Hey guys! So I obviously love all of you more than I hate myself since I added a fifth work to my ongoing projects... Just don't expect quick updates okay? .

Harry sucked in a sharp breath, trying to control his breathing so he could regulate the pain he was feeling. It wasn't normal his friends told him back in second year. Magic didn't just act up and try to kill its owner around the same time every year.

But his did. Without fail. Ever since he was eight.

It burned sending rippling waves of pain through his limbs, much worse than the cruciatus. The pain curse targeted nerve endings. Magic was your very core, your soul.

Harry shrieked biting his lips all the way through as he spasmed, bending over, his head feeling as if an anvil had been dropped on it.

Then it subsided for a moment.

Merlin he was so glad this was happening at Grimmauld place where he could cast silencing and privacy wards. The end of July was always the worst of it even if the fevers and nausea that lasted the entire month of August weren't all that pleasant either. Bloody hell this was the absolute worst he had been through so far. He was probably bordering on delirious right now…

Harry groaned and dropped his forehead into Sirius' old mattress to try and cool some of the heat with the blankets. It did very little to help.

Why? Why did this always happen to him? Why couldn't it be anyone else?

Another wave of pain rippled through him and at the end of it Harry felt like he was missing something. He felt bereft. Empty. A hollowed doll that had its insides scooped out.

Good to know his episode was finally coming to an end. At least the physical aspect anyways. Now came the mental. He would suffer the next week or two with nightmares of blood and the striking color of orange with an inner ring of red. His depression was always at an all time high around now as well which put his friends into a right tizzy the last two years but there was nothing they could do about it. Not even Madame Pomfrey had been able to figure out what was afflicting him.

Harry just accepted that he was and always would be abnormal. A freak.

"Harry you berk! Open the bloody door right now! This is the only other place you could be and, so help me, if you don't open it I'm going to blast it down."

The miserable wizard on the ground groaned, lifting his head from the bed vaguely noting how the blanket stuck to his forehead a moment due to his sweat. Hermione was already here? It's a good thing his episode had started earlier this year and he was able to slip the bookworm to suffer in peace. Not that he disliked her company… she was just so overbearing when she was being a mother hen. And people always rubbed him wrong around this time too. As if they could never match up-

He sighed reaching out for his wand that lay by his foot.

"I don't understand why you always push us away, Harry," Hermione complained a week later.

"Look Hermione I l- y...you are amazing." He couldn't do it. Couldn't even push the words out of his mouth right now. She wasn't his sister but she was. "My very best friend in the whole wide world."

"Stop buttering me up."

"But you're bossy and… canbeoverbearing."

Hermione winced, playing with the ends of her and leaning back into the musty couch they were perched on. She pursed her lips a moment, opened her mouth and closed it, and then let out a gusty sigh.

"I'm just worried. We're all worried. Whatever is happening to you is only getting worse and with the war still going on…"

Harry sighed, "I know. I just… It's really hard for me right now. People… they just… grate on me. Like they're all wrong. It's hard to explain. But people just make things worse."

Even right now he didn't want to be with Hermione. She wasn't right, her face too soft, too warm. She would be the perfect me-

"I feel… broken?"

The brunette witch turned with a frown her hands dropping to clench her red skirts. "You are not broken Harry James Potter!"

Harry snorted. He obviously was if he was suffering something unheard of in the wizarding world. It was also getting progressively worse. Other than the first episode when he was eight. The Dursleys and Harry were pretty sure he was going to die that July.

"Harry, Hermione! Dinner is ready," Molly called from the kitchen.

Harry groaned burying his face in his hands. If his friends were bad the rest of the Oder was a whole nother level. Sometimes he had the strangest urge to wrap his jaws around their throats so they would shut up. Worst of all of them, though, was Dumbledore. He respected and trusted the Headmaster but whenever he got sick...It was almost like he wanted to murder the man in cold blood. It made Harry feel despicable. How could he want to hurt another person especially the Headmaster?

But he did. Oh how he did. He wanted to watch the twinkle in those eyes dull. Wanted to see blood and peeling flesh and orang-

Bad thoughts!

The wizard shook his head harshly. He really really hated this time of year.

"Harry you should eat in the room if you're feeling that badly," Hermione said sadly.

"Like Molly will let me," he growled. "That woman- no she… ugh. We both know that she mother hens too much."

