Guilty

by Ydream08

Chapter 7

"It's your home, too, you know." Theo mumbled it and at first she thought she didn't exactly hear him right because he talked over his meal. Then she realized he didn't quite meet with her eyes.

They sat across each other. The armchairs were a soft lavender in colour, with its back heavily carved with patterns that reminded Hermione of ancient palaces. If Theo hadn't opted for this sitting room, she wouldn't have dared sit in these furniture with how they seemed for decor than anything else.

It's been a month she moved in with him. It took her two weeks to properly empty her room in Grimmauld Place. Not that she had many belongings, the few she had were secured in her beaded bag still, but it was perhaps out of familiarity that she found herself in the old Black property.

Theo hadn't been much pressing with how she took her time. It was probably because she had actually shot him down after they left that professional she visited for her potion problem. She hadn't exactly contacted with him proper after that.

She had needed him with her. And it had been really considerate of him to ask to accompany her without her voicing it, one of Theo's many qualities that she couldn't help but like. He didn't come in with her, just waited out in the hall. Perfect gentleman, really.

Well, it was his fault for being noisy. She had been quite irritated with the consultant. She was a solemn witch of few words and not much comforting in her welcoming. Her lips succumbed to gravity in a way that Hermione found her always frowning whenever she glanced at the elder witch's way to navigate herself in the new situation.

She wouldn't have liked the woman even if she wasn't there to talk about the war, Hermione thought now. But back then, she had been there to talk about the war as a Muggle-born who had been right in the middle of the crossfire, so to speak, and it was only naturally that that topic needed an open mind to dig deep enough for her Sleeping Draught addiction to come to some understanding.

At the fourth comment about her blood-status, she left the facility. Complimenting on her abilities being extraordinary compared to her kind did little to make Hermione warm up to the witch.

Slamming the door to her office, she had a worried Theodore on her tow as she aimlessly rushed about in Diagon Alley.

He had grabbed her wrist to stop her. "You have to try harder than this. Quitting at the first session? Hermione just… try it again, yeah?"

Of course her eyes had shot daggers at those words. She had pulled her wrist out of his grip. "It has to always be me who's trying harder, isn't it?"

She didn't remember how they contacted again. Somehow Theo repaired their relationship to the point that she was able to finally move out from Harry's place.

Two weeks of being angry at Theo and his entitlement, at Harry and his mock-worry, at herself about her failings—God, she didn't even get her NEWTs! She wished to find a cure for her mother, not to mention! And finally, she was out the door of the Grimmauld Place and ready for a new life.

One thing Hermione has been proud of ever since the end of Hogwarts was that her owls with Madam Pomfrey and updating the elder witch on her decline in Sleeping Draught dosage (she was good with quarter of a potion once a week) were quite satisfactory.

She felt like she was getting her life back on track.

Moving in with Theo had also been a right choice. Sure, his Manor was odd to live in. Hermione didn't quite much like any room than the library (with the exemption of her own room) even habitable. But then again, it was nice to have Theo around to talk to. He had let her organize the basic studies they needed to cover for their exams and once it came time to make a schedule Theo joined in and it was like back in Hogwarts.

Well, of course, there were more heated looks and blushes and barest of touches…

Hermione blinked and looked at the young man she was content with sharing her life. He stared at the hearth, not meeting her eyes, but the flames illuminated his features clearly enough that she noticed he was demure and mildly distressed.

"I know. Here is my home," Hermione replied, words getting stuck in her throat. She reminded herself that Theo was her here and now. "I guess I'm just not used to house-elves cooking for me, and eating in that huge dining room."

Silence was met with her need to break it. "We were a family of three, never needed anything as extravagant. Whenever I was home, everything was as they should be. It was just enough, you know. That's why I want it back. My parents' house. Not that it's not nice in here-" –sometimes it was not- "- It's just that…"

Their food was forgotten by then of course, the heavier silence she drowned them in was not better. Shite. She was picking up everything about her life, but somehow those loose pieces never seemed to fit.

She felt a faint touch on her cheek and glanced back to Theo, leaving her thoughts alone. She desired to be less alone in her head, truthfully.

"We can change things. Like I did with your room. You can love this place, more than I do. I'd love it if you did. And maybe…"

"Ah, Theo…" Hermione's whisper was lost between his pleas as he came close to her with each word. The armchairs weren't that far away but at one point Theo stood up and circled around their small table to crouch in front of her.

