Resident Expert

Spoilers through Season 2.

This takes place in the same universe as "Fanboy" and "Cosplay Contest". It is a sequel to "Cosplay Contest". Gabriel does not know that Chat is Adrien. I am aware of what has occurred in season 2 thus far, and while this may or may not conflict with canon, Gabriel not knowing that Adrien is Chat works better for this story.

Gabriel Agreste sat in the middle of the crowd, wondering how was it again that he ended up in this situation. Beside him, Adrien leaned forward, eagerly lapping up every word from the so-called experts. He suppressed a groan and allowed his mind to wander.

Many weeks passed since his embarrassing appearance at the fair held by the city, and the concept unfortunately had been such a big hit that other venues seized upon the opportunity to make a few euros by marketing the namesake of the heroes.

Adrien, naturally, immediately asked if they could go to the convention hosted the following week. Gabriel, against his better judgment, reluctantly agreed. And despite Adrien's wheedling, he firmly put his foot down and rejected the cosplay idea. He still woke up with nightmares after the last time. Even now, he suppressed a shudder at the extremely close call. Nooroo dropped it into casual conversations so often he was certain it was intentional. The kwami merely replied that he could always reject the Miraculous if his conscience was getting the better of him. Gabriel ignored him.

After wandering around from booth to booth with his son, he finally requested (though he was this close to outright begging) a few moments to rest his aching feet. Adrien consulted the guide pamphlet for a little bit before declaring there was a panel he wanted to watch. Gabriel didn't care as long as he could sit for a while.

He should have reconsidered.

The panel was run by a handful of so-called self-proclaimed "experts" on the heroes. They mostly consisted of bloggers and reporters who had attempted to do research on them. Neither Nadja Chamack nor Adrien's Ladyblogger friend were among the panel, which told Gabriel all he needed to know about the authenticity of the session.

"Okay, we'll begin this panel with the first question," the moderator began. He pointed out someone in the crowd.

"Do you think that Hawkmoth selects the akuma designs himself? Some of them are pretty bad."

Oh fantastic. The first inquiry of the session and it was already a jab against him. If this wasn't ominous foreshadowing, he didn't know what was. His other persona merely empowered the akumas. What they managed to create from that power was entirely their own doing.

Of course, he couldn't exactly say that.

He ignored whatever response the "expert panel" decided to make up, fearing that he might slip up and begin mumbling under his breath again. And with Adrien sitting so close to him, he couldn't risk his son picking up on any inconsistencies.

Thankfully, the question wrapped up fairly quick and the moderator chose another audience member.

"What do you think Hawkmoth's ultimate goal is? He wants the Ladybug and Chat Noir Miraculouses, yes, but for what reason? He already has his own Miraculous, so why would he want two more?"

One of the experts smiled. "Isn't it obvious?" he replied. "He already has one, and wants two more. He's evidently planning to amass all of that power."

"Yes, but for what?" the person asking the question pressed. "Why would he do that?"

"Why would any maniac want power? I think the answer is indisputable. He's clearly nothing more than any other villain throughout history, desiring nothing more than to rule the world."

"But what if it's not that. There have been rumors that he's seeking to comb-"

"Rumors that have been blown out of proportion," the expert cut in. "If one Miraculous grants that much power, imagine what three would do. I don't think we need to bother delving into the mindframe of a lunatic."

Seriously? Was this entire panel going to be devoted to destroying his alter-ego?

After a few more throwaway questions easily fielded by anyone with a passing knowledge of the events going on in Paris, Gabriel tuned out the next dozen or so queries (despite his devout eagerness to learn everything he possibly could about the heroes) and wondered if they might think he was asleep if he closed his eyes. Actually, he probably would fall asleep given half a chance. Instead, he recalled the events that brought him to this point, using that as a focus to ignore the subtle jabs thrown out against his alter-ego. He wished he had brought his sketchpad to pass the time.

He was midway through reminiscing (and cursing his luck) when a question so pathetically easy caught his attention. No, not the fact the question was asked. The fact that the question was answered incorrectly by the "expert panel". He couldn't help himself. He snorted in disbelief. Beside him, Adrien turned in shock at the uncharacteristic action from his father. Gabriel huffed at his son.

