Jeff: No... dragons do not exist in this universe. Just some dragon-dick shaped sex toys (which exist in real life!)

I'll be the first to admit this story occasionally falls a little by the wayside for me, mostly because I suck as a person, but I did keep trying and just kept getting stuck. So for that, I can only offer apologies and gay stuff.

-HTTYD-

"Get your cute butt down here!"

"Bite me!"

Toothless chuckled, hearing Hiccup crash around getting ready in a hurry. He'd overslept; Toothless got up to work out, but didn't want to wake Hiccup when he looked so cute asleep, only to realise that if they didn't get him out of bed soon, he'd be late for the workshop. So Hiccup was upstairs getting ready, Toothless waiting patiently at the bottom. Finally a flustered lab tech appeared, bag on his shoulder and hair being patted down to only its usual disarray.

"I'd love to, but then we'd definitely be late. Come on hot stuff, time to go hand out condoms and watch you be all cute when you blush."

"I hate you."

"No you don't" he pecked a kiss on Hiccup's stubbled face "you think I'm wonderful. You ready to go?"

"Just let me grab-oh" Toothless held up the box of breakfast fixings "thanks."

"You can eat in the car, there's a fork in here too. Ready?"

Hiccup nodded, still with that maddeningly beautiful shy smile of his whenever they held hands. Gods did he adore this man. Hiccup hungrily devoured the breakfast, commending Toothless' cooking all the while and making an utterly indecent sound of satisfaction when he was done.

"I needed that."

"Well now I need a cold shower."

"You are incorrigible!"

"Yep!"

Grinning, Toothless got out the car, taking Hiccup and all his stuff to go get set up. A few vendors looked surprised to see Hiccup there, but Toothless said he was his boyfriend and nobody batted an eye after that. Hiccup took the chocolate penis from Toothless, sat chewing it obediently and looking unconcerned, only to catch his eye so Toothless could watch Hiccup suck the last bit into his mouth with a wink.

Well, now he had to work with a semi. Damned sexy Hiccup. Getting his set up done quickly, Toothless was ready to go within a few minutes, perched on his seat drinking the coffee Hiccup had sweetly gone to get for him.

"So what happens now?"

"We wait for people to show up, I give my little shows at the same sort of time and they can come ask and buy my toys in between."

"And there was me slightly worried about watching you pack the car up earlier."

"As much fun as it would be, you're too much a newbie for half this stuff and definitely too new to go through so many all at once."

Casting a glance at a couple of the more... challenging looking ones, Hiccup seemed inclined to agree.

"Yeah. Fair point. Some of them look evil."

"A few are pretty tough, although it depends on the size."

"Product testing?"

"I've tried a few toys in my time, yes."

Well, he had tried a lot of toys in his time. Toothless' shop did such good business for the company that they'd sent him freebies over the years, so he didn't even have to pay the high prices. Although between the longevity and the creativity, plus the quality and attention to detail? He couldn't deny Bad Dragon was well worth the price tag.

Despite his initial nerves, Hiccup relaxed into the day. He still blushed when Toothless was talking in depth about specific sex acts, but that was endearing more than anything and it wasn't as though most of the other people talking to him weren't also a bit red in the cheeks. Luckily for all in attendance, Toothless was shameless and open, answering questions and dispensing condoms alongside information.

"So" Toothless quizzed as they stepped out into the weak, fading afternoon sun "did you have a good day?"

Hiccup pretended to think about it, then flashed him a smile.

"Yeah. I did. It took a while for me to get used to it, but then I realised nobody there was there to judge and after that it was a lot of fun."

"Glad to hear it. My place ok or do you want me to take you home?"

"Your place works. Pick up food on the way? Or are you on a strict part of your diet?"

"No, I can do a day off today but no more this week."

He loved that Hiccup didn't get weird about his eating - Toothless ate a lot, but sometimes he was strict and only ate certain things and Hiccup never minded if he asked to postpone junk food dates or if he only wanted rice and chicken for dinner. Hiccup could even make rice and chicken more exciting, though gods only knew how. He was just good like that.

"You sure?"

"Hiccup, I think this stunning body of mine can handle a day off."

He flexed jokingly, knowing already that Hiccup liked the way he was built. Said boyfriend rolled his eyes.

"Whatever you say."

They grabbed terribly unhealthy food for dinner, headed back to his place and Hiccup arranged things on plates while Toothless put away the stuff from the workshop, then dived on Hiccup and hugged him tight, kissing his cheek with an overexaggerated "mwah!" noise until his boyfriend laughed.

"Behave, you'll knock something over!"

"But you're so cute!"

"You're ridiculous."

Figuring he had nothing to lose - and checking Hiccup wasn't holding anything first - Toothless licked the side of his face before moving away, cackling playfully to himself.

"Toothless! Ugh! That's gross!"

"You don't seem to mind my tongue anywhere else."

Hiccup faltered, still wiping at his wet face.

"That's different."

"Mhmm. Come on, I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

Toothless winked.

"Especially for you."

-HTTYD-

Ok, in the time since this was updated I basically tossed out and rewrote how this story would go about a dozen times. It's settled now, can't promise super regular updates but at least I know where I'm going when I have time. Please accept these two being dorks for now.