Revision #3 (7/26/18)

Thanks to a guest for pointing out another mistake.

Hekapoo Vs The Forces of Her Ex-Husbands

Chapter 1: Hekapoo (Unconsciously) Comes To Earth

It was quite a beautiful day in Mewni. The sun was shining and tons of native birds soared through the cooling air. The streets were filled with the many inhabitants of the kingdom, some working and some just basking in the glorious day.

Right in the middle of the kingdom stood a marvelous white castle. It was so tall that it almost reached the clouds. Inside was pretty much the same as the outside. Servants and guards ran around the grand halls, patrolling around and getting work done for today.

But somewhere in a small, private library, there was nothing but a certain queen and silence. The queen of Mewni sat down on the only chair in the room, reading a book with the only source of light, a lamp, hanging above the table. Right beside her on the floor lied multiple towers of books, some short while others were on the verge of crashing to the floor.

The queen skimmed through the pages of the book, trying to find the solution to her predicament. It was quite a thick book, possibly over 800 pages long. She was halfway through the book already, and she was losing hope of finding the solution in this one.

Suddenly, the silence was suddenly disrupted by a loud ringing coming from inside one of the queen's pocket, making her jump with a yelp, and push the unstable book towers over, adding more noise to the once quiet room. She groaned and reached into her pocket. She pulled out a small pocket mirror, and snapped it open with her thumb. Usually, her way of non-physical communication would be a wall mirror in her bedroom, but ever since her predicament came up, she had kept a small pocket mirror just in case it would happen again.

Once the pocket mirror was opened, words on the mirror itself read, "Incoming Call: Rhombulus."

"Accept." She said with a hint of concern. Immediately, the image of a crystal with one eye appeared on the small mirror. He was panting heavily, his face covered in soot. He also seemed to be hiding behind a flipped over table, evident by the wooden background.

"Queen Moon! She's doing it again!" Rhombulus practically yelled. An object whizzed by his head, causing the crystal-headed humanoid to yelp. The screen now redirected upwards above the table to the sight of a pale-skinned, redheaded, female demon who wore an orange dress with a flame design, and orange horns with a small floating flame in between them protruding from her head, on top of a table with one hand holding a bottle and one hand holding a blade.

"THAT JERK! THAT HEART-BREAKING DINK! RAH! I'M GONNA RIP OUT HIS GUTS AND STRANGLE HIM WITH THEM!" She yelled with furious eyes as she flailed her arms around. The screen was brought back to Rhombulus, who quickly let out a "Hurry!" before the screen went black.

Queen Moon closed the mirror with a click and sighed exasperatedly. This is now the fourth time it happened this week. A member of the Magic High Comission and her dear friend, Hekapoo, recently got divorced by her 15th husband. It just suddenly happened. They were both happy together - at least she was. Then, suddenly, he announced that he "doesn't love her anymore" and wanted a divorce.

She did not take it well.

Ever since then, she started drinking all of it away, spending most of her time in bars or just drinking at home. The queen thought she would get over it in a week, but it had been one month already, and over time, it got worse. It started with her being half drunk at work, then it went on to her being fully wasted, which disrupted work. And now, she started having violent episodes, yelling at others at best, and trashing and burning everything at worst.

It was the reason the queen stayed up most nights. She wanted to find a solution to this. She wanted to fix her friend. The queen had read countless books on how to deal with breakups and drinking problems, but none of those worked on her - some even made it worse.

Queen Moon got up from her chair and took a deep, long breath. She stepped away from the table, and pulled out a pair of dimensional scissors. She stabbed the air, and ripped a portal open. With one last sigh, she walked through it.

Looks like she'll have to resort to Plan B.

The queen sat down on an office chair. In front of her was a long wooden table with similar looking chairs beside it. All but one chair was occupied. Rhombulus sat on the chair to the queen's left, a goat-like creature wearing a robe sat on her right, a large skull with horns made out of swords with a chubby, glass-like body that contained what seemed to be space sat beside Rhombulus, and a small blue man with a crystal on his head floated beside the goat.

"Now, I suppose all of you know why we're here today." Queen Moon started. Everyone nodded in response.

