Title: Burning

Rating: M

Chapter: 1. Prologue

Fandom: Degrassi: The Next Generation

Summary: AU. Clare has been locked up in a studio apartment with a newborn for the past three weeks and she isn't sure how much more she can take.

Comments: Clare and Eli never had a miscarriage. Their son is named Adam Jacob Goldsworthy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the idea.

"Fuck -"

"Adam -" A gasp fell out of Clare's lips and she shifted the infant in her arms to cup under her breast as if her own hand would ease the pain. "Ouch. Easy, Bud." She shrugged slightly, trying to loosen his lips as he nursed.

Clare looked down at the tiny little face nestled against her breast and stroked his dark hair. "You don't even have teeth." She took a deep breath and let out a sigh, shaking her head with an eyeroll. She closed her eyes just as she heard the knob to the door jiggling across the room.

"Clare."

Clare looked up across the room from where she sat folded up in bed, a boppy pillow supporting the baby beneath her. She gave an exhausted smile, tilting her head to the side. "Hey Eli."

Eli closed and locked the door behind himself before crossing the room. He dropped his bookbag on the floor meaninglessly on the short trip from the door to the bed. He stood at the edge of the bed and held a shaky arm out, cupping the back of their son's head. His eyes met Clare's and he smiled. "Want me to take him?"

Clare nodded when his offer registered, looking down at Adam, trying to pry his mouth off her nipple with a pinch of her fingers. "Yeah. He's already done both sides." She let out another hiss, waiting for the uncomfortable sensation to go away, and handed the baby to his father.

Eli carefully swaddled him close and kissed the top of his head. "Hello Adam. I missed you so much," he whispered, walking over to the dresser, which her mother had suggested they put a changing pad on top of. He laid Adam down, starting to change him, as he whispered about his day to the infant.

Clare slouched comfortably against the pile of pillows resting behind her as she snapped her nursing bra back into place. She slipped Eli's skull ring from her left hand to her right so that she would remember which side Adam had last nursed on – an idea CeCe had given her. She watched her boyfriend, sighing a romantic huff. He killed her every day he came home from the comic book store and would immediately latch onto their son.

Eli hushed their son as he cried from the chilly air of the apartment, a sound Clare hadn't even noticed, until she heard Eli try to comfort him, since she was so used it. Once done diapering, he carefully wrapped the babe up in his arms and bounced his way back to their bed. He sat down beside Clare, kicking off his shoes.

"Feeling better today?"

Clare opened her eyes to look at Eli. "I'm fine." She saw him bite down on his lip as he turned back to the bundle in his arms. "What?" she asked, knowing she would have to pry him apart to get the words out.

"Fine, as in you spent all day crying again."

Clare looked down at her lap, feeling her eyes start to grow blurry with tears.

"Or, fine, as in you guys had an actual good day together."

"Eli, I'm fine," she replied sharply, removing the nursing pillow from around her waist. She reached out and carefully placed it under Eli's arms to help support their son.

Eli shifted Adam in his arms and gave her a small appreciative smile. "Clare, it's okay if you have a little baby blue hoos. The doctor said it was normal to be emotionally unstable." He saw the anger flash across her face and immediately regretted his words.

"Emotionally unstable," Clare repeated every syllable slowly.

"Clare -"

"I am not emotionally unstable." Clare got up from their bed. "I am stuck in a room of four walls with a screaming child who only stops when he's finally latched on to my breast!"

"Clare, plea -" Eli got up and started to sway to keep their son asleep.

"I don't get to take him outside because it's below freezing and he's too little! He would freeze to death!" Clare shouted, stomping over to the kitchenette where she had left her cup of, now cold, tea.

Eli shrugged, laying Adam down in the bassinet beside the bed as carefully as he could. "So next time, we won't get pregnant in the spring," he joked.

Clare glowered at him from across the room, the cup of tea shaking in her hands. "Next time!?"

"Clare," Eli shook his head, crossing the room to her as quickly as he could, afraid she was about to chuck the mug across the room at him. He pried the mug from her hands and set it on the counter. He took her hand in his and started stroking her arm up and down with his other. The way he had the moment she had realized they was in labor, a couple of weeks before. "Stop. Breathe."

Clare felt his hands on her and, even such innocent touches, had her resolve shattered. She closed her eyes, letting herself cry again. For the hundredth time that day. For the millionth time since she had returned home with Adam. The umpteenth since giving birth to Adam.

Eli dropped her hand and wrapped his arms around her, stroking her shoulder-length, disheveled curls. Clare clutched the backs of his shoulders, dropping her head against his chest to weep.