Once again, I thought of this in the car. Julia, you really are an inspiration.

Sam's eyes blink open.

And he rolls them back with a groan, knowing full well it's the middle of the night and he couldn't have been asleep for more than an hour or two.

Groping around for his phone, he eventually finds it under his pillow, of all places, and clicks it on. Immediately rearing back, he waits for his eyes to adjust, annoyed. When they do, he tosses his phone back onto the bed. 4.15.

He sits up, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes. He stumbles out of his room, intent on getting water and finding a sleeping pill.

Or something. Maybe liquor would be a better idea.

He'll blame his exhaustion in the morning.

He stops, eyes wide.

Dean and Cas are still awake, mostly, flipping through some of the only fictional books they have. Abruptly, Dean shuts the book a little too loudly and tosses it onto the table. Cas looks up at him, a question on his lips, but Dean interrupts. "I'm in love with you."

Sam is suddenly absolutely certain that he should not be watching this.

And Cas, for his part, stares, shocked. Dean shifts, tapping the table with his index finger. Then, "okay, I get it if you don't feel the same, but I figured I should let you know, right, and Cas, I don't want this to change anything if you don't want it to, but you have a right to know, and I've honestly known for a really, really long time now and I didn't want to hold it in forever and - fuck, Cas, say something."

Sam has never known Dean to ramble like that.

Cas jumps a little, then shuts his own book, leaning forward to take Dean's hand. "I know you're in love with me. I just never said anything because you didn't. I never thought you would. But, Dean…" Cas pauses, and Dean blanches, already closing himself off, shutting down, and oh, god, Sam will kill Cas.

He actually moves to say something but Cas says, "I've loved you for years. You've always been my reason for going on, ever since I found you in hell. You saved me when I didn't even know I needed it."

"Oh, fuck," Dean breathes, shoulders starting to shake. He chokes on a breath, trying to hold in tears. Cas looks vaguely alarmed. "Fuck, Cas. Why did I wait so long?"

He actually climbs onto the table and into Cas' lap, kissing him, and Sam wonders where the brain bleach is. He turns around and takes a different route to the kitchen.