BLUE EYED SISTERS, Ch. 7

Day 8. Oct17

(ClarkePOV)

"That's a lot of rations." I commented casually when I noticed how many different nuts and berries Bellamy was packing, in addition to the extra water canteens. "I told you it was only a day trip."

"A lot can happen in a day, Princess." He responded with a smirk. "Now, which way to Jaha's mystery bunker?"

"Hey, Clarke. Where you off to?" Finn suddenly asked, materializing at my side like he was prone to do. "Did I here mention of another bunker?"

"Jaha mentioned possible supplies. Shouldn't be more than a day trip." I told him absently, then smiled at Raven when she reached us.

"Raven, I'm going to be out of camp for the day. Would you mind changing Octavia's bandages every couple of hours?"

"I should come too." Finn said suddenly and I saw Raven's eyes narrow at him.

"Of course." She told me with a tentative smile.

"It's not safe out there." Finn spoke again, almost pleadingly and Raven's features looked troubled.

"Clarke's a big girl Finn, she'll be fine on her own." Raven told him softly but it was clear to anyone except Finn, that he was making her uncomfortable.

"She won't be on her own. Clarke, let's get a move on." Bellamy interjected.

In that moment, several things became very clear to me. Finn was pushing a boundry with me, despite his girlfriend standing beside him. Finn's control seemed to slip and I saw the utter look of anger he shot Bellamy. It was actually quite scary before he controlled his face again. The next thing, was that Raven had also noticed. The hurt that washed across her face was unmistakable.

"I'll see you guys later. Thanks Raven, for Octavia." I told her softly and as sympathetically as I could manage, then turned to leave camp with Bellamy.

"I can't believe that asshole!" Bellamy exclaimed when we were several yards out.

"My sentiments, exactly. I feel so horrible for Raven. She risked her life to come make sure he was alright. But he seems to not give three shits about her, most of the time." I responded genuinely upset for the girl.

"He's pretty obsessed with you, Clarke. That can make him dangerous." Bell warned me.

While I could understand why he'd think that, and I appreciated his concern, I didn't think Finn would be dangerous. I told him so, and he let the matter drop but not before he promised to keep an eye on the guy. I nodded in agreement.

As we walked several miles, we shared occasional looks and smiles. For the most part, we talked a lot more about Octavia and our younger years. He told me how his mom began trying to prepare him for what would happen the day she gave birth. Bell also opened up about how scared he'd been when the day arrived. Aurora placed a newborn Octavia in his seven-year-old arms, then passed out soon after. Bell told me that was the day he promised his infant sister that he'd protect no matter what.

My heart thudded because that seemed like such a heavy burden for a child to carry. I couldn't imagine being put in a situation like that as a teenager, much less as a seven-year-old child. Again, I told him how I wished things were different on the Ark. I knew my dad would have not only done right by Octavia, but by him and his mother as well. He smiled and told me that he was sure I was right.

We walked in comfortable silence after that for about a half-mile. I knew we had to be close, but we decided to take a break. He shared some of his extra rations with me, and we drank some water. We gathered our strengths and I massaged my calves a bit. Meanwhile, I tried to address something that had been on my mind.

"The first drop ship could arrive any day now. You won't be able to avoid Jaha forever." I commented lightly.

"I can try." He responded without missing a beat, but I let it drop when I got a good look at our surroundings.

I hadn't noticed when we stopped, because I was so tired and hungry. But, it looked like the area on the map where the bunker should be. There were shells of what remained of more than centuries old construction, amidst water and tall wild grass. Still, it looked right.

"The bunker is supposed to be around here, somewhere." I told him and he agreed, telling me there should be a door.

"Maybe he'll have mercy." I heard myself saying, non-specifically, but he knew who I meant. Of course, he did.

"I shot the guy, Clarke. He isn't just going to forgive and forget that." He stated. "Look, lets split up to look for the door. Please stay within shouting distance." He added, sounding defeated.

Something had been nagging me since we left camp about Bellamy, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I decided to file it away for later, preferring to enjoy our hike. Yet, there was something weighing on his mind. Of that, I was sure. I wondered if it had to do with Jaha's impending arrival, which is why I brought it up. Of course, I couldn't be sure because he kept shutting the topic down, not wanting to talk about it.

After looking around for a while, I saw some unexpected coloring behind some thick vines. I pulled them aside and found the door of the bunker we were searching for. I started pulling at the handle with all my strength, but it wouldn't budge. I called out for Bellamy, and he came running to my side. Together, we managed to pry it open and smiled at each other.

