A/N: Hey, long time no read. Man, two months since last time, damn. You guys can be mad at me if you want; I'm not going to make excuses. Part of it was my own fault, but whatever. Thanks to every new and old reader that found this fic to their liking, as always. So, without further ado let's start with the reviews. (Skip it if you want.)

To Keimarios: Always glad to help, and thanks.

To Jyusei Kumo-san: No, no, no, I don't get responsible if you die, okay? But glad that make you laugh that much, btw, where did you read it, boy? And thanks for everything, and sure, go ahead and try guess it, it won't be easy. Oh, and about Blackbeard, well, I don't plan that far ahead in the future, but let's just say that they both are "Gentlemen".

To ZenoZen: Nah, don't worry man. To be honest with you, most of the comedy comes to me as an epiphany, so if it dies out it's gonna be because I ran out of ideas (But memes are infinites) or because the situation is too serious for it. And well, it's going to be some romance in there, (I mean, we're talking about a franchise where "Mana Transfer" is a thing) but is not going to be the main focus. Romance is not in the tags for a reason.

To f1uffy5prinkles: Thanks, and actually there are more references to the abridge series in the chapters. Yeah, wait for the meeting with Servants, I'll see what I can do, and I already have some surprises ready. And about the commissioned character, I would have to say 'No', but it wouldn't hurt me to read about it, so put it on a review or PM me and who knows, maybe I change my opinion, but please don't get upset if it's still a no.

To ExienFrost290: Welcome to the party, and thanks.

First Impressions are Important

A new day in Chaldea Security Organization, Everything has returned to normal relatively speaking. The staff has engaged their usual job, except for those who were still on recovery and those that didn't make it; everything because of the explosion, but everything was getting better thanks to the hard work of the current Director Olga Marie and her new second in command the Doctor Romani Archaman.

One of the staff members, Mash Kyrielight was wandering the corridors of the organization looking for someone. It was when she turned a corner that she spotted one of her seniors. She ran to catch that messy black mane.

"Pierce-senpai! Pierce-senpai!" She called him.

"Nya?" He turned to see who it was. Ethan was wearing his casual clothing, with his crocks and everything. "Yes, I'm Pierce-senpai." He replied.

"Good morning, Pierce-senpai." Mash greeted with a smile.

"Good morning to you too, Kyrielight-kohai." The purple haired girl stopped right where she was. "Uh? Is there something wrong, Kyrielight-kohai?" He tilted his head.

"Wh-why are you calling me like that? Are you mad at me?" The girl got worried. She was already used to being called by her first name after all.

"I'm calling you the same way you are calling me."

"But, but." She was confused.

"Is there a difference?" He questioned.

"Yes, I… I…" She didn't know what to say, there really wasn't a difference.

"Then call me by my name, and I call you by yours." Ethan proposed, letting her know his intentions.

"Then… E-E-Ethan… SENPAI!" She immediately shouted the last word, the embarrassment was too much to bear and her face showed it with flush on it.

"*Sigh* At least is some progress." The man said a little disappointed. "So, do you need something from me, Mash?"

"Uh? Ah, yes, have you seen Senpai?" The girl remembered what she was there for.

"Yes." The boy smiled

"Really? Where?" She asked impatiently.

"On my mirror, when I woke up." Ethan pointed to himself, causing the girl to get confused again. "I am your senpai, right?"

"No, not you, I'm talking about Ritsuka-senpai!" Mash raised her voice, she didn't like being taken for a fool.

"Ritsuka-senpai and not Fujimaru-senpai. I see your preferences." That comment made her flush again. "Well~, no, I haven't seen her. Did something happen to her?"

"Well, to be honest, she has become a little bit… …" She was having trouble finding the right word.

"Crazy?" He finished it for her.

"I… I'm afraid so." She admitted. "Since yesterday, when she received the saint quartz, she began to act strange, wanting to get more for the summoning."

"So the Riyo has sprouted on her." Ethan murmured.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't pay me attention." He waived her off. "You want to find her now?"

"Yes, I didn't find her in her room so I'm a little worry."

"I can do that." He said.

"Really?" Mash asked, surprised.

"Yes, can you give me room?"

"Here?" With his nod, she moved away. "How are you going to do it?"

"With this." He pulled out a saint quartz from his pocket. "Now I just toss it away, and wait." He did as he said. The little rock tinkled when it touched the floor.

A second later something tackled Ethan, making his body crash against the wall next to Mash.

"MINE!" The redhead shouted.

"I think a rib is broken." Ethan commented while he recomposed again. He looked at the sweaty Master holding the quartz. She had her white jacket tied to her waist, letting her just with her black tank-top and an exposed cleavage. "I never thought I'd see a female Gollum in my life."

"Hey! That's rude." Ritsuka retaliated, already composed. "Who are you calling 'Female Gollum'?" Another saint quartz, which was tossed by Ethan, impacted her bosom lightly. "MY PRECIOUS!" She shouted immediately, grabbing it.

"You were saying?" Ethan questioned her, making her blush. "Seriously, what the fuck is happening Ritsuka?" He let his head fall to the right side while crossing arms. "What's with those looks?"

"I needed more saint quartz. I bought what I could from Da Vinci but that wasn't enough, so I did little jobs for the staff in exchange of saint quartz. I've been doing it all night." The Master explained.

"I hope those 'little jobs' don't mean something different." Ethan said.

"Of course not, creep. I've been cleaning, organizing, delivering and many more things… … … *SLAP*"

"Ouch! what the fuck! Why was the slap for?" Ethan questioned, while rubbing his right cheek.

"It was a delayed reaction." Ritsuka responded with a stoic face. "Besides, since yesterday your face seems really slappable, so I just felt like it."

"Well, you seem like you want some gender equality on your face." Ethan said, looking at her from above.

"Ha, you wouldn't dare." The redhead stood her ground with a smug face. Mash was in panic, she didn't know what to do; this escalated too quickly.

"You're right. The gentleman code forbids me to do so." Ethan said, letting out a sigh. "But," A grin appeared on his face. "I can think in better things to give you a lesson." That statement made Fujimaru shiver. "…Sit…" He pointed the floor.

"Why would I obey—" She immediately sat on the floor when Ethan showed her a saint quartz on his hand.

With a bigger grin, he crouched to her level. "…Paw…" She followed the order with a blush on her face. "Roll, slowly." Ritsuka felt resentful, but she did it anyway. "20 squats."

"Agh- I won't—" A second quartz appeared between his fingers. She did the squats without complain.

"10 push-ups." When she finish the tenth, she collapsed on the floor, panting. "Hah~ it's getting hot in here. Ritsuka, can you go for some drinks on the vending machine? Here is the money." He hand her a bill. "Mash, do you want one?"

"Eh? Oh, no, I'm fine." The purple haired girl responded.

"Then, that makes only two. Bring them here, okay? You have 2 minutes." Ethan said, taking a look to a watch drawn in his hand.

"I hate you." Ritsuka said when she began to run.

When she came back, she had even more sweat over her body. "*Pant* *Pant* Here." She gave him one.

"Thank you." He took both. "I'm really thirsty." And began to drink both cans at the same time.

Ritsuka, with her mouth wide open, fell to the ground. Her throat was dry and watching how she wasn't getting anything made it even worst.

"Phew, just what I need." A refreshed Ethan said.

"Give me the saint quartz." A low voice came from the redhead.

"Come again?" Ethan replied.

"Give me the saint quartz!" She snapped.

"When did I said I was going to give you saint quartz?" Ethan had a smug face. He was right; he never said anything like that. "Everything you had done has been on your own free will. Thank you, Ritsuka."

She was devastated, she was played for a fool, and she couldn't do anything about it.

In her absence of mind something cold was placed on top of her head. When she took it, four saint quartz fell from it, it was another soda can.

When the redhead raised her head, her nose was poked. "Bup. I hope you learn your lesson. Next time, I won't be so merciful." She was surprised. "Go clean yourself up; the summoning is in some hours." He started to walk away, saying goodbye to her and Mash with his hand.

An inexplicable smile sprouted on Ritsuka's face as she held the can tighter. Ethan disappeared behind a corner. She approached the can to her face, but when she opened, the liquid burst out, soaking her face.

She looked at the corner where he had disappeared, just to find his head popping out with an evil giggle.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Her shout was heard all around Chaldea.

Hours later, a now refreshed Ritsuka along with Olga and Mash were walking toward the summoning room.