"Maybe you can make me love it here more."

Hermione held his hand that gently grabbed her cheek, and when he rested his other hand by her neck she knew that she would feel more than his sweet breath on lips.

They were soft, warm and soft. She liked how he didn't rush anything and kissed her a second time, and a third and a fourth…

She wetted her lips and the motion didn't go unnoticed by Theo. "Hermione."

"Hmmm?" Words failed her at the moment.

He kissed her again but this time his tongue traced her lower lip and the new sensation sent a clench through her inner muscles way down her erratically beating heart.

Oh, Godric! This amazing feeling that she hasn't felt in so, so long! It would always be in her dreams and she would wake up with the remnants of second-hand experiences. She would never feel his grasp on her waist, his breath on her neck and beard scratching her skin…

"I want—" Theo rasped out and Hermione knew exactly how tonight would end. She wanted it also. She wanted to move on. She would make love to Theo and finally it would be nice in here, living in his Manor.

They shared a bed. Practiced non verbal spells, especially to Accio the pillows that would get discarded through the course of the night, and they would read a book of mutual choice.

During the day they would separate. It would be her renovations in her small town house and his family dealings with a consult that mostly had them apart.

They had Blaise Zabini over in the second month. First friend of Theo's Hermione ever met officially as his girlfriend, actually. They were courting, as she was informed by Theo one night when they had shared a bath.

When Zabini and Hermione had been alone, the former Slytherin was more than happy to inform that their courtship –living in the same house or whatever- was quite inappropriate in their society.

Knowing Theo well, their intimacy, however naturally, had been hard to familiarize with the young man she was acquainted with in Hogwarts. So she hadn't been surprised by Zabini's input on their relationship.

Knowing this about Theo, Hermione felt assured in an odd sense that these weren't only her firsts, though.

That and the wink that Zabini gave in encouragement, not to mention his comment to Theo, "Getting shagged looks good on you, mate." made it clear that their peer was not as opposed to the idea as say, the woman she currently conversed with.

She and Theo were attending the Prophet's foundation celebration together. Since its owners were a respected Half-blood family that apparently rose to its high regard through marrying with various esteemed purebloods (of course to their second or third daughters), the profile of attendees were quite very frequently the neutral bunch of the wizarding kind- the purebloods of them.

It hasn't been highly unpleasant per se. However, it only got more irritating as she came across more people who were decidedly happy of her role in the war in the way that it ended the war –regardless of the what that meant.

"Such small disputes, my young girl! We always said times were going worse, but for something like a war to break! We are ever the more thankful for you and your friends. It's hard to find peace one requires in life."

She doubted the woman had been affected by the war by any far stretch.

Smiling at the woman politely and waiting for Theo to finish with her husband, Hermione wondered how long this would take. Theo had asked her to attend with him, but she hadn't expected this celebration to be as condensing.

Hermione wasn't used to this. She didn't want to stick around, to be honest.

"Excuse us, we should greet the McAvoys."

Theo promised later in the evening that once the winter came along there would be fewer occasions that they must attend.

Hermione restrained from saying they needn't 'must attend' anything.

Of course, Theo made up for the exasperating celebration by gossiping about the rather annoying people in attendance, cracking a joke whenever they were just the two of them or assuring her with the lightest of touches on her lower back.

Well, that same night was one to remember. Hermione easily found other uses for the tie Theo had to wear for the occasion.

One week later, quite unexpectedly, an owl came for Hermione.

It was from Ron and he invited her to Harry's surprise party. She had no idea what came over her childhood friend, but this was a nice gesture for their best friend.

Hermione decided it would be a good idea to attend. With Theo.

He readily agreed and only asked her when and where it would be. Hermione relayed the details from Ron and got to think about a present. It could be nothing less than perfect from Harry's best friend.

She found George to make it happen. Without him, Hermione doubted she could have witnessed Harry mouth dropping open in shock, his emerald eyes moving like the spinners as the golden patch reflected clearly both in his eyes and glasses.

It was hard to see the tiny smile that tugged at his lips though. If Hermione wasn't searching for it, she would have easily overlooked it in Harry's shaggy beard.

