One-shot 1: Minato (ミナト)

"If you move even a single step, Minato, I will kill every single one of these women."

"Minato, just kill him!"

"No, save us!"

"Well, Minato?"

*record scratch*

*freeze frame*

Yup, that's me.

You're probably wondering how I got myself into this situation.

Honestly, things have been going pretty shitty for the longest time.

My parents… they're dead.

I mean, after those purges on anyone who could use chakra, most of the world was killed off.

Emperor Kawaki said the reason the era of ninja had to end was because of the common people being in danger, but honestly, the real reason is probably not like that.

My mom had the Sharingan, which can copy whatever it looks at.

My dad had this weird thing called the Jougan, but it turned into something called the Tenseigan. Apparently grandma's side of the family had the Byakugan, but only my aunt Haruka and my cousin Ino have it.

What sucks though is that I have neither. I just have my mom's normal black eyes, nothing special.

And I forgot to introduce myself.

I'm Minato Itachi Ichiraku, 16 years old, named after my great-grandfather and my grand-uncle. My father is Boruto Uzumaki, and my mother is Sarada Uchiha.

This isn't public knowledge because my family was supposed to be completely purged in the chakra purges, so my "mother" is Ayane Ichiraku, who is the 3rd generation owner of Ichiraku Ramen, and a non-user of chakra.

I live with Ayane, my cousin Ino (who is two years younger), and my aunt Haruka (who's only like six years older than me and who I just call Haruka), and life is for the most part normal.

Sure, sometimes Ino snoops in my room and Haruka and I argue, but in the end, it doesn't matter, and we kiss and make out.

And sometimes more, but after Haruka's scare a few months back, Ayane told us to cut it out, or else she'd punish me on the internet.

Whatever that means.

Either way, I attend Our Lord and Savior Kawaki High School #45, and work at Ichiraku after school ends. I used to be confused as to why we always had to make the noodles, but I later found out that it was cause Haruka unconsciously kneaded chakra into the dough when she was 9, which somehow improved the vitality of whoever ate it, so all of us kids were put to work making chakra noodles, which got us more customers, and we somehow evaded the watchful eyes of the Bureau of Investigation of Taijutsu, Chakra, and Hand-seals (or BITCH for short).

Although the budget cuts to BITCH probably helped a lot.

Either way, life is normal, despite living under a dystopian regime where propaganda against the way of the ninja and bushido and all of the "old ways" is spouted 24/7. They teach us math, language arts, propaganda, science, propaganda, music, and propaganda. My hardest subject is propaganda, as they release a new textbook with new history every year.

And I just realized I'm rambling.

You came for a story, yes?

Well, it started one day as I was sitting during propaganda class.

It was 9:30 AM, and while the lecturer was talking about how Kawaki saved the world for the 564th time, I was thinking about my family.

"So she says she's my Aunty, but she's actually my first-cousin once removed," I thought to myself.

I was snapped back to reality when the lecturer called on me.

"Mr. Ichiraku! Why is our lord and savior Kawaki important?"

"He brought about the end of the barbaric ages and ushered our world into a new age of prosperity!"

"Good. I know you weren't paying attention, but you're the main character so no one cares."

What does he mean by main character?

"Oh, and we have a transfer student."

And then said transfer student walked into the room.

"Just go and introduce yourself, mmmkay?"

"My name is Shizuka Kakei. I want to live an interesting life. My hobbies are-"

"Okay, go sit next to the blonde haired boy over there."

I've seen enough anime to see where this is going.

"Sensei, can I switch with Kobe?"

"No."

Shit.

She came and sat by me.

"I'm Shizuka Kakei. Nice to meet you"

"I'm Minato Ichiraku. Likewise."

And then class continued until lunch.

During lunch, she decided to sit by my friends, for some reason.

"So I know you're Minato, but who are your friends?"

"I'm Chotto Amai, nice to meet you." said my slightly pudgy friend.

"Shikattanai Noguchi." said the emo whose friendship I treasure.

"Blues Lee, ready to jam~ 🎶" said the martial artist who was one of the best damn guitar players in the nation.

I never knew how he made that sound with his mouth.

"I see," she said. "Can I eat lunch with you guys?"

"Sure," I replied.

I mean, what was the worst that could happen, right?

