Leni Loud loved one thing above all else: Her family. And among her family, she loved one member just a little more than the others: Her brother Lincoln. Part of it was his little cowlick and chipped teeth, which combined to make him look like a cute little bunny rabbit; another part of it was, like, how nice he was. Whenever she needed someone to help her with a dress or something, he was always there. Granted, she had to nudge him along sometimes, and she could probably get one of her sisters to do it, but she liked spending time with him. A few times, she took him to the mall with her and they had sooo much fun; he really liked the comic book store, and while she kind of didn't, she liked going in there with him and seeing his face light up. He'd seek out a super special comic and tell her all about it, and she'd listen, nodding and occasionally asking a question, but she wouldn't understand a word, just his excitement and joy. Those were totes her favorite things ever; they were, like, a drug or something, and she took any opportunity she could to see them. Hi, Lincy, do you wanna play a video game? Hi, Lincoln! Do you wanna watch that really long King of the Rings movie with me? Hi, Linc! Wanna, like, let me see you being happy and stuff?

Don't get her wrong, she loved all of her siblings - she liked Luan's jokes, not because she got them (she didn't most of the time) but because they made Luan happy; she liked going to Lynn's games because Lynn was really into sports and had fun; she even liked making mud pies with Lana because Lana loved making mud pies. With Lincy, though, it was...special. Seeing him smiling and passionate made her feel funny in her stomach. She didn't know why, but she liked it. She also liked when he listened to her talk about the things she liked: He was a totes good listener, and a good advice giverer too. If she had a problem, he helped her solve it, if she had a frown, he helped her revolve it. He gave the best hugs, too; when she hugged him, she felt good and warm and safe and all sorts of stuff. She felt kind of the same way hugging Mom and Dad and her sisters, but not as much as she did when she hugged Lincoln. His hugs were, like, magic or something.

She loved him to pieces, in other words, and on a blustery October afternoon, as she walked home from school through golden sunshine and wind-swept falls of leaves, she had him on her mind: It was Friday, which meant they could stay up extra late and do stuff he liked, so she was really, like, pumped up, so much so that she walked faster than usual, leaving Lori and Luna in her dust. She was almost to the corner of Pine and Franklin when a car pulled up to the curb next to her and the window rolled down. "Hey, honey," a voice drew, "how's it going?"

She came to a halt and turned. A man grinned at her from behind the wheel of a battered red Pinto - he was super fat with curly blonde hair, thick glasses, and bad acne. He wore a STAR WARS T-shirt that rode up his pale, hairy stomach and stretched tight across his boy boobies. Coarse, matted hair covered his chin and neck, and he wheezed as his eyes slithered up and down her body. He was kind of creepy, but Leni didn't like being mean to people, so she smiled. "Hi. It's, like, going good. You?"

The man nodded slowly and licked his chops. "Better now," he said huskily, "need a ride?"

Mom and Dad told her never to accept a ride from a stranger - she wasn't the smartest Leni ever, but she wasn't stupid. "Um, no, thank you," she said and tried not to sound mean.

"Oh, come on," he said, "take a ride in the Millenium Falcon." He petted the dashboard like it was a cat.

Leni was starting to get really nervous. She looked to her right and saw Lori and Luna coming up the sidewalk, Lori bent over her phone and Luna bobbing her head to the music drifting from her earphones. "You can be the Leia to my Luke," he said; he was breathing faster now, and when Leni turned back, he reached for an inhaler and took a deep breath. "Or the Chewy to my Han." He tittered obscenely to himself and Leni gulped; there was a glint in his eye that she didn't like. She glanced down the sidewalk again just as Lori looked up; her brow furrowed and Leni mouthed Help me. Lori slapped Luna's arm and nodded toward Leni, then they both hurried over. Whew.

"What's going on here?" Lori demanded as she walked up.

The creeper's grin widened. "I was talking to the pretty girl - I've chosen her to be my mate."

Lori's face darkened. "Excuse me?"

Mate? Isn't that, like, what Luna called people when she was speaking British?

"I'm going to breed her like the bitch she is."

Luna leaned in and balled her fist - the creeper shrank back with a frightened uhhhh and threw his hands up. "And I'm gonna beat you like the fat pedo you are."

"I'm sorry!"

"Get the fuck out of here before I call the cops."

The creeper's face went white; Luna stepped back, and he slammed on the gas, the Pinto taking off like a rocket. They watched it until it was a red blip in the distance. "Are you okay?" Lori asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Leni said, "he was just really weird."