"Hermione, this…"

He had no idea what it was, she was positive. Her chest flared with pride for choosing the best gift Harry has seen of yet, but she would be far more pleased if she sealed the deal and explained exactly why he would love this the best.

It was a thick, leather wristband. Its braided outer edges were black while the smooth inside that was around five centimetres in width was the darkest brown. Nothing would be special about it if one didn't have the eye for it. Well, Harry's eyes were unique.

Hermione knew from day one that her friend was obsessed with anything gold, thus why becoming a Seeker to catch the Golden Snitch had been a second nature for him.

That was exactly what this wristband had: Golden Snitch.

It was an engraving of course, the size of ladybug at most. It was of real gold, mind you, and whenever it caught the light, it would reflect it like it did in Harry's eyes.

"It won't always be there. A bit like how the Chocolate Frogs work in that way. But whenever it is there, it will be so fast that if you are able to catch it, your success will be recorded."

George wasn't here today, so sadly Hermione had to tilt her head in the direction of the score board he had implemented just across their table herself. Ron had asked permission of George to turn the first floor of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes into a commendable dining area. Many of the Weasley products were shoved aside, some disturbed ones makes noises and lights still, but a place that could fit a table for a dozen had been cleared.

There were Ron, Ginny and Charlie. Neville and Patil twins, also Hannah Abbot and Zabini as plus ones. There were a few she didn't know but Hermione assumed they were friends from Auror department of Ron's or Harry acquaintances over the year she hadn't been in his life.

Not minding all those little details, Hermione watched in delight as Harry quickly put the wristband on and spun his head in the direction she showed.

It was George's idea to document Harry's catches. For Hermione, the wristband on its own could be a mindless time killing game for Harry. For George, however, who was finally getting himself back together with how he started seeing Alicia Spinnet, it was a splendid idea to record Harry's advancement and accept bets from Hogwarts kids over the Boy-Who-Lived's success.

Of course, that meant the Snitch didn't always aimlessly fly around the confines of Harry's wrist.

"It was George who came up with how to fix it. I helped of course, but I wouldn't have known about all those flying patterns for the Snitch he chose from the World Cups." Hermione was expecting now or sometime close for Harry to turn around and look at her. He would beam and she would reflect his smile. "George wanted me to pass to you… He says you wouldn't catch it five times before the end of the week. And night still counts, as I was informed."

"That's wicked! So, what, you just press it to catch or something?" Ron commented, taking a hold of Harry's wrist to take a better look at the gift.

Ironically, if it weren't for Ron's reaction, Hermione's gut told her that Harry wouldn't have turned around to face her.

Something was wrong with him.

"Happy birthday again, Potter." Theo congratulated with a smile. Hearing his voice and feeling his arm around her, Hermione realized she was here with him. How…silly of her to forget.

Something was wrong with her.

"Yes," Hermione agreed, glancing at Theo quickly with a smile on her face. She looked back at Harry with the same smile. "Happy birthday."

Hermione felt guilty that she was actually relieved that the renovations with her parents' house was nearly done. She could move out in two weeks. Thinking how only one week would be left for Christmas then, she would be lucky enough to unpack and enjoy a New Year with her loved ones in her brand new house.

The timing was right, she told herself. Nothing much was left than painting her bedroom and getting the electricity going in the place. Also she had to arrange some documentation through the Ministry so that the Aurors could take care of any Muggle criminal record regarding to the house –it was broken into in the absence of her parents and some legal dispute had occurred, as she had heard.

That could be done in no time and she could just move out.

Leave Theo here.

On his own.

Her boyfriend.

Godric.

It should feel more troubling to leave him. She shouldn't be this happy. She should be heartbroken. She should feel something.

Well, she did feel guilty. Because she absolutely felt nothing as she broke the news to her boyfriend of nearly six months now.

"That's great news! So you are planning to move your mother there with a special care-taker?"

Theo's assumption was a reasonable one, her silence was not.

"Well." Hermione knew he knew she had always planned to move back to her own house. But the easy way that proposition came out of his mouth showed Theo thought things had changed.

Had anything changed?

They were in a nice relationship.

Hermione unconsciously tipped her head the other way as if that could help her look at the situation in a different way, Theo's eyes were trained on her in the mean while.