"Anyone with even a general knowledge of the heroes of Paris knows the answer to that question," he mumbled to Adrien by way of explanation. "I'm stunned they got it wrong."

Adrien grinned at him. "Well, these people aren't quite as top-form as Alya," he said.

Gabriel's frown deepened. "They were touted as experts. I expect their knowledge to at least be believable for one who diligently follows the exploits of our city. Even I could answer those questions better than that."

His son merely leaned back in the uncomfortable folding chair and crossed his arms, seemingly amused by his response.

Gabriel did his best to ignore his son and focus upon the panel. He tried. Really. But not two questions later his snort of disapproval attracted the attention of more than just Adrien.

And just like that, several pairs of eyes swiveled to him.

"I'm sorry, Mr..." the moderator said, trailing off. Gabriel glared at him. The man soldiered on. "We've put together a panel of the best experts on Ladybug and Chat Noir. Is something the matter?"

The best experts? The best experts would be Nadja Chamack and Alya Cesaire, whom for whatever reason did not attend. Gabriel wondered if Alya was even invited, for she often faced harsher critics just because of her age even though she always got the best footage of the heroes in action. Gabriel couldn't take it anymore. He could listen to platitudes upon platitudes being heaped upon the heroes, even though most of them were severely blown out of proportion. He could even tolerate a few (dozen) jabs at his alter-ego without breaking his icy demeanor. But when the so-called experts blatantly lied about events, that was the final straw for him. His eyes narrowed. Adrien shrank back in his seat.

"Yes, I'm glad you noticed at last," Gabriel spoke, his voice clipped and disapproving. "Anyone with half of a brain inside their skull could tell you that Ladybug and Chat Noir's timers are dependent upon their special ability use, not as your panel so erroneously concluded, from 'strenuous exertion in battle'."

The moderator blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Have you not read the Ladyblog at all?" Gabriel questioned. "The website run with such astute accuracy it's rather amazing the owner hasn't figured out the identity of the heroes yet." And not for lack of diligent research and hoping on my part, he added silently. He often checked to see if the teen blogger would finally make his life easier with that earth-shattering discovery.

"I... uh..."

"It's blatantly clear that none of you have, or you would have been able to correctly answer in an instant that Ladybug and Chat Noir's timers begin the moment they use their special abilities. It was stated to all of Paris several times, most notably when the akuma Lady Wifi hijacked the airwaves and put their battle on a continuous newsfeed."

Several people around him nodded, having also picked up on that error. But Gabriel wasn't done. "I'm willing to bet you people don't even know the exact time limit, even though it is painfully simplistic to deduce for any true fan."

"Which is?" one of the panel members snapped.

"Five minutes," Gabriel replied, his voice cool and unimpressed. "One minute for each dot or pad."

"That doesn't make sense," the panel expert retorted. "Sometimes Ladybug uses her Lucky Charm and it takes ages for her last dot to begin flashing. Or Chat Noir will use his Cataclysm and almost immediately need to depart. It can't be five minutes."

Gabriel shook his head. "Battle does things to the human mind. What may seem to take a minute may in fact take several. Likewise, time may appear to slow down or extend when it is in fact, moving normally."

What seemed like an impending debate was quickly stifled by the moderator clearing his throat. "That's a very astute assessment, sir," he complimented, "I believe I saw someone with a question over here?" He looked at the opposite direction of Gabriel and pointed to a figure who had their hand raised before the derailing of the session.

A timid girl that looked to be slightly younger than Adrien stood up. "Uh," she began, her tiny voice carrying over the silent room, "I sometimes see Ladybug and Chat Noir outside of akuma battles. Do you know why that is?"

The experts smiled at her. "Of course," one answered. "They're on patrol."

Gabriel nodded in agreement. That was the first sensible thing he heard all day.

"Wow," the girl exclaimed, "Ladybug and Chat Noir do patrols?"

"Yes," the expert replied. "They're keeping an eye out for akumas and also just their presence reassures Parisians and gives them hope."

"Do you know where they patrol?"

"No one can know that exactly," the expert answered.

Gabriel shifted in his seat, clenching his jaw and glowering at the panel. Adrien grinned at him.

"Something the matter, Father?" he asked, his voice dripping with false innocence. The boy was enjoying his discomfort way too much.