"And he almost really died," Luna said. Her face was set in a glower. "Fucking dickhead."

They started walking again, and Leni made sure to stay between her sisters in case the creeper came back. They were a block from home when something occurred to her. "What did he mean by me being his mate?"

"Meant he wanted to do you," Luna said.

"Oh." Leni said. Then: "What does do me mean?"

"Sex," Lori said, "he wanted to have sex with you."

A hot blush touched Leni's cheeks and she quickly stared down at her feet. She wasn't dumb - she knew what sex was: It's when the boy puts his penis in the girl's vagina (among other things). Being a normal girl, she felt turned on from time to time and kind of wanted to try it, but when Mom gave her the talk, she said you only have sex with someone you really love, and since she didn't really love anyone besides her family, she couldn't have sex.

Well, she could have sex with Dad or Lincoln, she guessed; she loved both of them. She loved her sisters too, but she wasn't into girls that way, just boys.

Tilting her head to one side, she pictured Lincoln naked - his face was red and this thingie was standing straight up. It was big, thick, and pulsed with every jagged beat of his heart. She saw herself sit next to him and wrap her hand around it, her fingers touching, brushing, exploring.

Suddenly she felt really turned on - heart racing, stomach fluttery, girl parts twinging. In her vision, she laid her palms on his stomach and rubbed the slowly over his body, tracing every square inch of him as his breathing increased and he started to whisper her name…

A shiver raced down her spine, and Lori and Luna looked at her funny. "You okay?" Luna asked.

Leni nodded but didn't trust herself to speak.

"You're literally red," Lori said, then lidded her eyes. "Having dirty thoughts about your special guy?"

Leni's eyes widened. How did she know?

Luna grinned and nudged Leni's arm. "We can always chase him down for you."

"You can literally rule the galaxy with him."

Leni's brow pinched in confusion, then it hit her. Oh, they were talking about the creeper. "I was thinking about Lincoln," she said.

Lori and Luna's faces dropped. "What?" Lori asked.

"I was thinking about having sex with Lincoln," Leni replied serenely. "I totes got turned on."

For a moment her sisters looked at her like she was crazy. "Are you serious?" Luna asked, her lips puckering as though she'd just tasted something.

Leni's head bobbed up and down. "Umhm. You can only have sex with people you love, and I love Lincoln." The last three words came out as a declaration. She did indeed love Lincoln, he was the bestest brother ever.

"Leni," Lori said firmly, and Leni turned to her. "Y-Y-You literally don't have sex with your brother. That's-that's disgusting."

That final word struck her like a fist, and her jaw clenched. "Lincoln is not disgusting. He's cute and nice and -"

"Your brother," Luna added.

"That too," Leni said sharply. Why would Lori say such a mean thing about Lincoln? Lincoln was always nice and went out of his way for her. She was, like, ungrateful. She might not appreciate what a good brother Lincoln was, but Leni did

Lori grabbed her arm and they came to a shuffling stop. "Leni," Lori said, "you're not supposed to have sex with family members. It's wrong."

"Yeah," Luna said, "it's..it's not right."

"Why not?" Leni demanded. She was starting to get annoyed: She loved Lincoln and she was going to have sex with him, if they didn't like it, they could take a short walk off a long pier. She defiantly met Lori's gaze and held it. "Why is it wrong?"

A gust of wind rustled Lori's bangs and shook the leaves in the trees lining the sidewalk - red, yellow, and brown cascaded like embers from a fire. She took a deep breath, and when she spoke, it was with strained patience. "Because you have the same blood and the same DNA. That makes it wrong. You have to find someone outside of your family to have sex with."

Okay, that didn't make sense: She and Lincoln did not have the same blood - she wasn't good at science, but she knew darn well that everybody had their own blood. As for DNA, everyone had their own of that stuff too. For some reason, Lori and Luna didn't want her to have sex with Lincoln; maybe they were jealous because they wanted to have sex with him. They didn't need to be; you can, like, have sex with more than one person, you know. She started to say that, but the look in Lori's eyes made her shut up. She might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but she knew when she was fighting a losing battle. Like her Dad said, sometimes you have to cut your losses.

"Okay," she said.

Lori's brow furrowed. "That's it?"

"Yep," Leni said, "you're right, having sex with family members is totes gross." She looked at Lori's hand. "Can I have my arm back?"

Lori released her grip, and before she could say anything, Leni took off, leaving both of her sisters to look after, then, uneasily, at each other.

