I had this idea, and I just had to write it. Enjoy filling your face with it.

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"I accidentally broke Mr. Grouse's window while practicing my pitch, but I swear it wasn't my fault." Lynn's voice sounded loud against the general muttering of everyone else. "Lucy's pet bat flew into my face just as I was about to throw the ball, and it went way off course"

"Well hey, at least you know Lucy's up to Batting in your corner. Ha ha!"

"Seriously Luan? Why do all your puns suck so bad?"

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm a master of word play construction. I'm a certified Pungineer. Ha ha."

"Okay… That one wasn't bad. I'll give you that."

Lisa observed the unfolding events before her, waiting for her gathered family units to calm down, knowing full well that they wouldn't unless someone made them. That was the trouble with holding a sibling meeting without Lincoln, he was often integral to that process. Still, Lori could and would do in a pinch. Clearing her throat, she caught Lori's attention and motioned for her eldest sister to do her part.

"Alright everyone, be quiet." Lori rapped the back of a hair brush against her dresser. "We were all literally called here for a reason. Let's get this over with. Lisa?" She ceded the floor to her more scientifically minded sibling.

"As I'm sure you've all noticed, Lincoln isn't here." Lisa began the meeting, drawing their attention to the absence of their mutual relation.

"Yeah, I was sort of wondering about that." Luna rasped.

"Where is he?" Leni asked.

"His presence would be counterproductive in this case, as he's the one we're going to be talking about today."

"Why, did he do something wrong?" Lola raised her hand. Lowering it again, as a devious look overtook her expression. "Oooo, can we get him in trouble? If so, I call dibs on blackmailing him."

"That's not how we do things Lola." Lori denied her.

"Eh," The junior pageant queen shrugged. "Can't blame me for trying." What was left unsaid was that, that was the way Lola did things. Everyone else was just too polite to call her on it.

"No, this isn't something that can be leveraged against him." Lisa cut in. "I'm sure you've all become aware over the last month or so, of Lincoln's recent distraction from the family."

"Yeah, but he's just spending more time with Ronnie Anne." Lori responded. "Their relationship has gotten more serious lately, and it's literally the cutest thing ever."

"Oooo, do you have pictures?" Leni asked.

"Oh course." Lori brought out her cell phone and flipped through pictures, while Leni looked on over her shoulder.

"That's so totally cute!" The ditzy girl squealed.

"I know right?"

"Excuse me!" Lisa rapped the hair brush against the dresser to get their attention. "That's not the full scope of the problem!"

"I don't think it's a problem at all." Lori objected.

"That's because you don't have all the details." Lisa returned. "Lincoln isn't just dating Ronnie Anne Santiago." She had everyone's attention now. "From my observations I've concluded that He's dating six girls in total, including Ronnie Anne Santiago."

There was a stunned silence, that by Lisa's count, lasted twelve point seven nine seconds.

"WHAT!" Lori exploded "Lincoln's cheating on Ronnie Anne?!"

"That's not cool dude, someone needs to talk to him about that." Luna said.

"I'M GOING TO TIE HIM UP INTO A PRETZEL!" Lori raged, even as the other gathered sister exhibited various levels of anger.

"BE QUIET!" Lisa boomed from her pocket sized megaphone, instantly calming the frenzy and bringing a hush the the gathered siblings. Thank goodness Lincoln and their parents were currently out of the house. "Lincoln isn't cheating on Ronnie Anne Santiago."

"W-what?! But you just said he was also dating five other girls!" Lori sounded, her voice slightly hoarse from her recent bout of screaming.

"He is. However, contrary to the conclusions you've all prematurely landed upon, all females dating Lincoln seem to be aware and consenting of the situation."

"W-what?!" Everyone exclaimed, silence once again descending.

"How is that possible?" Lori asked. "Who would agree to that?" She seemed to be struggling with something. "I mean, Lincoln's great, but… But…" She wrung her hands together.

"I can't say how the situation came to be." Lisa straightened her glasses. "As for who though… I'm sure you'll recognize some of, if not most of, the names on the list. Starting from the youngest members of Lincoln little harem and working up from there. Haiku Aryn Rose."

Lucy gasped softly, though still loud enough that she drew attention from everyone else. Because Lucy gasping audibly was the equivalent of anyone else shouting in shock.

"Yes, Haiku." Haiku's parents must have been the creative sort, otherwise Lisa couldn't see them condemning their child to such an… Interesting name. "You attend poetry club meetings with her, I believe." Lisa looked over the rim of her glasses as her darkly inclined sister. "She won't be the last recognized name on this list." She cleared her throat. "Yes, Ronnie Anne Santiago." There was no gasp, and no need to pause, as everyone already knew that Ronnie Anne was on the list. "Maggie Fawn Blake." Lisa did pause this time, looking up at her sisters for any sign that they knew who that was. Expressionless faces met her from all sides. Even from Luan, who Lisa initially believed would recall the girl. "Hmm… Well, moving on." She cleared her throat again. "Samantha Sharp."

