CHAPTER 3: Saviours of the Imperium.

"What the f*ck? I mean… sorry, roaring kitten… Is this actually true?"

The Grand Master shrugged, while the Captain-General was cleaning himself with a cloth of silk whose price would have fed a billion Terran souls for a day; his brain apparently unharmed. Unsurprisingly, since it was part of a pre-Heresy era curtain from a prestigious manufacture, that had been partly burned during the invasion of Horus, and recycled through the ages… or maybe, all things considered, his brain really was damaged.

« Fret not, my Emperor, it is not. There is a rumor of a silver knight rampaging in the realm of Slaanesh, but it is not Lord Draigo, for he is powerless to properly navigate the Warp alone, as any individual warrior lost in that realm on madness would be. He only manages to come back to us from time to time, usually to participate in battle, using his mastery of the "Infinity Gate" psychic power. »

"An individual warrior lost in…? Whaaaaaat?! How can anyone survive like that – aside from myself of course. I mean… even Mortarion fell victim to that insufferable pus bloated botch of nature. WTF is that Kaldor Draigo dude?!

- Verily, Messire; I was lost in the Warp once too, but it was with my battle barge. Lord Draigo is currently stuck in as an individual, using his extreme mastery of the psychic and purifying abilities of the Grey Knights to stay alive and fence his way through. He is not going down. The college of Grand Masters of the Grey Knights do not fully agree yet on someone to replace him as Supreme Grand Master of the Chapter 666. »

She calmed, reassured. The Grey Knights seemed pretty competent, in the end, especially compared to her idiotic Custodes losing several dozens of their numbers against two dumb Harlequins pretending to be pacifists doing postal service. And this Grand Master in particular, the Grey King Arcturus the Victorious Grand Master, seemed to be pretty decent, in spite of his sassing tendencies.

"If you say so, Grey King." Trajan Valoris murmured. "If you say so…"

But the Emperor shrugged; unconcerned by the petty quarrels of the Custodes and Titan who had barely spoke at all with each other for 10 Millennia, and mostly ignored each other. Now she could see that it was the Custodes' fault, while the Grey Knights were pretty respectful of their estranged… cousins; for lack of better terms.

"Wait. I cannot ignore what you just said, Grand Master! 'Any individual warrior', are you insinuating that our Holy Emperor would be powerless to surf the Warp in a super cool fashion as expressed in the 48th Oecumenical Council of Sancta Terra?"

The Empress wanted to shout 'way to go' at the crypto-Pope, but on the same time was highly conflicted by the number he indicated. Had the humans had so much free time that they could waste it in so many discussion on a topic of which they are thoroughly ignorant – 'Theology, the science of the unknowable', had once said a cynical atheist.

"Yeah. And while we are it, I am pretty sure our Paternova could totally navigate the Warp alone too; as his powers transcend the Warp itself."

She changed her mind, as she felt where it would lead: namely, the doubting of her own capabilities a warrior… which she could now ill afford to prove; after having sat 10,000 years atop a golden chair and then be reborn as a young maiden.

"Whatever, this is just semantics…."

"But, Sire…" intervened Valoris.

He was going to say it.

"SHUT. UP. Semantics I say, goldilocks."

The scared face of Trajann Valoris hided not its dismay.

"You're a pretty swell guy. Even though you are an arse, Grey King of the Grey Knights." She licked her red lips before biting them with her pearl white teeth. "A tear-drinking perverted silver arse," she added, unconscious of having returned to her former sensual and seductive habits. "Soooo… Initially, I planned to put the command of all Grey Knights under myself. And then, launch a balls-out assault…

- Your Majesty has no balls. Not anymore.

The Grey Knight had answered to her seductive ways by rolling his eyes and a snarky comment.

"Don't remind me, jerk! I mean… ovulae producing balls, I have those, right? Anyway… a balls-out assault on mother fuckin' Horus."

Although she had just admitted feeling sorry for her emotional outburst and hasty judgement, forgiving the Grey Knights for their actions against the people of the Imperium – her citizens (i.e. subjects) – the Grey King had already started to grasp that opportunity to make fun of his divine Empress, exasperating her. As for the Ecclesiarch, he had an heretical though shrivelled boner.