"Alright. So we all know that Hekapoo had been quite... disruptive as of late, and I intend to stop it. We all do. But unfortunately, I haven't been able to find a solution to this, and unless anyone has a proper solution, I'm afraid that I will have to resort to Plan B."

Rhombulus raised his snake arm up. Queen Moon sighed, "Rhombulus, if your solution is to crystalize her, then just put your hand down." Rhombulus sighed and put his hand down.

The goat-like creature raised an arm up. "Yes, Lekmet?" The queen asked. A series of goat sounds came out of Lekmet's mouth. To a normal person, the sounds would mean nothing, but to the council members, they understand every sound.

"I'm sorry, Lekmet, but I don't think your healing power can heal... whatever Hekapoo has." The queen sadly said. "Okay, how about you, Glossaryck?"

"I have tried all the spells I could on her, but none seem to work."

"Omnitraxus?"

"Unless I can change history without completely screwing over the timeline, then I got nothing."

The queen hung her head low. Sadness and defeat were now flowing through her veins. She tried to think of any other solution, anything that could help her dear friend, but nothing came up.

"All in favor of Plan B, raise your hand." She said sadly. All the members raised their hands up, some reluctantly. The queen sighed and stood up from her chair. The room remained silent as Queen Moon pulled out her pocket mirror and snapped it open.

With one last sigh, she spoke, "Call Angi-"

Suddenly, Hekapoo bursted through the doors of the room with two bottles of hard liquor in each hand. "Yoooo! I heard we were *hic* having a meeting! Hehe *hic* hehe!" She said, her words heavily slurred.

Queen Moon glared at the drunk demon, and snapped her pocket mirror shut. "Hekapoo, we need to talk." She said.

"Of course we do! It's a *hic* meeting after all!" She started drunkenly dancing around the room.

The queen crossed her arms, "No, Hekapoo. Listen, your drinking problem have been disrupting work for a whole month now. We all think it's time we did something about it."

Hekapoo stopped dancing around and looked at the queen, her eyebrow raised, "What do you *hic* mean?"

"Hekapoo, we're sending you to Earth."

...

"hahaHaHaHaHAHAHA!" Hekapoo started laughing. She clutched her sides and fell to the floor, dying of laughter. The council members just stared at the laughing demon, some with conerned faces and some with disappointed looks. The laughing continued for a minute until it finally died down, and she stood up. She wiped a tear from her eye and looked around the room, still letting a few chuckles out. When she saw all the looks she got, she started to worry a bit.

"Wait... you're *hic* serious?" She asked.

"Yes. All of us have been looking for solutions for your problem, but none of them seemed to work. So we decided that it would be best for you to stay on Earth for a while. It could help you clear your mind from your problems."

Her eyebrows furrowed, and she hastily got up from the floor, "W-whoa, wait! What about my job? Who'll *hic* watch over all portal acti-*hic*-vity and make dimensional scissors? *hic*"

"Don't worry. Rhombulus will take care of that."

Hekapoo's eyes went wide as dinner plates, and she snapped her gaze at Rhombulus, and glared back at Moon. "Are you *hic* serious?! You're giving my job to that mor-*hic*-on?!" She pointed a finger at the crystal-head. Rhombulus let out a "Hey!", and started rambling on about his intelligence, but Hekapoo didn't care enough to listen.

The queen managed to calm the crystal-head down, who crossed his arms with a huff. "Yes, unfortunately..." She mumbled the last part, "I've seen him forge scissors, and he's... 'capable'. So he'll take your position for the time being."

"And you all agreed to *hic* this?!" Sh gestured to all the members.

"Yes." They all responded. "Unfortunately..."

"Don't be so angry, Hekapoo." Glossaryck started, "Earth is not such a bad place. I've been there myself a few times. If you avoid all the bad places, like... what's it called, Florida? If you avoid places like those, it's quite nice. It'll definitely help you get your mind off things."

Queen Moon nodded, "Yes. Plus, you won't be alone. I know someone there who's willing to let you stay with them."

"You guys can't be *hic* serious."

"Yes, we are. Also, we're taking away your dimensional scissors and every single liquor bottle you have."

Hekapoo's hands immediately went over to her dress pocket, where her scissors were safely kept, "What?! Why?!"

"Well, we can't have you drunkenly creating portals everywhere on Earth, can we?"

