English is not my first language. My apologies for any mistakes.

...But this is what you wanted.

Ah, I really made it. Didn't I?

He was standing at the doors of the most prestigious high school for those who want to become heroes: U.A. High School. The number one ranked high school for heroics and is considered the top Hero Academy in Japan.

It has been his dream since he was four years to be here today, to get accepted and learn how to be the best hero in the world, even better than All Might.

But...

But...

And it's a big but here.

"Oh! I remember you!" he heard a sweet and annoying voice behind him. He turned around and saw the round face girl with a shiny smile on her face. A smile so similar to... "You are the one who defeated the Zero Point robot, right?"

Oh crap. He really incinerated that robot back then, didn't he?

"And you the girl who got stuck between rocks"

You promise to change this mouth of yours.

Close enough.

The girl's cheeks turned even pinker with some kind of embarrassment and then laughed so hard that some students looked at their direction.

"Right" was all that she was able to say "I... um... well... g-good to know that you made it, I guess"

"...Right. And you too... I guess?"

The smile returned to her face and something in his stomach got twisted by only seeing her.

"See you around, then!"

And then she left.

He knew he should start going too, the classes are about to start, but...

But...

There is no turning back. He knows this. He needs to get in. He needs to be the best of all the class, the best student this school ever had. He needs to be the best hero the world ever had, even better than All Might.

Better.

The best.

He needs to.

He doesn't have any choice.

Not when he...

...He...

Oh God, no.

Not today.

Every day but today. Not here.

Calm yourself! You need to do this.

He has to.

He owes it!

Being a hero has been his dream since he was four. A sweet childish dream that he has been so lucky enough to be able to almost accomplish it, but...

But...

But he doesn't want it anymore.

Not like this.

Since that day he doesn't want to be a hero anymore. Because he knows that he doesn't deserve it. He knows that he can never, ever be a hero no matter what he does. No matter how many crimes he stops, no matter how many villains he defeats, no matter how many people he saves...

...Because he wasn't able to save one life.

It's because of him...

...Because of him...

...But this is what you wanted. Wasn't it?

He is not at the U.A. gates anymore.

He finds himself in the yard of his old middle school, following the track of that awful sound he has just heard. It was as if something was broken, something heavy. No one is around anymore because it's already late but for some reason, he returned to the school. It's not something he can explain, he just did it. Everything was quiet in comparison in the morning, it was almost creepy.

And then he heard it. It was like a 'splat' sound, very similar to the one when you step on a cockroach. Only that this one was very heavy and very loud and for some reason, it felt very wrong.

So, he decided to search for it.

Don't! Don't go!

At each step he made to that direction, he felt somehow cold. His instinct was screaming at him that something was wrong. Was it a villain? A robber? A teacher having an affair with a student?

Wait!

Wait.

A-are those...?

Stop!

He looked around and saw nobody. But... he can hear it very clear. Those... those laments.

Oh dear― what kind of animal is making those sounds? They are terribly awful! It was as if the animal was...

Was...

"Hey?"

He gasped so hard that one of his lungs hurt a little.

He's back at the gates of U.A. He's still standing at the gates of the school like an idiot.

Shit.

How long has he been here?

"Dude, are you okay? You look pale."

Red.

He sees red instead of green.

And he also sees another smile, but his smile is little and kind of nervous.

"Are you...?"

"I'm fine," he says a little rashly

"The first day, I get it," the red hair boy says with a little relief laugh "I'm nervous too. I mean... we are at U.A!"

"Aren't we?" he whispers with less enthusiasm.

The red hair boy let it go.

"Well... we should get going. Classes are about to start. It would be bad luck if we are late"

Unlike the round face girl, this red hair boy waits for him. He took a deep breath when he realized that he's not going to move without him. He presses more his backpack with his hand and started to walk very slowly.

"I'm Kirishima Eijiro," the boy says with a full smile on his face. Does everyone around here smiles like that?

He felt how Kirishima doesn't apart his gaze from him.

Oh, right. Names.

"I'm..."

"Boys!" a teacher calls a loud "You better hurry! The bell is about to ring"

"Oh shit!" Kirishima mutter and this time doesn't wait for him and started to run.

He's still taking small steps.

If the person he was about three months ago was able to see him now, he would probably kick his own ass and scream at him to stop being a pussy and better prove to everyone around here that he's the best of all of them.

But he's not the same person he was three months ago nor six months ago. Nor a year ago. Nor his whole life.

He's never going to be the same person anymore.

And he knows it.

His parents knows it.

His mother knows it.

Everyone one he has been in touch with knows it.

He stopped walking, again.

He looked at his feet and instead of white clean shoes, all he can see is red.

He flinched a little.

Shit, he thinks.

Maybe he needs therapy after all.

He finds himself again at his middle school yard. He has just found the source of the awful laments. He thinks everything and at the same time thinks nothing. He's shaking but he can't move. He can't apart his eyes from the scene and he felt bliss coming from his throat.

Their eyes met.

And he fucking smiles at him.

"Why the look?" he manages to whisper despite his situation. It's his last breath, he knows it "But this is what you wanted, don't you?"

No―

Fucking no!

Of course not!

He vomits a little and he felt like shit. Because he's puking instead of helping him, instead of calling for help.

"Are you happy?"

No!

He's not happy! Shit! He never wanted this!

A sob escaped from his lips. It felt real, but he doesn't know if he just did it or if it's part from his memory.

"... But this is what you wanted" he repeated with agony. The smile on his face starts to disappear and some tears fell from his eyes. Both of them are crying "I-I... I don't..."

I don't want to die.

"My name is Aizawa Shota, I'm your homeroom teacher"

He blinked confused and found himself sitting in the classroom full of cheerful people, including the round face girl and Kirishima.

How the hell did he get in the classroom?

"Everyone put on your gym uniforms. We'll be heading out"

A girl with dark hair stood up with her hand raised "Sir, aren't we going to orientation?"

"You don't need it. When you're dressed, meet me outside"

Everyone moved.

Everyone but him and Aizawa.

"You..."

He looked up and saw the serious face on the teacher.

"Aren't you coming?"

Being a hero has been his dream since he was four.

But now...

Now it feels like a burden.

"Yes," he says quietly.

"What's your name?" the teacher asks him before he leaves the room.

He stood in front of the door and looked at him again.

"Bakugou Katsuki" he answered and then he went out.

Oh.

That's the kid that found his classmate's body after jumping out of the school rooftop

No wonder why he has those dead eyes.