When they were approaching the room, they found a happy Da Vinci talking with and equally happy Ethan in front of the doors of the room, the latter was on his Servant outfit. That scene unsettled them for some reason.

"Ah." Ethan was the first to notice them. He casually put himself behind Da Vinci to use her as some kind of shield.

"It's there something wrong E-kun?" The brunette genius asked to her friend.

"Someone wants my butt cheeks for diner." He pointed the redhead Master.

"Don't say it in a weird way!" Ritsuka yelled at him.

"But they're delicious and highly nutritious, you know?" He smacked his ass to make an emphasis.

Everyone went speechless except for Da Vinci, who began to giggle.

"Whatever. Just get this over with." Ritsuka let out a tired sigh.

"Are you going to do the summoning as well, Director?" The genius asked her superior.

"Yes. I don't want to rely only in this clown." Olga replied with disdain towards her Servant.

"Why?! Am I not enough for you, Olga?!" Ethan exclaimed melodramatically.

"Don't make it sound like we are in some kind of relationship!" She yelled, flustered.

"We're not in one?" He asked genuinely surprise.

"Of course not!" She said.

"For now." He added.

With that scene finished, they entered the room.

"By the way, how many Saint Quartz you two have?" The boy asked.

"I managed to earn 138 Saint Quartz." Fujimaru said, rubbing her bag of quartz against her face.

"I have 300 Saint Quartz." Olga said, making everyone remain silent, all the eyes on her.

"Did you even pay for them?" Her Servant asked.

"Of course not, this is MY Company." She declared.

"Isn't that abuse of authority?" Ethan commented. A shiver ran her spine with the sudden glare from the other Master. "Well, whatever. Who starts?" He asked.

The Director of Chaldea gave a step forward, ready to relieve some of the pain that her Servant cause her.

300 Saint Quartz later… …

"WHY?!" Olga shouted while crying, she was kneeling on the floor. "Why hasn't anyone answered my call?!" She was surrounded by cards, or how they're called, Craft Essences.

"Yorokobe Shounen." Her Servant said with open arms. "Aham, I mean. Yorokobe Shoujo, kimi no negai wa youyaku kanau."

His Master looked at him with such hatred that he shut up immediately.

"You. You don't have anything to do with this, right?" She glared at him.

"Meeee~" He pressed his right hand against his chest. "Nooooo~" It was hard to notice, but his right eye went up and down multiple times. "How could I, the innocent Ethan Pierce, have to do something with this?" He was melodramatic. "I have everything to do with this." He confessed in his mind.

He ignored the glare of his Master and pick up a Craft Essence. "Da-chan, can you explain how this things work."

"But I already did that." Da Vinci complained.

"Yeah but that was off screen, so no one actually knows… … or was off paragraph?" He murmured the last part.

"*Sigh* Sometimes not even a genius like me knows what you're talking about." She said, tapping her cheek. "The Craft Essences are created by the system FATE, they are implanted to the Saint Grasp of a Servant to boost their parameters or give them new abilities." The genius explained.

"But why do they have these images?" He showed the one he had. "This one has Green Black Keys. Actually, Black Keys are the most abundant here." He said, looking around.

"The system has its way to play around, those images are taken from the memories of Servants, of course is needless to say that they don't need to actually remember said images, because they come from the Throne itself." She finished her explanation. "They're not that complicate, I, as the genius that I am, can create Craft Essences myself. Currently I'm working on some to put in sale on my workshop, also you two can come to my workshop to buy and/or enhance things." She said to the two Masters.

"Clearly not sponsoring yourself, right there." Ethan commented, gaining a playful smile from Da Vinci.

"Was it that obvious?" She stuck her tongue out.

"So I just have to imagine this going inside me." He held the CE in front of him as he closed his eyes.

A white aura began to come out from Ethan's body. The CE lit on with the same aura, then, it began to shatter on particles. These particles flew to Ethan's chest, exactly were his heart was, and then fused with his aura until there was no CE in his hand, and fade away.

"I can already feel it." He bounced on the spot. "I feel… Quicker." He did the same process but in reverse to bring out the CE. "Need to practice it to do it faster if I want to change it in the middle of a fight."

After everyone helped to clean up the mess of the CEs, it was finally turn for Ritsuka to do the summoning.

Around the pillar of light appeared three circles, meaning that a Servant has answered the call.

"Who is that Pokemon?!" Ethan shouted, gaining an annoyed look from the two Masters. "It's Pikachu!" He answered himself, ignoring their glares.

When the light fade away, it revealed a blond hair tied with a blue ribbon, the hair had an ahoge, (the most important part of it, of course). The woman was wearing a blue and white dress with golden lines. In her right hand she held what could only be describe as wind.

Her emerald eyes opened, she took a look of the room she was in, and then focused on the girl with red hair. "I ask of you. Are you my Master?"

Everyone was mesmerized with her, until.

"Boring, boo, get out of the stage." All the eyes went to the Berserker Servant.

"Can you not?" Ritsuka asked, grinding her teeth.

"I don't know. Can I not?" The redhead breathed heavily through her nose. "The answer is no. But I must say, I haven't lost my touch for this. That's clearly a Pikachu."

"HOW?!"

"Pff, a mascot, different franchise. Clearly a Pikachu." He explained.

"I beg your pardon, but what are you talking about?" The new Servant was the one who talked.

"Ignore him." Ritsuka responded. "Yes, I am you Master, Ritsuka Fujimaru. And you are?"

"Are you seriously asking that?" Ethan interrupted.

"Shut up." The redhead glared at him.

"I am—" The blond girl was interrupted.

"Artoria Pendragon, King of knight, reverse trap, and family issues. You already know her, please."

"How do you…?" Artoria asked.

"We have a younger version of you here, and I also read your profile." He answered.

"I see… But I must to say, I don't like your tone. You're being disrespectful."

"Oh, don't mind this humble peasant, my king… … It feels so weird to call a woman, king." He stated.

Everyone introduced themselves to the new servant.

They continued with the summons. A couple of CE later, a pillar with three circles appeared again.

"You know?" Ethan said. "I prefer the real Artoria." He commented with an unamused face looking at the pillar.

Then there before them was the corrupted version of Artoria, the one they fought on Fuyuki.

"This is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them." Ethan commented worriedly.

"...I have come as bidden by the summons. You are the one they call a 'Master'?" Saber Alter asked.

"I don't know. What do you think? Any other pointless question?" Ethan talked with mockery.

"Hm? Ah, so it's you peasant." Saber Alter said looking at Ethan.

"So you do remember me. And it seems that you're not going to restrain yourself from calling me that."

"Of course, it's hard to forget someone as annoying as you. Peasant" She replied with a smirk.

"Eh~" He said unimpressed. "You know? I know what I said, but… … that piece of armor on your eyes look really fucking stupid. Was it because of me?" Now the smirk was on his face.

"Hmp, don't think of yourself so highly, this has nothing to do with you. A peasant so insignificant." Everyone else was nervous, things were heating up.

Ethan walked in her direction and stop in front of her. He pulled sunglasses out of the sleeve of his kimono and put them on.

"Then, how does it feel to get your ass kicked by a peasant like me, gothic loli?" This comment made her frown.

"If I remember correctly, my sword was the one on your chest." Ethan nodded and hummed, unamused. "If it wasn't for that girl's shield you would be dead by my hand." (Hum, hum) Ethan search for something on his pocket. "And my younger self was there for—… … what are you doing?"

"Sprinkling some salt over you to match the one in the interior." Ethan sprinkled salt on a weird fashion.

"That is the salt bae." Ritsuka recognize his posture.

"Okay, finished." He declared. "Let's taste it out."

"Huh? ... … *LICK* !" He had licked her cheek, taking her by surprise and making her blush.

"tht tht tht… Perfect." He said.

"You bastard." Saber Alter said angry, gripping her sword tightly.

"From now on, you will be known as: SALTer!" He didn't pay her attention.

Salter moved her sword over her right shoulder, a burst of dark prana cover it. "Your last words, peasant?"

"Okay, Stoooop!" Ritsuka jumped in the background, burning one of her command spells. "You can't blow up this place, even if I want you to destroy him."

The gaze of both Servants went from the redhead to each other, then, a big grin appeared on Ethan's face. "Your last words before I make you lose your mind, Salter?" He said, pinching her cheeks.

An armored fist went to Ethan's stomach. "I just need to not destroy the place."

The young man fell on his knees. "That's not very king-like attitude… Are you sure you're not the peasant here?"

Salter raised her sword. "I shall cut off your head to make you be quiet."