"So… Your Majesty plans was a re-enactment of Mythological divine incest ?

- Stop it !

- Stop what ?

- Your antics, you silvered Fegelein !

- I am regretfully not aware of what Your Majesty is trying to make allusion to, but…"

Grand Master Regis' finger pointed out toward one of his Knight-less Exalted Court's Grey Knight Paladins, whose index was gently pointing out the parchment coloured part of his Pauldron upon which his name was inscribed. Instinctively, she started to read it.

F.

E.

G.

E.

L…

The armor less reincarnated Emperor stopped whilst raising her open hand as if to spank someone, and suddenly, violently… face-palming herself. Of course, her perfect face was left intact, as she bore not her old lightning claws.

According to the modern fluff, names of Grey Knights are used as part of the exorcism ritual. Commonly encountered are demonizations of a certain kind that makes appropriate such a name for a Grey Knight to have.

She sighed deeply, trying to release pressure. She could not let that unstomachable silver arse exasperate her so easily.

"Anyway… I had planned to take command of the Grey Knights myself, and of all the curvaceous Sisters of Battle I could grope…"

The Empress suddenly coughed, hopping that the obscurantists before her would think that she was having a sudden psycho-mythical bout with Nurgle or something.

"I mean, gathered… but… you muscle-bound Grey King asshole convinced me to let your Chapter off the hook. Maybe you really do know what you are doing. And now, I am wondering if I should not better take control of the Grey Knights and just order them around. So that you Grand-Ma' Tutur could plague me with your VERRY FUNNY antics a bit longer.

- …

- No, seriously, we have no other choice. Horus has become way too powerful. And he will probably somehow manage to rally his asshole brothers and that armless failure of a Babaddon, who could become awesome and gets shits done only in a 60k setting…

- I am afraid to not understand what Your Majesty is saying.

- Don't bother. Six dimensional warp fuckery. "

Arcturus simply acted as if nothing happened. The Emperor had straight out declared sexually consorting with Chaos. Had Kaldor Draigo heard this, he would have probably faint, his mouth foaming. But the Grand Master Arcturus was King, and somehow he knew that his fellow Monarch was accustomed to the use of colourful language & profanities.

" However, I do not think this plan is necessary, nor the best one we can come up with.

- Horus has become a god. And Abandon the² Spoiling is in the process of becoming an actual threat. You understand, now, Vicky?

- I don't.

- My Glorious Overlady, can't we simply deal with him by sending Lucas the Trickster with a Tesseract Labyrinth?

- Of course not, you dumb idiot kitty metal banana.

- I assume thou possessest no psychic capabilities, lord Trajann ?

- I don't, King Victor. No Custodes does, which is why you, Grey Knights, had to be created. What of it?

- A Tesseract is an ancient term of the technical language designing a 4th dimensional object. The jailing abilities of such Necron artefact lies essentially in the inability of a 3rd dimensional, bidimensional or unidimensional entity to understand the 4th dimension – for example, a bidimensional entity would not understand the notion of "going upward".

- I already know that, Fabricator General. So what of it ?

- The Empyrean is a higher extra-dimension of the hyperspace. The fact that it encompass the dimensions of space and time, but also concepts that do not belong in lower dimensions such as psychic energy… also implies that the Warp is not the 4th dimension but something higher.

- In other words – added the Paternovial Envoy –, a tesseract would have no more effects on a demon or a good Psyker than a corn labyrinth on a bird!

- And if Horus is a god now then it is even more useless, get it? Added the High Lordin' Astropath.

- … And that is why we, the Grey Knights, do not use these xeno-artefacts, contrary to some superstitions and heretical misinformation.

- Understood, now, you dumb idiot?!

- Yes, my Glorious Overlady (what's corn…? Hmm… Some kind of tough mineral, mayhaps?).

- DO. NOT. CALL. ME. LIKE. THAT! OR I WILL FORBID YER WEEKLY FAPPING NEXT THURSDAY!"

So shout the overlady while angrily pointing her finger at the Captain-General and making a Trump face. But our deadly golden cat simply shrugged; having gathered his resolution he just said :

"If it pleases Your Majesty; it matters not for I may hold my urges."

