Chapter 13

Tim woke up suddenly in the night. It was so dark. So dark.

"Tony?" he whispered.

"Agent McGee?"

A stranger. Tim didn't know where he was. He closed his eyes and tried not to freak out yet again.

"Agent McGee, just a moment."

Tim felt light seeping under his eyelids and he covered his face.

"Agent McGee, it's all right. Open your eyes."

Tim didn't want to, but he did it and looked into the kind eyes of a nurse.

"Did you have a nightmare, Agent McGee?"

She was kind, but she wasn't Tony. Tim really wanted Tony to be there, but he knew that Tony was probably happy to be done with that. So he said nothing.

"It's all right. My name is Sandra. I'm the nurse on duty for tonight. I know we're not well acquainted yet, but I think we'll have a chance to get to know one another. All right?"

Tim nodded because he knew that was expected.

"It's only about two in the morning right now. You ready to go back to sleep?"

"I don't feel safe," Tim whispered. That wasn't really adequate to explain how he felt right now, but it was the best he could do.

Sandra smiled sympathetically.

"Well, don't worry. This is a secure building. The only people allowed in and out are the staff and a pre-arranged list of visitors. No one else, Agent McGee. You're as safe here as you would be anywhere in the world. And I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

That was probably true, but Tim felt less safe here than he had in that podunk apartment with Tony.

But this was what he had. It was what he had to accept.

He lay down and tried to take comfort in the presence of someone who was trying to help.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony woke up suddenly. It was so quiet. It wasn't good when it was too quiet.

He got out of bed to check on Tim...

...before remembering that Tim wasn't here. In fact, here wasn't New York. He was back in his apartment, enjoying the feeling of a nice comfortable bed and the freedom of being able to go where he wanted and do what he wanted.

But he didn't feel all that free, he had to admit. He was still worried about Tim, and he almost wished he was at the rehab place just so that he could make sure Tim was okay. He didn't like not knowing whether or not Tim was okay. After all, while Fornell had promised to get going on this as fast as he could, he wouldn't be able to get rid of them all at once.

Tony walked out of his bedroom and into the living room. It was almost funny. He had spent the last two months slowly going stir crazy and wanting nothing more than to escape the responsibility that had been thrust upon him and now, he wanted nothing more than to pick up that responsibility again.

But he didn't need to do that. Tim was in a safe place, the best rehab clinic that Vance had been able to find. It was secure. It was good. Tim would do well there. He didn't need to be checking on him when he was obviously fine.

...but really, there was nothing that said he couldn't visit. Sure, it was about three a.m., but there were special measures in place and Tony knew that he was on a very short list of people who were to be admitted.

But he didn't need to be there. Wasn't this exactly what Gibbs had claimed would be a problem? Tony not being able to let go of his responsibility?

Tony didn't want Gibbs to be right about that.

He sat on his couch and thought about it. He should just go back to bed. He should wait and let Tim get acclimated to the place he would be staying in for a while.

He should really go back to bed.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim woke up with a start. He had no idea what time it was. He only knew that he'd heard something. There was someone in the room. He started to sit up and felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, McGee. I've decided my bed is too comfortable to sleep in for now."

It was dark, but Tim recognized Tony's form as he settled down in a chair. He almost smiled.

And everything felt a lot better.

He lay back down. The room was completely silent. Tony said nothing else. Tim said nothing. Neither of them needed to.

And both of them fell asleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Two weeks later...

"...and so, did you know that there are actually 32 miles of trails in Rock Creek Park? Thirty-two miles! I had no idea there were so many. I don't go there very often, but I think I'll start. It's not like I have to stick to the places right around my apartment. I can take the time to drive over there and get in on some of the fun. I've decided that I'm going to try them all out. Every single mile. I just want to make sure that I plan it right so that I'm not missing any of the miles. You know that it would bug me if I happened to miss..."

"Tony, how long is this phase going to last?" Ellie asked, interrupting him with a smile.

Tony grinned. "What phase?"

"This phase where you talk nonstop, all day? Not that it's not interesting and all, but..."

Tony's smile widened. "My therapist said that if I feel like I need to talk, I should feel free to talk. You can put in your head phones if you want."