On his way home from school that Friday evening, Lincoln Loud stopped at the arcade for a quick round of Pac-Man...and to ask Carol Pingrey out.

Tall and slim with long blonde hair and soft brown eyes, Carol Pingrey was beautiful, and for as long as Lincoln had known her, he'd had a crush on her, which, come to think of it, had been almost a year; she started working at the arcade concession stand last November, and the first time he saw her, he tripped and fell because wow. Lincoln liked all kinds of women, but he had a thing for blondes (sometimes he wondered if it had to do with his sisters *shudder*).

Had she just been physically attractive, that would have been the end of it, but no...she was nice too, always smiling, always upbeat, as friendly as a dog who's never been kicked. Just looking at her, you might expect Carol Pingrey to be stuck-up, but she wasn't. She was genuinely pleasant, and apparently Lincoln liked that in a girl. Surprising, since the last girl he liked, Ronnie Anne Santiago, was...not. She wasn't s bad as everyone made her out ot be, and once you were her friend, she was cool, but her demeanor was more guarded, a little more...what's the word...hostile? He didn't know if that fit or not, but suffice it to say, she wasn't like Carol. He really liked her, though, and when they didn't work out, he was kind or broken up.

Coincidentally, he met Carol around the same time. They say when God closes a door he opens a window.

Today, he walked through the door just after three-thirty, his face flush from the cold and his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. The place was deserted save for a few teenagers hanging out by the concession counter, some kids clustered around the Polybius cabinet, and an older guy in a leather jacket playing pinball. In an hour or so, every able bodied kid in Royal Woods would crowd in, and the floor would be so packed you could hardly move, but for now he virtually had it to himself.

He spotted Carol behind the L-shaped counter, dressed in her uniform: Red and white pinstripe shirt and white paper hat. He told her once that she looked like a barber pole, and her musical laughter was the sweetest he'd ever heard.

She's going to say no.

A sharp ripple went through Lincoln's stomach and his step faltered.

He knew.

Lincoln would never claim to be the smartest person in the room (because he wasn't), or the toughest (let's face it, folks, I'm kind of a runt), but he had a functioning brain in his head, and that brain told him the chances of Carol going out with him were infanismal at best and nonexistent at worst. He wasn't delusional, and he was fully prepared to be turned down, but, hey, it's worth a shot.

He reached the counter, stripped out of his coat, and draped it over the back of a stool. Carol stood over the deep fryer with her back to him, the bubbling hiss of grease choking the air. He climbed onto the seat and situated himself, hyper aware of the childlike way his legs dangled, feet well above the ground. Well, you are eleven, buddy.

And Carol was seventeen. He knew. She was probably into guys her own age, and while that was normal...sigh, he wanted her to be into him. If she wasn't, she wasn't, but fingers crossed.

For some reason he was reminded of D-Day, that big World War II battle where the Americans and British landed on the beaches of Normandy, France. It was kind of an uphill battle: There were bluffs along the coast and heavy German fortifications, and the allies went head-on into a maelstrom of machine gun fire and artillery rounds. By all rights they should have lost, but they didn't - somehow they won. Maybe he would too.

Carol lifted the strainer, shook the excess grease off, and dumped a load of fries into a plastic wax-paper lined basket. She carried it over to the short arm of the counter and sat it down. Lincoln's eyes drifted to her butt and his cheeks flushed: Her red pants clung to it like a second skin, lovingly outlining its heart-shaped curves and contours. Lincoln's heart slammed and he glanced away when he felt himself starting to stir. Carol turned, saw him, and smiled brightly. "Hey, Linc!"

"Hey," he said and grinned. His heart was racing faster now and his stomach felt like it was going to drop onto the floor. Here I am...do or die.

And I feel like I'm gonna die.

She came over and stood in front of him, the light glinting off the gold colored name tag pinned to her left breast. Lincoln's eyes darted to it then away; he didn't wanna oogle her and look like a perv...he also didn't want to linger on the swell of her chest, because if he did, he'd start really thinking about it, imagining cupping its warm, creamy weight in his hand and kneading her nipple with his thumb.

"You want the usual?" she asked and crossed her arms beneath her breasts, lifting them slightly.

Lincoln exerted every ounce of self-control he had to look at her eyes instead. "Yeah, I'll do that," he said. His usual was a hot dog, fries, and a Coca-Cola. He wasn't necessarily a creature of habit, there was just very little on the menu - the pizza stank and the chicken tasted like wood, so it was either burgers or dogs.