"Looks like this place hasn't been touched since the war." He commented as I handed him a flashlight, and I hoped he was right.

We descended several sets of stairs, venturing deeper into the dark caverns. It was clear that the place had remained untouched for decades, but we still hadn't found any signs of supplies anywhere. Upon reaching the lowest level, we found a decayed body at the base of the stairs. There was also an old and moldy odor, which I assumed came from the various water puddles on the floor. If water could get in, then it was clear that the bunker had not been radiation proof. I assumed that was what killed the person on the stairs.

"This place is disgusting. So much for living down here. Dammit!" I exclaimed once we reached a parting in the ceiling where the water was dripping from.

"Anything left down here might be ruined." Bellamy lamented and thought so too.

We turned a corner and found many different sized metallic canisters. I opened several lids but found them empty. I surmised that the last of the supplies had been distributed before the bombs went off, all those years ago. Meanwhile, Bellamy had found additional lighting sticks inside one of the canisters, so he lit them. I decided to try the furthest canister and found blankets inside. When I mentioned them to Bell, he became agitated over the lack of anything more useful.

Bell pulled the lid off a barrel and dipped his fingers inside. He then quickly lost his temper, and kicked it over with a frustrated yell. I had been startled by that, but the sound we heard when the barrel tipped over, wasn't what I expected. There had been something inside, so I flashed my light as Bellamy kneeled to get a better look.

"Oh, my God." He stated in total wonderment, which made me walk over there.

I stood beside him and saw what he was holding while he looked at me with one of his widest smiles. I was shocked by the gun in his hand, rifle actually. I was slightly scared of it. but I knew how useful they could be against any threats.

"This is a gamechanger. No more running from Grounders with spears. You ready to be a badass, Clarke?" He asked with renewed happiness.

"I'm not going to fight you on bringing those to camp, but I'm not too sure I like it." I told him honestly.

"We're lucky they were packed in grease. We won't just be sitting ducks anymore. You've got to learn how to use them too." He told me seriously and I nodded.

I tried to position myself how I imagined I should, while holding and pointing the rifle. I heard him chuckle behind me, so I knew I was doing something wrong.

"Isn't this how I'm supposed to hold it?" I asked, trying not to laugh along with him because holding a gun felt entirely so foreign.

"Yeah, just a little higher." He said, standing behind me, lifting my arm to adjust my aim while his other hand held my opposite shoulder. "Square yourself and find your footing, it's bound to have a kickback."

I was sure it was good advice, and I knew I should be paying better attention. Unfortunately, my mind was stuck on the feeling of his hands on me. I was almost consumed by the feeling when he whispered in my ear, telling me how to stand.

"Ok, watch and learn." He told me, releasing me to try one of the other guns.

I wouldn't deny that he looked... hot. The way he held the weapon with confidence was extremely attractive, and I found myself getting flustered. He pulled the trigger, but only a click was heard. He told me the bullet must be a dud. He went for another gun and encouraged me to try mine, so I mimicked what he'd done.

I aimed and fired the rifle. It was only a near miss on the target I was aiming for, but I felt unlike I ever had before. It was exhilarating.

"That. Was. Amazing!" I exclaimed excitedly. "Am I horrible for feeling that?" The thought had vaguely worried me.

Bell smiled wide with a chuckle and told me to try again. I really wanted to and I was about to, until I realized we should save the ammunition. There was no telling how many bullets might be duds, so we should conserve what we had.

"We need to practice." He countered.

I knew he wasn't wrong, but there was something in his tone that worried me.

"We need to talk about the guns at camp... where we'll keep them and how we'll distribute them. We can't risk anyone going gun crazy or getting shot by accident. These aren't toys, Bell." I explained and after a moment, he agreed with me easily.

"You left Miller in charge at the camp. You trust him?" I wondered aloud.

"You should keep him close. The others listen to him." Came his reply, which didn't sit well with me.

"Why should keep him close?" I asked, confused by his statement. "Bellamy, what's going on with you? You've been weird, all day." I asked, truly unable to put off knowing anymore, then my eyes fell on his bag which was nearly overflowing with food rations.

"You're leaving!" I gasped when it hit me. "You're planning to run?!" I accused, finally putting everything together.