Hekapoo started to back away from the table away, a mix fear and anger in her eyes. "You are not taking me to *hic* Earth..."

The queen narrowed her eyes, "Hekapoo..."

The demon swiftly turned around and ran for the doors. But before she could even make it a few feet from them, she tripped herself, and with a yelp, face-planted onto the floor, knocking herself out.

The council members just stared at the unconscious demon, half of them confused and the other half just having dead-panned faces.

"Wow." Omnitraxus said.

The queen sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let's just... pack her stuff up and take her to a carriage."

The members nodded. Glossaryck floated over to Hekapoo's body and performed a levitation spell on her, making a beam of light emit from his crystal and surrounding it around her.

Queen Moon sat back down with a huff and rubbed her temples. She snapped her pocket mirror open again.

"Call Angie Diaz."

Somewhere in Echo Creek Academy, a Hispanic boy sat down on his classroom desk, jotting down notes on his notebook. He wore a red hoodie, a pair of dark gray skinny jeans, and a pair of white sneakers. His hair was nicely combed, and his teeth were brushed thoroughly. Finally, a mole laid right under his right eye, probably the most eye-catching feature about his face.

All around him was a classroom full of bored students, his focused look contrasting with their uninterested ones. Some had their head propped up on their arms, trying not to succumb to the boredom, while some had already failed, snoozing lightly on their desks. In front of the class was an old woman - no doubt the teacher - who was explaining an equation, but her words fell on deaf (or in this instance, bored) ears.

A click emanated from the speakers, followed by a brief static before a shaky voice said, "Marco Diaz to the... p-principal's office. Marco Diaz to the principal's o-office, p-please."

The Hispanic boy, Marco, stood up from his seat, a cocky expression . "Ooh, looks like someone's in trouble." He celebrated as he walked up to the front of the class.

"So I guess everyone who voted me 'Safest Kid' must be feeling pretty embarrassed right about now." He leaned in to the teacher and whispered, "Do I need a hall pass?"

"Would you just go already?!" She snapped, making Marco whimper and speed walk out the room.

He walked through hallways of the school until eventually making it to the door to the principal's office. Through the frosted glass, he could see multiple large figures on the other side. Confused, he slowly opened the door and poked his head in.

"Uh, Principal Skeeves?" He asked. Once he got a full view of everything, his face paled. Inside the room were the council members, all standing by the windows. Principal Skeeves was sitting behind his desk, with Rhombulus pointing his snake arms towards his neck, his one eye glaring down the short man.

"M-Marco, my boy!" The principal called out, fear clear in his voice, "I want you to meet your new... uh... exchange student... yeah, exchange student, H-Hekapoo."

Marco raised an eyebrow and brought his gaze towards the figure sitting in front of the desk. Hekapoo was leaning over with one arm on her thighs while the other had a bag of ice on her forehead. A duffel bag was on the floor beside her. From what he could see, it was clear she didn't want to be there.

"Huh?" He asked.

Principal Skeeves laughed nervously, "Look, I need a responsible, never-take chances type to... k-keep an eye on her, and who better than you, t-the safe kid." He was shaking nervously, his sweat dampening his suit.

"Whoa whoa whoa, w-wait." Marco brought his arms in front of him, "What the heck is happening? Who the heck are you guys?" He pointed to the others.

Queen Moon sighed, "Look, Marco, who we are is not important right now. We just need you and your parents to look over her for a while. And yes, your parents do know about this."

Marco glanced around the room, a million questions running through his mind. His gaze fell onto the principal, who was staring at him with pleading eyes.

"Um... o-okay?" He said.

"Okay, well," Glossaryck clapped his hands, "That about does it. If you'll excuse us, we have tons of complaints we have to go through. Goodbye!" Queen Moon ripped a portal open, shocking Marco. Every one of the council members except Hekapoo went through it, with Rhombulus making a slow exit as he kept his snake arms and glare onto scared principal.

Once Rhombulus went through the portal, it disappeared. Principal Skeeves let out a whimper and promptly passed out from fear. Marco was still shocked frozen by the events that just transpired, his gaze remaining on the spot where the portal had been. Eventually, his gaze fell on the redheaded demon, who was still glaring into nothing. Afraid that she would lash out on him, he slowly approached the grumpy demon. Once he was arms-length from her, he just stood there frozen, not knowing what to say.