"I couldn't do that! That's rude!" Ellie said as she sat down at her desk.

"I wouldn't mind, although having responses is nice on occasion, too."

Tony set his bag down and met Ellie's sympathetic gaze easily.

"I'm fine," Tony said. "I'm just still adjusting to being able to have a real conversation again. You have no idea how hard it was to just talk to myself."

"I'm getting a feeling," Ellie said. "How's Tim doing?"

Tony waggled his hand in the air. "Better in some things. Not in others."

"How was his MRI?"

"They said it's looking good, but he's still having trouble. The shrink said that some of the pain he's still feeling is less about the actual injury and more that he doesn't realize the pain is gone."

"What?"

Tony shrugged. "That's what he said. He said that Tim shouldn't be feeling much pain anymore, but he is...or he says he is."

"Weird."

"Yeah."

"Well... if you let me get some work done right now, I promise to listen to you when you tell me all about the Rock Creek trails, okay?"

Tony grinned again. "Deal."

They both got to work.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Two weeks later...

Tim stared at the door. He was supposed to open it. He didn't want to open it.

He'd been staring at the door for ten minutes without moving. He knew that he'd get a nudge soon.

Still, he just sat there.

"Tim, there's nothing bad on the other side of the door."

"I know," Tim said. And it was true. He did know that there was nothing for him to worry about. It just didn't matter.

"Do you need me to help you this time?"

"I don't want to open the door," Tim said.

"I know that, but this time, you need to take that step. I won't make you do it alone, but you need to do it. The outside world isn't dangerous, not as dangerous as you're afraid it is."

"I know."

His psychiatrist stood up and walked in front of him.

"It's time, Tim. Stand up."

Tim did as he was told, still feeling that phantom ache in his muscles.

"Did it hurt?"

"A little."

"Okay. Now, walk to the door."

Tim took a breath and did as he was told.

"What's out there?" he asked.

"You know what's out there. You just have to see it. Now, will you turn the knob or do you need me to?"

Tim took a step backward, but his psychiatrist wouldn't let him get away from it this time.

"Are you going to do it, Tim?"

Tim thought about it, and he knew that he had to do this. He couldn't keep relying on Tony to keep him safe. He couldn't keep hiding when he didn't need to.

"Okay, Tim. Close your eyes for a minute."

Tim did so.

"Now, breathe in deeply and let it out slowly. In and out. Keep your breath quiet and even."

Tim followed the instructions.

"Feeling better?"

"A little."

"Now, open your eyes."

There was the door again.

"Now, open the door."

Tim took a deep breath and stepped forward. His hand was shaking a little bit, true, but he reached out and grasped the knob, turned it and opened the door.

And he saw the lovely yard with green grass and trees and bright sunlight.

"Do you see what's out there, Tim?"

Tim nodded.

"The world."

"And what do you think of it?"

"It's beautiful."

"Then, go out there and enjoy it."

Tim stepped through the door.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony stared at Tim's empty desk. He had intentionally stayed away from the rehab place for a few weeks, letting them both get through that stressful period, but he still worried.

"Trying to conjure him up, Anthony?"

Tony looked over his shoulder and smiled.

"No. I know where he is, Ducky."

Ducky leaned on Tony's desk and smiled back.

"Of course you do, but I've noticed that you still seem more worried than you should be considering the fact that Timothy is quite safe and Agent Fornell is moving mountains to make sure Timothy will be even safer later on."

"I'm not worried that he's not safe. I know he is."

"Then, what worries you?"

"That he won't be able to get out of being so scared all the time."

"There is the possibility that his fear will linger. It could easily be PTSD, although I'm not sure they're diagnosing that way, but he is getting treatment. He is not being left to fight against this alone."

Tony nodded. Then, Ducky put his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"And you are not abandoning him by letting him get help from professionals. I hope you're not still sleeping there?"

Tony forced a smile. "No. Actually, my shrink said I should work on that, and I'm sleeping at home. I haven't even gone out there in a few weeks. Letting him make some progress."

"And you?"

"And me."