"That's why you came with me... to load up on whatever you could and then leave. You're going to leave Octavia?" I asked but my heart thudded. "You're going to leave me?" I could barely get the question out.

"It's not what you think. Look, I don't have a choice, Clarke. The Ark is coming and I can't be there when it does. I promised to keep O safe and I'm promising that to you too. I can't do that if I'm arrested or dead." He explained and although I felt marginally better that he didn't just plan to disappear, I still didn't like it.

I was also feeling slightly out of breath as he seemed to be, and my head felt like I was spinning. His promise wasn't lost on me, and I'd admit that it meant a lot. I was falling for Bellamy, actually, I was pretty sure I was already there. However, I had chosen to file that away until I could ascertain how he felt about me in return.

"Look, keep practicing. I'm going to get some air." He told me, sounding slightly out of breath, but I let him go because I was busy trying to keep my balance against the wall.

As Bellamy left me alone, I shook my head and tried to take deep breaths. After a moment, I realized the walls seemed to be moving and changing colors. The gun in my hand became pliable, like it was made of rubber. I didn't know what was happening, but I knew none of this could be right. Maybe I'd inhaled too much radiation-soaked mold or something.

I tried to make sense of what I was seeing and feeling. When, I looked up, I saw my old window from solitary in the Sky Box. I looked around to find I was inside my old cell with the walls almost covered in my sketches. A part of me knew what I was seeing couldn't be real, but it sure looked it.

"It's not what you imagined it would be." Came the voice from behind me, and it was one that I never thought I'd hear again.

I turned as quickly as I could, and there he stood. He looked just like he did before. He was as if nothing had ever happened, and he hadn't died. I couldn't stop th t ears from falling.

"Dad?" I cried as I rushed to hug him tightly.

After a few seconds, I looked up at his face and realization dawned on me. No matter how much I wanted it, no matter that I could feel him, I knew the truth.

"You're not real. Are you?" I asked brokenly and wiped my tears away.

"Sorry, Kid. I wish I was." He lamented and I nodded sadly, asking how it was possible at all.

"How are you here, then?" I asked.

"I'm thinking 'how' is less important that 'why'... Why me?"

"Because I miss you!" I exclaimed.

He told me there was more to it than that, and I realized he wanted me to forgive my mother. I'd do anything for him, but that was something I didn't feel I was ready to.

"You have another daughter, you know? Her name is Octavia and she's incredible. She can be a real spitfire, but is kindhearted. She reminds me a bit of you." I told him instead, and he simply smiled.

"Your mom loves you, Clarke."

I shook my head at his words, focusing on the fact that she'd betrayed him. I told him I couldn't forgive her for that. He didn't answer my comment, but gave me his usually disappointed look. I told him that wasn't fair.

Then, I confessed how tired I was of constantly trying, and having everyone depend on me. I also told him I felt horrible for the way things had panned out with Murphy, and he consoled me for a bit. I told him I didn't think I deserved forgiveness, and that I didn't think Mom did either.

"Forgiveness isn't about what people deserve. It's about healing your own heart, so you can move past the pain. Bellamy is going to need you, Kiddo."

His words were so profound, but there was a sort of echo to them as he started to fade away.

"What about Bellamy?" I asked him, hoping to keep him talking to me.

"He'll be dead, crazy bitch." A different voice replied from my dad's fading face, shocking me to my core.

I shook my head and blinked my eyes. Suddenly, I was staring into the face Dax from our camp. Before I could ask what he was doing there, he struck me with a rifle.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up on the ground. I realized he'd knocked me out, but I didn't know how long I was out for. Two things came to mind in that moment. First, was my dad telling me Bellamy would need me. Second, was Dax saying Bellamy was going to die. I picked myself up and grabbed a gun. Then, I ran for the stairs, hoping I wasn't too late.

(Octavia POV)

I felt my eyes fluttering open and woke to find myself on a cot inside the drop ship. It wasn't the same one Clarke had treated me, because this one was closer to the ladder near the back. I felt my wound pull painfully as I sat up and winced.

"Hey, don't go hurting yourself." Jasper spoke softly, coming to my side.

"I'll be fine. I can't stay in bed anymore. Will you help me?" I asked with a smile and he held out a hand for me. "Thanks, Jasper."

"No thanks necessary." He told me kindly but I smirked.

"Really? I thought you'd like for me to show you all the different ways I can express my gratitude." I flirted and I saw how it affected him instantly.