Eventually, he let out a few words, "U-um... hi?" He awkwardly waved at her. Hekapoo glanced at him from the corner of her eye, and went back to glaring at nothing. "Hey." She replied in a cold tone.

There was nothing but silence right after. Marco nervously rubbed his arm. He couldn't seem to speak, as every time his mouth opened, it would simply close again. Fortunately, that didn't last long, "So, I should probably... show you around?" His statement sounded more like a question.

Hekapoo groaned, "Ugh, fine. Whatever." She stood up and tossed the ice pack, which prompted Marco to raise an eyebrow. She grabbed her bag, and walked past Marco to the door. The boy hurried to catch up to the demon, leaving an unconscious Principal Skeeves on the floor.

XxXxX

"So... what are you exactly? And who were those guys?" The two walked around the school. The halls of the school were currently being filled with students who were eager to get home or hang out with friends after a long and boring day.

"My name's Hekapoo. I'm a demon, and those guys back there were the Magic High Commission." She said.

"Magic High Commission?"

A sigh escaped her lips, "Basically, we're the ones who watch over all magic activity in the multiverse."

"Wait, magic?"

She rolled her eyes, "I forgot, you humans don't have magic. Anyway, I'm the one who *hic* makes these things called dimensional scissors that basically let you rip *hic* a portal open to another dimension and the one who watches over portal activity."

Marco was amazed, "Wow, that's kind of awesome."

She snorted, "Yeah, well, it can get a bit *hic* boring sometimes."

Marco's amazement was now replaced by curiosity when he heard that final hiccup. He also noticed the familiar wobble in her walk that a drunk person would have. One he was all too familiar with. He wasn't called the Safe Kid for nothing.

"Um, Hekapoo, can I ask you something?"

"Mhm."

"Are you... drunk?" Almost immediately, he felt a stinging sensation on the back of his head, as if he was just hit by a flaming towel.

"Ow! What the?" He glanced over at Hekapoo who had retracted her hand from behind his head.

She glared at him, "I'm not *hic* drunk." He didn't buy it, evident by his arched eyebrow.

"I can see it in your walk and smell it in your breath, you're definitely drunk."

"No I'm not!" She smacked the back of his head again. He winced in pain, "Okay, seriously, what the heck were those for? And how the heck are you doing that without fire hands or something?"

"Again, I am not drunk. Not *hic* drun- w-whoa!" For the second time today, she had tripped on herself. This is probably going to be a common occurrence. Fortunately, Marco was able to catch her arm before she took another embarrassing faceplant.

"Whoa, got you!" He said. He pulled her up as she struggled to balance herself. Once she was on her feet, she noticed that Marco was still holding her arm tightly.

"Marco, you're *hic* still holding onto me." She pointed to his hand. He quickly detached himself and put his arm to his side, a faint blush appearing on his face as he mumbled an apology.

Hekapoo rolled her eyes, "Look, let's just *hic* get to your house or whatever."

Marco nodded, and they started walking out of the school and to his house - after helping her up a few times when she stumbled.

After helping Hekapoo up from numerous bushes and lawns, they finally made it to Marco's house. While Marco went to open the door, Hekapoo looked up and inspected his house. It was nice, and it had a cozy feel to it, but she had seen better houses. She honestly thought that Marco would live in a complete dump.

Once Marco had the door open, she brought her gaze back down and followed him as he went inside. When Hekapoo entered his home, she started inspecting the inside as well. It was defintiely a lot nicer, than the outside, but it could've been better.

"Marco!" Two adults - presumably his mom and dad - rushed from the couch and ran towards him. They both hugged not only him, but her as well, with the strength of five bears. Both of them struggled to breath.

"M-mom. Gck-Dad. B-breath. Air."

"Oh, sorry." His dad said as the two released them from their death hug. Hekapoo was panting and looked at the two parents with a surprised look. Wow, are they strong.

"Ah, you must be Hekapoo." The woman said. "I'm Angie, and this is my husband, Rafael." She pointed to the big bear-like man.