It was even getting harder to keep his filter from brain to mouth active. Not that it usually worked but he focused on it a lot more around this time.

"Well if you mention your temperature surely! It spiked again this afternoon and you're under so many cooling charms that you should be an ice cube right now."

"Mione's right mate." They both glanced behind them to the door of the lounge. Ron was leaning against the doorway a frown on his freckled face. "Me and Ginny will talk to Mum for you. S'already bad enough what you're going through. No need to make it worse by forcing people on you."

"Thanks Ron," Harry said relieved.

"No problem, mate. Might want to scarper now before she comes looking."

The brunette did just that after carefully wishing his friends goodnight. He stopped in Sirius' room, throwing himself on the bed and just giving into the darkness.

"Blimey Harry that's a, uh, really rare steak," Ron said eyeing the red juices the nice slab of meat was saturating in.

Harry laughed. "The bloodier the better!"

Wrong

"Are you smoking, Malfoy?"

"Shit! Pothead!?"

The blonde whirled around, fag hanging from his lips and silvery blue eyes wide. Harry hadn't been expecting to find the rumpled Slytherin in the Astronomy tower on one of his late night strolls. The green eyed wizard studied the white cancer stick hanging from his rivals pale lips.

"Got any to share?"

Wrong

"Lord of the Rings is such a fantastic series isn't it Harry? I've read all the history books too, like the Silmarillion. It might be a little dry for your tastes, I think, but it really does put so much more meaning into his most famous trilogy."

Harry's lips quirked up as he gazed at the well-worn book she was offering him.

"Thanks Hermione. I think I'll check 'em out."

He needed to know everything about it.

Wrong

"You're such a Freak! Those rat birds are disgusting. They should all have their necks broken!"

Harry stopped petting the pigeon he was nursing back to health so he could glare at his cousin. The mini whale was standing in the doorway to the brunette's bedroom with a nasty smirk on his piggy lips that made the wizard wanted to retch. Instead he slowly, deliberately, pulled his wand from his pocket and pointed it at the boy. Dudley ran squealing.

It was so worth the belting he got later.

Wrong

It's all wrong

Where is it

He drank the glass greedily, the warmth spreading to his limbs leaving pleasant tingles in its wake.

There

More

"Welcome to the family, Little Brother."

Yes

This is it

"Ouch! Oh! Oh no it's okay! You just have to start at the bottom. Let me show you."

Please

Need it

"Here. That's it. Gently. They love when you give 'em a little scratch right under the beak."

It hurts

Can't stop

"Dear child you are so brave. Why don't you try petting him now?"

It burned

It sliced

WHAT IS WRONG

"Hell no, kid. Maybe you can try a cig when you're older."

WHY

GIVE IT BACK

I NEED IT

"Aw you ain't gotta worry bout nothin' little man. Whatever you want, I got more than enough money to spend!"

YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

EVERYTHING SHATTERED

Harry woke screaming. Everything was burning. His magic greedily lashing out at anything that came near. It felt as if the very flesh was being melted from his bones, his nerves being scraped against a grater, his bones cracking and snapping the marrow spilling forth in liquid form.

It could have been seconds, it could have been years, but eventually there were voices calling. They rang around him discordantly their beat so very wrong. He wanted his bro-

For a brief moment there was an extra uninvited presence but it quickly recoiled leaving Harry to his suffering. Where were his bro-

He was terrified. As much as he could be around the all consuming pain. Was this how he died? Alone? Away from his bro- His friends and fam-

His head throbbed, heat spiking and dropping every moment. He was missing th- something. He needed it. It could save him. They would sa-

The voices screamed around him now all wrong and shoved into a place they shouldn't be. His magic lashed out heeding its master's wish to be rid of the wrong.

"Harry, my dear boy. We are only here to help. You must calm yourself!"

That voice cut straight through everything. His pain, his magic, his thoughts all paused. He knew that voice. The betrayer. The violator. It was his fault that Da-Harry was dying.

He burned and burned and burned until all that was left was cold.

"Harry are you sure you're okay? You were thrashing a lot when I found you."

Ginny's freckles stood out in stark contrast to her pale skin, the red of her hair clashing horribly as well. She was sat, legs tucked under her, next to her brother on the bed across from Harry who was perched on the edge of the other bed hunched over slightly.