"How many different ways are there?" He asked, swallowing hard and I chuckled before placing a soft kiss at his jaw.

"Mmm." He hummed and I told him that was one.

"Well, then I'll have you know I've done a lot for you to be grateful for while you slept the morning away. I helped package rations all morning. I helped Harper to sort materials to be mended after the storm. I also helped Miller with the debris." He told me sporting a smirk of his own.

"Wow, okay..." I responded before wrapping my arms around his neck to pull down for a deeper kiss.

Like our last kiss, I felt euphoric. When he grabbed my hips to pull me closer to him, it was so hot. His hand found my skin in the gap between my shirt and pants, and liked the feel of them sliding along my lower back. I felt I'd never get enough of him, and I didn't want to stop.

"Guys! Oh, damn, sorry." Raven interrupted, so we pulled apart slightly to look over at her.

She was sporting a funny smile in our direction and I felt my cheeks warm. I took a small step from Jasper, but was glad when his hand held on to mine.

"What is it?" He asked her and told us she was coming to change the dressing on my wound, as my sister had asked her to do.

Clarke. It still felt surreal to know I have a sister, as well as a brother. I asked where she was, that she wasn't doing it herself. Then, Raven reminded me that Clarke and Bell left early to find a supply bunker.

"That's right. She told me last night, but I was pretty out of it after drinking hers and Lincoln's Jobi tea." I recalled.

"Speaking of … I came in here for the bandage but on my way here, I noticed something strange. Everyone in camp is acting crazy. After I change your dressing, maybe you two can help me figure out why and what to do about it." Raven told me and I agreed.

It didn't take us long to realize what the problem had been. Apparently, our foragers had picked tons of Jobi nuts, not knowing what they were. They'd been mixed in with the regular nuts and berries for everyone's rations. I only recognized them because Lincoln had shown them to me, before he and Clarke took them to make my tea. Jasper felt bad for helping package them, but he couldn't have known.

We spent the rest of that day, wrangling the rest of the hundred. Some of which were crying or laughing oddly, while others spoke and reacted to things or people that weren't there. At one point, Raven had to tell Miller that he was the prettiest broom in a closet. Raven, Jasper and myself shared a laugh, glad we hadn't yet had our breakfast while trying to convince Monty he couldn't change the Moon's patterns.

(Bellamy POV)

"Bellamy Blake." Came a voice just as I'd reached the bunker entry.

The sun was already setting, but I could clearly see it was Chancellor Jaha with an angry look on his face. I had already been feeling out of breath, but I gasped at seeing him there. My heart thundered in my chest and I tried to look and see if there was somewhere I could run. Unfortunately, it was hard to make my feet move.

"You thought I deserved this." He told me, revealing his bleeding abdomen. "You let my son die, but he was innocent." Jaha accused.

"How are you here? You're supposed to be on the Ark." I told him dumbfounded, as guilt was starting to overtake me.

"You shot me on the Ark!" He yelled. "But I've been waiting for you."

"I did what I had to do..." I tried to explain, but he cut me off.

"To protect Octavia, I know. Pathetic! Using your sister to justify your crimes." He spat, walking towards me.

"If you're going to kill me, just get it over with." I told him, intense guilt and fear pouring out of me.

"Why should I kill you. Unlike the others, I survived your cruelty and selfishness."

"What others?" I questioned, but I heard a twig snap from several paces behind me so I turned.

There, stood Wells, Atom and Charlotte. I stared at them as recognition dawned on me. I dropped to my knees when another figure stepped out from behind them, because I saw it was my mother.

"You failed Atom by leaving him to die a gruesome death. You failed to protect my son after poisoning little Charlotte's mind. Then, you failed to keep her alive when she tried to protect you. But you committed the ultimate crime by causing your own mother's death." Jaha spoke from behind me as I stared into the pale faces of those I'd gotten killed.

"I'm so sorry!" I yelled to Jaha, but he told me it wasn't his forgiveness I should beg for.

"Murderer, murderer. Murderer, murderer." Chanted Wells, Charlotte, Atom and my mother as they chased me while I crawled along the floor.

I felt like I had been crawling for hours, trying to get away. Then, a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I looked up at Jaha and all I felt besides my guilt and grief, was tired. I couldn't escape them or my guilt, it was useless to try and I was so tired.

"Kill me. Please, just kill me." I begged him. "I deserve it. Please." I cried and he swung at me hard, knocking me back several feet. "I can't fight anymore!" I yelled.

