Understand

Authors Note/Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Law and Order SVU, that credit is due to go to the writers/creators.

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Summary: She is about to tell Finn a secret she has kept for two years, her only hope is, he understands why.

One Shot

Two Years.

Olivia stared at the cook book, her heart racing, breathing slightly laboured as she thought about how long she had kept this secret. She had never intended for it to be like this, each morning she woke up with a plan to tell him the truth, to admit to him that she'd kept this a secret and each night she went to bed thinking of how she failed. It scared her to think of his reaction, to know that he would possibly hate her but at the time it seemed like her only option. Being hunted by a man who wanted to kill everyone who gave her happiness, to avoid going into witness protection she kept her secret hidden, only revealing to Cragen. He had supported her through it, at times encouraging her to come clean, but she was fearful.
The longer it stayed hidden the harder it became. There was one night, she remembered going to his house ready to tell him the complete truth. Olivia had spotted him through the window with his new lady love; she couldn't break that, his first chance at love in years.

Grabbing her glass of wine, she took a long sip. This night would determine how their future would be. In all their years together, he had become the one person that she could trust with her life. Not only was she nervous, she was terrified that he would walk away from it all, never to turn back.

The sound of the doorbell rang through the house, her body freezing. There was no turning back now, this was it, she couldn't hide it even if she wished to.

"Come on, Olivia. You can do this. He deserves the truth." She spoke to herself, placing her glass back down on the beach, before changing her mind and picking it back up to take another long sip. "He needs to know." He placed the glass back down, shut the cook book and headed to the front door.
Her hand tightened on the door handle, heart beating loudly in her chest as she closed her eyes and pulled the door open to reveal Fin.

"Hey, Liv, I brought wine." He held up the bottle, showing her the gift. It had been a while since he'd been over, and this was a chance he didn't wish to waste.

Olivia gave him a weak smile. "Come on in."

Fin walked past her into the house, waiting for her to shut the door. There had been a time when they were incredibly close, he'd stood back and watched that diminish over the past four years, watching her distance herself. Both of them had been distracted by life and he felt as though he hadn't been there for her the way he should have been. But he did notice today, since she invited him to dinner early that morning, her mood at deteriorated, she had become tense. "Liv, is everything alright? You don't seem..."

"Fin," Olivia swallowed, she knew her nervousness and anticipation of tonight would not escape his attention. "I have, Fin, I have something I need to tell you."

Fin raised his eyebrow, looking straight into her eyes. "Are you retiring? It seems to be the way these days, perhaps I should retire."

"What? No, I'm not retiring." Olivia reassured him, she couldn't imagine leaving her job for many years. Svu meant to much to her. "And you aren't either." She told him. "It isn't in your nature."

"Well I can't argue with that. Wouldn't know what to do with myself." He followed her back down the hall towards the kitchen. "What is it, Liv? You know you can tell me anything, baby girl."

Olivia walked into the kitchen and pulled another glass down for the cabinet. "You say that now, however, what I am going to tell you will change everything."

Fin opened the bottle of wine in his hand, passing it to her. "Nothing could change how I see you, Liv. You're a strong and capable woman, whatever it is…"

"I kept a secret from you. This is going to change your life." She interrupted him, the words pulling from her lips before she could stop them. "Only Cragen knows the truth, at the time I was in a dangerous situation, if you knew, then your life would have been at risk and I…"

Fin reached out and grabbed the bottle of wine off her, watching her hand shake. He placed it on the bench before he took her hands in his. "Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me. You need to tell me, Liv, I can see it in your eyes."

"That night, two years ago. You and I…"

Fin stared at her, thinking back to the night of impulse. How they had spent almost twelve hours in-between the sheets, ignoring the way of the world. It had just been them, no drama, no work. It had been peaceful. He also remembered what happened next, she'd been kidnapped. His heart had torn for her. "What about it?" He asked the question because the silence lingered but from her eyes, the tears that had dropped to her cheeks, he already knew.

Olivia felt him squeeze her hands in reassurance; she could feel the tears on her cheeks. "We have," She cleared her throat. "We have a son." She flinched, waiting for him to retract his hands, to yell and then demand, well, custody. She expected him to hate her but nothing came.

Fin stood before her, frozen in that moment. A son. He wanted to say that he was surprised but if he was honest with himself it made sense. Every action in the past four years from Olivia floated through his mind. "Why…why didn't you tell me?" This was his child, he did have every right to know, to be angry but he knew Olivia, she wouldn't have kept this from him on purpose.

Olivia pulled away from him reaching for her glass of wine. "I was in danger; you knew the kidnapping shook me to my core. I was fearful and rightful to be, we all knew he wouldn't stop and he didn't. I was terrified for my safety, and yours." She admitted. "It was only after I started shutting you out that I found out, and then I knew if I told you then you'd be by my side; you'd be in danger to. I couldn't have that." She breathed deeply, taking a sip her wine. "It was only meant to be for a few months, and then it became longer and once we finally found him, once he was dead I was going to tell you. I came to your house, I saw you with Jennifer and I couldn't."

"Liv."

"I could not ruin that for you. I pushed you away Fin, I made that choice and you found happiness with someone else."

"I would have been happy if you told me we had a son." He told her, the words weren't spoken to hurt her but he saw her recoil. "I understand you were trying to protect me from the beginning but that should have been my choice. It should have been me standing with you protecting our child."

"I'm…"

Fin shook his head; looking up at her he could see the sadness in her eyes. He had never liked seeing her like this, she looked almost broken. Her eyes kept darting to the hallway as if she was waiting for him to walk out. "Liv, even if you did keep it from me, once it was over you should have told me."

"I know." Olivia whispered, because it was the truth. She should have come clean; she shouldn't have worried about Jennifer. "I wanted to tell you, every morning I woke up with the intention but I…" Olivia glanced down, closing her eyes. "I was scared. I wasn't sure how you would react. What if you took him from me, I kept him from you, what if…"

"Olivia, you know me. I would never take a child from his mother. That isn't who I am."

Olivia raised her head to look at him. "Deep down I knew that, but at the time, my emotions were heightened. I only thought of losing him."

"Just stop." Fin walked towards her, his hands going to her shoulders. "Look at me, Liv. Come on, baby girl." He waited until they had eye contact before he spoke. "You and I, we are a team. We've both made mistakes, and I get it, you were scared but I have missed two years."

"I…"

"Don't interrupt me." He used his thumb to wipe away her tears. "Not just two years with our son, two years with you. You pushed me away and I should have fought harder to stand by your side." It wasn't just her fault; he didn't fight to be with her once she started to distance herself. He let it go in fear that if he held on, she would only go further. "You've told me the truth and that took courage, and I know part the reason you kept it this long was fear. Am I angry? A little, so many moments have been missed. Will it take a while to recover? Yes. But Liv, you told me."

Olivia burst into tears, feeling the arms of Fin encircling her. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Fin. I just, I didn't want you to die. I wanted to protect our son and I…god, I didn't want to lose either of you but I…"

"You haven't lost me, Liv. You couldn't." He held her, listening to her heartbreaking sobs. He was angry but he didn't blame her, she had tried to keep him safe. He just needed time, but he wouldn't leave her. No, he had waited too long to be back together.
Olivia was his family, he would do whatever it took to patch the hole and mend what was broken. For their son.

Thoughts?

Much Love. x