A/N: I'm a little disappointed in you guys. Reading your reviews really motivates me to write, and not getting any reviews last chapter stung. It was honestly hard to finish this chapter not knowing if anyone out there wants to read it. [I can't be too mad though; I'm horrible at writing reviews.] Anyway, here's chapter three. ;)

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The first thing I noticed upon waking up the next morning was the warm body lying in the bed beside me. Beyond startled, I immediately started to panic over the unknown man sharing my bed, but then he moaned softly in his sleep and snuggled closer to me, and it was all so comfortingly familiar that I calmed down right away. In my half-awake state, I had simply forgotten that I finally had my Moyashi back.

I actually had my Moyashi back.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tightly to my chest, burying my face in his hair and drinking in his smell. I had missed Allen so much that I needed the physical touch to confirm that he wasn't a figment of my imagination. Being apart had taken its toll on me, and I was going to make sure that we never got separated again. He was mine and he was going to stay that way.

Eventually, Allen stirred. He didn't say a word, just sniffled a few times, but when his gorgeous silver eyes locked with mine, he buried his face in my chest and gave in to his tears. I continued to hold him close while he sobbed in joy and relief. His overly sentimental babbling irritated me like it always had, but I was too happy to have him back to care about that. I had missed the sound of his voice too much to be upset by the drivel he was saying. He could cry all he wanted today.

The tears turned back into sniffles and the occasional hiccup as Allen collected himself. He placed a brief kiss on my collarbone before smiling tentatively up at me. "I know you don't want to let go of me, Yuu, but can I please use the bathroom?"

The truth in his words made me laugh, and I let him go; I may not have wanted to stop touching him, but I wasn't going to make him wet his pants. I followed him as he got up, intending to drag him into the shower with me, but he closed and locked the door behind him, effectively keeping me out. I blinked stupidly at the door that had been closed in my face, unable to figure out why Allen suddenly needed privacy; he knew full well what I was after and he had never rejected me out of modesty before.

I chalked the unusual shyness up to him wanting to get to know me again after being apart; he just needed time to adjust to being back in a relationship. I figured he'd get over it once the rawness of being alone wore off and he'd accepted that I wasn't going to disappear on him.

But three days passed, and while I was once again perfectly comfortable around him, Allen still insisted on having privacy. And that was especially weird, as I was the one of us who was shy. The Moyashi wouldn't even change shirts in front of me, let alone let me have my way with him; his newfound self-consciousness seemed to be here to stay. His emotions remained out of control as well. The littlest thing could set him off, and it was becoming rather irritating to deal with his constant crying.

Tired of trying to respect his wishes after we'd been separated for so long, I ignored his protests from earlier that day and deepened our good night kiss. I was prepared to stop if he really didn't want me to touch him, but I was done giving up so easily. The Moyashi tried to push me away, but I persisted, rolling us over so that I was practically pinning him down. He caved much quicker than I expected, moaning into the kiss and tangling his fingers into my hair. The action felt weird with my hair being so short, but his fingers on my scalp felt so good that I quickly forgot about that.

I pulled away from the kiss for just long enough to breathe before capturing his lips once again. Now that I'd gotten through his defenses, I wasn't holding back any longer. I delved my tongue into his mouth and he responded with a deep moan as he fought back, tangling his tongue with mine and fighting for dominance just like he used to. It egged me on and it wasn't long at all before we were grinding our hips together to increase the heat and friction between us. It was almost as if we'd never been separated.

Ready to take it to the next level, I fumbled with the button on Allen's pants, trying to gain access to that part of him that I wanted most. But as my hand brushed against his crotch, I noticed something that gave me pause: Allen wasn't hard. Breaking our feverish kissing, I gently tangled my fingers into his hair. He looked up at me, his silver eyes hazed with pleasure, clearly wondering why I'd stopped. And that confused me: if he was enjoying this, why wasn't he hard? "What's wrong, Moyashi? You're not enjoying this, so tell me what I need to do differently. I don't want this to just be about me."