"Stop!" The attention of everyone went to blue Saber. "I won't stand any of this behavior. Now, put your sword down, Saber Alter." She demanded to her corrupted counterpart.

"Ooooooh, someone is in trouble." Ethan teased.

"And you, Sir Ethan. Abstain yourself from continue with this poor demeanor." Artoria continue with him.

"If words could change people so easily, the world wouldn't be the place it is." He crossed his hands on a pompous way. "I mean, imagine I'm a high school student and you're my Servant, and you tell me to don't go, because is dangerous, because I died previously by a blue doggo on that same school a few days before. Do you really think I'm going to listen to you?" He asked with a smirk.

"Yes." She responded.

"Are you sure?" He pressed.

"Yes. Only and idiot would do something like that." She said.

"Maybe a hero of justice?"

"I'm not following now." Artoria shook her head.

"Forget about it, it was a silly supposition I made out of the blue. Clearly… out of the blue." He said with a smile. He then took a look of both Artorias. "And I think I said I prefer the real Artoria." He demanded.

The door of the room opened. "Sorry, I'm late~." A white knight-girl entered with a silver tray. "I bring tea for Master and the others." Her voice cleansed the ambient of the room.

"Perfection." Ethan commented. Ritsuka looked at him with a shocked face; she was the only one who noticed what he just did.

"Uh? Is there something wrong?" Lily asked, seeing her Master face.

"Naa, don't worry." Ethan answered, approaching to take some tea. "I only say that you were the best Artoria out of you three."

Lily looked behind him and saw her other selves. "I- I don't know if I'm the best…" She replied with a little blush. "But, I- I'll work hard to be at your expectations." She gave him a smile so bright that it was hard to look it directly.

"Agh." Ethan grabbed his heart, as if he was experimenting great pain. He fell on his knees, worrying everyone. "My… my…" He pulled a syringe from his sleeve. "My insulin." He injected it on his arm. He then got up as if nothing happened. "Sorry, your smile was so sweet that it gave me diabetes."

"Eh? Ah… um, yes." Lily answered, flustered. She didn't know what to do with those words.

He grabbed her by the shoulders. "Please, never become one of those two." He requested.

A hand was placed on Ethan's right shoulder. When he turned, he found a pissed Rituska that pointed over her shoulder; there were an equally pissed Olga, Mash and the two Artoria. Everyone had different motives, but the objective of their anger was the same.

"Can I at least apply some Vaseline to my ass before you explode?" He asked and the answer was no.

Minutes later, he was lying on the floor with bruises and cuts over his body, his butt was up in the air. "Please, let the next summon be a man, I can't take much of this."

"Shut up, and be grateful that we didn't kill you." Ritsuka said, concentrating for the summoning.

After a couple of rolls, a new Servant answered.

"Servant Archer. I answer to your summon." It was the same Archer from the singularity.

"Nice to meet you, Archer. My name is Ritsuka Fujimaru and I'll be your Master here in Chaldea." Ritsuka shook hands with the tanned man.

"Hm." Ethan started to examine the man; the girls gave a tired sigh knowing what would come next. "This aura, this feeling…" Ethan said. "So familiar… Are you…" He contemplated the red Archer.

"Does he know me from somewhere?" Archer thought for himself.

"Mom? You have a very high maternal level." The tanned man flinched, retraining himself from losing his cool.

"What is this, Master?" The man asked the red head.

"Unfortunately, he is another Servant from the only other Master here. Try not to kill him." Fujimaru said, tired of Ethan's behavior. "His name is Ethan."

"I see." The man looked at the boy. "Listen… Ethan. Be careful of what you say to others, or like it said my Master, you're going to get kill rather quickly." Archer rebuked the young man.

"Hey!" Ethan pointed at Archer. "Just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right." What he just said blew up everyone's mind. "I'm only going to die when I'm killed." Everyone's mind wasn't prepared for this. "Besides, you would have to kill me so hard that I would die to death." The confusion became anger. "Hahahaha. Man, fun things sure are fun."

"OOOKAY! STOP!" Ritsuka exploded.

"But I'm just starting." Ethan complained, not noticing that Archer had projected his arc and a drill-looking sword. His face was red of embarrassment while preparing his shot.

"Galad—"

"STOP!" Another command spell was blown from Ritsuka's wrist.

"Thanks for saving my ass again." Ethan said. The redhead grabbed him by the neck and strangled him.

"We seriously should kill you right now!" She yelled at him.

"Okay, okay, geez. I'll try to no do it again." He patted Ritsuka's head to calm her down. "Let's introduce you to the other." He switched to the Archer.

Now out of the summoning platform, they approached the closest person. "She's Olga Marie Animusphere, the current Director of this place, she is also my Master." Seeing his Master and the new Servant shaking hands and introducing themselves made Ethan remember something. He grabbed Archer by the shoulder and whispered something to him.

"! I don't have—" Archer complained, but decided to calm down, then he whispered back to Ethan. "I don't have a 'Harem Protagonist' skill." He whispered in annoyance. "Where did you get that in the first place?"

"Instincts. But just remember, keep it low around her or you're going to find out that you'll die when I kill you." Ethan moved his thumb through his throat to make his point clear.

"*Sigh* Can you stop with that?" Archer was already emotionally drained just by talking with the boy for some minutes.

"You make it too easy." They moved to the next person. "She's Mash Kyrielight, the first Servant under Ritsuka's command, thus, your Senpai."

"Eh? No, no, no, no, no. I'm still too inexperienced to be a senpai." The purple haired girl denied with head and hands, nervously.

Both men let out a smile with her reaction. "By the way…" Ethan whispered to Archer. "She's already on Ritsuka's harem, so I don't want you to steal her."

Emiya was someone that often made people mad by the things he say, but this guy was on another level, making -what he believes- his cold blood, boil really easily and quickly. He was about to punch him in the face. This boy makes people act out of their normal state of mind.

"Moving on." Ethan was completely clueless to the red man intentions towards him, or that's what Archer believed. "She is Leonardo da Vinci, our support here in Chaldea." The genius and the boy took their time to explain her background, delighting themselves with the confusion of not only the man but the two new Sabers. "By the way…" Ethan intervened on the conversation. "She is still a man on the inside, so be careful. She often walks naked." Everyone looked at the young man with suspicions eyes.

"Why was that relevant?" Archer asked, crossing his arms.

"Yes, why is that relevant?" The two Masters joined him.

"Because~ I don't want to hear a scream saying: 'HER ANUS IS DEFENSELESS!' or something like that."

"*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*" Archer choked on his own saliva, while he covered and averted his red face.

Da Vinci, unlike any other woman, began to laugh uncontrollably. "Ahahahaha, who would describe something like that in that way," The genius embraced her belly on a futile attempt to stop laughing.

"Wait," A somewhat pissed voice came from Olga. "How do you know Da Vinci walks naked?" Her voice was calm but her look was somber, making Ethan to swallow a lump in his throat.

"Hah, I can answer that, Director." Da Vinci was the one who answered, drawing the attention of the others. "He came this morning to my workshop. I was heading to the bathroom so he saw me." Ethan gained an angry looks from Olga and Ritsuka, while Mash and Lily just looked at him, they knew it wasn't his fault, but it still gave them a weird feeling. "Then, because he smelled pretty bad, I invited him to join me."

"You said 'no', right?" Fujimaru asked, her eyes along with Olga's told him, 'If you say yes, we kill you'.

"Why would I say no? I was really sweaty and stunk like hell." Ethan didn't noticed, but a big cross-shield was approaching really fast from behind.

"Ethan-senpai, you're the worst." A bash from Mash stunned him.

"I need Saberlot to take this for me." Ethan thought. While wobbling, two arms grabbed him by the waist from behind.

"HUNG!" Ritsuka performed a perfect German suplex.

"Is she Lesnar's lost child?"

Olga prepared a Gandr aiming at his stomach while Lily gave him a soft bashed with the handle of her sword on his forehead.

"Very well, I'll be your executioner, Peasant." Salter prepared her sword.

"Cease, Saber Alter. You're doing it out of your own hatred towards him." Artoria tried to contend her Alter self, while remaining calm.

"Co- Co- Co- Co- Combo Breaker, Fatality." A robotic voice came from Ethan's pocket.

"Shut up, Siri." He replied. "I know this is for comedic purposes, but aren't this a little too extreme?"

Neither of the girls was listening, they were too busy recreating the scene in their minds.

[What they thought happened]

Hot water spilled out of the bathtub as the body with scars of the young man sat inside of it.