She smirked in a devilish manner; though it was a beautiful and bright smile still.

"Say, Trajann… have you been awarded the name Arcturus, yet?"

His eyes nearly pop' up and he was cowed instantly by the threat. The Grand Master made a near imperceptible sigh; though all with superhuman earing clearly heard it.

« Tesseract or not, if Warmaster Horus has become a Chaos God, then he is no more threat to us than any other Chaos god, and won't be able to directly attack Your Imperial Majesty, neither in the Immaterium nor in the Materium. Not by himself. »

"Arghl…" she was making a nearly-Golum style throat noise. He was doing it again, building up her frustration. It was not something she had ever been used to: knowing full well, on a scientific basis, with certain truth, and telling to others but being treated like some kind of mal prophet. "Since he is a god now, he is more powerful than ever, and in a way better position to crush the Imperium!"

But the Grey Knight Grand Master shrugged as if it was nothing.

« Your Imperial Majesty recent reincarnation after 10 thousand years of torment is weighing upon Your Majesty's mind. Warpology has become confusing topic, but thou shalt relearn it soon enough. Warp Gods create daemons because they cannot enter the Materium by themselves, be they Chaos aligned or orderly aligned, such as Rogal Dorn and Sanguinius.

- Wait, what?! What did you just said about Dorn & my fabulous hawkboy?

- After their deaths, Rogal Dorn and Sanguinius both became Imperial Saints, officially worshiped by the masses throughout the galaxy. Sanguinala is the most important and most popular holyday in the Imperium, and this mass worshiped by trillions upon trillions of men caused Warp Powers to be formed and named after these Primarchs; they both occasionaly sends an herald class daemon, called the Sanguinor and the Adorbidor respectively.

- What about me, then ? she said while massaging her temples.

- Your Imperial Majesty is "merely" an extremely powerful psyker.

- … But…

- … from the point of view of Warpology. From the point of view of the comparative studies of the history of Religions & from a Metaphysical understanding, Your Majesty indeed happens to be the primordially traditional archetypal incarnation of the "King in the Mountain", and therefore… a divinity.

- You and Lorgar could have teamed up to plague me with your Religious nutcracking nonsense 10 thousand years ago.

- As praise from someone who ordered the Adeptus Custodes to study Theology, I shall take it.

- But if I am a God from the point of view of pure Religion and not from Warpology, it means that I have only half the criteria to be a god. Therefore, I'm not God! See? I was right all along.

- Of course not, Majestas; thou hast daemons created as well.

- I did?

- You did, Sir. There is one in our chamber of the Astronomican, of which my humble self is the keeper.

- FUCIK (Julius), I DID!

- Your fabulous Majesty also provides our saintly orders of the Adepta Sororitas with miraculous powers.

- I DO ?

- YES! It makes my nipples so hard & quivering thinking about it, luckily the curves of my armour enable its painlessness and erogenous nature.

- No, your Majesty did not.

- I DON'T?!

- How darest thee?! The Grand Master is an heretic! GOLLUM! GOLLUM!

- Be silent, my Lady. When a real, historical character is worshipped as a God, it is unknown wether or not the energies that coalesce in the Warp do so around his soul. If said character is alive, then it doth not; if dead he happeneth to be and his soul aloft therefore chances are that it doth. Yet, even so, the end result is not the individual proper; this is why the Adorbidor or the Sanguinor would exist still even if Rogal Dorn and Sanguinius were to be alive & well still, and neither of them would be endowed with powers steming from the Ethereal construct called after them.

- AH! I'm not fùcking Gawd, I knew it!

Cries of despair came from the High Lady of the Adepta Sororitas and of the Adeptus Ministorum.

« When Your Imperial Majesty reincarnated, all souls related to Majestas coalesced and united, fused and reincarnated as one; somehow, for the purpose of the story. Proof that you are a warp god in the flesh, my Emperor, is that you made an actual daemon, which gods do by spliting a shard of their divine soul and infusing it with a persona. Hence, Your Imperial Majesty should still be able to use divine powers, as a physical god. »

"Hold, wait a minute! What proof is there that I made a demon? He could be a demon of choas undivided."