"S-sam?!" Lisa was forced to pause again, as Luna stuttering interrupted her. Of course, Lisa was well aware that Luna's crush was actually a girl. In the year since the fiasco with the love letter, she'd had more than enough time to investigate… It didn't hurt that Luna had also told them that she was bisexual. "Why would she? How could he?…" Luna never finished either question out loud.

"What's wrong Luna." Luan asked her, concern in her voice, as she notably didn't crack a pun.

"I believe Luna is distressed because Samantha Sharp is the girl that Luna is romantically interested in." Lisa adjusted her glasses. She waited a few moments before continuing. "Carlota Casagrande."

"What!?" Lori burst. "Carlota is also dating Lincoln? But Ronnie Anne is dating him too!"

"That's kind of…" Lynn trailed off a mixture of confusion and vague disgust pulling her features.

"Isn't that illegal?" Lori turned to Lisa for answers.

"Yes and no. It's not illegal for two members of the same family to date a single person. However, I don't believe that's what you were referring to. To answer your real question, yes, their relationship, as it is currently, is illegal. As Carlota is eighteen and Lincoln is merely twelve, relations between them can be considered statutory rape… Assuming, of course, that they are engaging in sexual intercourse."

The atmosphere suddenly became significantly more chilled, as the gathered sisters considered the situation at hand.

"We've gotta do something." Lynn muttered.

"Hold off on that for now." Lisa held her hand up to stall them. "There's still one more name on the list."

"You said you were listing them from youngest to oldest." Leni remarked, in a startling display of previously not exhibited recollection. And the atmosphere became even colder.

"Yes." Lisa coughed awkwardly. This meeting wasn't going exactly as she'd planned. "The last name on the list is Carol Pingrey."

"C-Carol?" Lori gasped, before her expression darkened.

"As bad as this all sounds." Lisa tried getting the meeting back on track. "I think Lincoln knows exactly what he's getting into." She explained. "Yes, we'll still need to talk to him, but study leads me to believe that this is something he's set up deliberately."

"You'll have to explain that." Lori spoke for the rest of the siblings.

"Right… I have a hypothesis that Lincoln sought out and chose those girls, in particular, because of their similarities to us. Six of us specifically."

"What?" Lori returned, somewhat flatly.

"I theorize that Lincoln built himself a harem of females who most closely resemble us, specifically because they resemble us."

"I- I don't…" Luna didn't finish, though what she said was enough. Clearly they needed more convincing.

"Carol Pingrey is a close match for Lori, both in terms of her physical appearance, and her personality. Lincoln chose her for her resemblance." She began. "Carlota Casagrande is similar to Leni is many observable ways. She doesn't look anything like Leni, and she's somewhat more… Grounded, but her hobbies, interests, and a lot of the more subtle nuances of her character are accurate matches for Leni." Lisa stopped to look around at her audience, seeing incomprehension on their faces. "Samantha Sharp is mentally an almost perfect copy of Luna. As perfect a copy as can be achieved with such differing background anyway. She's a musically inclined female with a relaxed attitude towards life. Maggie Fawn Blake doesn't, at first glance, appear to be a good match for Luan. She's a typically unhappy girl, who almost never smiles and doesn't have a sense of humor. However, she loves mimes, and she had a sense of art that rivals Luan's own. She's a bit of an outlier in this theory. Ronnie Anne Santiago is a rough and tumble sporty girl, who likes to wrestle. She's what's typically referred to as a "Tom Boy"" Lisa made air quotes with her fingers as she said it. "She's a parallel to Lynn. Finally, we have Haiku Ayrn Rose, who's as close to being Lucy as Carol is to being Lori."

"S-so, what are you saying? That Lincoln is romantically interested in us, so he's found girls who are like us?" Lori stuttered.

"That's one possible answer. I'm leaning more towards the conclusion that Lincoln has been subconsciously primed, by growing up with us, to be attracted to people who are similar to us. Like how a child will often look for a mate that's close to their parent. Lincoln though, has had more contact with us than he has our parents. He's built himself a relationship that allows him to be with each personality type he's been primed to find attractive." She wiped a smudge off the lens of her glasses with her shirt. "Still, your explanation is plausible, so we shouldn't discount it. The situation will just require more study before I can determine one way or the other. I simply thought you all should know, and sought to bring it to your attention.

"Huh…" Lynn muttered.

"I wonder if Lincoln would be willing to let me date Sam as well." Everyone turned to stare at Luna.

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Chapter notes:

I'm probably going to use that Pungineer joke again in the future, because I actually thought of it for something else.

Maggie and Haiku don't actually have last names, that I'm aware of. I made them up for this story.

Man, I wish I had Luan's ability to just pull a pun from thin air.