"Haah~ That hit the spot." Ethan said as he took a calm look to the steam that surrounded the bathroom. "Thanks for inviting me, Da-chan."

Hot water was spilled from a bowl, falling over the head of the brunette genius, taking the foam with it.

"Don't worry. A good time for relaxation is part of the life of a genius, and nothing is better that a hot bath." She stood up and walked to the bathtub while passing her hand through her hair. The steam made hard to see, but, even though, her body was magnificent. "Sh, I wanted to use it as well, you know?" She pouted for being unable to use the bathtub.

"Sorry, I have a big body, just wait, will ya?" Ethan responded, enjoying the sensation of the water.

"Ooor~ I can just do this." She entered the bathtub, sitting between Ethan's legs, and resting her back against his chest. "Fufum~ the advantages of a body like this."

"Show some decency." However, truth be told, the both of them enjoy their skin contact.

On a bold move, Ethan's arms wrapped around Da Vinci's waist, pulling her body closer; and rest his chin on her right shoulder, seeking more of her.

"Hmm~" The brunette moaned. "I always wonder what would happen, if a situation like this would ever take place when I'm in this body."

"Do you hate it?"

"No, not even a little." She moved her hand to take his chin. "Do you want to go even further? I do not mind at all if it is with you, E. Kun."

"I don't think even a command spell would stop me from accepting such invitation, coming from you." They both approached their lips seeking for each other warm on an already hot bathroom.

[What actually happened]

"Leonardo lash! *SMACK*" A wet towel hit Ethan's left butt cheek while he was taking of his underpants.

"Ouch! You bitch, I wasn't ready!" Ethan whined.

"You left an opening, E-Kun. I just took it." She defended herself, while putting the towel on her shoulder.

"I'm going to teach you the true meaning of the ancient art of a towel fight." Now fully naked, he grabbed a towel and chased Da Vinci into the bathroom.

"Aha! No, don't get close, you're a Berserker and I'm still a fragile Caster." She ran with a smile on her face.

"You will know true pain! *SMACK*" He hit her stomach.

"You really hit me…" She said serious. *SMACK*

"Hey, that was really close to my balls! *SMACK*"

"Ouch, Now my breasts are my balls, idiot! *SMACK*"

"My eye! Learn when to give up, stupid genius! *SMACK*"

"That was my neck, brainless boy! And it's because I'm a genius, that I don't know how to give up. *SMACK*"

An innocent game became something serious in less than five minutes.

*SMACK**SMACK**SMACK**SMACK**SMACK**SMACK*

The bathroom became a battlefield and towels became a weapon of mass destruction. It was carnage.

Da Vinci alongside with Ethan had tons of bruises on their bodies, and the girls spotted one on Da Vinci's neck, taking the information in the worst way possible. The two Masters began to kick Ethan, who was on the floor.

"Ouch, hey, agh, stop, I have a question before you continue." The Masters stopped, barely containing themselves. "In your imagination, that was straight sex or was it yaoi? That's seriously bugging me, and if it was yaoi, was I the seme or the uke? … … …" They gave him a derogative look. "Ouch. No, not in the glasses." He tried to protect the sunglasses he was still wearing. "Da-chan, help me!" He implored his friend, but her smug face said that it was her revenge for all the pain he caused her. "If only a hero of justice was here to help me! … Don't look away, Emiya! Fucking help me!" He then decided to go for a new approached. "~I need a hero. I'm holding 'til the end of the night. He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight. I need a hero!~" Everyone in the room felt uncomfortable with him singing that. "This is the part when you start with ~I can be your hero, baby! I can kiss away the pain! I will stand by you forever~"

"I'm not singing that!" EMIYA exploded in rage with a red face.

A minute of kicks passed. "*Yawn* Now on my lower back, please. I've felt some pain recently there." Both Masters were so tired that their kicks became a massage. "Fua~, by the way, EMIYA, those three are King Arthur, believe it or not." Ethan pointed the three Artorias.

"I know." The tanned man answered carelessly, catching the attention of the king of knights.

"Hm? Did we meet each other before, Archer?" Artoria approached the man while the other two looked at him curiously.

"Just forget what I said." He said flustered, his body was tense. A little blush would've been noticed on his cheeks if he wouldn't have averted his face. He wasn't being himself, he had lost his cool and all was Ethan's fault. What the boy had said, brought the memories from the past that Archer hated, and now they were fresh in his mind. It never crossed Shirou's mind that he would meet her like this. He cursed that boy a thousand times on his mind.

The King of Knights decided not to press the man, so she left the matter at that.

"Hey, Emiya." Ethan got up now that the massage ended, calling the Servant of the bow. "Don't get like that, man." He firstly sounded like he cared, until a smirk appeared on his face. "Ishtar and Parvati are still on the way." None of the Servants understood what he was talking about, but Archer got it clearly. He was making fun of him somehow.

Continuing with the summoning.

A new Servant answered.

"Yo, Servant Lancer has answered your summon. Well, let's try to have fun Master. My name is Cu Chulainn."

"My name is Ritsuka Fujimaru, nice to—"

"Woof… Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Grrr." Ethan barked at Lancer. "Woof! Woof!"

"I'm not a fucking dog, you bastard!" Cu took his combat stance. On the background, Archer was trying to contain a giggle.

"Hey, wow, wow, wow, calm down, we just don't know each other yet. Here, have a sniff." Ethan turned and raised his butt for Cu to smell it. When the Irish man realized what he meant, his red spear got covered with red prana.

"Pff hahahaha." A laugh stopped Lancer from using his NP.

"Hm? Ho~ to think I'd run into you here, Archer." All Cu interest on the boy switched towards the red man. "Certainly, the beat down I gave you last time is to laugh at." The malice on Lancer voice was noticeable.

"Well, that time it wasn't really a fight and I think I remember what happen afterwards. You can't even fulfill a task as simple as helping two teenagers. What a helpless Servant." Archer shrugged while shaking his head. Emiya's tone was the same. The tension on the room could be felt by everyone.

"Ooh~ Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Figh- ugh—" The bustle that Ethan was creating was cut off by a Ritsuka's fist on the gut.

"Quit it, you two. You're now allies." Olga said, authoritatively. "We don't care for your personal issues."

Both Servants calmed down for now.

After the introductions were done, something came to Ritsuka's mind.

"Now that I remember, Caster Cu gave me this pendant hoping that I would summon him as a Lancer class." She explained, showing said item.

"Wow, he is a retard. (Hey!)" Cu complained when he heard Ethan. "He gave you something of his Caster form, how is he going to be summoned as Lancer? Well, whatever. Just give it a try."

A minute later.

"Well then. This time summoned as a Caster. Aah, you guys. We met before right?" Lancer's older version said.

"Ah, you remember us." Fujimaru said with a smile.

"Barely. It's not that clear, but yes." Caster answered.

"Do you remember me?" Ethan asked with a stupid and innocent smile.

"… … … Ansuz." A fireball hit Ethan's face, making him fall, burned. "Yes, I remember you, you fucking bastard!" He started to kick his corpse. "Everything is clear now!"

The only ones that weren't impressed with his reaction were the four women that were with them on the singularity.

The other Servants wondered if they would end like that if they interacted with the boy too much.

A new Servant arrived to Chaldea

"You have strange preferences. If you require a sacrifice, do feel free to treat me as you wish." Rider said.

"Nice to meet… … …" Ritsuka stopped herself and looked at Ethan. Everyone in the room did the same; they were… waiting for something.

"What? Why are you guys looking me like that?" Ethan asked, confused.

"You're going to come up with something stupid. That's what we're waiting for." Olga said with a frown.

"Wow, that's rude. I'm not like that at all. I'm an angel." Everyone expression was one that said 'Really?' They weren't buying it. "A fallen angel, but an angel, nonetheless."

"I believe that's a demon, Ethan-senpai." Mash spoke.

"Pff, details, don't pay too much attention." He waved his hand while approaching Rider. Then they both look at each other in silence. "… … … I'm sorry." He averted his face.

"No. Me too..." The purple woman answered, rubbing her left elbow with the other hand. It was an awkward silence.

Then, something clicked on the minds of both Masters, Mash, Lily and Caster Cu.

She was the Servant that Ethan took down back in the Singularity. Why were they apologizing?

Ritsuka walked to Ethan and then grabbed him by the collar of the kimono. "What did you do to her?" Behind her was Olga with a ready Gandr to shoot, Mash raising her shield, Lily drew her sword out and Cu was preparing some runes to fire.