The Empress was being stubborn, but the High Lord of the Adeptus Astronomica flied to the rescue once more.

"Well, I actually asked my lord Imperious a truth of his claims, so…"

"Sooooo?" He made everyone curious, except the Grand Master of the Grey Knights, who already knew the story and was rolling his eyes.

"… He asked me to come closer and closer, and once my ear was nearby his august mouth, he said…"

The Empress was already furrowing her brows, awaiting something like a grandiose declaration of stupid that she could then violently debunk with the pawaa of rational thought and brainyness.

"… He said… just one word:"

The old man stuttered emotionally, causing even the Fabricator-General to be suspended to his lips, wondering how extraordinary and rich in esoteric content like some archaic Hebrew word it would be to establish a direct link with the Emperor and clear and absolute proof of His godhood.

"Bitch."

Everyone's favorite hormonal Empress rose her arms in a gesture of universal surrender while screaming in anger and 10,000 years of pent up sexual frustration.

"He's really mine! I made a dumbass demon named Imperious, farting flying cockbiscuit!"

But then, she realized something, preventing her worshipers to praise her newly found divinity.

"If I'm a God from the point of view of Warpology, it does not mean that I am one necessarily from the point of view of History of Religions, because as you said, it was not me that was until now bestowing super powers on the Sororitas."

The Grey Knight simply shrugged his massive pauldrons platted in gold, imaging properly how easy it was to counter such a ludicrous sophistry.

« So, Your Imperial Majesty was not technically bestowing any powers on the Chamber Militant of the Ordo Hereticus, something which was modeled after the image the Ministorum had of the Emperor in response to mass worship and attunement of myriads of souls causing the convergence of tremendous quantities of psychic energies did it; but now that warp superstructure has fused with the actual Emperor's actual soul and bestow these "supernatural" powers on the Battle Sisters once more. »

All she could do was aimlessly pointing at him with her finer, and a hollow look in her amber eyes.

"So, it means that the Emperor is a god now?"

The Grey Knight Grand Master nodded.

Cries of happiness came from the High Lady of the Adepta Sororitas and of the Adeptus Ministorum.

"Fine ! Arse ! I'm fùcking Gawd now, happy ?!

- Thank you for listening to Science, Sire.

- Incidentally, in the Orlesian language, "gode" means "dildo"; and both are extremely pleasurable objects."

Everyone turned to the Abess of the Adepta Sorroritas, a beautiful woman preserved by Imperial medicine's technology to look like in her late twenties. She immediately proceeded to shrink away from their awkward gaze while blushing madly; though she still looked at the Empress with a super-lubrique gaze.

"Now, what kind of plan would be good enough to counter asshole Horus ?!"

Smiling before pivoting her head to face elsewhere than the pretty matriarch's golden boob armor, she awkwardly returned to the main problem of the Imperium.

« The Greatest Heroes of the Imperium may form a small squad and pwned the resurrected Warmaster.

- Seriously…? Grand'ma Tutur, lord Draigo and the lord Maccrage, whose chapter has constantly plagued me with his Ultratorture chanting for ten thousand years – and who won't stop no matter how many times I cast my shit upon them?!

- Hmm ? No… I was not thinking of him. Of them. Or of me. Although I guess I should come too, in case the medusian fails. Do I have permission to use the secret archive on Titan to buy the help of Anacharis Scoria? He belongeth to the Dark Mechanicum, but he will surely help attacking Horus if I use the secret archives, and it will be of no detrimental effect in an armament course between the Imperium and the forces of Chaos.

- Then… who ?! Wait… the medusian ?! Anacharis Scoria and the secret archive? WTF are you talking about, Grey King?"

Arcturus breathed in heavily, deeply, solemnly, as if some huge responsibility was weighting on his mind – of course, since he is a renowned officer of the Adeptus Astartes.

« Permission to get closer to Your Imperial Majesty? My thoughts on the matter is that my Sire would not want it to be made public. »

The Grand Master asked and she nodded, perturbed till he came closer indeed and murmured in her ear, much like Imperious had done within the chambers of the Astronomican… but it was a lot worse than just telling Imperious' one word bullcrap proofing. It was about the Imperial secret porn stash, a forty millennia or so collection of high quality erotism and pornography. She had completely forgotten about that unvaluable treasure containing even videos of the Emprah fabulous muscleboundness in action; and thinking about these secret content being discovered, blushed madly, gasping and making all Custodes lovey-dovey for their cute Empress. This could not be the look of a child just over ten years old.