"Good. While I don't doubt that Timothy has struggles you don't, you were stuck in that place in an unenviable position. It's hard not knowing what to do for so long."

"Yeah."

Then, suddenly, Ducky's smile widened.

"I take it that this is one of your more thoughtful days?"

"What do you mean?" Tony asked.

"I do believe that there are friendly bets being made about whether any given day will be a day where you talk or a day where you think...not that you don't do both on a regular basis."

Tony tried to decide whether he was irritated by that or not. Then, he just shrugged and smiled.

"And how accurate have they been?"

"Not at all, I believe, in part because you are not one or the other without any leavening. I think there may be more disagreements on what to label your attitude on any given day than there are agreements about who won or lost."

"And are they getting anything out of it?"

"I believe the phrase I heard bandied about was 'pride not prize'. More than that, I couldn't say. I, of course, am not participating."

"Of course," Tony said, grinning himself. He couldn't tell if Ducky meant that or not.

Regardless, he was feeling a little better.

"I believe you have your own therapy today, correct?"

"Yeah. I'll be leaving soon."

"Good. And, one more thing, Anthony."

"Yeah?"

"You may talk to me anytime. Goodness knows, I'm certainly guilty of maundering on occasion."

"On occasion?" Tony repeated dubiously.

"I should cuff you for that," Ducky said with mock severity. "However, I don't want to start that particular trend up again."

"I'm okay, Ducky."

"Good, and I hope that soon enough you'll be more than okay."

"I will."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Two months later...

"Where is he?" Tony asked.

The smile on the nurse's face was enough to tell Tony what the answer was.

"Outside, and he went there all on his own."

"Really?"

"Yes. We didn't even realize he'd done it until he'd been out there for ten minutes."

"That's great!"

"Go on out and see for yourself."

Tony walked eagerly by the desk and headed out to the yard. Tim had been doing much better, and in reality, the only reason he was still here was a combination of some continued muscle weakness and fear. That Tim had left the building on his own, had gone outside without someone with him was a good sign.

He walked out the door and saw Tim lying on the grass, staring up at the sky. It was rather cloudy today, but Tim didn't seem to care about that. Tony walked over.

"Hey, Tim."

Tim jumped a little, but then, he smiled and sat up.

"Hey."

"How's it going?"

Tim shrugged a little, looked down and started playing with the grass. Clearly uncomfortable.

"None of that," Tony said, sternly. "You're not allowed to be embarrassed."

"Yes, I am," Tim said.

"No, you're not. I realize that we have all that quality time I spent bathing you and dressing you and stuff, but really, I spent a lot of my younger years in locker rooms. I'm familiar with..."

"Don't say it," Tim said, grimacing and blushing at the same time.

Tony smiled. That sounded very much like the old Tim.

"Well, it's true."

"Yeah, well, you don't have to make it explicit."

"I don't have to, but..."

"Please, Tony. Don't start making me regret it."

"Regret what?"

Tim looked up and, instead of smiling, he looked earnest.

"Thank you," Tim said.

"For teasing you about..."

"For doing all that for me. I'm so sorry I called you. I don't know why I did. I still can't remember that time, a lot of those first days. It's all a blur. And even after I start remembering stuff, it's still really confused, but you were there. I'm so glad you were, but at the same time, I'm sorry you were. Gibbs would have found me in the hospital."

"Unless they'd killed you, Tim," Tony said. "Yeah, that all sucked big time. It was terrible, but it's okay. I'm glad I was there. I really am. I just wish that I could be there and not be there at the same time."

Tim smiled a little and looked down.

"So...when are you leaving?"

Tony saw the slight tensing.

"I don't know."

"Can't stay here forever. Fornell has been kicking some major butt. It's a huge scandal, but they've tracked down all the major players and everyone that you listed has been arrested. Those are the only people who would have had a chance to know who you are. You're as safe as you ever are."

"I'm still scared, Tony," Tim admitted.

"Hey, I'm still so scattered that I found out a while back that they make bets on whether I'll be talking a mile a minute, a la Abby, or I'll be saying almost nothing. It's usually one or the other, not much in between. But that's okay, too. I'm still seeing a shrink off and on, and you'll be seeing the shrink. You'll probably be on desk duty for a while, until you get your sea legs back."