"Hi! It's great to meet you." Rafael extended an arm to her, offering a handshake. Hekapoo stared at the arm and turned her gaze to the smiling man, looking at him as if he would crush her in another death hug. She reluctantly shook his hand, "Um, yeah, hi to you too."

"Oh, I've heard all about you from Moon. I've heard you have a drinking problem?" Angie asked.

"Wait, drinking problem?" Marco asked as he stared at the embarrassed demon.

Hekapoo sighed, "Yup, I have a *hic* drinking problem. And yes, I am *hic* drunk," She crossed her arms, "It's the sole reason why I'm *hic* here in the first place. They thought they could just send me here and *hic* take my job away from me."

"Oh. Um, wow." Marco awkwardly rubbed his arms. An awkward silence fell upon the four. Marco's parents tried their best to keep their smiles up.

After a minute, Angie broke the silence, "Well, Marco, why don't you show Hekapoo her room?"

"Um, yeah sure. Come on, Hekapoo." He gestured for her to follow him upstairs. Marco's parents watched as the two others walked up the stairs.

Once they were out of sight, Angie sighed, "You think she'll be alright?"

"Hopefully." Her husband replied sadly, placing his hands on her shoulders and showing his look of concern to the staircase.

Marco and Hekapoo walked through the second floor corridors, and stopped when they reached a yellow door.

"Well, this is your room." He opened the door and Hekapoo took a look inside. It was not small, but not big too. The walls and ceiling were painted a nice warm yellow, and the floor was simple unpainted oak wood. On the right was a one person bed with white sheets and pillows, and on the left was a walk-in closet, an oak desk and chair, and multiple levels of shelves screwed onto the wall. The wall right in front of them had a small circular window where the rest of the neighborhood was shown.

Marco rubbed the back of his neck, "It's not that much really."

"Eh, it's fine." She entered the room and tossed the duffel bag onto the bed. She sat down on it with a huff and began bouncing on it, testing its sturdiness. Once she was done with that, she walked over to the window and looked down onto the houses and people below.

Marco just watched her go around her room, awkwardly fidgeting at how out of place he felt. Hekapoo finally walked away from the desk and chair, and approached him.

"Where's the nearest liquor store?" She asked.

Marco's eyebrows snapped together, "Wait, what?"

She placed her index finger on his chest, "I said where's the nearest liquor store?"

"U-um, I don't think you should... you know, since your drinking problem and-" He was cut short when Hekapoo conjured a fireball in her hand with the snap of her fingers.

"Marco. Liquor store. Where is it?" She said in a menacing tone.

Marco started sweating heavily, his heart going a million miles an hour from fear. He gulped, "Six blocks down the street."

Hekapoo grinned, "Good." She walked past him and went on her way, but not before smacking the back of Marco's head again.

"Ow!"

Unknown to the two, a tall figure sat outside on a branch of a nearby tree, looking through the window with a pair of binoculars.

"Hehe, got you now, H-poo."

The store was quiet, which is normal for a weekday. The only sounds that could be heard were the low humming of the freezers and lights and the soft whizzing of the fan. The cashier, a tall blonde man, was reading a book with his feet propped up on the counter. He was so invested in his book that he hadn't heard the ringing of the bell above the door, and it only took the loud bash of a whiskey bottle on the counter to get his attention.

He looked up from his book and saw the redheaded demon looking at him with half-lidded yet irritated eyes. Not having seen a demon before, he didn't know what to do. So he decided to just stick with just saying what a cashier for a liquor store would say.

"Uh, ID?" He said with clear fear in his voice. Hekapoo now glared at him and snapped her fingers, conjuring a fireball.

"How's this for ID?" She snarled.

The man gulped, "Y-yup, you're- you're good." He quickly placed his book and scanned the bottle.

"Th-that'll be $39.95, p-please." His voice was shaky. Hekapoo dug through her pockets and pulled out $40, and slammed it onto the counter.

"Keep the change." She grabbed the bottle and kicked the door open on her way out, leaving a terrified cashier to faint.

Hekapoo looked around the empty parking lot. There was a bit of sun left above the horizon, and the night sky full of stars was starting to show. The only sounds around were crickets chirping and the occasional honking from the roads nearby.

