I'm still too tired to be awake, but something's wrong. All the sudden, I just can't get comfortable again. I usually don't have this problem.

I open my eyes all the way and I only have to gather myself for a second before I can see what's wrong. The space next to me is empty. When I see the empty ruffle and folds of the sheets, my heart is taken ahold by fear inside my chest. She couldn't have left, she fell asleep curled into my side like she did back when things were normal between us.

I lean up on my arms and focus my crusty eyes over to her side of the bed… huh, her side of the bed, and see her pale blue robe hanging from the back of the armchair. Did she just get dressed and leave? She… she wouldn't just leave like that. Not after the things she dragged out of me last night. I look over to the nightstand and my chest fills with a small bit of relief when I see her dad's watch and her phone sitting next to the lamp.

It's then that I hear a faint beep come from the kitchen, then another two. She's still here. If nothing else, she's still here. And now, I can't just go back to bed. I need to see her. She wants to fix things, she wants things to be better between us. At the very least, that means she wants me to be a part of her life.

I throw the covers off myself and stand up, grabbing my robe and pulling it over my shoulders and pad out the side door of my bedroom, but stop in the doorway when I see her stopped in front of the bridge I must've knocked over. She stands with her unruly wavy hair hiding her eyes. I watch silently, drinking her in, as she brushes her hair back behind her ear and beds over, picking up the ring off the floor.

Oh, god… I can only imagine what she must think of me when she saw the ring. And she… she thought it was for her? She had it in her head that I was going to propose the other night. I can't lie, it's not like it hasn't been in the back of my mind for quite some time, the way back, but… with that ring? She has to know that I know her better than that.

When I see her flip the lid open, I can see the moment when her brow furrows and she sees what the ring looks like. She stares at it for a few hard moments before I just have to explain myself. "Butterflies were her favorite."

She looks up to me with a snap of her head, a widening of her hazel eyes, and an adorable puckering of her lips.

"Kyra, she uh… she had a thing for butterflies."

Her shoulders relax under the threads of my flannel shirt I'm just now noticing she has on, buttoned up only half way to where I can make out the faint distinction of her scar, which I have spent many a night worshipping. A quick smile flashes across her face before she looks back down to the ring. I was in my early twenties, so I bought a ring with a butterfly setting. Give me a break.

She looks up to me after another moment spent looking at the ring. "I didn't know who it was for when I found it, so… I guess I just assumed it was for me and that you were… well…"

I push out a chuckle and start toward her. "Didn't you at least glean that when you saw it?"

I lean over and press a small, chaste kiss to her cheek as I pass her. I can feel her lean herself into it, increasing the what was meant to be light brushing of my lips against her soft skin. Well, that's still normal. When I look into the kitchen, I notice that she has the microwave going and that the place I had left sitting out here for her is gone. She must have found it and is reheating it. And it's then that the microwave beeps and stops its hum. And being the doting boyfriend that I am, it would be nice if I were to finish what I started for her before she sidetracked us.

I'm walking into the kitchen when I hear her voice behind me. "I never looked at it."

That makes me stop and look over my shoulder. She's slowly meandering toward me with a small smile on her face while holding the ring gingerly in her hand. "Really?"

"Well," She laughs, "I figured if you were going to propose then you'd want me to be surprised when I see the ring, so… I never looked at it because I didn't want to steal that away from you."

My heart swells slowly, mainly because I'm always taken aback when she lets me know that she's just that thoughtful. "Don't worry, you can rest assured that I know you just a little bit better than to get you something like that." I tell her as I open the door to the microwave and pull out the steaming plate that she put in here.

I'm actually kind of hungry myself now that I see this grilled sandwich I made her last night.

Beckett is sliding herself up into a stool when I turn around with her plate, smiling at me anxiously. "Thanks," She chirps when I set the plate down in front of her. I give her a thankful smile, because I am happy to do things for her. I like it when I put effort into something and she gives me that sparkly-eyed look.

She's taking large bites out of her meal while I turn around and open the fridge and take out the ketchup, setting it down next to her. When I look at her, she has her eyes on the ring, flicking back and forth to see where I am in the kitchen and the ring itself. She wants to ask, I can tell. She's smart enough and knows enough about what happened to Kyra that she can get the story herself.

But… if she asks, I have to tell her. The last thing I want to do is prove Meredith right. I knew she got to the woman I love. I just knew it. I never should have let her stay with us. I should have just mustered up the courage to kick her out.

"So, this was meant for Kyra?"

Well, there it is. The question I wasn't hoping for, asked over a mouthful of food to make it sound more casual than it is. She can tell by the way I harden up physically and turn away from her, opening the cupboard to make a pot of coffee.