The wizard sighed, running his fingers through his matted hair with a grimace.

"I'm fine, Gin. I just had a nightmare I think. I don't remember much."

"Fine my arse! You look like shit mate," Ron exclaimed shifting from his spot on the bed.

Not untrue. He'd seen himself in the mirror. His pallor was grey and sickly, the bags under his eyes the darkest he'd ever seen them. No to mention his hair was a disaster beyond what he thought it could ever be. It would probably be a good idea to get a haircut soon.

"It had to have been quite the nightmare to make your magic lash out and practically melt the room," Hermione murmured thoughtfully. She was sitting at the small desk crammed into the corner of the room Ron and Harry used to share while she scribbled in a notebook.

"No offense but I'm glad you moved to his room to sleep."

He couldn't blame his friend. There was no telling what would have happened to Ron during his nightmare. He would have become foo-

"None taken."

"Blimey though Harry, that was some magical damage. I really hope Dumbledore can figure out what's wrong with you."

"I doubt he's even looking," Harry grunted angrily.

"Harry," Hermione squeaked scandalized.

"No, I think Harry's right," Ginny sniffed. "Dumbledore may be a good Headmaster but he's much too focused on the war and after the Death Eater invasion last year he's been going pretty bonkers. Great Headmaster, terrible person."

Hermione gasped.

"I sorta agree I guess," Ron muttered, ducking his head as his girlfriend turned her glare onto him. "Harry's like the prophesized savior right? So why hasn't he done more to help? Bloody hell the only good thing about Harry's thing is You-Know-Who leaving him alone."

"Ugh you all are insufferable. He's the Headmaster-"

"Mione. Have you not learned that just because someone holds a title of authority does not mean they are good person?"

Harry felt none of the trust he normally had for the Headmaster. Something had happened with the man. He knew but somehow he couldn't remember it. His thoughts whispered darkly and angrily. Harry was inclined to listen to them right now.

Hermione paused and stared at Harry before slowly closing her mouth and glancing back at her textbook. "I just… it's Dumbledore. He's the paragon of the light."

"Hey Ron."

"Yea Harry?"

"You're really good with chess and strategy. To win the game what do you have to do?"

Ron blinked. "Well, you have to make sacrifices mate. Can't win with all the pieces unless you're opponent is a moron."

"No," Ginny gasped sitting up straight. Harry you don't think- He wouldn't!"

The brunette grit his teeth, hunching more and glaring at the slightly rooted wooden floor. "Have you ever heard him go on about the Greater Good? Because he does. All the time."

"Wait wait Harry that can't be right! He wouldn't do something like that," Hermione cried. She flew up out of her chair to start pacing in front of the door muttering furiously to herself."

"Um, I'm slightly lost."

Ginny reached out and whacked her brother on the head. "Use your brain cells idiot!"

"Ow! That bloody hurt!"

"Then stop being stupid!"

As those two bickered Harry allowed himself to drown in his negative thoughts. He was worthless to Dumbledore but at the same time the most valuable piece. He had to be because why else would the old man act the way he does? Completely ignoring him in sixth year and not even really trying to find a cure for his 'disease'. He'd heard more theories and better solutions from Remus than he had from the dotty Headmaster.

Harry was also extremely protected. The supposed Savior of the Wizarding World was coddled, confined to this nasty house. No it wasn't protection. It was more like being imprisoned. He didn't want to be here. Could actually think of several better solutions than being stuck here like staying in another country. Viktor would gladly host him. Even better he could be with his bro-

So that led Harry to thinking that he was a sacrifice. He had to be. There was no other reason for trying to pit a -just turned- seventeen year old boy against a Dark Lord that's been around for longer than Harry and possibly even his parents had existed. He was expected to pull some miracle out of his arse and blast Voldemort into oblivion… or maybe he was supposed to be a martyr and the people's love for him would actually get them to pull their collective heads out of the sand and actually fight.

He snorted softly.

Right love. More like reliance. They didn't love Harry at all they just wanted him to be the one to save him even as they drag his name through the mud and call him crazy. He wished he could go back to Santa Car-

For some reason, beyond the obvious manipulator factor, Harry just couldn't trust Dumbledore. And every time he told himself not to do what the old man said, fight it in fact, he would end up doing it anyway and fighting out of terrible situations. Then he would start trusting him because Dumbledore knew best right? Argh!