Hekapoo sighed as she took a seat on the curb. She took the plastic cover off the cap, and took off the cap with one twist. She stared down the neck of the bottle, sadness and regret plastered all over her face.

"What the heck is wrong with me?" She muttered to herself before taking a swig.

She brought the bottle away from her lips and wiped her mouth with her arm. The demon started staring off into nothingness, not thinking nor moving, just staring. The chirping of the crickets soothed her ears. She slowly closed her eyes, letting the chirping fill her mind.

"Hekapoo?" Her zen state was immediately broken by the voice of his supposed housemate. She opened her eyes and turned to her left. There he was in his red hoodie, his face just etched of concern.

"Oh, hey." She said in a bored tone as she took another swig of her bottle.

"You... probably shouldn't be drinking, Hekapoo. You were sent here for a reason, you know that?" Marco said, uncertain if he chose the correct words to say.

"Do you really expect me to listen to you?" She said.

Marco sighed and took a seat on the curb beside her. She raised an eyebrow at his action, but shrugged it off and continued drinking.

"So what's your reason?" Marco asked.

"Hm?"

"What's your reason why you're, you know, drinking?" He explained more clearly.

Hekapoo didn't respond for a second. She contemplated on not telling him since it would make him see her as weak, easily succumbing to alcohol abuse. But he was her housemate after all, so she bit.

"Got divorced a month ago." She said sadly.

"Oh." Marco rubbed the back of his neck. He expected that would be the case, but it still surprised him. He didn't know what it feels like to go through a divorce, since he was still a teen.

"Guy dumped me because he 'didn't love me anymore'. It was the most stupid reason I've ever heard." Her features darkened, but she quickly lightened up a bit, knowing she would likely snap. With a sigh, she continued, "I loved him to death, he was the only guy out of the fifteen I've married who I really loved. Unfortunately, it looks like I don't deserve a happy ending." She finished with a sip.

"I- I'm sorry that happened." He turned away, regret flooding his body.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. Plus, I got alcohol to dull the pain." She brought the neck to her mouth, finishing the last of the whiskey.

"Um, uh..." Marco stuttered. Hekapoo raised an eyebrow as she turned to him. His face was pale and he was sweating profusely. He was looking up at something behind her. She turned around, and her features darkened when she saw what - or who, rather - was behind her.

She sighed exasperatedly, "Lucitor."

The figure was tall and buff. He had red slick back hair and dark red horns protruding out of the sides of his head. His gray two-piece business suit and dress shoes covered his red skin. His nails were sharp, his teeth even sharper. The most noticeable thing about him was the third eye right on his forehead.

"So, Hekapoo," The figure started with a booming voice, "This is your new boyfriend, huh?" He gently caressed Marco's neck with his claw.

"W-wait, what? I-I'm not her boyfriend!" Marco's voice was shaky.

Hekapoo pinched the bridge of her nose, "Marco, this here is King Dave Lucitor. My 12th ex-husband who I was forced to marry in order to keep him from snapping," She glared at Dave, "And as you can see, he doesn't know when to quit."

Dave chuckled, "Oh, H-poo, can't you remember the good times we've had? All those laughs we shared? All those soulrises we stared at?"

Hekapoo crossed her arms and her glare intensified, "I only married you because you are so fragile that a small hint of rejection would send you into a fit of rage and possibly destroy Mewni."

"Aw, come on, H-poo, just one last chance." The demon reached out to touch her shoulder, but she swatted it away.

"For the last time, Lucitor, no. And stop calling me H-poo. We're done and that's final."

Dave looked down at the two menacingly, "I thought you would say that, which is why I brought along a couple of friends."

On cue, a red fiery portal appeared behind the three-eyed demon. Out came thirteen other tough looking and menacing creatures and humanoids, all looking ready to fight. Hekapoo stared at the arriving figures, face having a mixed expression of shock and anger. She snapped her head to Dave, her flame glowing bright as ever.

"You brought all my other ex-husbands?!" She yelled.

Dave smirked, "Yup. We all seem to have the same goals, so we agreed that we would help each other out with said goal."

Hekapoo looked towards the group of ex-husbands, "You guys know I'm only one person, right?"

"Then we'll share. Plus, you can clone yourself, remember?"

...

"You guys make me sick."

