what she was looking at, but when she did, she leapt up from the blankets.

"Sokka!" she said, and threw her arms around him. "Sokka! You had me so worried! I thought I'd lost you," Katara told him, tears streaking down her face. "Don't you ever do that to me again!"

"I won't," Sokka said, patting her back reassuringly. "You worry an awful lot, you know that?"

"Shut up," Katara said.

Sokka chuckled.

All around him, stirred by the noise, his friends were waking and welcoming him back to the land of the living. Sokka laid back down onto the sleeping bag, drinking the warm medicinal tea Aang had made him, and started making plans to live a fuller life. One that Yue would be happy to hear about, and one that Sokka would be happy to talk about.