She had no idea how this stuff came to Titan… unless…

"MALCADOR, YOU TWAT!"

She yelled and facepalmed, while thinking of her former best friend winking at her. Most High Lords were shocked, as were the Custodes, by the Empress suddenly screaming at the hero of yore for some unknown reason. They didn't dare asking the Emperor what was the High Lord Solar Grand Master Arcturus of the Grey Knights planning to use in order to turned Anacharis 'Motherhumpin'' Scoria against the Black Legion and Horus Lupercal.

"Fine! Use it! I don't care! Just try to do it discreetly!

- A wise decision, Sire.

- Now that I have reincarnated, I will re-do my life from Zero.

- Does it mean that someone else will take over the Imperium, Sir?

- NO, you golden banana-man! I am still the Emperor.

- Isn't it the Empress, now?"

She growled while trying her best to ignore them.

"What about the rest of what you were speaking of? Medusian what? You are going to turn Horus into stone and bring him back as a statue? I don't like smashing Primarch sculptures, just so you know...

- Really, Sir? Then, why did you ordered the erasure of the 2nd and 11th Primarch?"

The Empress opened her eyes wildly.

"I DID WHAT, YOU FUCKIN' CHICKITA MAN?!"

Many assume that the 2nd & 11th Primarchs and there Legions committed some enormous atrocities against the Imperium and were erased by the Emperor in consequence from all the archives, because only the Emperor had the clearance to do such a thing. However…

"What about Pal' and Atsukuni?"

They squinted their eyes. They had always been told that the Emperor had ordered everyone to forget these two Primarchs. However, it seems different from what she remembered.

The Paternovial Envoy cleared his throat. In truth, he had always wanted to become a Space Marine, but was born a Navigator instead. He knew that the White Scars often made their Navigators Space Marines, if they were not too dangerously mutated, but had failed the trial test to become one. Even so, he had never abandoned the dreams of his youth. And as a result, he had been curious all his life about these two forgotten Primarchs.

"So, that's how they are named? Pal and Atsukuni?"

The Empress closed her mouth while looking at the High Lord representing the Navigators. She seemed to remember something.

"Pallando, Primarch of the Legio Undecimus – Consul Opsequiari. Atsukuni is a special case, but I can't believe anybody has forgotten about yet another problematic High King who – just like you, Grey King – bullshit me, his own father. Though he had disappeared, Pallando was someone very important to me and the Imperium, who brought a great many Knight Worlds to compliance peacefully; and who was supposed to maintain under control most of his brothers, instead of Leman who took over the aggressive assessment of his own volition. Pallando and his marines were also crucial for policing activities on any world freshly brought into compliance which was not under the care of Word Bearers or of the Ultramarines. Especially Angron and his World Eaters, I couldn't let him do any secure conquest without having the Field Policing Legionary Consuls of Pallando watch over them! Alone, they would simply go on a rampage and kill everything in their wake; but with Pallando and his scary marines, even the damned mutts and the Space Corgi were relatively tamed."

The Paternovial Envoy wanted to hear more about them, in truth, all but some Custodians were curious about this business. Grand Master Arcturus however interrupted the Emperor.

« My apologies, Majestas, but allow me to interrupt. I think I know who is the responsible. He currently sits in Ultramar, immobilized on a throne, inside a temple. »

She squinted. Roboute Guilliman had have a rivalry relationship with the 11th Primarch, for High King Pallando was supposed to be policing all his brothers and nephews, even though he was mostly busy constructing a huge imperial web of Knight Houses loyal to him first and foremost, as "The Knight King" among them all who bested them all in jousting contests and other chivalrous endeavours, or even by his sheer reputation among the Questoris Familia. Without him, maybe 80% of the Knights Houses would have sworn allegiance to the Adeptus Mechanicus, she thought; but then again, instead of this, at least a fifth of the total number of Knights Houses found during the Great Crusade or more were loyal to High King Pallando before being loyal to the Emperor of Mankind and his Imperium, or to the Adeptus Mechanicus and its Religious beliefs & creeds.

