I return to fanfic writing!

First of all, apologies if you've been following my other stories: I've had a crazy past couple of months, between changing jobs, moving for the first time in thirteen(!) years, and a string of bad luck that I won't detail here. I intend to return to them soon, but this idea has been percolating in my head for the past couple of weeks, and I thought it would give it a go.

Some of the chapters I have planned will focus on Lorelai and some will focus on Rory. This takes place almost completely outside of the AYITL plotline, although I may introduce some plot elements from the revival from time to time.

So that said, read, enjoy, and I hope to update soon!

Lorelai had thought that sending Rory off into the adult world would feel like her heart being ripped out of her chest.

She had been dreading it for days, weeks, maybe even years. Despite what everyone had told her when she was a newly knocked-up teenager, she still felt that those first eighteen years raising Rory as she grew up herself had been the easy part. Rory had been her best friend, her partner, her sole family, the foundation for the life she had built as an adult. Then Rory was a teenager, and Lorelai had to learn to let that perfect gingerbread house she had cobbled together for them finally be consumed. It wouldn't do any good to let all of their effort just sit there moldering as the chocolate parts melted and the sugar turned rancid. In order for it to mean anything at all, she had to let Rory partake of what she had helped create for her and accept that she was finally growing up.

So there was Chilton, and letting her parents be a part of their lives again, knowing that Rory might choose to accept their values instead of her own. There were the boyfriends they had finally let into their lives, both hers and Rory's. Through it all, Rory mostly remained her perfect little girl: studious, well-behaved, diplomatic in a way that Lorelai could never be, while still hard-working and determined to accomplish her dreams.

Then there were the college years, and things were upended in ways Lorelai never could have anticipated.

Her perfect little girl seemed to be spinning out of control: sleeping with her married boyfriend, slowly being sucked into the decadent rich kid's world that had almost ruined Lorelai, getting arrested for stealing a yacht, dropping out of college and running off to live with Lorelai's parents. Lorelai had felt at a loss to stop or even slow down most of these events. Rory hadn't even wanted to listen to her try.

Throughout all of it, there was Luke.

He had been her other best friend, her support, the person who understood and provided for them at every step of the process, no matter what. If Stars Hollow had been the haven in which she had chosen to build their home, he was the rock that held it all together. Lorelai had been afraid of splintering that rock under the weight of making their relationship into something more, even as she wondered to herself more and more often what it might be like if she did give it a chance.

It had been more frightening and more magical than she had thought possible when she finally did.

She was still piecing together why she had chosen to end things in the way that she did. She had finally felt at peace with Rory moving on to adulthood and to a life away from her and was ready for her part in what came afterwards: marriage, a family, a life in Stars Hollow without Rory. It had never felt possible with anyone else in quite the way that it had with Luke. Then the impossible happened: Luke found a family that didn't include her and started pulling away from her as he slowly became someone she didn't recognize anymore.

The panic and the heartache and the hopelessness crescendoed inside of her head until it seemed like the only way to stop it was to destroy what was left of their relationship.

One year and one more spontaneous life decision later – which had turned out to be equally disastrous -she was still picking up the pieces. So much had changed, and yet nothing had changed. She was about to become truly untethered from Rory for the first time, and she had no idea what that meant at this point.

She still loved Luke. They could learn to forgive each other and be friends again, and Lorelai was immensely grateful for at least that. She wanted more, but she didn't know if Luke felt the same. She didn't know if either of them were capable of it.

She still wanted to get married. She still wanted to have another child. She had learned the hard way that you couldn't build a life that included these things on a whim, and that you couldn't force yourself to be in love with someone just because he claimed to want them too. She didn't know if it would happen for her at this point, but if it did, it had to be for a better reason than because he asked.

In the meantime, she had Rory for the small amount of time left to her, so she treasured it and tried not to think about what would happen next. She fretted with her daughter over surprise engagements and missed fellowship opportunities. She tried not to think about the ebb and flow of the black weight on her heart that signified her little girl's impending departure.

It was going to hurt. It was going to hurt a lot.

Then came Rory's surprise job offer, and the surprise farewell party thrown for her by the town, and Sookie's confession that it was Luke, all Luke.

