France, 1002

"Kol! What is the matter with you? How did you become like this? Is there not any decency left in you? Any humanity? This is not you."

Those were the words Finn had said to Kol many moons ago before they had sailed across the sea. Back then there had still been some small part of Kol who had secretly hoped that Finn had been right. Now that part was gone. The monster was all that was left. The endless thirst was all that was left. The blood and the terror of his prey.

It had been so easy to give into the thirst. Nik had done it, Elijah had done it, even Rebekah. The only one who had fought against it had been Finn. Yes, he thought that he was so much better than the rest of them. The truth was that Kol hadn't had any reason to fight against something that had felt completely natural. Just like his magic. It had been everything to him; it had been who he was.

In his family he had felt like an outsider. Nik, Elijah and Rebekah have had their always and forever, Finn have had the love of their mother and Kol have had his magic. The sibling he had been closest to had been Henrik. Nothing had been the same after his death. Nothing would ever be the same again. This was what Kol was now and he had accepted that.

He had spent a lot of time making experiments in order to find out everything about his new abilities. He had noticed that his blood could cure humans, but he hadn't said anything about that to his siblings. He had also noticed that he enjoyed the life of a nobleman. His family had spent almost two moons at the de Martel estate and Kol had truly enjoyed himself.

He hadn't been careful or cleaned up all his messes and he knew that the stories had spread among the servants. The stories about a monster that lurked in the shadows. Truth be told, he had actually enjoyed those stories. He enjoyed being feared. Of course he did, he was a monster. Nothing affected him anymore. So he had thought.

But now as he sat on the floor, staring at the body of a small child… Now he felt something. He felt remorse. Guilt. This child, a girl, couldn't be older than 3. He had never killed a child before and the truth was that he hadn't meant to kill her either. He had fed from a maid and suddenly the child had been there, screaming.

He had only meant to make her stop screaming, but he had used too much strength. She had flied against the wall like a doll. He had immediately realized his mistake and tried to give her his blood, but it had been too late. She was dead. He had killed a little child. Maybe that shouldn't mean anything, why would it, but…

What? He was a monster, this didn't mean anything. A child, an adult, what was the difference? They were all just prey to him. Why couldn't he stand up then? Why couldn't he stop staring at her and walk away? He could and he would. He needed to bury her before anyone would see her. Before his siblings would see her. Not that he cared what they thought. He needed to get rid of her before the morning. That was what he kept telling to himself, but he couldn't stand up. Slowly he moved closer to her and looked at her face.

"I am sorry," he murmured.

That sounded ridiculous even in his own ears. This would stop right now. He was just going to get up when the girl's eyes suddenly flew open. Kol gasped and backed away. The girl blinked her eyes and slowly got into a sitting position. She looked confused as she tilted her head.

"Mama?" she called.

Kol was so shocked that he couldn't do anything but stare at her. How… How was this possible? She had been dead, he was sure of it. What had he done?