That night, after Ichiraku closed, Haruka, Ino, and I went into the basement to look at some old scrolls. No, that's not an innuendo. We were actually trying to study the mechanics of Chakra, as usual.

I mean afterwards was a different story, but we actually wanted to learn this stuff, cause it's our heritage.

And really, the idea of being able to shoot fire out of my mouth was cool.

I ran through the basic Hand Seals, as well as basic chakra control exercises, life sticking paper to yourself. Walking on water would be too obvious, and we could only stand on walls due to it making too much noise if we walked.

So basically, we were at a much worse state than our parents, like, we were even worse than them when they were like 9 years old.

Training was smooth, and after we were done, we decided to go out for some ice cream.

God damn, l love ice cream.

I love to watch Ino and Haruka eat ice cream too. Turns my soft serve into a popsicle.

Either way, on our way back home, we found ourselves surrounded by some officers from BITCH.

"We've detected chakra from this area of town, do you kids know anything about this?"

"No, sir," replied Haruka. "Probably a glitch in your systems. Budget cuts suck, ya get me?"

"That's rich, coming from someone with the Biyakewgan," replied the officer. "Now tell me the truth."

"The fuck's a Biyakewgan?" asked Haruka, who took a hit from her E-cig, and started to blow an absolutely phat cloud 💯🔥 #lit.

"And it's pronounced Byakugan."

At that moment Ino and I dived down.

And the vape cloud exploded.

And left a charred and bloody mess of the officer in front of us.

"RUN!" shouted Haruka, ignoring the fact that it was midnight.

And so we ran.

And as we ran, I looked at the two, and really began to appreciate the view of the girls bouncing.

Unfortunately, my art appreciation session was cut short by some BITCHes who began to fire at us with their guns.

Luckily, Ino knew what to do.

She spun around and surrounded us in a shell of her own chakra, bouncing the bullets back at the BITCHes. It lasted for less than a second, but I swear that I could see the bullets bouncing back at them.

We kept running, killing the occasional BITCH, but when we finally made it back to Ichiraku, we saw a sight that was horrible.

Ayane was tied up, naked, and covered in bugs. I would've taken a moment to appreciate the view if it weren't for those two guys standing near her.

The first guy had on aviator shades (even though it was midnight) and a trenchcoat. He glanced at us with an amused expression, like "Imma fuck these kids up!" or something.

Basically, he was an edgelord.

The second guy was wearing a black motorcycle helmet, as well as a black bodysuit. For some reason, he was carrying a backpack.

"Well, if it isn't the Ichiraku brats."

"I'm twenty-two you fucking idiot! Let Ayane go!"

"And I should listen to you because?"

Haruka took out her e-cig, and blew another phat cloud 💯🔥 #lit.

"We get it, you vape."

"That's not all, dude."

And in that moment, I knew what I had to do.

I quickly blew out air from my mouth, and enhanced it with chakra, sending the cloud to the first guy. And as soon as it reached him, Haruka blew it up, blasting the bastard backwards.

But to our collective surprise, he survived mostly unharmed.

"Try harder, I'll wait."

Oh hell to the no.

I quickly did some Hand-seals, and quickly fired an array of fireballs at the edgelord.

He, of course, dodged all three of them and responded by sending a cloud of bugs at me.

Ino tried her hand at attacking the buggy bastard too, but he would either dodge or use his bugs to make clones of himself. And every time those bugs actually bite us, we'd feel weaker. I mean bug bites hurt like a bitch each time, but you normally don't feel drained after a bug bite, ya know?

Basically, these little bastards were parasitic, and they ate chakra.

Meanwhile, Haruka was jumping between fighting the 2nd guy, and getting the bugs off of Ayane.

The 2nd guy was just fighting with hand to hand combat (Taijutsu?) and she seemed to be holding her own just fine.

So for now, Ino and I would just focus on fighting Insect Edgelord.

I blasted fireballs from my mouth, while Ino try and go in for physical strikes against him.

And at first, it didn't seem to be working.

But as the fight went on, Coldsteel the Edgebug started to rely on his insects less and less, and dodging more and more.

"Ino!" I shouted to my cousin. "He has a limited amount of bugs! Just keep going for them and he'll back off!"

"Bruh what the fuck," said the school-shooter looking ass. "I didn't even say shit about that and you figured it out. Also, why are your eyes red? You got some kind of disease?"

