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Chapter 7

Dean Caine had always been a man with a temper. He had always been explosive in his mood swings and had always taken in it out on someone else. First it had only been his wife Irene Caine that had felt his fists. Almost every day she had received some sort of physical abuse. Irene had hoped it would lessen as she gave birth to two sons. Dean Caine had always wanted boys he had said; as he didn't want some "ridiculous girl" to carry the Caine name.

However, it didn't lessen. Instead Dean Caine started abusing his oldest son as well as his wife. From the moment Horatio could walk and talk he started being abused by his father. Little Raymond Caine may not have received physical abuse, but he had been forced to watch and listen to the beatings of his mother and brother.

Horatio had grown up thinking that it was normal for fathers to beat their sons. It was only when he started school that he realized that what he went through at home was not normal and was not okay. He had only made the mistake of talking back to his father once though; when he was eight and had threatened to tell the teachers at school. He had suffered two broken arms, a broken collarbone and a dislocated knee because of it. At the hospital he had of course been forced to lie and tell the story of how he had fallen down the basement stairs; once again.

Through the years Horatio learned to keep quiet, be as silent as possible, not to be a bother, to not look people in the eyes and keep his cards close to his chest. He had learned that the best way to escape the abuse as his father beat him and whipped him with his belt was to remain silent and never scream. Thus Horatio learned to suffer in silence and always alone.

Horatio also soon learned that he was useless and an idiot. He had to be since his father used every word he knew to belittle his son. The fact that the redheaded little boy lacked friends proved it as well. As he got older, Horatio learned quickly that his scars and childhood stories scared people. He was a freak people said and so it had to be true.

Thus Horatio Caine the man built walls; that could never come down. He kept people at arm's length. Even sometimes when he did open his heart he was mostly rewarded with having it broken again and again.

Marisol had been probably the only one that had taken down most of his walls. Horatio had loved her with all of his heart and she had been taken from him in such a brutal way. So the walls had come back up. Many times Horatio had wanted to share his background story with someone, but he was in all honesty afraid. He didn't want to lose anymore friends and most of all he didn't want to lose his son Kyle.

"Did you think I would leave?" Kyle asked shocked, when his father paused in his story.

"Yes. Like so many others have before you." Horatio said, "It was safer to not to tell you and know you would stay. Rather than telling you and have to risk that you would leave."

Kyle wanted to ask if his father didn't realize that he would never leave. However, Kyle understood that his father had probably been told many times that it was safe to share and he wouldn't be abandoned. And he had been lied to again and again.

Kyle realized that Horatio's childhood explained why his father was the way he was. His little mannerism that made him so special. He had problems looking people in the eyes, he preferred to meet people not head on, but rather with his side facing them. Horatio had problems with accepting compliments, he fiercely hated women and child abusers, he was always more wary when meeting older men (men that would have been the same age as his father), as they reminded him of Dean Caine. Kyle realized that while Lieutenant Caine might be a man made out of steel. Horatio Caine the man, was strong, tough, but also afraid of getting hurt and abandoned.

"You must have been afraid when you grew up?" Kyle asked.

"Every day." Horatio whispered, "It didn't matter if my father was drunk or not either. When he was drunk it was just harder for him to control how far he went. When he was drunk I never knew if he might just end up killing me."

"And when he was sober?"

"When he was sober he was just as angry, but more in control. He knew how far he could go before he might hit too hard." Horatio said.

Horatio had spent many years being angry at his mother for not leaving. Her strict religious upbringing had taught her to simply tough it out. Divorce was not part of her vocabulary. Still, Horatio had wished many times that she would have taken her two boys and just left. Horatio had sometimes hated her for letting the abuse go on. Not just the abuse on her, but also on Horatio and the psychological abuse on Raymond. Horatio's little brother may not have had physical scars, but he had had psychological ones that had haunted him through his life.

As he grew older, Horatio also learned that his mother was just as afraid as he was. Dean Caine had completely broken her down. She was like a slave or a loyal dog. Irene Caine simply couldn't bring herself to leave. Unfortunately, it had ended with Dean taking her life.

Horatio would always remember the day he watched his mother die. It haunted his dreams even today. Irene Caine had burnt some food and Dean had just been fired from his job that day. Irene hadn't even known that. Dean had come home, angry from being fired. Drunk and in such a foul mood that when his wife told him that she had to start over with dinner he had struck her with such force that her jaw broke and she hit her head on the kitchen counter as she fell to the floor.

Horatio Caine, only fifteen years old, had tried to stop his father. Instead, Horatio had found himself knocked down to the floor, almost unconscious. His father had tied him to a kitchen chair and knocked him around. Horatio had barely managed to stay conscious.

Then Dean had turned to his wife and started beating and beating her. Horatio could remember the sounds of his father's fists hitting his mother. The sound of bones breaking and his mother's screams.

It wasn't until the police arrived that the nightmare finally ended. Dean Caine went to jail. Raymond had testified without hesitation; realizing that he could finally make the monster in their home go away. Horatio, who had learned not to speak of what happened at home, had a hard time testifying. Fortunately the photos of his injuries, new and old, had been enough to send Dean Caine away for a minimum of forty years in prison. And he had spent a minimum forty years there when he was released.

"But shouldn't the warden in New York have called you before Dean was set free?" Kyle asked.

