This was discord request! It was fun to write. Very cute.

Not much to say about it, beyond "Beware of post anime spoilers". That said, you're fine if you've read the manga or beyond like volume 3 of the novels.

(The translated novels are relatively easily findable if you care to look~)

Special thanks to pika318 for checking for continuity errors, once again!

"As much as I completely and absolutely regret asking you this," the young adult who called himself Ashiya Shiro said, holding his nose between his fingers, "I must address the exceptional sales now. Demon King-sama and the Hero are at work, so I must leave you to the task."

The one who vaguely answered to the name of Urushihara Hanzo shrugged, his eyes not straying from the glowing screen. He was a dark-haired teenager who seemed to be only half listening.

"Urushihara. You will babysit Alas=Ramus for the short time I will be gone."

No reaction.

"If anything happens to her," the adult continued, anger creeping into his tone, "You will die." He said that in a matter-of-fact tone which got the teen's attention.

"You're actually trusting me alone with a toddler?" he gasped, somehow more shocked by the implied trust than by the death threat.

"No."

There was a heavy sigh.

"However, I believe that if nothing else, you value your life. You will not make yourself the common enemy of Demon King-sama and the Hero again, not to mention everyone else that you know on this planet, by letting anything happen to her."

The 'teenager', whose real identity was Lucifer, a former demon general, a feared fallen angel, and by many years the elder of the two, shuddered pitifully. "Of course not," he croaked, closing the computer.

"She is asleep. We will only be gone half an hour, an hour at most. It's your chance to prove that we don't have two toddlers to take care of." Now he was just being petty. "Behave."

He opened the door, and Lucifer noticed their neighbor waiting outside. She heard everything, of course, because the walls were paper thin. She, too, was heading out for the exceptional market sales. Their eyes met briefly, and the door closed shut.

Lucifer let out a breath and glanced at the sleeping toddler.

"Well, it can't be that hard, looking after you. Just stay asleep, please."

He turned back to his computer, intending to geek the hour away, but he wasn't so lucky. A sleepy little voice startled him out of his informatics activities.

"Mama? Papa?" Alas=Ramus rubbed her eyes. "Papaaa?"

Lucifer focused on her, knowing that she might cry if her fears weren't alleviated right now. "Papa will be back soon. And Ashiya too. Don't worry."

The toddler noticed him. She sat up from the bundle of blankets she had been napping on. "Papa come soon?"

"Yes." He crawled closer to her, wincing because one of his legs fell asleep. Ow.

"Okeh. Papa soon. Won't cry!" She looked determined. Lucifer sighed in relief.

Alas=Ramus wasn't crying but… what now?

She stared at him intently, waiting for him to do something. "I'm Urushihara Hanzo," he said without thinking. Their neighbor Suzuno did give her the Japanese name, instead of "Crestia Bell", but there was no way a toddler could pronounce his fake name. He wanted to facepalm. He was one hell of an idiot.

"Wha? No." Alas=Ramus answered, looking confused. "Not Ulushistuff." Her face crinkled in concentration. "Lo... Loshofar?"

Lucifer's eyebrows shot up. Did she hear somebody call him by his real name? "It's Lucifer."

"Losheefa?"

"Lucifer."

"Looshifer?"

"That's... that's good enough." She smiled like he'd just lightened up a million stars in the night sky just for her. It was contagious, and he felt something soft tug at his chest. "Good girl."

He pet her head and she giggled happily, but just as he retracted his hand, she started crawling toward him. "Hey, what are you doing?" He didn't want to hurt her. If he hurt her, he would literally die. He also really didn't want to hurt her, personally, which was kind of a first, or maybe a second?

He briefly recalled beating up Maou back when he was an arrogant brat. Nope. A first.

"Looshifer!" She held out her hands. Unsure about what she wanted, he held out his too. She grabbed a small fistful of his fingers and looked at him in the eyes. He realized his eyes and hers matched in color. Uh.

"No bully Papa, okeh?"

Did the strange child read his mind or what? Unless it was because Ashiya always yelled at him for wasting money? "I'm not bullying your Papa anymore."

