Senseless Musings

A/N: Just a bunch of nonsense I thought of on the fly while working on other stuff. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or anything relating to the series.

Warnings: OOC and Crossover, not necessarily explained so just go with it.

"What's poppin' guys?" – Regular Speech

'I can do this!' – Regular Thought

"WRYYYY!" – Attack

"Café Leblanc, Sunday 8:56 a.m." – Setting

The Loan Officer

"I really need a boyfriend…" Erza Scarlet groaned as he scrolled through another meaningless post about cats and food. It was a slow hour at the bank and barely anyone rolled in through the glass double doors. So, like all people who were tired and stuck in a rut, she just went online to kill some time.

Her last relationship didn't end so well since the man went on a self-help cruise and came back a completely different man that was almost insufferable. It also didn't help that her mom and sister chased away any man she brought home.

Fortunately for Erza, the winds of change were upon her as the formerly quiet doors swung open and an aspiring pink-haired businessman strutted in.

"Good day people I'm about to ask for money from!" The flamboyant boy greeted the workers with a tone that was far too happy for someone that should probably have put on a more serious face to make up for his pink hair.

Erza exhaled loudly and rolled her neck to release the pent-up tension. She could already tell that this idea was utter nonsense and he hasn't even stepped into her office.

The pink-haired man went up to the counter, exchanged a few words with the teller, and was promptly pointed in her direction.

Clicking out of her current browser tab, Erza sat up in her chair to look official even though she was going to tell him 'no'. She just had to hear him out, give an answer, watch him leave, and then go back to thinking about buying a fifth cat.

The pink-haired man walked through the threshold of her open door and was now standing in front of her, arm extended for a handshake, and a rather handsome smile on his face.

"Natsu Dragneel, future millionaire, nice to meet you." The man now identified as Natsu introduced himself to her, earning a blush from the loan officer who was now taking in just how cute he was.

"E-Erza Scarlet." Erza blushed, gazing at his young and innocent face. It was the face of a man only a few years younger than her and Erza found it quite adorable, almost as adorable as her cats. "P-Please, have a seat and tell me what it is that you have to offer us today."

Natsu did as told and put his briefcase on his lap. "I plan to open up a toddler's wrestling arena!"

"Okay, let me stop you right there." Erza raised her hand up and gave him a disappointed look. Oh he was so cute, it was a shame that he was kind of stupid. "My answer is no." She told him.

"But you didn't let me explain the idea!" Natsu defended himself. "Let me at least tell you the whole structure and financial plan!"

Erza groaned, running a hand through her crimson locks. She looked down at her desk and saw the framed pictures of her sister, mom, and cats. Not a single male was on her desk. Suddenly, the faint sound of her biological clock ticking became a blaring alarm in her head.

"A-Alright f-fine! I will hear you out!" She said in an urgent manner. "But on one condition."

"What? What must I do?" Natsu asked.

"D-Do you like Italian food?" Erza asked.

Cake

"M-Mira! I beg of you! Have mercy!" Natsu screamed as he was chased through the guild by a very angry (and very goth) Mirajane Strauss. "I didn't know that cake was for Elfman!" He tried in earnest to defend his case.

Unfortunately for him, Mirajane was not going to have any of it. "You damn well knew it was for him! It said his name on the fucking front of it!" She roared, reaching out to grab his loose scarf that was lagging behind him.

Natsu still continued to try and run despite the fact he was pretty much fucked by this point. Mira had him in a tight hold and was now breathing down his scrawny neck. The poor pink-haired boy looked around at the audience before him, but none were brave enough to help him.

Gray was busy laughing at him, Lisanna was back at her house, Elfman was glaring at him in righteous fury, Cana was looking for her top, and Erza was upstairs. He had no backup.

He felt a hand on his head grip his scalp and force him to look back at her. "So…" Mira grit her teeth as he pushed him back into a nearby table until he was forced to lay on top of it. "You snuck into my home late at night, ate the cake I baked specially for my brother's birthday, and then act like you didn't do anything wrong?" Mira asked.

"Y-Yes!" Natsu squeaked like a small rodent. "I'm so sorry!"

Mira stood up on the table with both feet planted firmly next to his head so Natsu was forced to look up at the apex of her tight, leather jean clad thighs. "Sorry won't cut it Natsu! You need to be taught a lesson!" The white-haired beauty said with a sadistic grin on her face.

Natsu watched in tremoring fright as Mira lowered herself into a squat above his face, planting his face firmly in her ass. Many of the guild members' eyes popped out of their sockets in shock of just what was occurring before them. Never had they ever witness something like this! Mira was sitting on Natsu's face in broad daylight!

"Well Natsu, you said you like cake! So, eat up!" Mira laughed menacingly as she dry humped his face. She could feel his hot, wet mouth rub against her crotch and a heavy blush dusted her cheeks. "You gotta really work for this cake Natsu! You ain't gonna get through leather with a weak tongue like yours!"

"MMMPH!" Natsu's muffled screams rang through the great hall and his whole body flailed, trying to get Mira off his face.

A/N: Well… that last part just happened… but I won't lie, I'm kinda glad I did it. That would be pretty fucking awesome if it did happen. Or maybe I like it cause I'm just a lowly degenerate? Eh, it doesn't matter.