"I can totally picture Rowboat Gorillaman doing that as "Lord Commander of the Imperium" in order to stabilize it and subvert all Loyalty to the Knight King to the Imperium. He was jealous because his shitty Ultramar Realm was merely 500 worlds, while King Pallando had something like four times that number, though it was scattered across the galaxy and most of them were either knight worlds or in the process of becoming such types of planets. That bitchin' smurf even claimed that Lorgar was too slow, but he really contributed to the conquest of only 500 planets in two centuries of Grand Crusading, in an empire the seize of a million worlds; because of that sissy's constant pestering I eventually ordered the destruction of Monarchia, a mighty fine jewel of a planet crafted by Lorgar. Damn friggin' disinformation."

"Sire, is 2000 not something small too, on the scale of a million worlds?" Asked the High Lord of the merchant civilian fleet. "Even I have (probably) control over more planets than a mere 2,000."

"Lord Solar Macharius probably conquered more planets than that as well…" pursued the High Lord of the Imperial Guard.

"That's not the point, answered the Emperor. These planets were all Knight Worlds. Planets with which we had to negotiate, most of the time, to bring them into Imperial Compliance; instead of simply bringing the fight to them. See? Pallando was a Scion himself, because he was found on a Knight World by the Royal Family. And he never was interested in any other types of planets. Besides, he didn't command his own expeditionary fleet, but was assigned normally to the 1st Expeditionary Fleet which I commanded personally, so of course he didn't conquer as many planets as his brothers! Pallando simply ran across the Galaxy on board of his Gloriana class Flagship, the Sanct Graal, to take in all knight worlds he could possibly find so that they would swear allegiance to him and the Imperium instead of the clerical Adeptus Mechanicus. Not even half of the Knight Houses would be sworn to the Imperium without Pallando's chivalrous deeds to re-establish the Ghibelline ideal… Plus, he won nearly all his battles. Unsurprisingly, since he fought them with hundreds or thousands of Imperial Knights, he crushed everything that went against him, unlike Horus & cie. Even my 10,000 strong golden Legio Custodes would have lost in a straight battle against them."

"Forgive my impertinence in interrupting Your Imperial Majesty, but allow me to correct one thing… Your Majesty seems to imply that more than half of the Questoris Familiae are sworn to the Imperium…"

"Come on, don't tell me that… the Adeptus Mechanicus now has the loyalty of, say, a third of them?"

If we compare with the "Dark Ages", the duality between the Imperium and the Mechanicum would be akin the Eastern and the Western Christian Churches or to the Holy Roman Empire and the Catholic Clergy, to which pledged allegiance two great alliances of knights and noblemen: the Guelf and the Ghibellines. But, before that, Chivalry's allegiance belonged solely to the Ghibelline ideal of the Imperium. In the early days of the nascent Imperium and the Great Crusade, the Emperor had predicted that such a scheme would happen again; so, in order to avoid that, Pallando went all around the galaxy to collect the oaths of allegiance of a great many number of Knight houses, by showcasing his personal chivalrous prowess… he soon became the greatest Knight in the history of both eldar and human Chivalry. Unsurprisingly, since he was both supremely more skilled than any other Knight-King, and also a powerful Psyker that would use his psychic powers to enhance his piloting abilities or even repair his Knight. And that was the main reason the Emperor had tolerate for over a century the giant asshatery of His son.

"The Imperium and our Martian clergy share them in half, O Omnissiah."

And now, the Empress couldn't believe what she was hearing. How did that even come to pass? Was it something like House Raven and their ilk, devoted to the Mechanicum, managed to steal away the title of "High King" Pallando monopolized before making it so that Mars' Fabricator General recuperated his royal mandate?

"Sire, isn't it possible that, say, because not all Knight Houses had been found during the Great Crusade, the gap between the Imperium and the Clergy was closed through the passing of millennia and the many exploration fleets of the Mechanicum? Besides, there are a lot of houses which were lost and then found again because of Warp Storms… it is hard to take everything into account."