"I'm sorry, babe, I-" she cuts herself off when I open up the coffee grounds and search for a filter. I do love it when she calls me pet names. I wasn't really that fond of it with the other women I've been serious with, especially Meredith, and Gina wasn't a big fan of pet names. But when Kate does it, it makes us sound more… together. It reminds me that she likes us as a couple, like I do.

I can hear the crunch of the fries right before I turn on the faucet and fill up the pot. She waits until I'm pouring the water into the coffee maker to continue.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Castle."

I do want to… and don't. It's painful to rehash. All of it is. I always thought I wasn't one to dwell. The past is the past, that's where it belongs and it shouldn't matter. I've always been one to focus on the moment, if not the future. But with her… working with her has taught me a lot of things, among them that the past can come back with a vengeance if you don't deal with it.

For a moment, I focus heavily on the sputter and spat of the coffee pot as it brews, just to clutter up my mind with something other than the voices starting to fill myself with reasons to get as much distance between us as I can. After I can feel it's passed, I look back over to her.

When our eyes meet, she smiles softly. "It's not that I don't want to, Kate. It's…" I don't really want to openly admit to her that I'm just scared. I'm supposed to be stronger than that.

But she gives me a nod quickly. "Hard, I understand." She pops another few fries into her mouth before putting just a small pool of ketchup on her plate beside them. She's dipping her fries just as she's swallowing. "I didn't even realize you made this."

I feel a smirk on the edges of my lips. "Well, we might have gotten a tad sidetracked last night."

She smiles over her mouthful of food and takes another few fries in her fingers. She eats silently as I wait for the coffee to finish and when she's done, she wipes the corners of her mouth and slumps forward a bit on her stool. "Listen," my stomach twists a bit, she wants to pull more things out of me, "I'm not going to force you to tell me anything you don't want to… okay?"

I don't want to armor myself up against her, I do want to be more open, because what Meredith told her wouldn't be bothering her, or me for that matter, this much if it weren't true. And the best way I know of to get back at her is to prove her wrong, right?

"I mean," she starts softly with a smile to match, "I spent a year in therapy just to be able to work up the courage to admit that I wanted to be with you. I understand how hard it is."

I just nod and hang my head, looking down at the corner.

There's a tense silence hanging in the air before I hear her voice again. "I'm sorry that Meredith cheated on you, Castle. You deserve so much better. And-"

The coffee pot… figures it would go off when she's using that soft, loving tone with me.

I turn to go pour some, but she's stopping me before I step away from the counter. "Don't worry, babe, I'll get it." She's up and off her stool, practically skipping around the island and over to the counter behind me. "You've been getting me coffee for five years, I think I can return the favor once or twice."

I turn around and feel my heart swell. Standing in my kitchen, her hair tumbling down her shoulders in gorgeous waves, with one of my shirts on, opening cupboards and drawers like she's right at home, making two cups of coffee… there isn't a day, hell, probably even an hour that goes by when I don't think of that night.

"I love you."

The only thing I can hear is the clang of the spoon as it hits against the ceramic mug in front of her as she spins around to look at me wide-eyed… as if it's the first time she's ever heard me say it. God, what did I just do?

Her soft smile doesn't even register in my brain. "I love you too, Castle."

Finally, I can feel my heart beat again. Her voice was so small, so light and squeaky when she said it, her eyes sparkling in the low light of the loft. It's a moment, her telling me that the way she did in that tone, which will flash before my eyes right before I die.

I'll remember it because here, there isn't any pretext. She's not standing on a bomb and those might have been her last words. She's not hanging for her life anywhere, where not being chased by a serial killer. We're just standing here at home, in the kitchen, watching her make coffee in one of my shirts, telling me that she loves me.

It's then that my desires take over my body completely. She's turned around fixing the coffee and start toward her without a word, spin her around by the arm and rush to kiss her before she can object. I can hear the breath she sucked in hit my ears as her lips press up against mine. She's shocked, but she quickly melts and drags her hands up my chest and into my hair, taking handfuls of it as she moans.

I love kissing her. She just feels so good.

She's wrapping her arms around my neck and I can't contain myself anymore. With two hands, I grab her by the waist and lift her up with ease, setting her down onto the countertop, hearing her yelp into my mouth. She kisses me back harder once she's settled and hooks her legs around me and pulls me in, brushing her fingers down my jaw.

"You know," She moans against me while I kiss her, "it was so hard when you were with Vaughn."

Why is she bringing her up now? I understand that we have kind of made an agreement to tell each other things, but now? Really?

"Just," maybe if I kiss her just a bit harder, she'll get the message, "imagining her getting to do this," I guess not, "and get to kiss you… it was so painful, Rick."