Allen snapped. He pulled away from me, throwing himself face down onto the other side of the bed where he began sobbing like a child. It was incredibly weird behavior and I knew in an instant that something was genuinely wrong. This wasn't about what was happening between us. This was serious. And that worried me.

Not knowing what else to do - we'd been together for years and I was still bad at the emotional things - I sat down beside the Moyashi and began rubbing circles on his back to try to get him to calm down. It didn't work, but he didn't push me away either, so I continued to do it. I have no clue how long we sat like that as he continued to sob uncontrollably. He began to murmur into the blankets beneath him, but I couldn't understand what he was saying because it was so muffled. But then, the tears suddenly stopped and he blurted out, clear as day, "It doesn't work anymore."

I blinked down at him, completely confused by the outburst and what it had to do with why he didn't want sex. "What doesn't work?"

Allen rolled over with a heavy sigh and pushed himself to a seated position. His face was puffy from crying and his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment as he frowned down at his lap. I may have disliked his crybaby side, but the expression that followed his outbursts was always adorable. "My ... you know. Down there. It doesn't work."

I felt my eyes go wide. While it was mildly amusing that the Moyashi couldn't say the word "penis" in front of me, that was nothing compared to the horror I felt as I processed what he was saying. Allen bit his lip, clearly trying not to start crying again. "While I was locked up, the scientists ... c-castrated me. I can't have sex ever again."

A cold chill ran down my spine. Allen had been castrated like he was some animal. I didn't move - I couldn't move. I had no clue how to respond to what I'd just learned. While I was somewhat relieved that his lack of response earlier wasn't my fault, I was pissed at those scientists; if we ever ended up back at the Order, there was going to be hell to pay for what they'd done to my Moyashi. I knew that anger wasn't what I should be focusing on when my lover was in such a vulnerable state, but I couldn't think of anything to say in response to his revelation.

That changed rather quickly though. When I didn't react, Allen scrambled for his zipper and pulled his pants off his hips. I took one look at his dick and promptly flipped out. The Moyashi hadn't just been castrated, he'd been mutilated. His genitals were completely covered by a web of scars and marks. There were raised lines from where he'd been cut open and sewed back together, needle marks from where they'd injected him with god knows what, welts and bruises that were still only half healed, and the remnants of burns that looked horrendous. If I had a weaker stomach, I probably would have lost my dinner at the sight of all that damage. It was gruesome to see and even worse to think about the pain he must have felt as those wounds were inflicted on him.

I was livid and I could no longer hold it in. I pushed myself off the bed, pacing furiously as I loudly went through every curse and swear word that I knew. When that did little to make me feel better, I turned and punched a hole in the wall.

.x.x.

I was terrified of Kanda finding out about what had been done to me, but I had known that it was inevitable that he would find out. I just couldn't refuse to be intimate with him when I knew that physical touch was how he showed love.

His furious reaction was almost exactly what I expected it to be, but there was a small amount of relief in that he didn't seem to be mad at me. My fears were wrong; he wasn't going to reject me over this. I panicked briefly when he punched the wall, worried that he had hurt himself, but he just pulled his hand out of the hole and shook it off.

Kanda's shouting must have attracted Cross, as the next thing that happened was him bursting into the room, angry and ready to yell at us for the noise. He froze when he saw me though, and I belatedly realized that my pants were down and I was completely exposed. I scrambled to pull them up, but it was too late, Cross had seen the damage. His face paled and he almost looked sick. "Did the Order do that to you?"