Wait, my eyes were red?

Holy fuck, I have a Sharingan!

That moment, I glanced at Haruka taking a phat 💯🔥 #lit hit from her e-cig, and I instantly knew how it worked.

And now knowing how to use this new skill, I use a baggie of weed that I found on the ground, and took a phat 💯🔥 #lit hit from a blunt I made from a dollar bill, and quickly immobilized him with the dank kush smoke. It felt so nice that I almost forgot to explode it.

And when I did explode it, his fucking head blew up and a bunch of bugs flew out of it, and flew into a sewer vent.

Ew.

Thankfully, the bugs on Ayane flew out with the rest of the bugs.

I couldn't help but stare.

"Minato," she said. "What are you-"

She was cut off by a wave of sand snatching her up.

"Ayane!" we shouted, as the man with the motorcycle helmet walked over towards us.

"The father is thirsty," he said in a creepy monotone.

"Wait, the father?" asked Haruka. "Who?"

"Our lord and savior, dumbass," he replied, this time in a sarcastic tone.

"The father gave me the gift of life, and I shall devote this gift to maintaining his reign."

Ino turned to me and whispered "I think he has some kind of Bipolar Disorder."

"She's right," he replied, while picking her and Haruka up with sand, while dangling them by their ankles.

I would've appreciated the sight if the guy wasn't so damn creepy.

"If you move even a single step, Minato, I will kill every single one of these women."

"Minato, just kill him!"

"No, save us!"

"Well, Minato?"

Oh shit.

I love these women. Like, as family, and in other ways. So I don't want them to die.

But then again, he'd probably kill them anyway. But then again…

"Minato?" he asked.

"I'll uh-"

I was cut off by the sight of a huge blue spiraling sphere being slammed into the biker sand dude.

"Oh, it's the transfer student."

"I literally introduced myself today, and you don't even call me my name?"

"How did you do that?"

"Scientific Ninja Tool; I'll explain it later. Now come with me if you want to live."

"Can I get our Jutsu scrolls first?"

"No need, I got them."

"Cool."

So the four of us went with her.

When we finally got to her place, it seemed like a normal temple in the woods.

But then she did a bunch of Hand Seals, and the floor literally opened up, revealing a staircase spiraling down into the depths of the earth.

"I'm cold, can you me something to wear?"

I responded by picking her up and letting her ride me.

On my back.

A piggyback ride.

"My back is still a bit cold."

So then I carried her in the front instead.

And that day, I knew I would die happy.

"I mean your arms are- ooh! Covering part of my back but it's still a little cold…"

So I flipped her around and carried her facing forward.

That day, I knew that no matter how I died, even if it was by getting my teeth cut out by nail clippers, I would die happy..

"Hey, we're here."

I put down Ayane and saw that there were halls sprawling as far as the eye could see.

"This used to be one of Orochimaru's hideouts, but we refurbished it to be a lot more liveable. It even has access to most major areas in Kawaki Metropolis."

"Sweet."

"Here, I'll show you guys to your room."

So she walked us to our room.

"There's a bathroom, and a sofa. Sorry that there's only one bed."

"Oh, we don't mind."

I then gave a lewd smirk to Haruka, Ino, and Ayane.

Shizuka didn't seem phased.

"I'm gonna go shower," I said.

As I showered, I heard giggles and girly stuff like that.

What the hell are they up to?

I left the shower wearing only a towel to cover my legs, and I saw that they were wearing even less clothing than me.

Sweet.

Ayane walked up to me and pressed her lips against mine, then quickly pulling away.

"It's about time I gave you a reward for your hard work at Ichiraku~ ❤"

"How do you do that with your mouth?"

"I'll show you~ ❤"

She then pressed her lips against mine, proceeding to use her tongue this time.

"Ayane, stop hogging him," I heard Haruka whine.

Moments later, I felt my towel dropping to the floor, and an amazing yet familiar sensation.

Haruka was sucking my-

"Okay, I'm going to have to stop you there."

"But why? It was just getting to the good part, Kishimoto-sensei."

"I want to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of this… concept of yours, Mr. Fushimi."

"I would be glad to hear about what you think, Kishimoto-sensei."

"Let's start with the Strengths. Your dialogue and narration are both very unique, and somewhat funny at times."

"Anything else?"