She narrowed her eyes very seriously.

"Really, I'm not! Why am I always the one in the wrong?! I almost got killed because of him, too, isn't that bullying? It's not like I expected to be dragged into an army when I met him!"

He'd almost yelled that, but there was no way the toddler would understand what he meant. At worse he was just going to scare her. He toned his voice down. What if he made her cry? Urgh. "I'm not bullying your Papa, okay?" He sighed.

Alas=Ramus squeezed his fingers.

"Okeh! No bully! I believe!" Alas=Ramus let go of his hands and leaned forward, landing on his lap. "Now Looshifer no shad!"

He pet her head again, intending to appease her. "I'm not sad."

She pouted. "Looshifer shad." He set her more comfortably on his lap.

"No."

"Yesh."

"Nope."

"Yesh!"

"Nope. Still no." Why was he arguing with a toddler, again?

Alas=Ramus' tone was a bit different from before. "Looshifer shad. Bully? Shad bully?"

"Oi, I said I wasn't bullying anyone." He wasn't even looking at her anymore, just petting her hair mechanically. When would Alsiel be back? It hadn't been half an hour yet, had it?

"No! Looshifer shad. Alshiel... yell. Bully Looshifer?"

He finally looked down. She was looking up, so he could see upside down concern in her expression.

"You're saying I'm—?" He almost laughed. "You're too young to worry about other people." He better distract her from the subject entirely. "Do you want to play?"

"Hm." Alas=Ramus didn't look happy. He hoped she wasn't going to cry. She seemed to think about it really hard. "Okeh," she decided after several seconds of intense concentration, "Up!"

"Up?"

"Up!" She held out her little hands. In a flash of understanding, Lucifer grabbed her midsection and lifted her off the ground a little. His human body wasn't strong at all, but she wasn't so heavy that he couldn't carry her. She laughed happily. "Up! More!"

He set her back down on the floor so he could stand up. She looked confused, but lightened up when he held out his hands again.

"Alright, here goes!" He lifted her in his arms, and she exploded in laughter.

If he wasn't on Earth, he'd take her out flying instead of just lifting her half his meager height off the ground. It was a bit strange that it made her so happy to be this high, but well, toddler logic.

That said, would he even be in a situation where he had to look after a toddler, in the demon world or in Ente Isla?

That was a bit of a sobering thought, but Alas=Ramus brought him back to reality. "Up! More!" she demanded, but his arms were getting seriously tired, so he set her carefully on his shoulders instead. "Hold on tight, okay?"

"Okeh!" She giggled and grabbed a fistful of hair. Ow. He was still holding her, and she was a bit heavy, but that was easier on his shut-in muscles.

He let her use him as a steed for a few minutes, but in the end, he set her back down, because his back started aching. "Sorry, Lucifer is defeated. Alas=Ramus is too strong."

She puffed her little chest. "I strong!"

He clapped. "Yup. Very strong." How long had it been since Ashiya and Suzuno left? "Are you hungry?"

A suspicious sound rumbled from her stomach.

"Hungry. Yesh."

He looked around. The only thing he knew they had lying around, which didn't require cooking, was chips. He grabbed the pack of chips and popped one into his mouth.

"I only have this, but you're not supposed to eat it, so hush, ok?" He put a finger on his mouth. She imitated him. "Okeh. Hush!"

He gave her a small unbroken chip, which didn't have sharp edges. She happily bit into it. Crunch crunch. Ah, chips are very salty, she might get thirsty afterwards.

He gave her another with a shrug. It wasn't like she would get sick from a couple of those. Lucifer turned back to the computer. Maybe he could just have her watch a children's video until someone came home.

In the end, he picked a pastel-colored video with a lullaby, and sat her on his lap. When Alsiel came back, he was surprised to find a peaceful duo of purple eyed children. He was pleased, because Alas=Ramus looked happy and intact, and perhaps there was some hope yet, to get something useful out of Lucifer.

And just then, he noticed the chips crumbs on her dress.