I sometimes wonder how my life ended up here…
I wonder where it all went wrong…
I had an amazing life.

A Great Mom.

A Great Dad.
Until the night…
They murdered my parents.

Life was always simple and peaceful having a loving support system was amazing. Being loved and being taken care of was all I had ever wanted in life.

I was six years old when my parents were murdered by Hydra. my mom told me to hide in my toy box as the men came and murdered them. My parents died to protect me and I sometimes wonder why.

Was I worth it? Have I lived my life to the fullest? Would they be proud of the woman I've grown up to be? Or would they be disappointed in the life choices I had made.

I sometimes wonder how I managed to escape after they were murdered. Someone or something was looking out for me that night.

The Winter Solider is what they called him, they told him to bring me to them alive that they had plans for me but when he looked into my eyes and I looked into his he couldn't do it.

I remember holding my stuffed Captain America doll as a way to protect me. This startled him, and he gently told me it would be okay. That he wouldn't let them hurt me anymore. He stayed with me till help arrived and then he was gone.

That wasn't the last I'd see of him. Bucky is what I learned to call him. He watched over me for long time as I was placed in and out of foster care and homes. But one day I knew this would be the last time I saw him. He patted my head and smiled sadly at me.

"I fear they're onto me. I can't stay much longer, or they'll find you too. I promise one day, one day this will be better."

I remember crying and quietly asking "Will I ever see you again?" Bucky smiled small at me.

"I hope so. I hope." He patted my head once more and smiled small at me.

"You remind me so much of my O'l buddy Steve. You're a lot like him... I'm with you till the end of the line Renee. Remember that."

As he turned to run off I called out to him.

"BUCKY! I promise I'll save you someday I promise you!" He turned back to smile and nod his head at me.

I wouldn't see or hear about Bucky for many years. But I vowed to always keep my promise to him.

I don't know if it's because I reminded him of Steve Rogers or what. But I am forever grateful he didn't follow his orders and risk so much for my sake.

Because of him I wasn't some lab experiment because of him I wasn't raised to be a solider because of him I made my own life choices.

My whole life I searched and searched for answers as to why my parents were murdered.

I was pushed from foster care and homes. I was even sent me to Hell's Kitchen where I'd be the nun's problem. There I met a friend who I learned so much from.

Matty, we always had each other's backs and I learned then what having a family and a friend was like again. For once since my parents died I was truly happy again. Even if I was in a home run by nuns I didn't care. I had a friend now.

Unfortunately for me I got sent again to another home in Queens.

I promised Matty I would keep in touch and that he'd see me again.

I always keep my promises.

I was sad to leave the only friend I had. I was bummed and disappointed. I was ten years old at this point and I was sure that I would never find a family or find another home again. I had learned where my mother was buried, and I would sneak off when I could to visit her grave.

I feel fate played a huge role in this…

On one of my many visits to see my mom... I overheard a crying little boy. I walked around and was met with big sad brown eyes.

"What's wrong?" The little sad brown eyes look up at me and looks down wiping his eyes and sniffling.

"My parents are gone… We buried them today." I looked around and saw the giant group of people all gathered. I gently sat down with the sad brown eyed little boy.

"Mine are gone too. I visit my mom as much as I can." The sad brown eyes nodded and sighed.

"They wouldn't let me go with them… They just said I had to stay behind… They promised me they'd be back…. They never came back…" I gently patted his back and just sat with him.

"Sometimes parents have to leave us… Sometimes they just have to… We may not understand why… But we just have to live with their choices.

"I'm Peter by the way." I smiled small at him now I finally had a name to sad brown eyes.

"Renee. It's nice to meet you Peter." We share a sad smile and just together as we listen to the sounds of the cemetery What seemed like forever I started to hear yells and frantic calls. I look down by now little Peter had fallen asleep on me.

"PETER" I kept hearing people shout. I gently cleared my throat.

"OVER HERE." Two younger people appear and stare down at me. I point to the sleeping figure.

"I found him crying... We talked about stuff… I just…" I didn't know how to respond the younger man reaches down to scoop Peter up. The younger woman looks at me.

"Where are your parents? You can't be out here alone." I point to my mom's grave stone.

"I'm okay." I slowly stand up and smile small. At this time Peter starts to wake up he looks up at me.

"Will I see you again Renee?" I smiled small as the two younger people talk amongst themselves.

"Why don't you come join us for dinner." I was hesitant at first, but I saw the brown eyes of Peter and nodded my head. I gently walked with them. I knew how to sneak in and out of that home without be noticed I could do it.

Dinner with peter and his family was amazing. I haven't had a real family dinner like this in years. Sure, the foster homes had dinner but not like this… I learned that they were Peter's Aunt and Uncle. Uncle Ben and Aunt May. I was happy Peter had family that would watch over him.

"Where do you live Renee? We can drop you off." I shook my head I didn't want them knowing I was in a home.

"No, I live like two blocks from here I can walk I do it all the time." I could tell Aunt May and Uncle Ben didn't trust me, but they just nodded. I was surprised when little arms wrapped me in a hug. I smiled and looked down at Peter.

"Will you come back again? Tomorrow?" I nodded and hugged him back.

I walked back to the home that night first time since my parents died that I truly felt I belonged somewhere.

After that day visiting and having dinner with the Parkers was my norm. I had so much fun feeling like I had a family. Peter became the little brother I never had, and Aunt May and Uncle Ben became like surrogate parents to me. I think they all learned early on not to ask about my home life. I just loved being with the family.

But one night as I snuck back into the home, the light flipped on and there waiting for me was the warden and guard. That point an end to my sneaking out... I was back to being depressed. I kept worrying about Peter… I promised him I'd be back… I promised… Who would eat Aunt May's meatloaf? No one but me seemed to like it. I cried for a couple days just hating it.

Then one day I was told I was being put in a new home. My worst fears. I would never see Peter, Aunt May, and Uncle Ben ever again.

As I walked down the stairs I was met with those same brown eyes. My eyes widen as Aunt May and Uncle Ben stood there.

"So, Renee would you want to live with us?" I cried so hard that day. The day the Parkers took on being my foster parents. I never had to live in another home again. I was home finally.

Life with Peter, Aunt May, and Uncle Ben was amazing.

But life for us wouldn't always stay this normal and perfect.

Events would change us for the better or worse? I'm still unsure. But one thing was for sure I never could imagine all the pain and suffering we'd all have to endure.

I never knew just how much my heart could take.