"Bad analogy," Tim said.

Tony smiled. "Right. No sea legs. But it's fine. It's going to be fine, and the sooner you admit that I'm right, the better. Everything else I've done has turned out, right?"

Tim raised an eyebrow. There were still scars if one knew where to look for them. Most of the injuries had healed to invisibility, but there were a couple on his face, some on his hands and a discolored spot on his back (with the faintest hint of a boot sole shape) that just refused to heal up. It was like a scab under the skin. The doctor said that it would likely dissipate eventually.

Whatever that meant.

Regardless, his body was healing. The phantom pains seemed to be gone (unless Tim wasn't admitting to them anymore), and while there was still some muscle weakness, he was getting better on that score as well. And that really would get better just with continued use of his muscles.

"You came outside today. Alone. They told me. No one made you do it. You just did it. That's normal, Tim!"

"It's not normal that it's something amazing," Tim said.

"You keep doing it and it'll be normal and unamazing."

"I finally feel safe here," Tim said. "I don't feel safe out there."

"Well, you had to come here to learn to feel safe, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then, you have to go out there to learn to feel safe out there. Right?"

"Maybe."

"No. No maybe. Right? Of course, right."

"Maybe," Tim said again and smiled a little.

"Nope. You have to admit it. I'm right. You know you can't stay here. They'll kick you out eventually. Just amaze them all the more by saying you're ready to leave. They'll help you get out and then, you'll keep doing the whole therapy thing until you don't need it anymore."

"When will that be?"

"I don't know. I'm not a shrink. I just have one."

Tim was silent.

"You need to leave eventually, Tim."

Then, Tim looked up again and Tony was surprised (and happy) to see a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"What?" Tony asked.

"I've already said that I'm ready to leave."

"What?" Tony asked again, this time with much more surprise.

"This morning when they realized I'd come out here. I asked if I could leave."

Tony didn't know what to say for a moment, but then, he rallied.

"See? I'm amazed! Were they?"

"Yeah."

"Excellent. Always keep them on their toes. Me, too."

Tim was still smiling, but he took a deep breath.

"It still scares me, though."

"That's okay. You'll get over it."

"Thanks, Tony."

"You don't have to keep saying it."

"I know. I'm doing it anyway. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Three months later...

Tim looked around the bullpen. He'd come to work really early, wanting to beat everyone (except, maybe, Gibbs) there so that he could see how he felt about sitting here, out in the open. Exposed. There was an anxiety, but he accepted that this might be something he just had to deal with for a while. He was on desk duty for now, and that was okay. He took a deep breath and looked around again. He knew this place. It wasn't like it was unfamiliar, but it had been so long since he'd been here that he sometimes worried that it wasn't his place anymore.

But he knew this place. Like every other stage, this was just getting back to the things he already knew, accepting that there wasn't really a problem, that there wasn't some major risk to letting people know where he was.

The elevator dinged. It wasn't Gibbs. It was Tony.

"Hey, McGee!" Tony said. "I didn't know today was your first day. You just like keeping things from me, right? All this time we spent together, all that time I spent doing..."

"I wanted it to be a surprise," Tim said. For something that clearly had made Tony uncomfortable, he sure brought up the whole giving-Tim-a-bath thing up a lot.

"Well, it is. Glad to see you back here. The desk looked empty without you."

"Are you sure you want anything to do with me, Tony?" Tim asked. "I mean, you had to help me all that time because of what had happened, but now... Do you really want to have anything to do with me?"

Tony walked over and put an arm around Tim's shoulders. One of the first times in months they'd been in contact without Tony helping him stay up right.

"There's some stuff that Abby's been working on with our latest case. I'll bring you up to speed."

"Okay."

Tony started leading Tim toward the elevator.

"And of course I want to have something to do with you. Just promise me one thing, Probie."

"What's that?" Tim asked.

"Promise me that I'll never have to give you a bath again."

Tim laughed.

"I promise, barring any unforeseens. I promise...with every fiber of my being."

Tony laughed, too.

And the two of them went down to the lab to start their work day.

A normal day.

FINIS!