Thinking back to these months she spent with the young man, Hermione thought how easy it was to talk with him. How much fun to joke. To make love. He was amazing in many ways… Like how he respected her boundaries, was considerate of her choices, supportive of her decisions. She acted same towards him. He had his family dealings to take care of. They would need to attend to some events now and again. She would comply with minimal complaints.

It just worked.

Considering this situation was like trying to solve a basic Arithmancy equation. Rather devoid of complexity, challenge or passion. Any feeling, for that matter.

Oh, Hermione was feeling guilty. Better not forget that.

How could she ever, when Theo's hazel eyes finally locked with hers and he asked: "She can- your mother can move here with us? I wouldn't mind- I mean; I would love that actually."

Now, her heart sunk even further because her brain repeated this one sentence: How could I've done this?

Observing Theo, how nervous he looked, and understanding that he is one step behind proposing to her for Merlin's sake, Hermione felt nauseated.

She didn't feel anything else.

Just guilty. She felt guilty that she didn't feel anything towards him.

He was nice and they worked, but Hermione didn't want this.

She crashed at the attic of the Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes thanks to George. He came up with the idea when she moved out from Theo's place.

That was an awful memory she didn't want to relive again. She could take Bellatrix torturing her for hours but not Theo's gut wrenching scream that tore her ears: "GET OUT!"

There were many more sentences exchanged before that and all were said explicitly to hurt her. He had all the right. She knew this while her heart bled for him.

Unlocking the door, Hermione finally admit to herself maybe this was the new start she was looking for.

Not some new relationships, jobs or friendships. Not when her past was filled with sorrow and unfinished business.

Stepping inside the newly decorated house that looked unlike how it was back when her parents lived here, Hermione couldn't help the smile turning her lips.

She could start anew. She would have her NEWTs this June and until then she could try her chance with Muggle colleges.

It was always best to have one's options open.

It took some time for the news of their break up to find its place on the front page of the Prophet. There was a picture of Theo on his own in a gala on the Christmas Eve. And one more on the New Year's.

At least they had waited until they were positive that the rumour was true.

Hermione disdainfully scrunched her nose at what Skeeter wrote but it took her a quick skim over to skip the page and continue with her paper. In ten minutes, it was in the trash all together.

After that, it was back to her routine of cooking for lunch, doing her daily review of her studies and researching about Muggle universities.

The last one Hermione was giving up on the idea of with how difficult it looked to catch up with the difference in the curriculum and nothing seemed to fit her main aim of current which was to cure her mother.

Once she got her NEWTs, becoming a Healer or researching in Charms could perhaps give her ample time and resources to focus on that task.

Hermione still went through her list of universities, though. Just to be sure that she didn't pass by any worthwhile opportunities.

It was nearing evening and hearing the doorbell ring, Hermione grabbed her purse to open it. She was expecting pizza, actually. She was lazy to cook today. And cooking charms hadn't been her forte ever.

"Coming!"

She blinked to register the young man who stood by her door. For a moment, he was a stranger to her. Jeans and dark grey jumper hidden underneath a brown long loden coat and thick boots were what he wore. As he was looking down on his feet, Hermione first noticed his black hair was long and tied at the back.

"Excuse me-"

At her voice, he met with her eyes and she would know those emerald eyes anywhere.

"Harry?" He was more or less how she remembered him from his birthday. His cheeks looked fuller, as though he put on some weight but she couldn't be sure with his beard. He was becoming messy. And she liked it.

Embarrassment burning her face, Hermione shook her head to focus on her friend. "What are you doing here?"

Actually she wanted to ask what was wrong with him. There was definitely something different. She couldn't pinpoint what. Sure, Harry was no longer the boy she knew as her best friend from Hogwarts, but he was not completely someone brand new either.

"It's the glasses," he breathed out and only then did Hermione realise her forehead hurt because her deep scowl. "I'm trying contact lenses, but honestly, they are not worth the trouble."

"You haven't checked any spells?"

She should have done that rather than learning Oculus Reparo first thing back when she was young.

"Came up empty-handed."

"You won't find that in the Restricted Section—" Hermione started to say with how she knew of Harry's certain research habits but she cut herself off after mimicking his snicker.

"I'm the worst!" she shrieked all of a sudden, becoming aware they were standing by her door. "Come in! I was just waiting for pizza to arrive."

She took his coat and let him in, but after that there was a silence that none of them had experienced for sometime.