"Life is a fight!" He spat and kicked me hard, tossing me several feet further again. "Fight back." He yelled before punching me.

"Do you really want to die?" He asked, with an echo in his voice, then his voice changed when he told me I he'd kill me.

When I focused my eyes at where Jaha was standing, it was actually Dax standing above me. Suddenly, I realized I'd been hallucinating before, but Dax was very real and was about to kill me.

"It's not personal." He said with a shrug and he cocked a gun in my direction.

I reached for the gun beside me and pointed it at him. Only then, did I realized I was empty handed and I'd hallucinated that gun too. Dax looked at me with confusion before smiling wickedly.

"You're just as crazy." He commented.

"Put the gun down, Dax." I heard Clarke's authoritative voice.

Immediately, I was flooded with relief and fear at her being there, while Dax was carrying a rifle. I looked towards her and saw her pointing a gun at Dax. He taunted her and told her she should have stayed down in the bunker. During his rambling, he admitted that he was acting on Shumway's orders.

I recalled that it had been him, that gave me the gun and urged me to kill Jaha in the first place. Clarke asked what he was talking about, so I told her. Saying the words aloud, I realized that I'd been manipulated by Shumway, to assassinate Jaha. Clearly, he was now using Dax to eliminate me before I told anyone where I got a gun to shoot Jaha with.

Dax refused to put his gun down at Clarke's second command, so she pulled her trigger. Unfortunately, it was another dud. A second later, Dax opened fire towards her, but Clarke jumped behind a tree. I got up and rushed Dax with the full weight of my body, knocking him to the floor. We wrestled, punched and kicked each other for several tiring minutes. Unfortunately, he overpowered me by using the rifle to choke me.

I noticed a long pointy rifle bullet on the ground beside me and I knew I had to use it. Clarke tried to charge at Dax, yelling at him to get off me. But, he hit her and she fell to the floor. I used that distraction to stab the side of his neck with the bullet. He died within seconds, just as Atom and as I imagined Wells had from a similar wound.

I scrambled over to Clarke as soon as it was over. I checked to make sure she was okay, and she was. When she asked if I was, I confessed that I wasn't. We sat beside one another, using to the same tree to lean on.

"If my mother knew all that I've done, who I've become... She raised me to be better than this. I've hurt people, Clarke. I'm a monster." I cried, not feeling any shame in how I felt after the very vivid hallucination.

"You saved my life, more than once. You may have acted like a total ass for a while, but … I need you. I need you, Bell." She repeated. "We all need you. We wouldn't have survived this long without you. You can't leave us. Let me find a way. For you to stay." She begged, taking my hand in hers.

"Clarke..." I tried but I didn't know what to say, too much had happened because of me.

"If you want forgiveness, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven, Bell. You have your clean slate." She told me, really meaning it.

I was moved by her genuine words, even if they meant nothing in the eyes of everyone on the Ark. She'd removed a very heavy load and I finally felt I could breathe. I couldn't think of anything else to say in that moment, so I did the only thing I could. It was something I'd been aching to do for some time, but hadn't allowed myself to.

I kissed her lips, softly at first, wondering if she really wanted me to. I didn't have to worry for long because she deepened the kiss eagerly. Our mouths opened and I tasted the tears she'd cried, along with the blood on her lip from trying to save me. Despite that, it was the best feeling to be kissing her.

"You can't leave, Bell. I'll help you and I'll be there with you, every step of the way. I think I already have an idea. But you have to come back with me. You have to face it." She told me assertively and I was powerless to deny her, but I did have a condition of my own.

"You have to face your mom." I told her and saw her face fall, before looking up at the sky.

"I know you're right and you know I don't want to face her. In fact, I don't want to face anyone anymore. I'm tired of trying to keep everyone alive. But, we don't have a choice." She sniffled.

"Jaha will kill me when he comes down." I assured her, and she told me we'd figure something out.

"Can we figure it out later?" I asked, overwhelmed by sleepiness.

"Together." She responded, and I nodded before laying down and bringing her towards me to cuddle in my arms.

"This okay?" I asked tiredly, but hopeful.

"Definitely."

My head wanted to continue dwelling on the hallucination and what happened afterwards, but I was truly exhausted. Clarke placed a small kiss against my neck, before snuggling into my arms. The simple action brought a smile to my face. That allowed me to focus on the feelings the girl in my arms conjured in me. I was asleep in no time.