"Of course not! How many Knight Houses do we know of in total?"

"… Uh… a few hundreds, Sire?"

There is only three dozen or so known Knight worlds in the stupid official publications and wiki pages. That being said, there are a lot of Forge Worlds across the Milky Way.

"Come on, really?! You can't be serious! I told you Pallando owned at the very least 2000 Knight Worlds' allegiance! Destroying ALL AND ANY memories of High King Pallando because Row-boot-ay Gill-uh-man feels like he has a tiny dick in comparison? And now, we have like half of the Imperial Knights pledged to the Mechanicus instead of 20% at best, and they aren't even as numerous as the original number of Knight Houses we had back then? You can't be serious… And all of that and much more is my own son's fault?!"

« Sire, I prithee be at peace… I did not say it was Lord Commander Guilliman that should be blamed for this. The secret Ordo, ruling body of the Inquisition, believes there is a possibility that he is the Primarch Alpharius, awaiting his time to pull a bad prank on the Imperium. If he managed to become the Lord Commander of the Imperium, then, he surely would have the power to erase all data about a Primarch or two, and then faint innocence or blame a copy-paste error. »

She face-palmed, once again. Her face was starting to feel sore. The High Lords themselves were shocked, as they just learned that the Inquisition was indeed ruled by an internal secret society shrouded in mystery, by word of the Grey King, Grand Master and former Inquisitorial Legate himself. Everyone understood why he had not said sooner, and they felt like, in the end, maybe the Grey King really dreaded the Empress' wrath, for he had abandoned concealing the truth of his thoughts on the subject so as to protect Roboute Guilliman for the Imperial vindication.

"What's that Secret Ordo stuff? I thought the Inquisitorial Legate was the leader of the Inquisition…"

The High Lady of the Adepta Sororitas was now joining the fray, and it felt awkward that the Abess was not aware of the truth even though being the ruler of one of three Ordo Majoris' Chamber Militant.

« No, replied Arcturus with absolute certainty in his voice. All of the Ordo of the Inquisition are ultimately, oecumenically, ruled by the secret Ordo, whose membership is kept secret for protection of the Inquisition's sake, against infiltrations. »

The Empress too had been wondering about the truth, and so he explained; but it was a highly dangerous truth and most of the High Lords aside from Lord Solar Grand-Master King Arcturus himself, the Ecclesiarch, the Grand Master of the Assassins and the Abbess feared to get purged for having learned of these dark truths even more so than what he had told them regarding forbidden scientific knowledge on the gods…

"Thanks for having told me, Lord Solar Arcturus Rex."

… The Inquisition took no spying or leaks as trifle matters and the possibility of the God-Emperor refusing to shield them from Inquisitorial retribution had suddenly become very real as she was getting convinced by the deceitful oratory skills of the Grey King Arcturus. Unlike them, his belonging as a senior officer to the Grey Knight chapter, the purest and most incorruptible psykers and space marines in the entire galaxy, protected him from any actual Inquisitorial retribution. In fact, it could be argued that all that he had done was answer questions asked by the Emperor, and that by no fault of his own, the other High Lords happened to be close enough to hear everything the Magister Magistralis imparted of his insightful ken.

"Indeed, sound just like that twat Alpharius and the Inquisition. And it would explain why we are using this retarded Codex Astartes that broke the mighty bulwark of the Imperium: the Astartes have simply been using the tactics of Alpharius all along believing to be Guilliman's edict! You are definitely the most useful and competent High Lord I have yet to meet." The Grey Knight bowed curtly in answer to this praise. "I will have to go to Macrage to verify this soon. If it is Roboute, I will heal him; if it is Alpharius Omegon, I will spank his ass instead and find out what truly happened to the blue-berry Grand-Pa Smurf. I can't believe Alpharius – or Guilliman – is an even bigger asshat – or rather, asscrown – than Pal… even Angron or Mortarion would have agreed that it should have been impossible."

She breathed in deeply.

"But how can you make such assumptions? Is it not like a blaspheme to hypothesise that the Imperial Saint and Primarch Robot Gilligan is actually the traitorous scum Alpharius?"