"I, uh, I also wanna talk to you," he said, and cringed a little when he felt his blush deepen.

"Sure," she chirped, "just let me get your stuff and I'm all yours."

He knew she meant I will give you my full and undivided attention provided I don't have other customers, but his heart still blasted as though she meant I will give you my heart, mind...and body. He smiled sheepishly, and when she turned, he let out a deep breath. Man, the idea of Carol being all his, to hold and kiss and touch, made him feel like he was going to swoon.

It's not going to happen; don't set yourself up for a fall.

No, it probably wasn't; he was keeping that firmly in front of him, that way the disappointment, when it came, wouldn't be as sharp. There was a chance, however. It was a 0000.0001 percent chance, but so is winning the lottery, and it happens. The key is to not anticipate every scratch-off ticket you buy to be the big one, because if you do, you'll be crushed.

Carol dropped the strainer into the fry oil and it began to hiss. "We're getting a new game tomorrow," she said over her shoulder.

"Yeah?" he asked, trying to sound interested even though he didn't give two shits about video games right now.

She went over to the hot dog roller and opened the little door. "Umhm. It's, like, a shooter or something, you know, with the guns you point at the screen." She grabbed a hot dog with a pair of tongs and tossed her hair out of her face. Lincoln flicked his eyes up and down her body, imagining running his hands over her naked back.

"That sounds pretty cool," he said around a lump in his throat.

"I'm not very good at those games, but it looks pretty neat." She laid the hot dog in a bun and went over to the condiments.

"I can teach you," Lincoln said. He saw Carol at a game cabinet with her eye pressed to the scope of a plastic rifle and him behind, his body pressed against hers, one hand resting on her hip and his cheek grazing hers despite the fact she was much taller (it's a fantasy, not reality, cut me some slack). Her smell filled his nose and she turned her head slightly. Like this, Linc? Their eyes met, their souls connected, then their lips…

A shudder tore through him and his dick began to inflate with passion.

Carol squeezed mustard and ketchup onto the hotdog - she knew just how he liked it. Yeah, because he came in here every day, but it was still nice. "Maybe," she allowed, "I'm not too big on gun games." She sat the dog into a basket, lifted the strainer, and shook.

A pang spread through his stomach. Almost go time. Now he was nervous, his stomach knotted, heart staggering like a drunk on his way home. She dumped the fries into the basket, turned, and brought it over with a smile. "Here you go," she said and sat it before him. She leaned against the edge of the counter and rested her cheek in her palm, her fingers threading through her silken hair. "Now what did you want to talk to me about?"

Lincoln's heart dropped into his stomach and his lungs crushed tightly, squeezing the air out like toothpaste from a tube. Suddenly his confidence, never much to begin with, was gone, and his throat was closed for the season. She watched him expectantly, her soft face framed by golden hair, and his cheeks burned. "Uh...I, uh…" he trailed off and glanced at his food. Just do it. Like ripping off a Band-Aid - quick and (relatively) painless.

Right.

Carol lifted her brows and Lincoln swallowed. You gotta be smooth, Linc. Girls like smooth. Forcing a smile, he said, "I was wondering if maybe...you'd wanna see a movie this weekend."

For a moment she stared at him with a blank expression, then the corners of her mouth turned up in a grin. "Wow," she said and bowed her head in a swish of sweet smelling air. Lincoln swallowed again and fought the urge to throw up. Something told him she wasn't impressed. She looked up. "Are you really asking me out?"

Yeah, she wasn't into it.

Lincoln's heart fractured, but did not break. He was committed and had to see it through, though. "Well...I just thought...you know...maybe...it'd be fun."

She giggled. "Linc, you're cute." She pinched his cheek. "But a little young for me."

Lincoln sighed. "I kind of figured."

She stood to her full height and splayed her hands on the counter. "If it makes you feel any better," she said, and Lincoln looked up hopefully, "if you were four years older, I'd have said yes." She winked and went off to help another customer; Lincoln followed her with his eyes, a strange mixture of hurt, shame, elation, happiness, and self-loathing flowing through him. Damn his parents for not having him earlier - he'd have a date with Carol Pingrey right now.

Well, his heart ached, but it wasn't all bad. One day, when he was older, and if she was still single…

Still in the game, Linc.

Still in the game.

Lisa Loud swiped the back of her hand across her forehead and drew a deep breath. Before her, a beaker bubbled with green liquid but did not explode as she half expected it to. Chalk that up as a win. She smiled archly to herself and sat back in her chair, her hands coming to rest on her lap.