"Uh… the names are good I guess."

"Alright."

"As for weaknesses…"

Kishimoto readjusted his reading glasses.

"Well your setting is cliche; it's a cross between Shimoneta and some regular High School anime. In addition, your characters are bland and are too overpowered."

"I mean, Boruto could use 3 nature releases at the beginning of his-"

"That's beside the point. Your characters have no personality."

"That's just because I haven't had a chance to flesh them out."

"Excuses, excuses. If I was able to establish Naruto as an idiot in the first few pages, then you should be able to establish Minato as something besides a depraved pervert within the first few paragraphs. And please, for the love of god, stop the incest, please. Why is Minato sleeping with his two cousins and adoptive mother?! I mean, that's pure degeneracy!"

"The fans eat that shit up! I mean Oreimo and Eromanga Sensei are selling-"

"That's just a niche group of creepy weirdos, not the general population."

"Why would you complain?! They'd be making you so much money from all the figurines and body pillows you'd be selling. I'm speaking from-"

"Look Mr. Fushimi, my franchise is about ninjas and combat and friendship and teamwork, not depraved fetishes like sleeping with one's relatives. I believe our discussion is done. Please leave."

"YOU'RE A DAMN FOOL KISHIMOTO-SENSEI! ONE DAY, MY FRANCHISES WILL BE MORE POPULAR THAN YOURS, AND I'LL BE EVEN RICHER THAN-"

Fushimi was quickly lifted into the air by the neck by Kishimoto's left hand. Fushimi saw that there was a spiralling blue ball forming in his other hand.

"If you ever step into this room while I'm in it, or if you ever try to contact me and/or my family, or if you ever go within 50 kilometers of me and/or my family, I will shove this Rasengan straight up your disgusting ass. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Kishimoto-sensei," Fushimi said, meekly.

"Alright. Thank you for your time."

Fushimi bowed to Kishimoto, and then walked out of the room, at a normal pace.

After he left the room, however, he sprinted as far away as he could from the building, getting on the earliest train back home, and sprinting home afterward.

When he finally got home, he sighed.

"Man, I wonder if sis wants to sleep over tonight."

オマケ

Kishimoto sighed.

Today had been a rough day.

He had interviewed about 200 people regarding their pitch for the sequel to Boruto.

And every single pitch was terrible.

They were all high school fantasies or gritty reboots, all trying to pander to existing Otaku.

Really, it's like they didn't care about making new Otaku.

It was worse than the first American Naruto Fan Celebration.

At least he had his wife and son to come home to.

When he got home, his wife was cooking dinner, and his son was helping.

"Welcome home dear. Would you like dinner, your bath, or me?"

"Mom, that's gross."

"You didn't hear me complain when your brought home your girlfriend."

"Mom, I'm 14."

"I want to die," said Kishimoto.

"Same," replied his son. "I hate differential equations."

"They're teaching you that these days? Back in my day, we were just starting Calculus at 14."

"Dad, I wanna get into Toudai, so I gotta take these classes."

"You already got a full ride to Harvard and Oxford, and you still want to go to Toudai?"

"Everyone else wants to go to Toudai."

"And you want to be like everyone else because?"

"I feel the societal pressure to either conform or be an outcast."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Not really, to be honest."

"If you go to Harvard or Oxford, you can escape that pressure and be who you want to be."

"Hmm, I'll think about it. Thanks, dad."

"No problem, kiddo."

This made Kishimoto realize something.

"All this talk of schools… wait! I got it."

Kishimoto rushed up to his studio, and began to sketch stuff.

"It's perfect!"

"What's perfect, dear?" asked his wife.

"I have the perfect idea!"

"That's great, dear! Now come down for dinner."

And so Kishimoto walked down to the table, ready to eat dinner with his family.

"What's this great idea, dad?"

"It's something new, fresh and exciting?"
"Really? What's it called?"

Kishimoto paused for a second.

"Konoha Gakuen × Ginpachi Sensei!"

"Dad."

"Dear."

"Yes?"

"Your franchise is about ninjas and combat and friendship and teamwork, not high school. Our discussion is done. Please eat dinner."

Let's hope this doesn't become the future of Kishimoto-sensei's franchise.

If you can guess the lineages of Mr. Fushimi's OCs in the review section, then I'll put you in an upcoming chapter!