The Grand Master was still like an Olympian mountain, slowly caressing his beard in a dignified fashion.

« We, the Grey Knights, have some privileges that other chapters do not have and never will. For instance, we may requisition Terminator Armours from them. »

"Hey? Another battle report and flaunting of privilege from the Inquisitorial special snowflake. Whatever; how does it relate to the Robouterius conundrum?"

« When I went to Ultramar some centuries ago, I requisitioned the Terminator Armour of Antilochus passed down from Chapter Master to Chapter Master along the Gauntlets of Ultramar, but since these relics did not went went with the armor, then I had my Techmarine replace the gauntlets and the pauldrons and scrapping off all the paint; lord Marneus was quite angry I am told to have gotten it back in such a state. At that time, I also visited the Primarch's shrine, and noticed that his hair looked like those of our secretly bald High Lord of the Adeptus Administratum, while his face did not match the appearance left by Imperial Remembrancers. »

While everyone else looked in shock at the sheer impudence and chilly attitude of His Grey Asscrownness, the Empress was barely holding her tears and laughing.

"Grand'ma Tutur… Did you… did you actually need… to be that outrageous with the Ultramarines?"

Arcturus shrugged.

« Of course not. »

Her exploding laughter was quite ungirlish and sounded something like : "BWHAHA! BWHAHA! BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA!" Even the custodians pretended to laugh politely. But she calmed out eventually and sweaping a tear with her long and feminine fingers, re-centred the topic of discussion on what truly mattered.

"Now that it is done, let's return to our urgent business. Praythee, my dear Grey King Arcturus, Magister Magistralis of the Grey Knights of Titan, do tell what dost thou plan against a deified Horus?"

The Grey Knight ceased playing with his beard and straightened his back in a solemn fashion.

« Sire, yes sire! I have taken the liberty to make them come with some advance. Allow me to present my dream team. »

She was already impatient to meet them. A super elite group that even the heroic Grey King respected, he who was otherwise 'super insolent' and 'cocky'. And soon, Sir Arcturus strongly called forth their hallowed names with post-human voice!

« Come to Us, Chapter Master Smashfucker ! Chapter Master Murderwings ! Chapter Master Maximus Temperus ! Chapter Master Vangar Shriek ! And… SLY MARBOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! »

Though the various Chapter Masters had come from the upfront, behind herself, the Empress could feel an unnatural presence. She turned just at the right time to see a Catachan commando with brushed up black hair appears out of nowhere, with awesome cue explosions.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

- KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

- KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

- KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

- Stop it, both of ye please.

- WAAH!"

Shockingly enough, Marbo stopped screaming even before the explosions stopped. But the sissified Emprah didn't.

"YOU FACKING ARSEHOLES GAVE ME THE SCARE OF MY 58 THOUSAND YEARS OLD LIFE !"

Having thus yelled at them, she sat on a huge pile of rubbles and crossed her hands in front of her face with a dangerous smile. An entire room of her gold platted huge-ass continent spanning palace had been thus wrecked and half the High Lords had lost a wound on their profile… but she didn't gave a fuck. Extending her telepathic powers to better comprehend the situation, she could feel the awesome presence of a certain tactical genius using a flame-throwing lighter to lit his cigar… that explained everything.

"Well done, Grey King, well done. Take a Warmaster Titan and a Warlord with you or so. You guys are perfect for the job. Give 'em hell."

Saying so, she looked at the champions gathered. One was apparently the Chapter Master of the Raven Guard or a successor chapter. Two wore yellow armors and she thought that they be both successors to Rogal Dorn; one was bald and smoking a cigar while the other had a grey mane, short and trimmed beard and was already old, tired and wounded enough to be closer to machine than men. The Grey King put back his crowned helm, sheltering his noble features.

« Abanir Mon Suzerain est mon Honneur. »

"Soon" after, the Grey King and his Exalted Court, Smashfucker Prime, Murderwings, Vangar Shriek bane of pedobear xenophorms, Tigurius, Creed and St Sly brought to their Emperor Horus' head.

Well… not exactly.

Next, Chapter 4 – The Emperors

The Hormonal Empress hath a destined meeting, key to solve the Imperium's horrifying conundrum.