I kiss her once more for good measure and pull back a bit, "Well, to be fair, I had to spend an entire year like that while you were with Josh. I think we can call it even."

Hopefully now, we can get back on track. I lean forward and capture her lips again, but when I feel her hand on the center of my chest, I know she's trying to stop us. And when I pull back, she has a knot in her brow. Her legs give my waist a bit of a squeeze and she tugs at the openings of my robe. Her eyes seem haunted all of the sudden.

"If this is what you felt like back then, I-I'm… I'm so sorry, babe."

"Well…" I put my hands on her legs, drawing from the warmth of her body, "I'm sorry too… about Vaughn. I knew the situation I was getting myself in to, it was my fault for ever letting you think I would do that."

"So," she's putting her hands anywhere they'll go, but they end up in between the folds of my robe, "she tried to kiss you?"

"Tried, yes. She tried to get me all hot and bothered right before she said a few things. That's when she tried to kiss me but… that's when I remembered seeing that picture of Meredith and relived all that heartache in a split second and knew that I couldn't put you through that."

"B-but she tried. I mean, we were still on the rocks about what happened the other night and-"

"I already told you, Kate." My voice is quiet, hoping that she'll have to listen a bit more intently. "I don't care what we're going through. I don't care if you tell me that you hate my guts, I wouldn't do that, least of all to you. I'd much rather get shot than have to live through betraying you like that."

"What…" She's struggling to say what she wants to, I can tell by the way she's biting herself back and not looking me in the eye. "What did she say to you, Castle?"

I… I can't tell her all that. Not yet. Vaughn knew a lot more about my past than she does. Vaughn may only know the headlines, but she deserves to know what really happened. Vaughn said a lot of things that were a lot more true than Vaughn probably knew… and the woman in front of me, she loves me.

"Kate." I pull at her arms and take her hands in mine. When I look up to her eyes, she's looking at me with an arched brow and her beautiful, glimmering eyes. "There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of that night… the night you came to me. And I'm not talking about the most incredible sex I've ever had… because let's be honest it was-"

"Yeah, it was amazing."

"That thing you did with your legs?" That was amazing to see for the first time.

"When we rounded third base?" Ha, that was incredible. To think that I'm the first that's ever managed to do that.

"No, it was magical but… I'm…" Come on, Rick, you can do it. "You had just lost everything, Kate." That makes her smile vanish. "You lost your job, you lost your case and the one lead you had, your partner had abandoned at the time when you needed him most."

"No, Castle-" She tries to take some of the blame.

"You almost lost your life, and… you came to me and you said that you didn't care."

That makes her smile start to come back… slowly.

"You didn't care that you had to walk away from your job, or that your lead had gotten away. You didn't care that you were back at square one with your mom's case. And you just wanted me. You came to me and said that you only wanted me… just me. That I was enough for you. Not my wealth, or fame, or my books… just me. You have to understand that that was the first time I've ever had that in my life, Kate… and you gave that to me."

She smiles a happy smile at me, putting her hand on my cheek as she seems to swoon.

"So I guess I'm just wondering what changed?"

Her smile gets heavy and her hand falls off my face. She lets out a short breath and shakes her head. "So it's true."

Is what true? That didn't really make any sense.

She looks back up to me and looks me in the eye. "You don't know how much I really love you."

I don't want to throw blame onto her so quickly. I guess we both have problems. "Well… I know that you do, just…"

"What? Not enough?"

"It's what I'm always afraid of, Kate."

"Rick," she sighs and puts her hand back on my cheek and smiles at me again. "I'm not going to cop out and say I can't express to you how much you mean to me. And if you want the truth, I'd lose everything else in my life before I ever lost you. And losing you because our lives are in danger is one thing, and something that's easier to handle, but… Vaughn showed up and all of the sudden I'm scared to death of having you just walk away."

Well, I guess it's nice to know that she has the same fears that I do. "I've put in far too much effort into getting you here to just walk away from it."

She smiles brightly again and breathes a small laugh. "And I love being here."

Hmm… now that's an idea. "Well… as much as I love being here… since you have the next two days off, we could go up to the Hampton's."

She stops and I can see the idea lifting the corners of her lips into a face-splitting smile. "Really?"

"We leave now, we can make it just in time to watch the sunrise."

She's jumping down from the counter with child-like giddiness and I'm smiling as she goes. But after a moment, I feel her grab my arm and spin me around, putting her other hand on the back of my head and pressing up on her tiptoes to kiss me hard. She works her soft, perfectly-shaped lips against mine for an amazing few seconds. She stops and is skirting into the bedroom before I open my eyes.

Hopefully, we make it in time.