The door slammed open startling all of them. Harry was on his feet wand drawn with Ron and Ginny close behind and Hermione already had a spell dripping from the tip of her wand as she blocked the intruder's path into the room.

It was the twins and they looked particularly upset.

"We have terrible-"

"Well, it might be wonderful-"

"Only for Harry, of course-"

"News," they chorused.

"What happened," Hermione asked as she sheepishly hid her wand back into a forearm holster. He wanted to scream at her to not do that. Don't trust them. Constant vigilance!

But they were supposed to be safe here. It was only the twins. Nothing was wrong even if his magic roiled inside of him, scraping against the inside of his skin begging to be let out to it could fee-

"The Dursleys," Fred and George grimaced.

"Found dead in their-"

"Home, they were."

"Drained dry," they finished together.

"What?" He couldn't believe it. The Dursleys were dead. He wasn't sure if he sure be worried about how pleased that made him… and drained dry?

"Was it Death Eaters," Ron asked shakily.

Understandable considering they had only just picked him up right before his birthday and it had been less than two weeks since then.

"No."

"No Dark Mark, at least."

"The Order is pretty sure-"

"It was Vampires."

Harry's entire body shivered in pleasure, goose pimples raising along his flesh.

For some reason he'd always been fascinated with vampires even when he lived with the Dursleys. They felt… right?

Oh, but the meeting he'd had with Sanguini had been amazing. No wait. It had been pretty boring, hadn't it? Except he had been so ecstatic… no it was interesting but not enough to remember. No wait…

Harry couldn't help but stagger back as his head started pounding something awful. The twins noticed first as they were facing him. They made noises of concern catching everyone else's attention.

"Harry!"

He had to go. He needed to see it. No, he had to stay here. Why? Because Dumbledore had ordered it? How was he going to be able to get out? Maybe it was the-

He keened high in his throat as his magic pulsed, lashing out and tossing his friends. Why was this happening? This part should already be over!

"I need to go," he whimpered. "I need to go. I need to go. Ineedtogo. Ineedtogo."

"Harry, mate," Ron coughed as he peeled himself off the wall. He checked on his groaning sister before scooting forward off the bed they had landed on. "Where do you need to go? Mate, you gotta calm down. Talk to us."

Fred and George helped Hermione off them out in the hallway. Harry couldn't tell them. He had no words to. He just kept muttering the same words over and over, eyes wide and pleading.

"Didn't think he would be this distraught," Fred muttered to his twin. George agreed, setting the bookworm back on her feet so she could help her best friend.

"Harry. Harry, I'm going to touch you, okay? I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder," Hermione said softly as she approached. He let her. Her hand was hot, hotter than himself, and he grimaced at it but did nothing other than keen again. "Harry do you need to see the Dursleys? It that where you need to go?"

"Yes," he gasped pitifully. His hand clamped onto her wrist desperately. He needed her to understand. He. Needed. To. Go.

"Okay, Okay." Her other hand she set softly on top of his own. "We can't go anywhere if the adults come here right now here, Harry. Can you calm down, please?"

Harry bit his lip, scrunched his eyes shut, and sucked in a deep breath. He held it as long as he could before letting it out an repeating the process. He unclenched his hands, struggling to unlock them from his best friends wrist.

"I'm sorry. It's hard," he whispered. "It's… I need to be there. It physically hurts, Hermione. I need… I need…"

"We get it mate but don't think we're letting you go alone. When you rush into situations it usually doesn't turn out well," Ron sighed.

"Don't worry, Harry," Ginny reassured. "We're definitely going to help but we need to plan first."

Harry normally would have told them no, absolutely not. Especially after what happened with the Department of Mysteries but right now he didn't care. He would blast his way out of the gods be damned house if it would get him there. His friends were right, though. The Order wouldn't let him do that so they would have to sneak out.

"We got your-"

"Back, mate."

"Thanks," he ground out. "I think I need… to sleep… right now. I can't resist otherwise."

"We'll be right here trying to get a preliminary plan, alright?"

Harry sighed and dragged himself up onto the bed and crawled under the sparse covers. He was feverish again so he fell into an uneasy, much needed sleep.

AN: Alright cool. First chapter, yay! Drop a review on your way out?