Dave's smirk fell and he started cracking his knuckles, "Well, enough chit chat. Boys!" He snapped his fingers. All the other ex-husbands charged towards the two.

Hekapoo conjured a fireball and tossed it into one of her exes - a humanoid alligator wearing a black tattered cloth over his white tank top - burning his face and knocking him out. Another one - a rotting zombie -charged towards Marco, bringing his decaying fist up to hit him. Marco instinctively kicked the guy in the nuts and karate-chopped the side of his throat, dismembering his head and sending it flying.

Hekapoo glanced at Marco and was amazed at Marco's skill, "You can fight?"

He elbowed another one in the gut - a humanoid fly the size of Marco. "I know karate. Hiya!" He kicked the fly person in the chin, putting him out of the fight. Another ex came up behind him - a deer in a business suit who stood on his hind legs - and pulled out a club from his gray briefcase and brought it up to swing at Marco, but he was quick enough to notice and sweep kick the deer, then stomp his face into unconsciousness.

Two similarly-looking humanoid, shadowy entities, one with red eyes while the other had yellow eyes, charged at Hekapoo, but she sidestepped them and sent two fireballs their way. Unfortunately, that split-second left her vulnerable to a huge bear who had put her in a headlock.

"Got you!" The bear said with raspy voice. Hekapoo stomped on the bear's paws and elbowed him in the gut. She grabbed his fur and accidentally sent him flying towards Marco.

"Marco! Watch out!" She yelled.

Marco's vision snapped towards the incoming bear. His eyes widened and his instincts kicked in, allowing him to quickly crouch down and avoid the flying mass of fur that crushed a Burmese cat with a jetpack and a space helmet, and a guy covered in thick mud, who were after him.

"You married a bear?" He asked.

"Hey, forgive me if I was a bit adventurous back then." She replied. Their small exchange however distracted them from the last four guys - a really handsome vampire who keeps checking himself out on a mirror, a white-furred, really hyper rabbit, a blacksmith with no arms and a backpack that had numerous long, mechanical arms emerging from it, and a yellow, featureless, decagonal star - who now surrounded them.

"Come on, H-poo, just come back with us, and we'll promise not to kill your little friend here." Dave said.

"In your dreams, Lucitor!" Suddenly, images of Hekapoo emerged from her body. They all formed a circle and conjured fireballs above their heads.

"You can clone yourself?!" Marco asked with as much surprise as possible.

"Yup! Now get in the ring!" Hekapoo yelled. Marco complied and quickly ran inside the ring of Hekapoos.

"Everyone, Ring of Fire!" All the Hekapoos brought their arms down to the ground. Flames emerged from every single fireball and attacked the area around them like flamethrowers. Her ex-husbands yelled and screamed as the fire burned their bodies.

"Retreat! Retreat!" Dave yelled. He ripped a portal open with a pair of dimensional scissors and ran through it, followed by the others - some carrying the others' unconscious bodies. Once every one was through the portal, it closed shut.

All the Hekapoo clones stopped firing and blew out their own flames with their fingers. The real Hekapoo hunched over with her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. Marco, who was on the ground protecting himself with his arms, stood up and looked around. There were small fires and scorch marks everywhere, and even some abandoned weapons. He glanced towards the slowly recovering Hekapoo.

"Whoa! Hekapoo, that was amazing!" He complimented.

Hekapoo looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "What?"

"All of your ex-husbands coming at us and us beating them up, and you with that Ring of Fire thing. Everything about that was just amazing!" He threw his arms up as if to further emphasize the amazingness.

Hekapoo smiled, "You really think so?"

"Yeah! Can we do that again?"

Hekapoo's smile widened at the boy's uncontainable excitement, "If you're up for it, then yeah sure."

"Oh, I'm so up for it!" Hekapoo chuckled and the two started walking away from the battleground while Marco continued to babble on.

"We're gonna beat up your ex-husbands, and beat up more of your ex-husbands, and beat them up some more!"

"Okay, slow down there, champ."

"Okay okay, sorry. But still, wow!"

The two continued to walk down the sidewalk under the now starry night sky, leaving the burning and trashed parking-lot-turned-battlefield.

Marco's life had just gotten a little weird and little wild.