"I cannot take anymore of this," Gabriel replied, rising from his seat. "Stay if you want, I'm going to get some decent mental stimulation before this false information turns my brain into mush."

Unfortunately, his voice carried over the crowd and once again, the fashion icon found himself on the receiving end of several stares. He ignored them and made his way to the door.

"Did we say something to offend you?" the moderator asked.

Gabriel froze. His lips twitched downward as he turned back around. Adrien looked torn between wanting to slink down in his chair in embarrassment and morbid fascination at what his father would say. "It was merely the false advertising that has turned me away."

"False advertising? I don't understand." The moderator furrowed his brows in confusion.

"I was told there would be experts at this panel. Thus far, I've only heard at best what can be considered common knowledge and at worst outright misinformation."

"Such as?"

Gabriel clasped his hands behind his back and squared his shoulders, exuding the calm confidence of one in a position of power. "While Ladybug and Chat Noir may randomize some of their patrols, with how often they pass by my house I can adequately track their progress. Oftentimes, I'm assuming after a long day or harrowing akuma, they default to a preferred patrol route that takes them around the city in a predetermined path."

The patrols were pointless, as he well knew. He would never give the heroes the satisfaction of actually discovering an akuma during their scheduled time. Still, even Alya has noted "favorite stopping points" of the heroes on her blog. Again, all information a true expert would be able to deduce. Amateurs.

Another hand shot to the ceiling and the moderator turned from Gabriel to address the new question.

"What do you think their costumes are made out of?"

Someone leaned forward in the panel and smiled. "That's an excellent question. Their costumes have been shown to be resistant to all types of damage and also to protect the heroes from injury. It's more obvious that it is some kind of Kevlar-based fabric or other military-grade uniform."

Gabriel rolled his eyes and turned away, determined to exit this fountain of misinformation when the woman who asked the question interrupted the expert.

"Erm, not you guys," she said. "I was asking him."

Gabriel whirled around and discovered the lady pointing at him. The entire room had their eyes upon him. "E-excuse me?"

"You're Gabriel Agreste, aren't you?" At his mute nod, she continued. "So you're a fashion designer. What is your opinion on their costumes?"

And not even the moderator attempted to get the room refocused on the panel. Everybody watched him, breathlessly awaiting his response.

"Well, I did get the opportunity to touch both Ladybug's and Chat Noir's costumes," he admitted, recalling that he could justify his knowledge when he rested his hand upon Ladybug and Chat Noir's shoulders, "and I am under the impression that they are formed of the same material. However, I believe that material is, to use a fantastical term, magical. I don't know of any fabric that can emulate both the properties and the feel of their costumes. Their kw-" He coughed into his fist to cover his slip. "Their Miraculouses must create their costumes. That is the only logical explanation."

The words seemed surreal coming out of his mouth. Logic when dealing with magical artifacts? To anyone else except Parisians, it would sound absurd. Naturally his own magical purple suit allowed him to study it in detail (even as a supervillain his designer instincts kicked in and he had gleefully spent many an afternoon diligently pouring over his own costume like a giddy child at Christmas).

All around him, people nodded their agreement and discussed his answer in low murmurs. They ignored the panel now, and even one or two behind the Q&A table leaned forward, listening intently. At least they were attempting to learn something. Whatever helped to get rid of all the insults and laughs against his alter ego was a win in his book.

Another hand raised, and Gabriel hesitated, glancing at the moderator. But the man wasn't looking at the crowd, so Gabriel reluctantly motioned for the person to ask their question.

"Do you know how the heroes communicate with each other? Like if there's an akuma attack and maybe one of them hasn't heard about it or something?"

One of the panel experts cleared his throat, eager to bring some sort of authority back to the table. "It's hard to estimate exactly how the heroes can communicate with each other. They may use some form of telepathy when in their transformed states, but I like to believe they use a more tangible object as a communicative device. More specifically, I believe that their Miraculouses allow for direct communication between the two."

All eyes turned from the man when he finished speaking back to Gabriel, even the moderator.

The designer rubbed the bridge of his nose with one hand. "Wrong, yet again," he said, not bothering to hide the disdain dripping from his words. The man pinkened under Gabriel's harsh assessment.

