October 16, 2009

Afternoon

It had been nearly two weeks since Shinji died.

A pall hung over the dorm as Akihiko slumped up the front steps, forcing the door to let him in. Luckily, the living room was as quiet and gloomy as he was. If he was fast enough in the kitchen, he could grab his shake and make it to his room before anyone spotted him. He knew Mitsuru wouldn't be home for a while if she could help it.

He really didn't want to face Mitsuru right now.

All month long, people had been looking at him. Pity, sympathy, empathy, even a bit of fear as to what a guy who lost his brother-in-all-but-name might be thinking of doing. The other members of SEES weren't exempt; Akihiko would often catch their lingering glances out of the corner of his eye as he hastily left whatever room they were in. They never looked him in the eye anymore, as if his pain was hurting them in turn. When they spoke, they left humongous pauses where the words they wanted to say but couldn't were supposed to go. Ken would actually leave the room completely because he was convinced Akihiko couldn't bear to see him. Sometimes, he was right.

But Mitsuru was the worst, because deep down, he knew she was the only one who had any idea what what was going on in his head. When Mitsuru looked at him...she saw. Those captivating eyes were full of sadness, uncertainty, hesitation – emotions alien to them, and it was just wrong. Mitsuru's eyes were powerful. Fiery. When Akihiko needed a reminder of his strength, they reflected it back at him. If he'd pissed her off, they burned with the intensity of her anger, even while she maintained a cool tone of voice. It might snow over Mt. Fuji, but deep within that icy mountain was a hidden core of lava.

He needed that now more than ever. Needed a picture of his better self instead of a current reflection. He was grieving, but Mitsuru couldn't grieve for him because those eyes did not deserve to be diluted by tears. As long as they were a deep, vibrant red it meant both their hearts were still pumping life through their veins.

Shinji was gone...but Akihiko might be able to make it if he could just hide in Mitsuru's eyes.