It was Friday evening, and she was sitting at her lab as she had been since coming home from school. She planned to put in another hour of work, then retire and read - Freud or Nietzsche, she couldn't decide. Perhaps she would even delve into fiction; she possessed paperbacks by both Arthur C. Clarke and Robert A. Heinlein that looked promising. Or maybe she'd turn in early: The night was rife with possibilities.

Someone knocked on the door.

Normally, Lisa did not appreciate being interrupted during her experimentations, but because she didn't blow herself up and doom herself to spending the night picking glass shards out of her face, she was in a tolerable mood. "Enter," she called without turning. The chemical was still now, no longer a bubbling witches cauldron but a glassy millpond. Excellent.

The hinges squeaked. "Uh, Lise?"

"Yes, Lori, what is it?" Lisa asked. Typically, her eldest sister only endeavored to approach her when she required something: A cure for acne, breast enlargement cream (which didn't work, by the way - Lori's chest still resembled that of a girl much younger than her seventeen years), and, most recently, birth control pills. Lori, it would seem, was sexually active...not that Lisa particularly cared. She was at that age, after all.

The older girl didn't immediately reply. "Uh, I need to talk to you. We need to talk to you."

Ah, the birth control failed too, now she and Bobby are expecting. Bother. She was surprised, then, when she turned to find Luna standing next to Lori, both of them looking unsettled. Lori shut the door and leaned against it with a weary sigh, her hand going to her forehead in a gesture bespeaking perplexion. Luna crossed her arms over her stomach and rubbed one elbow, her eyes downcast. They looked as though they had done something awful

Lisa sighed. "What did you do this time?"

"W-We didn't do anything," Luna said nervously.

"It's Leni," Lori said.

Oh. "What did she do?"

Lori and Luna exchanged a hesitant glance, then Lori looked at Lisa. "We were walking home, and this creep pulled over and started hitting on her."

"We ran him off," Luna added, "and, like, a couple blocks later, she was acting funny. Blushing and smiling to herself."

Lisa crossed her arms and shifted into a more comfortable position. God alone knew how long she'd be here.

"So we started teasing her about liking him," Lori said. She, too, crossed her arms, as though against a chill. Lisa unconsciously glanced at the thermostat above Lily's crib: It was a toasty sixty-five. "And she said -" here she faltered and looked at Luna for assistance. Luna, for her part, glanced away. Nah, dude-bro, Lisa could hear her saying. Lori swallowed and stared down at her feet. "She said she was thinking about Lincoln...and getting turned on."

If you were looking directly at Lisa, you would not have seen even the faintest ripple of emotion cross her face save, perhaps, for a slight expanding of the pupils. She shifted positions again and adjusted her glasses to buy herself some time. Human sexuality was a field of study that Lisa had neglected - there were far more interesting things to concern oneself with than the base mechanics of copulation. She was, therefore, somewhat ignorant on the matter. She was, however, well-versed in human psychology, and while she couldn't say she was expecting this, she wasn't overly surprised, either.

Lori and Luna both watched her with drawn expressions. "Well," Lisa said at length as she collected her thoughts, "that doesn't come as a shock, I suppose. Leni, despite her deficient mental faculties, is a perfectly normal female when it comes to sexual development and maturity. She obviously doesn't have the capacity, however, to understand that one does not engage in copulation with one's close relatives. I assume you attempted to explain this to her and it didn't take."

Together, Lori and Luna nodded. "We told her that they have the same blood and DNA and that it's wrong," Lori said, "she told us she understood, but I don't think she did. We were hoping you could talk to her."

Steepling her fingers, Lisa scrunched her lips to one side in thought. Leni was, to be blunt, mildly retarded, a fluke of circumstance the likes of which simply happen. That she would become infatuated with her own brother during her sexual blossoming made sense. He was one of the only two males she routinely interacted with, and he was an agreeable individual with many admirable and, indeed, perhaps, even attractive qualities. You could argue that she was simply confused - like a five-year-old girl who wants to 'marry' her father without understanding what marriage truly is - or you could say that she understood, on a basic level, what sex and romantic relationships were, but did not understand why close cospeciation precluded them.

In either case, explaining to her why copulating with one's siblings is wrong most likely would not work. Again, to put it mildly, Leni was simple, and the relative complexities of the argument would sail right over her blonde head.

She was, in essence, a child, and therefore, the best approach was the one parents often used on children.