The two of them had not been alone together for the past half a year.

Hermione picked a topic, anything, that could lighten the mood. She found it hard to swallow.

"I heard George gave a prize to this Slytherin kid who has been winning bets 9 weeks on a row- for you Snitch score, that is."

Harry made a noncommittal sound but he didn't turn around. They awkwardly stood in her sitting room, Hermione's mind coming blank for something to talk about.

Wiping his face, Harry faced her not long after.

"You and Nott broke up."

It was a statement. Hermione nodded anyway. She didn't trust her voice. Was she supposed to get wild ideas from this?

Well, she obliged. What had Harry come here for? Out of no where? And first thing he asks is my relationship? Don't tell me… Did he hit his head or did I? I'm dreaming—no I'm just jumping to conclusions…

"Harry?"

Her question was answered by his long strides and he was right across from her. Just a breath away to touch.

He didn't look in her in the eyes. His hands twitched as he was unsure what to do with them. He cleared his throat many times and his hands went to his hair… to pluck the strands off, perhaps?

Groaning, his hands found her cheeks instead and even through her hair that was trapped in between her face and his hands, she could feel the warmth of his palms.

"I was wondering…" At this he looked straight into her eyes. Hermione couldn't help but realize how thick his eyelashes were. She had never noticed because of the glasses. "You. Me. Eating outside, or going to cinema? Anything, really?"

Hermione felt her breath catch and she had to calm her nerves to answer in anyway. This couldn't be…

"You mean…"

He nodded but his smile was something wicked. As was the sparkle in his eyes. "You know it, Miss Granger."

"I do." It felt as though she was agreeing to a proposal. Her face combusted at the thought and she chastised herself for getting too far ahead.

"Good." Harry whispered again. "Then it's game to do this."

His hands guided her face so that his lips met hers in a crash that set Hermione off balance. Taking a few steps back to remedy her balance, she felt Harry's arms around her waist immediately.

Regardless, her back hit to the door while Harry smiled to her lips. He pecked in between words.

"I wanted to do this. Dreamt of it. Always felt impossible."

Hearing that, Hermione gently pushed him back but she couldn't wipe the smile of her face. Was she really hearing all of that.

It was hard to know how her brain closed itself off after that very first touch of their lips.

She was still able to ask this though: "You were with Ginny."

If anything had happened, it could have happened in the hunt. After the Battle, there had always been Ginny.

"I was. It's over. Finished that summer you left me."

"I didn't leave you! You were with Ginny!" Hermione insisted, able to stomp her foot regardless of their proximity.

Harry chuckled. "You left for Hogwarts. Ginny and I were not working and split by that last week you refused to talked to me, remember that time, Hermione?"

Hermione blushed guiltily but she refused to look away. "You two were cosy, as I remember it."

"She was cosy with others, as well."

That was said with a scowl that shut Hermione up. Harry put her hair back her ear just like he used to. He wanted to dissipate this resentment.

"Anyway, Hermione that is the past. As well as Nott, I hope? It wasn't the best feeling of the girl I had a crush on to visit me during Christmas to tell me how she would be visiting some other guy shortly… then I learn at your graduation that you two are…something. Whatever. Reading your break-up is the only thing Prophecy has been good for till now."

Hermione swatted his upper arm. "Harry James Potter!"

"What? Maybe I'm only happy that it wasn't somehow about me? As the most eligible bachelor, most of the affairs have my name in it, you know."

They giggled but as their smiles relaxed, Hermione couldn't help but realize how Harry's eyes would glance at her lips.

She watched him dip his head, still unbelieving but wishing this to not be merely her dream.

To say that the doorbell rung her awake of the dream was no understatement. But Harry was still there, she in his embrace and he so close that Hermione knew not whether they were not one person all together.

"Pizza service!" the muffled voice came behind the door she currently leaned on.

Harry pecked her lips and added as he made to open the door, "Dinner it is!"

The End

Aaaaand wrapped up at the 7th chapter as promised! It is indeed a lucky number xP I hope you've enjoyed and I'm curious as to your thoughts.

This is my second finished work and I will gladly label it as 'Completed'. Hope to see all of you in my other WIPs or upcoming stories. None of them are Harmony as of the moment, but I can be convinced ;D

Take care!

~Ydream08