Lorelai knew right then.

It scared the hell out of her, but she wanted it. She wanted that future, all of the traditional things that hadn't been a part of the first phase of her life, and she wanted them with Luke. It didn't matter how many sacrifices she would have to make or how hard it would be to get over the mistakes that both of them had made. If was open to any of it, she was going to do whatever she could to make it happen.

I just like to see you happy.

He was the same. He had always been the same. He would do anything for her and Rory – and for anybody else he cared about – without expecting anything in return, and then shrug it off by saying it was no big deal.

That huge, hulking, protective spirit – wrapped in layers of cynicism and gruffness – was what she had fallen in love with so many years ago. She felt it in every kiss, every embrace, every porch railing fixed and coffee cup poured.

She was in his arms within seconds.

For the first time in a long time, Lorelai felt like things might turn out to be all right.

As Lorelai watched Rory board the plane, she was reminded of a memory from a little over twelve years ago.

They had gone to visit Christopher in California for the first and only time. Rory was beyond ecstatic: not only was this the first time she had really gotten to travel anywhere, but her father was finally paying attention to her for the first time in her life. He had wooed Lorelai and Rory with promises of museums and bookstores and trips to the beach, and Lorelai started to have a little faith that he might actually be stable enough to be included in their lives on more than an occasional basis. She booked the first vacation time she had dared to take since becoming assistant manager of the Independence Inn a year ago and settled Rory in for her very first plane ride.

The promises were an illusion, of course. Christopher's start-up business was a messy desk in the corner of his apartment that he only occasionally used to do work. He didn't have the money for the museum admittance fees, never mind the bookstores, and the brief joy Lorelai had allowed herself after their hook-up on the first night there immediately turned to bitter disappointment when she found out that Christopher already had an assortment of girlfriends he couldn't choose between. She used her meager credit card balance to book an early flight back against Christopher's protests and took Rory to the beach herself so they would have at least something to remember the experience by.

Lorelai and Rory had ridden the waves for a while, then she returned to the beach and carefully watched Rory while she stayed in the water. Rory was nearly ten, after all, and she had a rented beach float: Lorelai figured that after another twenty minutes in the water, her daughter would be more than ready to lounge on a towel next to her.

Lorelai's heart actually did feel ripped out of her chest when she glanced up and saw Rory fifty feet out from where she had last seen her, slowly becoming smaller and smaller as she drifted out towards the horizon.

Lorelai dove into the water as she swam out to Rory, a thousand memories rising to the surface of her brain. The first ultrasound. Rory's tiny, clenched fists when Lorelai held her for the first time. Rory as a toddler, following Lorelai from room to room as she cleaned rooms at the inn. Rory sitting next to Lorelai on their bed, reading Madeleine aloud as Lorelai beamed with pride. All topped off by Rory swimming out to meet Lorelai and loudly protesting as Lorelai pulled her back to the shore, bemused by the terrified look on her mother's face.

Lorelai decided at that point that it was time to get her and Rory out of the shed. She spent the past eight and a half years building a nice cocoon for the two of them, but she couldn't keep fumbling along, putting off their plans until things got settled, figuring that the existence that they had for now was good enough. It was time for them to find a solid home of their own so that they could finally become part of some sort of community instead of being the single mom and her child tucked away on the outskirts of the inn.

A little over a year later, she and Rory had moved into their own house. They became fully incorporated into the insanity that was Stars Hollow instead of retreating to the shed night after night. And then they met Luke.

As Lorelai went through the motions of saying good-bye to Rory and waited until her plane became a speck in the distance, she was reminded of that day on the beach. Her daughter was drifting away from her, but this time it wasn't to the mortal doom her mother's overworked brain had concocted. She was finally beginning the future that she had dreamed of for years. Part of Lorelai wanted to go out and drag her back to her, but even as the thought occurred to her she knew that instinct of wanting to keep Rory by her side at all times was something that she had to let go of for good. The time when she and Rory had been the most important person to each other was over. Rory had a new life to begin, and so did she.

Her heart thumped steadily in her chest as she made her way back to Luke's.