Five minutes later, she stood before Leni, flanked by Lori and Luna on either side. Leni sat on the edge of her bed with her knees pressed together and her hands folded in her lap, her brow furrowed quizzically. When Lisa entered, the older girl was browsing a fashion magazine. A word, please, Lisa said, and the look of guilty confusion had not left Leni's face since.

"A little birdie tells me you've a crush," Lisa said now.

Leni blinked. "Was it a parrot? Because I don't know any parrots." She touched her index finger to her chin and rolled her eyes up to the ceiling in thought. "Or can other birds talk now, too?"

Lisa's smile strained just a little at the corners. "It's an expression," she explained, "Lori and Luna tell me you wish to...have sex with Lincoln."

Panic filled Leni's eyes and she jerked her head from Lori to Luna. Like, totes why did you tell her? "N-Not anymore," she floundered, "they, like, told me it was gross now I don't want to do it."

Maybe she was just cynical, but Lisa did not trust her older sister as far as she could throw her, which, given her small stature, was not very farl. Holding up a forestalling hand, she said, "It's alright. I'm not angry with you, and I trust you completely to no longer want Lincoln in such a manner. I just figured that, since the topic came up, I should talk to you about sex."

Leni's brows furrowed. "Uh, Mom already talked to me about sex."

"I understand that," Lisa said, "but she did not give you the full story."

"She didn't?"

"No, she didn't." Lisa glanced at Luna. "Could you turn off the lights, please?" Luna looked at her strangely, then crossed the room and snapped the switch, plunging the room into semi darkness. Lisa pulled a remote from her pocket, pointed it at the wall, and pressed a button: An LCD screen slowly descended from seemingly nowhere.

On the bed, Leni squealed. "Oh, are we gonna watch a movie?"

"We are," Lisa said. When the screen was fully down, hovering feet off the floor, she pressed another button, and a cross-section diagram of a human penis appeared. "I assume you know what this is," Lisa said.

Leni nodded. "Yep. It's a penis."

"Correct," Lisa said. She pushed the button again, and the penis was replaced with a slide of a vagina. She pressed it a third time, and now both a penis and a vagina appeared, facing one another like duelists across a misty plane. Lori sat heavily on Leni's right while Luna dropped to Leni's left, both of them with wary expressions. Lisa did not tell them what her plan was - it would be as much a surprise to them as it would be to Leni. "Sex, as you know, involves the insertion of the penis into the vaginal opening. The reason we do not have sex with our relatives is because our bodies are equipped with a strong biological aversion to incest."

She looked at Leni; her brows were furrowed in the most unmistakable articulation of bewilderment Lisa had ever seen. Sigh. "Do you know how clothes at the mall have a little thingie on them that makes the door beep if you don't pay for them first?"

Leni's head bobbed up and down.

"It's something like that. If a man puts his penis into a woman he is related to, his penis will know that it shouldn't be there." She clicked the button, and the onscreen penis suddenly sprouted wicked, wing-like razors from its sides. "And sharp thingies will come out and hurt you."

Leni gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Lori narrowed her eyes in displeasure and Luna put her first to her mouth to stifle a laugh. Ignoring them, Lisa continued. "You'll get big owies and so will Lincoln."

At the mention of their brother's name, Leni's eyes widened and her face went white. "I-I don't want Lincoln to get owies," she said.

"I didn't figure you would," Lisa said, "you're a good big sister and you love him, right?"

Leni nodded. "He's, like, the bestest brother ever."

"Indeed. It is for that reason, then, that you can never have sex with him or you will both die a protracted and excruciating death."

Leni's hand fell into her lap, and she gaped, then bowed her head in sadness. "Okay. I really won't have sex with him now. Pinkie promise." She held up her thumb.

"Good," Lisa said. She pressed a button, and the screen went dark and began to retract. "Now if you'll excuse me, I really must be getting back." She shoved the remote into her pocket and left the room, freezing when she Lori called her name...sharply.

She turned, and the older girl's eyebrows were angled down in an angry V. "Lise, I didn't want you to lie to her," she said. Behind her, beyond the threshold, Luna awkwardly patted a downcast Leni's shoulder.

Lisa shrugged. "One works with what one has," Lisa said, "scaring her off was the only effective option I saw."

"But -"

"And I guarantee you she will no longer pursue a sexual relationship with Lincoln. Mark my words."

With that, she turned and went into her lab, the matter already forgotten. In the hall, Lori glanced over her shoulder at Leni and sighed sadly. Lisa was probably right, but she felt awful nevertheless.

Then her phone chimed with a text from Bobby, and she, too, forgot all about it.