"Yes, and I don't know why he didn't." Horatio said.

"If Dean had showed up at our home... would you have killed him?"

Horatio didn't answer at first. He had dreamt many times of killing the bastard that was his father. He hated the man with all his heart.

"Yes... I think so." Horatio said, "Does that make me a bad man?"

"No." Kyle said, "It doesn't."

Kyle probably would have done it as well had he been in Horatio's shoes. Kyle could see his father was getting tired though and knew that it was enough talk for tonight.

"I should go dad. I will come back tomorrow." Kyle smiled.

"Do you promise?" Horatio whispered.

"Yes, I promise." Kyle smiled.

He bent down and kissed his father's head before leaving the room. Kyle had had a hard life as well and knew what it meant to feel unwanted and unloved. Kyle had spent many years hating his father because he thought his father hadn't wanted him. Kyle hadn't been very nice to Horatio when they met either.

Now though, Kyle knew he wouldn't be doing this good without his father. He had Horatio to thank for straightening him up and making him into a good and stable young man. If not for Horatio, Kyle would have likely continued on his road to criminality.

-I-

"I talked to Horatio. He is coming home today." Eric said.

The team was having lunch in the break room. By now, they all knew about the case Eric, Ryan and Frank had been working on. And they all also knew that their boss wouldn't want to talk about it just yet. Alexx had told them that maybe one day Horatio would share, but they had to wait until he was ready.

"I bet he can't wait to get home. Three days in the hospital is like three weeks for him." Calleigh said, "We all know how cranky he gets from being in the hospital."

"I feel more sorry for the nurses. He is a difficult patient." Walter said.

"Yes, when I got there yesterday a nurse was muttering something about an annoying redhead in room 3 that refused food or whatever." Ryan chuckled.

Of course, they all understood now why Horatio hated hospitals so much. He had spent so much time in them when growing up and he had been forced to lie to doctors and nurses every time. But still, it was a bit comical how incredibly cranky their boss got whenever he was in one.

"Frank and Kyle are picking him up." Eric said, "I offered, but he said I got off work too late. Said he didn't want to spend more time than necessary in that hell-hole. His words, not mine by the way."

The team chuckled. Eric was now Horatio's second-in-command as Calleigh was only working part time. Which meant that whenever Horatio was away from the job, Eric stepped in to lead. Which usually meant that Eric had to work longer shifts as there was a lot to do as the boss.

"Does he know we bought him his favorite chocolate cookies?" Natalia asked.

"No, but he will see them when he gets home." Eric said, "Along with a fridge full of food."

"Who filled up his fridge?" Ryan asked.

"Alexx." The rest answered.

"She went to his house and cleaned it up a little and then she noticed that his fridge was empty." Calleigh said, "And you know how mama Alexx fells about Horatio's eating habits."

"I would have guessed he would have gotten a little tongue lashing for that." Walter said.

"Oh he will. When he feels better." Calleigh giggled, "Alexx never forgets."

The team laughed. It wasn't often, but it had happened a few times that they had watched Alexx Woods give their fearless leader and mentor a tongue lashing. She was probably the only person in the world who could get away with it. And Horatio would always blush crimson and look like a little boy as she scolded him. Also, it wasn't every day one got the chance to see the boss on the receiving end of one Alexx's "lessons". Usually it was one of them instead.

"How long will he away from work?" Walter asked.

"Three weeks. The Chief made him take out some vacation." Eric said.

"And H agreed?" Natalia asked shocked, "Horatio never takes vacation."

"I think Kyle might have helped persuade him." Calleigh smiled, "He will be home with Horatio during the whole time."

Horatio would gladly take vacation if it meant he could spend time with his son. Otherwise, the Chief would have had to fight for his favorite Lieutenant to take time off.

-I-

"This is too clean." Horatio said, as he stepped inside the front door, "Was Alexx here?"

"Yep." Frank said.

"Did she look inside my fridge?"

"Yep." Frank smirked, "And she told me to tell you that she will have a talk with you about that later this week."

"Oh shit." Horatio muttered.

Frank and Kyle chuckled. It wasn't that Horatio didn't like food. He ate almost everything. It was just he wasn't a fan of cooking, especially not for himself. So he preferred take-out because it was faster and easier. Horatio also sometimes forgot to eat; which is why he skipped many meals.

Horatio felt a little strange coming home as it was where he had been attacked just three days before. However, he knew that if he didn't go home his father would win. Horatio walked around his house and then eventually came to his bedroom where the attack had happened.

"You okay?" Frank asked.

"Yeah just... feels a little weird." Horatio admitted.

"Kyle is making lunch, think you can eat?" Frank asked.

"Do I have a choice?"

"No, I have Alexx on speed dial and we both know how she feels about you skipping meals." Frank grinned.

"You are such an evil man Francis." Horatio said.

"Just looking out for my brother is all." Frank said and then left Horatio alone for a while.

It felt weird for Horatio to know that all of his team, Frank, Alexx and his son knew about his father and a bit about what he had been through in life. What felt almost more weird was that none of them had ended their friendship with him. All had stayed. He wasn't used to that. But it helped.

Maybe, just maybe, he could open up a bit more now and trust that the people he considered family and his precious son, wouldn't not leave him.

Maybe he could finally feel completely safe and open up. One step at a time.

The End