It took everything I had not to cry as I curled up into the fetal position. I was terrified and embarrassed of what was going to happen next. To my surprise, I felt two different weights join me on the bed. I expected the first one; that was Yuu laying down behind me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into an embrace that was both comforting and protective. The other weight had to be from Cross as he sat on the edge of the bed by my feet. I didn't understand why Master Cross would try to comfort me, but before I could ask about it, he had placed his palm on my forehead. I froze in fear, knowing exactly what was coming next. I held as still as I could, barely breathing as Master Cross cast a spell on me. When he finished, he cursed under his breath and leaned away from me. I waited for him to explain, but when he didn't, I had to ask. "What did you just do to me?"

Cross shook his head in disappointment; the expression of concern on his face was one I wasn't used to seeing. "Unfortunately, nothing. That spell wasn't strong enough."

That was simultaneously depressing and incredibly touching. It meant a lot to me that Master Cross' first reaction had been to try to help me. Cross placed a tentative hand on my shoulder; he almost seemed scared of offending me. "Will you let me take a closer look? I need to get a better idea of what exactly they did to you."

I didn't understand what he was asking, my brain was a little fried, but Kanda was quick to explain. He brushed a hand into my hair in a gesture that was meant to be soothing and squeezed my shoulders tighter. "He wants to see your dick, Moyashi, so that he can fix you."

"Oh." I immediately rolled over and let Cross pull down my pants so that he could examine me. It was mortifying having to expose myself like that again, but if Cross could reverse the damage that had been done then it would all be worth it. It helped that Cross was basically my father and had seen it multiple times before, but as I lay there and he poked and prodded at it, that was a small comfort. It didn't matter that the men looking at me were my father and my lover, the situation only reminded me of being experimented on.

I could tell Cross was done when he started casting another spell, and I knew from the way he scowled afterwards that this one had also failed. But to my surprise, he actually explained instead of walking away. "I'm sorry, Allen. Whatever those bastards did to you, I can't fix it with magic."

I couldn't stop the tears that fell, even though I had known from the start that that was what he was going to say. I had been an emotional wreck lately, set off by the littlest of things; the doctor Neah took me to said that it was a side effect of being castrated, and while I prayed he was wrong and that it would wear off, that didn't seem to be the case. Collecting myself as best I could, I smiled at Master Cross through my tears. "Thank you for trying. It means a lot to me that you would do that for me, even if it didn't work."

Clearly uncomfortable with my outburst, Cross stood from the bed and moved to the door. However, instead of leaving, he paused a few steps away and spoke without turning to look at me. "I may not be able to fix it, but I do know of a workaround."

It was clear from the way he froze that Cross hadn't meant to say that out loud. And knowing from experience that he'd disappear if I didn't react immediately, I was quick to prod him for answers; he'd gotten my hopes up and I desperately needed an explanation from him. "What does that mean?"

He finally turned around, shaking his head at me. "You don't want to know."

"Yes I do." I stared at him as confidently as I could, which was hard when he was giving me that look of his that said not to argue with him because he knew what was best for me; I really hated that look growing up, and even now that I was free, it still had that same effect on me. "Just tell me already."

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, narrowing his eyes at me in a way that made fear well up inside of me; apparently being an adult did not free me from our master-apprentice relationship. "Look, I know you think this is a great idea, but I don't want to do it, and you're not going to want me to do it, so just forget I said anything."

Kanda rolled his eyes, finally speaking up. "How's he supposed to know whether or not he wants to do it if you won't tell him what it is?"

Cross scowled back at him; he liked to think that he was the smartest person in the room and had always hated having logical retorts thrown at him. "I know you're excited about the possibility of having sex with Allen again, but try to keep it in your pants."

Not giving Kanda time to respond to the comment, he turned back to me and fixed me with a very serious gaze. "While this would change your body so that you can have sex again, the side effects would be permanent." His gaze hardened even more. "There is no going back. If I do this and you decide that you don't like it, there's no undoing it."

The evasive answer just made Kanda upset. He growled fiercely at Cross. "Just tell us what it is already."

Cross met his glare for a moment before fixing me with a serious stare that scared the crap out of me. "It would turn you into a woman."