"*Gulp* I maybe or maybe not… … Broke her battle spirit and she almost commit suicide." He said the last part really fast hoping no one would understand him, while moving his head to avoid facing them.

"… … … You what?!" The redhead snapped. "Details. NOW."

"Now… How should I end this?" Ethan said triumphant over Rider.

The wind blew, taking the leaves with it, and just happened that one of those leaves passed in between Ethan and Rider. The lead skimmed his nose.

"Nhah— nhah, nhah, nhah. AaaghagheaghAGHATCHOOOOO!" He sneezed so hard that it caused him pain.

When he opened his eyes, he found a lot of his snot over Rider's face, making a thin line to his nose. "I'm so sorry."

That was too much to endure for the poor Rider. What this boy has done to her brought her the memories of her older sisters, how they treat her, the traumas were too much. Tears began to fall from her eyes.

"No, no, no, no, no, please don't cry. Let me clean this mess." He used a handkerchief that he pull from somewhere and clean her face. "I truly sorry, please don't cry." After seeing that she wasn't stopping, he grabbed his head in desperation. "No, I've broken the gentleman rule number 1. Never make a lady cry."

The gentleman's code, the problem that he had during all the fight, it was the reason he never hurt her. His gentleman certification would be revoked when he got back and he'll lose all the benefits. He won't get his annual supply of yogurt.

When his eyes went back to Rider, he spotted her with one of her nails pointing at her own heart. "STOP!" He freaked out and stopped her right away.

Five minutes later.

"I said I'm sorry like a thousand times. Can we please continue with the fight?" He was sitting on the ground, two meters away from Rider, who was sobbing while embracing her knees with a tree at her back.

"Give me my nails back *Sob* so I can kill myself, *Sob* I don't want to fight with you anymore." Her shock was so big, that she forgot she could call her weapons back to her position.

"That won't happen. I don't want to see someone committing suicide." He said. "And if it's a beautiful woman is even worse." He murmured, but she managed to catch some of that, making her avert her face with blush.

Due to this, she didn't noticing the chains passing around her abdomen until the chains tighten up.

"Wha—?" She questioned in confusion. Those were her chains that now tied her to the three behind her.

"I don't have all the time in the world to comfort anybody. I have things to do, girls to save, Servants to enrage, memes to make, and a franchise to criticize." Ethan walked form behind the tree to finally stand in front of her. "And I can't take the risk of you following me and screw things up for me and the others." He began to trot away from her. "So bye bye… …" He stopped. "Wow, I don't even know your name. Can you tell me your name, sweetheart?"

"… My name is… Medusa…" She answered, still depressed.

"Okay, see you later Med— Wait, what?!" He got shocked because of the revelation. "You mean: Medusa, Medusa? The Greek mythological woman?" She nodded in confirmation. "The woman that can turn people into stone? The one that Poseidon rap—" Medusa's gaze prevented him from continuing. "Did I touch a nerve? ... … … No? I see."

"You humans do not know anything." She said, stoic.

"Just what I thought. Well, King Arthur turned out to be a woman so of course your history has to have a catch somewhere." She seemed impressed that he got it quickly. "Okay, from now on I'm going to forget everything of what I know about history or mythology and every time I meet a historian, I'll kick him in the balls or pay a woman to kick her in the ovaries because god damn they're wrong." Now, somehow, she seemed worried for the reproductive parts of innocent people. "Well, if we meet again, tell me the real story." He raised his hand. "See you later, Med. My name's Ethan, by the way." He began to trot again. "I'll come back later to untie you! If I don't forget about you, of course!" He finally disappeared from her sight.

It was hard for her to process what just happened. He was the most annoying person she had ever met in her life, not even her sisters were at his level, but from the start she never felt he was someone that would hurt her, not even after he discovered she was the 'monster', Medusa. And he looked genuinely worried for her when she broke down. "Maybe some humans are not that bad." She said to herself.

Then, from Ethan's direction, something flew and landed close to her. It was a recorder. "Hey, just so you don't feel so lonely here, how about some music?" Ethan's voice came from it. "They also go with your mood. Here we go." What she most enjoyed was piace and silence, she didn't want this. "~Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again~"

With a movement of her right leg, she broke it. Somehow she knew he want to make fun of her with that. "Grrr." She now knew he wasn't a good person.

"… … … …" The silence from everyone was unbearable for Ethan. "Even if she was an enemy then, that's going too far." Caster Cu said.

"Said the man that blew up an ally's face and started to kick his body minutes ago." Ethan answered, condescending, while still being held for his neck by Ritsuka.

"And I'd do it again without hesitation!" Cu yelled.

"Looks like someone want to be castrated like any male dog." Berserker gave Caster a sadistic smile.

"No if I kill you fir—"

"Oi, Peasant." Salter interrupted the dog.

"Shut up black Saber, I'm not done with him!" Cu complained.

But she ignored him completely. "You didn't hold back against me." She stated.

"Oh, so you consider yourself a woman now?" He teased.

"Hmp, don't get confused. I'm a King first. I just want to point out your hypocrisy." She explained.

"Oh, but I totally restrained myself." He said surprising the people that watched the fight. "I focused on gaining time for the others, and I knew every single of my attacks were easy to dodge or block for a Servant like you. — Who caused you the first wound?" The focus of the conversation went to Lily. "And Cu was the one who kill you, but we already know that he is an asshole. (Hey!)"

"I second that." Archer said with his arms crossed.

"You're not the one to talk, Asshole." This time was Lancer Cu who talked, looking pissed, while glaring at Archer.

"Enough." Artoria stopped this situation from escalated more. Both Servants clicked their tongues.

"Either way." Ristuka talked. "You still deserve a punishment." Without letting Ethan responded, she moved her knee to strike his groin. "OUCH!" She was the one who got hurt. "What the heck did I hit?" She began to rub her knee

"Reinforced balls. I made them as hard as metal. You can call me… Iron Balls." Ethan smirked. "But attacking a man on his weak point like that. That wasn't very cash money of you… Ha, see, I knew I'd need these glasses for something." The redhead glared at him, but he ignored her and focused on Rider. "Hey, Med-chan. (Med-chan?) I really want to know, how do you see through that?" He pointed at what she had on her eyes. "That seems too thick to see, and you apparently can control your gaze, so you don't turn people into stone unless you want it. So, seriously, what the fuck is that?"

"It actually seals the power of my eyes and—" She was interrupted.

"But as I said, you apparently know how to control it, so I don't see the point of that. The diaper is taken away from a child when they control their sphincters, isn't the same here?" He explained.

"P-please do not make such comparison." She requested, don't wanting to imaging a diaper on her eyes. "And I can perceive the world through my other senses and magic-detection; it's really not a problem. And I feel more comfortable with this on." She finished her explanation, but noticed that Ethan was upset. "Is there something wrong… Ethan?"

"Uh? Ah, it's nothing; I was thinking that it was a shame because I can't see your beautiful eyes anymore." He said with a faint smile without giving to much attention to what he said.

"Be-beautiful eyes…" A blush slowly spread across Medusa's face.

Ritsuka and Olga gave him a stoic, but pissed look.

"What?" He questioned them. "See, this is the problem with characters that are created by a Japanese dude. Even a nice complement becomes too much." That sentence confused them. "Oh watch out, we better don't hold hands because that would be too lewd, we'd have to censure that shit."

"We got it. Stop." Ritsuka said apologetically.

"Because if a man says something nice to a woman on these days, it's obviously has to do with his tralala ding ding dong." He pointed at his crotch.

"Don't call it like that! It's too weird!" The redhead requested.

"Then should I said: dick, penis, ochinchin, meat rod, the original dildo. The— ooof" A kick on the guts stopped him.

"Use your common sense, idiot!" Olga yelled at her servant while joining Fujimaru.

The other Servants had poker faces looking the show. "Dose any situation always ends like this?" They asked themselves.

After the situation calmed down, they continued with the summons. Ethan had been tied up a put in a corner with a gag on his mouth, also Olga had used her newly renovated Command spell with the order of 'Don't take anything off until we're finished', leaving her again with no spells to control Ethan for 24 hours.

Now, a new Servant stood in front of everyone.

"Oh my, you are a rather cute Master!" The woman on purple clothing said. "My name is Medea. If you need a witch—"

"*Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff*" Ethan was already behind her, smelling her like a dog. "I' smell a waifu!" He declared.

Medea looked at him in confusion, keeping her distance. Everybody's gaze went to corner where they left the annoying boy just to find the rope and the gag on the floor.