"While in my home, Ladybug received a call from Chat Noir on her yo-yo. I imagine Chat Noir communicates similarly through his baton." He waited a beat before driving the point home. "They communicate by using their weapons, not their Miraculouses."

Several more hands shot up. Great, he had just become their resident expert. Where was that blogger when he needed her? She could probably field these questions just as easily.

"Yes?" The moderator pointed at another person.

"What is your opinion on the romance between Ladybug and Chat Noir?" the person asked.

Lots of people chuckled. After all, any true fan would have seen the interview Nadja Chamack gave a few weeks ago. Most of Paris was rooting for the day when Ladybug eventually let down her walls and allowed Chat Noir into her life.

"I don't believe there is any," Gabriel answered, and the crowd murmured in surprise. The panel experts relaxed, finally sensing the opportunity to take control of their session once more.

He refused to give them any leeway. They had already butchered this question and answer session bad enough. "Everyone can see that Chat Noir is obviously pining after his partner," Gabriel hastened to explain. "And everyone can also clearly see that Ladybug is not that interested – at least on the surface – of pursuing a relationship with him. Certainly some ahem circumstantial evidence has arisen that have maybe shown Ladybug to possibly harbor feelings, and many Parisians believe she is just in denial, correct?"

The crowd nodded with him.

"However, when Ladybug was in my home, she confided in me that she has her eyes on someone that she fancies in her civilian form and hopes to pursue a relationship with them."

The crowd erupted, dozens of people talking in excitement at once.

Well, he was technically stretching the truth. If he were to come out and say that Ladybug practically drooled over the pictures of his son modeling, then that would create even more unwanted exposure on Adrien. And though he would love nothing more than to see his nemesis suffer from the fallout, he refrained from outing her in public to protect Adrien. The fans would never let them live it down. The boy barely got away from his more enthusiastic admirers whenever a new product line came out. If they knew that a superheroine was trying to date him, that wouldn't end well for anyone. The gossip alone would be absolutely unbearable.

Thankfully, the moderator began to wrap up the session, despite several more hands shooting in the air. Gabriel turned and hurried away, dimly aware of Adrien rising out of his seat and following close behind. He didn't want to get caught up with the crowd, especially now that he had been revealed to be quite the expert on Ladybug and Chat Noir.

"Father, did you mean that in there?" Adrien asked, catching up to Gabriel's long strides as he power-walked through the building. He did not dash away while trying to escape an excitable mob eager to pepper him with more questions, despite what Nooroo would later claim (and laugh about).

"Which part?" He asked this, he would later confess, in a bout of absentmindedness as he glanced around like a rabbit being hunted by a hawk.

"Ladybug really told you she was interested in someone else?"

"Oh. Well, not in as many words. Her actions did make it exceedingly clear, however, that she does fancy someone."

"Who?"

Gabriel stopped and shot his son a look of disbelief. "You, of course. Not that I was going to tell those sharks in there that little tidbit."

"Me?" The squeak of surprise wasn't lost on the elder Agreste. Nor was the slow appearance of a goofy grin and the glazed expression of dopey glee.

Oh. Oh no. Oh no. No no no no no no no way. He did not just accidentally set his son up with his archenemy.

With a sound somewhere in between a strangled groan and a whine of despair, he whirled around and very nearly sprinted out of the building before he could do anymore damage to himself.

Dammit all. He vowed he would never let Adrien talk him into stepping foot inside another one of these silly, stupid conventions again.

Author's Note: Phew, this one was actually a little bit harder to write as I had to go back and do some fact-checking of my own to see what information Gabriel could feasibly know, that was unusual for just anyone to know, and also that could be explained by either corroboration with other witnesses or verification through video media. Gabriel needed to be able to use his knowledge as Hawkmoth without being outed as the villain.

That was a lot trickier to pull off than I thought!

I really like writing for this universe! So, if anyone has any other ideas of what kinds of events or little bits of cracky fun I can put Gabriel through in conventions, fairs, or other events where he has to keep up the charade of being a superfan of Ladybug and Chat Noir, please let me know and I'll see if I can develop something from that.

Special thanks to PerditaAlottachocolate for beta-reading this and giving ideas! Check out her works, especially for Adrienette April!