"How did you escape?! I used a command spell and everything!" Olga was the first to talk, or yell.

"I went astral form and those things fell off from me. So technically I didn't take them off." The rage immediately boiled in Olga's interior. She wasted her invaluable CS and for nothing. "You should've seen this outcome. I am a master with words and if you're not completely specific, I'll find a way out." Finishing with his Master and leaving her with her emotions, he turned towards the new Servant again. "I also smell the remains of a curse and…" He shook his head abruptly, like trying to take off something. "Hatred."

Medea having a surprise look from what the young boy just said, she took a few sniffs of her wrist, trying to check if she truly smell like that, but she stopped when she heard the snorts and giggles coming from the boy and understood something. She may don't know if the boy could truly smell those things, but he was making fun of her.

"Listen boy~, I don't know who you are, but you really don't want to know what a witch can pull out of her sleeve." She threatened.

"Pfff, if you want a piece of my ass, go to the line." He pointed to the others Servants. When she saw them, she denoted their intentions towards the boy. Most of them wanted to kill him. "By the way, do you eat children?" He asked an odd question.

"…N-no…" She answered, confused and nervous.

"Do you drink blood from maidens or kids?"

"No."

"Have you ever had sex with a demon?" Everyone around them got a face of disgust.

"What?! Of course not!" She answered, upset.

"Do you have a familiar? Probably a black cat?"

"Well, I could have one if I want, but no, I don't have one." She replied.

"Do you fly in a broom?" Ethan's tone became stoic.

"I don't need it." She said.

"Do you at least use witchcraft?"

"Yes… but is based on magecraft." She answered, sincerely.

"And you're not ugly, so I don't see what witch you're talking about." He shrugged. "Man, why do people like to use titles without knowing what they imply?"

His words made an impact on her. She is not a witch? "Ha…hahahaha~" Medea began to laugh; it was the best joke she had ever heard.

"Hey, someone is laughing. Give me a reward." Ethan said to his Master, who looked at him in confusion. "She is the first one to laugh at something I said and she hasn't tried to kill me. Give me a reward."

"And what do you want me to do? Do I give you a pat on the head and tell you that you are a good boy, or what?" The Director never expected his Servant to give her his head, waiting for what she just said as a joke. "G-go-good boy…" She patted his head while a blush spread across her cheeks.

When Medea finally calmed her laughter, she saw the boy staring at her directly. "What is it?" She asked. After the laugh she didn't see the boy as a threat.

Ethan's hand moved to her head and pinched the pointy ear that was poking out from the cloth on Medea's head.

"Kyaaaaa!" The witch screamed in surprise, making a cute voice, and immediately covered her mouth with both hands, while showing a blush on her face.

"Wait, they're real?" Ethan said in surprise.

With an angry face, Medea created a magic circle in front of Ethan's face. "Learn how to treat a lady." A beam of prana was shot from the circle, hitting the boy's face, making him fall in the floor.

"And you failed!" Cu said on the background.

"Thanks, Sherlock. I couldn't have done it without you." Ethan responded in a monotonous tone.

"Ansuz." Fireballs were shot from somewhere, but they were blocked by the boy's sword.

After the Masters introduced themselves to the witch of betrayal, she got down from the platform, and then she saw her, no, she saw those three. Those three Sabers, she didn't saw them before, but now an uncontrollable smile appeared on her face.

"Master, do we have silk and others material? I'm quite fond of knitting." Medea said innocently. The three Artorias got a chill running their spines, for some reason.

"Oh knitting, that's nice." Ritsuka said. "I don't know if we have materials, though. I'm sure we can find something somewhere."

"I see. Thanks for listening to my request."

They continued with the summoning.

"*Sigh* My last three Saint Quartz." The redhead said, holding the three rocks tightly. Placing them on the platform and saying the incantations once more.

From the light appeared a big figure.

"▂▂▃▃▂▂" The mad hero roared.

"Do you want a translation?" Ethan asked the Master of Berserker.

"You can understand him?" Ritsuka asked surprised.

"Yeah, he said: '▂▂▃▃▂▂' I thought it was pretty clear." Ritsuka slapped him for such stupid answer. "Ouch, okay, I'll never help you again." He approached Heracles. "So, uhm." He cleared his throat, and his eyes began to look in different directions. "▂▂▂▂▃▃▃▃▅▅"

"▃▃▅▅!"

"▃▃▂▂▂▂!"

"▃▃▃▃▃▃"

"▂▂▃▃▅▅▅ーーー!"

"▅▅■■■■▅▅▂▂!"

Everyone in the room was unsettled; some faces were of concern, others were of fear, other of curiosity, and others were indescribable. The shock of two Berserkers talking more civilized than they did with the boy was too immense. What were they talking? How did they do that? Weren't they supposed to be mindless creatures? So many questions popped in their head.

Then, both Berserkers ended their conversation and connected fists with one another.

"Wha-what did you talked about." Ritsuka asked the question that everyone wanted to do. Some even gulped a lump on their throat.

"Mind your own business!" Ethan said, cutting everyone's thoughts. "It's rude to step in the conversations of others, you know?" They got angry at him because He left them hanging with the curiosity. "Besides, this was a gentlemen's conversation; plebs should stay out of them." Fury exploded.

"We are Kings, peasant." Salter stated, pointing Morgan at him.

"I inform you that I am a princess." Medea prepared her staff and magic.

"And you are more filthy than us, idiot." Caster Cu said, backed by the rest of the Servants.

"The fact that all of you get trigger by simple words from someone that, according to every one of you, is not worth anything, says a lot." Some of the Servants gritted their teeth because they couldn't come up with a comeback for that. "The only ones that apparently are in our level are Lily, Mash, Artoria and Medusa. Phew, thanks goodness Herc and I are here, or else guys would look bad. Isn't that right Herc?" With a little punch on the side, the giant nodded with a grunt.

The Servants, especially the males, wanted to murder the boy. At this rate some of them were going to have a class change to Assassin or Berserker.

"Okay~" Ritsuka opened her mouth to stop that grim atmosphere. "Now we are done with the summoning."

"You don't want to do the other kind of summon?" Ethan asked.

"Is there another kind of summon?" She answered with a question, surprised.

"Yeah, it's called: 'the friend gatcha.'" Da Vinci stepped in the conversation. "You see, Servants are divided by categories or ranks. The lower ranks are only capable of being summon through this summoning. Oh, and even if they are divided by ranks, that doesn't mean anything. They're still powerful beings." Da Vinci explained.

"Oh, neat. How does it work?" Being able to summon more Servant is always a good think for Fujimaru.

"Well, you just have to—"

"Through the power of friendship." Ethan interrupted Da Vinci. "It is a complicated ritual, you know?"

Ritsuka, not buying it, looked at Da Vinci. Who only gave her a thumbs up. "Okay… What do we have to do?"

"Okay… First; with all your Servants, make a circle." He instructed.

"Done. Now what?" The Servants in question felt nervous, something was off. The instinct of the three Artorias told them, but they couldn't figure it out.

"Everyone, hold the hand of the person next to you." Nine of the familiars flinched when they heard that. Herc was the only one who stood still.

EMIYA didn't know about his luck, on one side was Artoria and on the other was the great hero of Greece. Medea was next to Heracles, but she didn't fear him, after all, they were on pretty good terms, she took care of him when he was at his worse when they were alive, earning a mutual respect. The hero was one of the few people that didn't hate her even after she was known as the witch she is. Not even after what happened to Jason.

"Hey, just stay still, is not that difficult." Caster Cu reprimand his Lancer-self, he was older, so they looked like two brothers. It was the same with the Artorias, the lawful, the rebel and the innocent. Medusa had a stoic face, it was normal to her. And Mash smiled, grabbing her senpai's hand.

"Very well. Now the last and most important part…" Ethan made a dramatic pause. "Scream like idiots to the top of your lungs." Their look on their faces said: 'Are you serious?' "This is the power of friendship, if you want to summon new Servants, you'll have to do it."

"*Sigh* Okay guys, let's try this out." Ritsuka reassured, gaining everyone's approval. (Except for Herc, he just follows orders) "To the count of three. 1… 2… 3"

All the ten Servants along with their Master screamed to the top of their lungs.

A minute passed, they panted for air, then…

"AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" A laugh came from the boy. He approached the genius, still laughing. "They (haha) Those idiots (haha) did it. Hahahahahaha! They fell for it completely. (hahahaha) Power of friendship, how naive can someone be? Hahahahahaha….Agh, my lungs, (haha) they hurt so bad. I thing I'm going to shit myself. Hahahahahahaha!"

The genius, Da Vinci, had her cheeks puffed with air, trying her hardest not to follow the boy's laughter; her face was now red for all the endurance.

Everyone (Except Herc) had their faces completely red out of embarrassment. Ritsuka, Mash, Lily and Medea had pouts on their faces, as well as some tear drops on their eyes. Medusa also had tears but the seal on her eyes covered them. All of them were griping tightly their weapon of choice.

They stared at the boy with such anger that even Olga joined them, feeling that it was her responsibility due to him being her Servant. They stared at him, wanting to see the fear and despair on his eyes when he laid his eyes on them.

When Ethan turned his head to see them, he couldn't endure it. "AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! What a bunch of idiots." He started laughing again. "Haaaaa~ that was the best." He said, now calm. "What? All of you know that you can't destroy this building, this is humanity's last hope, and if any of you think you can catch me, better re-think that." He lit up the circuits on his body. "Med-chan already knows how hard it is."

"Agh! I wish I have another Command Spell." Olga said, grabbing her right wrist. Everyone felt her pain.

"Cu, what did I just say?" He stopped Lancer; he had noticed immediately the spearman's little movements and intentions easily.

They would have to shove it down their throat and accept the defeat this time.

"For the summoning, you use these little crystals called 'Friend Points'." Ethan showed a little green thing. "You get them because of… magic, I really don't know how. So don't ask."

"How do you know all of this?" Ritsuka asked, accusingly.

He pointed the brunette genius, who just waved her hand happily, reminding them that she existed.

"Okay, let's do this."

Two figures appeared from the light.

"I am Musashibō Benkei, and I have been reincarnated by my spear! Nice to meet you!" The monk said.

"Assassin-class Servant. I heard your call from the shadows."

"Nice to meet you as well, you two." The redhead said with a smile.

Then, again everyone's look went to Ethan, expecting for something.

"The only thing I can think is in calling them gays, seeing how they always are together, but even I have class, and I'm running out of jokes, so I'll just let them pass." Ethan responded with his arms crossed.

"Thanks God." Olga said in relieve. The others felt the same, giving a sigh.

"Wait, so you were doing all of that on purpose?" Ritsuka asked, accusingly.

"If you continue you will give me an opportunity to make fun of you." With his answer, Fujimaru covered her mouth. No one could've ever imagined that that line could be so threatening.

"Ah, so we meet again, Fuck Off." Benkei called Ethan. And everyone's looks went back to him in curiosity.

"Ah, right, I forgot about that. The name is Ethan." He said, dismissing the subject.

"Wait, what was that?" Ritsuka asked, not wanting to drop it. "Why did he call you that?"

"Because Ligma." He answered with a smirk.

"What's Ligma?" Olga asked, intrigued.

Ethan's eyes connected with Ritsuka's, they knew perfectly where this was going.

"Don't you dare." Fujimaro warned him. "Don't you fucking dare." She pointed at him.

"Okay, okay. She'd kill me if I did that anyway. Can I still laugh at it?" He asked with a straight face.

"Yes, you can laugh." With those words the laughter was unleashed. Naturally everyone got confused at the situation, but they knew better than what to expect from that crazy boy, so they just ignored him

After that, they decided to continue with the little friend points they had, summoning yet another Servant.

"Assassin-class Servant, Sasaki Kojirou. I come to serve." The distaste on Medea's face was noticeable when she saw him.

"I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru, your new Master." She offered her hand, but she shuddered when she saw Ethan behind the Servant, analyzing him.

"HEEEEEEEEYYYY!" Ethan shouted to the top of his lungs, scaring the samurai, who adopted a battel position. "So you're not deaf… Then, Matahachi?"

"Excuse me?" Kojirou asked, confused.

Before the boy could answer, Fujimaru's fist sent him flying across the room.

"Forget about him, he's an idiot. You can hate him. Everyone does anyways." She began to talk apologetically for her friend's behavior. His scream scared the shit out of her. "Now~ let's introduced you to the others."

The samurai didn't understand the situation, but he nodded none the less. As he approached the other Servants, his eyes met the pair of the witch. Then, he snorted, showing a smirk. That made Medea's blood boil.

After Ritsuka finally burnt every single resource for the summoning, this pandemonium finally got to an end.

"Wait," Olga spoke. "I want to try this summoning too." She explained. "I don't want to be stuck with this guy." She pointed at Ethan, who was casually piking his nose with his little finger.

"Eh?" He looked surprised.

"Ugh, disgusting." Olga commented while cringing.

Then, she did the summoning. Nothing but Craft Essences appeared.

"Why?!" She whined. "Just one Servant, just one proper and normal Servant is all I'm asking for." While she complained, she was hitting Ethan's chest. The boy was just chuckling while patting her head. Everyone else that was watching didn't know what to think about them. "One more time, just one last time." So she did the summoning again.

When the pillar of light appeared, a humanoid figure was denoted. Thing that put a big smile on Olga's face, but then, when the light ended, what appeared in front of them was… was.

"Here are your black keys, Olga." Ethan, who was on the platform, handed the CE to his Master. Everyone's face was frozen in place.

"Okay. Everyone, kill him." The redhead told her Servants, and some of them were glad to do so.

"No." The Director stopped them. "He is mine."

"Aww, I'm glad that you know I'm yours." Ethan responded cheerfully, completely missing the intentions of those words.

"Gandr!" Olga shot her curse, which her Servant barely managed to dodge.

"Okay, stop." Ethan said. "This is really stupid. Violence is the most dumb shit way of comedy, and I think we already touched bottom in the chapter. So, how about you think on a better way to punish me? Use your imagination, Olga."

"*Sigh* Well, no matter how hard we hit you, you still do… your thing? I don't even know what you do at this point." Olga rubbed the bridge of her nose, tiredly. "You'll have cleaned the entire building for tomorrow morning."

"… Oh, that's all?" Ethan questioned it.

"What do you mean by 'That's all?' Is it not enough for you?" She began to get annoyed again.

"Too cliché, but meh, I guess is fine." He shrugged.

The Director clenched her fists and gritted her teeth; she had enough of his attitude. "Then, *Smile* You will also cook for everyone here—"

"I only know how to made sandwiches and instant ramen." He cut her abruptly. "And I'm talking about some really simple sandwiches, like bread, some sauces, ham and lettuce."

Olga's fists tremble for some control. "Then you will repair—"

"Because I don't know too much about stuff, I'll probably only aggravate the problem." He interrupted her again.

"Ahhh! Okay, then, what can you do?!" She was furious with him.

Ethan snapped his fingers and point at her with a smile on his face. "Being a lovely motherfucker that makes everyone rage so easily, that would make everyone question how I'm still alive; I can be your Servant and also I can clean." Everyone had a poker face; they were looking to a worthless human being for the first time on their lives.

"On other words you're as good as a potato." Caster Cu commented.

"No, no, even a potato has some value." Lancer Cu corrected himself.

"Well, at least I know how to live my life, not like some people that can't pass over a regret on their lives so bad, that even after dead, they sign up for a fight over a cup to change that regret, even if in the end no one in the world will ever care or notice said change because in the end it was pointless to begin with, and just disgrace will fall upon all those idiots. That's dumb and sad. Your existence is dumb and sad." Ethan said with a monotonous tone, while looking at the Servants with no twinkle in his eyes. "Also, none of you can realize all that effort was meaningless to begin with, because no matter what the fuck your wish is, they—"

"Okay, stop!" Caster Cu shouted at him, but it almost sounded like he was trying to stop something he feared.

The faces of the Servants were mortified, their very existence had been shattered with simple words, and the fact that he was going to continue was even more frightening.

"I heard that words can cut deeper than a sword, but this is the first time I've experienced it" Kojirō said.

"Well." Ethan continued. "That's what happens when fiction fights the reality. And I also have 'Speech 100' I could resell stuff to the original owner with a higher price. So yeah, you ain't ready for this."

Everyone just decided it was better to forget about this conversation and continue.

"Okaaaay~" Ritsuka spoke awkwardly. "Follow us, and we'll give each of you a room." And so, all the new Servants followed their Master outside the room.

On their way through the corridors, they pass the cafeteria, which gave Ethan an idea.

"Hey, I'm a little hungry, why don't we take a break and know each other better now that we are allies?" He said.

"That's… actually not a bad idea." Ritsuka agreed with him, but kept her guard up.

"Good. Now, any of you know how to cook?" He asked the Servants, who remained silent. "I can always do my sandwiches." Then Archer pulled his hand up. "Ah, see, you're a mom after all."

Archer passed him on his way to the cafeteria. "Just quit it." He said annoyed.

"Hey, that's Hell you're walking into." The boy said with a smirk. Nobody really understood what that meant, but Archer was staring at him in a way that said 'I'm going to fucking kill you if you don't disappear of my sight'. "Wow, look at the time," Ethan looked at his wrist, which had the word 'time' wrote on it. "I'm going to get change to start cleaning Chaldea, bye." He passed them in a rush but stopped in mid-way and went back in Olga's direction. "You're doing a great job as a Director, Olga. Keep it up. And remember, you can always count on me or any of the staff members to help you at any time." He patted her head as he talked. "Okay, love ya, bye." He then left a confused crowd and a very flustered Olga.

"What was that, Director?" Da Vinci asked her superior.

"H-he, since yesterday has been complimenting me." The Director said with a blush, it was hard for her to say such thing out loud.

"Ooohhh~" Ritsuka, Mash and Lily said in unison, coming to the conclusion by remembering what she said back in the singularity.

"He also p-persuaded the staff yesterday in the command room, to pet me and say nice things to me as well." Finishing her sentence, Olga covered her face with both hands.

"Oohh~" Da Vinci puffed her fist on her palm, coming to the conclusion of something. "So, that's why everyone has extra work to do."

Ritsuka and Mash approached Olga and then patted her head. "There, there."

"Ahg! No, I'm the Director. I don't need this!" The white haired girl snapped violently, making everyone giggle a little.

After that, they proceeded to the cafeteria, to eat and get delighted by Archer's cook.

An hour and a half later, everyone had finished their meal and they were really satisfied with it.

"Hah~ I have to admit, your food was really good." Lancer Cu said to Archer.

"Yeah, you should give up fighting and become a housewife. Hahahaha." Caster Cu continued.

"I won't give you anything tomorrow." The red man said relentlessly. Both Childs of light fell silent.

After collecting the dishes, Archer felt that his red coat was tugged from behind. When he turned around he found Saber Alter with her plate in hand.

"Another." She demanded.

"*Sigh* That was your third one, you know?" Archer complained.

"I do not care. Serve me another." She replied bluntly.

"*Sigh* Yeah, yeah." He took her plate and then looked at the other two Artorias. "Do any of you want another round?"

"Well, if it's not a nuisance." Artoria handed her plate with a little bit of embarrassment.

"No, thanks, this is enough for me." And Lily kindly declined the offer.

Then, the doors were slammed open and everyone looked at the rude person who entered in that way.

They found Ethan, but he was wearing a Victorian maid outfit, and that wasn't all, on his head he had a cap that said 'Janitor' on it. He was carrying a mop and a bucket. And on his right shoulder was Ozzy wearing a maid ribbon on his little head.

All the people were astonished with his odd attire, and the only question on their minds was. "What the fuck?" Except for Medea, who was having a mental debate about a cute boy wearing a cute dress, this situation was opening a new world of possibilities to her.

Ethan began to walk to a corner of the room. Ritsuka stood up. "What is—?"

"~Move bitch, get out the way. Get out the way bitch, get out the way.~" She was going to break his legs, but then she noticed the earphones on his ears.

He put a wet rag on the floor and then placed Ozzy next to it; the weasel began to push the rag on the floor, cleaning little by little. Of course most of the women melted when they watched the little fur ball doing this

Ethan began to mop the floor while moving his body at the rhythm of the song. This display was highly odd, but quite entertaining.

Next day.

Ethan had managed to clean out all Chaldea relatively easy, and now he was walking through the corridors when he spotted Ritsuka, who was walking along side with someone he didn't know. It was a blond man in golden armor. It was clearly a Servant.

"Hey, Ritsuka," He caught up to her.

"Oh no." She said.

"So, emm, who this?" He pointed at the man besides her.

"Hmp, show some respect, mongrel." The man talked to him with distaste.

"Oh~hohohoho. It looks like we have a bitching bitch over here." Ethan said with poison in his words.

"Ho~ looks like a low class mongrel needs to learn some manners." The man in golden armor opened three golden portals over his head, showing three Noble Phantasms.

"And it looks like a spoiled child needs some ass-rape to learn how to talk to people." Ethan materialized his sword over his shoulders while opening the magic circuits on his body.

Ritsuka stepped in between them. "Stop." She said serious. "See, this is why I didn't want you to be here." She told Ethan.

"Hey, I just asked who was he, and this is what happened." The boy explained.

"His name is Gilgamesh, are you happy now? Then leave." She sounded annoyed.

"Emmmm… Gilga what?" Ethan tilted his head in confusion.

"Gilgamesh. King of heroes. Humanity's oldest king. Have you not heard of him?" Fujimaru questioned him.

"….Nnnnope. Am I supposed to know about him?" His confusion continued. "But based on what you've told me, let me guess three things." He went back to Gilgamesh, raising three fingers. "You're a tyrant king, a mass murder and indiscriminate rapist." He said with a smirk. "So, on how many did a hit the bullseye?" He asked, wiggling his three fingers.

"Watch what your tongue says, mongrel." The King of Heroes looked serious, but he was clearly pissed off.

"You're not denying any of those, Hero." Ethan looked equally serious. "And also, you seemed to be pretty fond of the word: 'Mongrel'. Why do I feel like that word applies more to you than anyone else?"

The tension on the air was suffocating, as both men locked glares on each other. On one side, Gilgamesh opened more of his Gate of Babylon. On the other side, Ethan opened more and more of his circuits while it could perfectly be heard how he began to growl, clearly losing himself.

Ritsuka started to step back; the situation was worse than she could imagine. She knew that this was going to end on them killing each other.

"Master." A voice interrupted everything. It was Artoria. "I need to talk something with you."

The ambience changed with her presence.

"Ah, Saber." The blond man talked. Artoria's face showed a clear displeasure when she saw him. "So, have you made up your mind on the proposal that I gave you?" The man talked with a smirk.

"King of heroes, I cannot believe you were summon here as well." She answered with disdain. "I have told you many times. The answer is no."

"Hahahaha, I don't think you understand. You belong to—"

"Ah, Artoria. Just in time." Ethan interrupted him abruptly. "Lily asked me for some sandwiches for her training. Can you give them to her?" He handed her a basket, which he pulled out from somewhere, to her hands. "You can have some as well if you want."

"Hm, I see. Then I shall handle this task promptly." She said with a stoic face, but her ahoge gave her away by wagging like a dog's tail. She then turned around to leave.

"Ahm, what did you want to asked me?" Fujimaru stopped her Servant awkwardly.

"Don't worry, Master. The matter can be talked later." Artoria continued on her way. She appreciated the excuse to leave the king of heroes behind and she could even have some of the food, this was just perfect.

Meanwhile Ethan just gave a big smirk to Gilgamesh. "Man, being the oldest king has to suck, because that way of picking girls up was just so bad that almost made me puke. You're so outdated, like Babylonian outdated. Man, you are going to end with zero sexual experiences by the time we saved the world."

Gilgamesh just grunted and went behind Artoria, he didn't want to lose more of his time with that mongrel, leaving Ethan and Ritsuka alone.

"If you are so desperate, you're only going to blow her away even more!" Ethan raised his voice, giving an advice to the King of Heroes. Who didn't even bother to listen.

"Are you nuts?!" Ritsuka immediately yelled at him. "I could have died in that quarrel!" Ethan slowly lifted a Saint Quartz on his hand, which Ritsuka took and fell quiet.

"Good girl." He then patted her head. "Come on, I'll treat you to some drinks."

"Do you have more Saint Quartz?" She asked like a child as she followed.

"The benefits of being Olga's Servant," He showed her a little bag.

"By the way, how did you guess those things about him?" She asked out of curiosity.

"Because I am apparently one of the few people here, who understands the meaning of hero." He spoke calmly.

"Ehm, come again?" She said confused.

"Don't pay me too much attention." He smiled at her, hoping she'd forget it. "Come on; let's go find Mash and the others."

A/N: Man, this is the worst part for me. This is when Anxiety comes a murder me cold blood, like, "did you put the correct words? What if someone doesn't understand you? Did you add too much or too little? Did you put the FUCKING 'S' where it was?" And when I found a mistake after I published it, it gets ten times worse. I'm literally dying over here. Leave a review with any question you may have, if you want.

In the next one we'll be touching singularity, so get ready.

Read you next time.