Set Me Free

Act I: The Bet

"You ever think you complain too much, Saotome?"

Ranma Saotome looked up at the person asking the question, ramen noodles dangling out of his mouth as though he was a wheat-based eldritch horror.

"Wha-?" Ranma asked before noisily slurping up the wad of noodles. He looked up across the round table to see his best "regular friends" Hiroshi and Daisuke sitting in front of him.

While Ranma was eating his fourth bowl of ramen (this one with extra spicy ma po tofu), the two classmates were hanging back, their empty bowls pushed aside long ago. They both had their gakuran jackets placed on the chairs behind them as they sat. Daisuke leaned back, his hands back behind his head, occasionally ruffling his messy, almost curly brown hair as he daydreamed into space. Hiroshi, more serious in his countenance as he leaned forward, his elbows on the table, pointed at Ranma.

"I mean, no offense dude, we've been in the same class for like almost two years now, and like—" Hiroshi shrugged. "Daisuke n' I don't see what's so bad about your curse. It's, like, just a thing. Like how Daisuke didn't stop wetting the bed till like 7th grade."

"DUDE!" Daisuke turned, almost falling off his chair. He pointed at Hiroshi. "Well, what about that time you called Nurse Shinonome 'Mom' when you got hit by that dodgeball!"

"I was concussed!"

Ranma looked at the two arguing with a half-lidded stare. "You guys are idiots. It's called a 'curse' for a reason. It makes my life hell."

Hiroshi and Daisuke laughed before Hiroshi replied. "I don't see how any of what you have is hell. You got three, no, four girls chasing you and you, like, do all this badass kung fu and you treat it like it's nothing." Hiroshi let out a long sigh as he leaned back. "Man, all we got is fucking Famicom and no dates."

"Yeah, ain't like we can date Rock Man," Daisuke said, prompting odd looks from Ranma and Hiroshi. "I mean Peach." The other two nodded affirmatively at Daisuke.

"That stuff ain't the curse though. The fiancées are like my old man's fault, mostly, n' martial arts's all I know anyway. Nah, the curse does shit to your brain... It changes how people look at ya and treat ya. I mean, I like getting some free food, but the Nyannichuan curse still sucks."

Hiroshi shook his head, "I bet if Dai n' I had your curse, we'd manage. Hell, I bet we can show you that you're just whining and that what you have isn't even a curse!"

Ranma looked up. "Don't mess around guys. Ain't funny."

"We're serious!" Daisuke said. "If we had your curse, we'd show you how to live it up!"

Ranma set down his soup spoon and let out a sigh. "Wanna place some money on it?"

Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other confused. "Huh?"

"I knew it. You guys aren't takin' it seriously enough."

"Wait wait," Hiroshi held up a hand. "Fine, we'll put some scratch on the table." Hiroshi pulled out two 1000 yen bills. "But what for?"

Ranma counted up the cash. "This'll do." He looked up and said, "Heya, old hag! Where'd ya-" Ranma was conked in the head by a wooden staff.

"Son-in-law, you could stand to be nicer to your elders." creaked a familiar sounding crone behind Ranma.

"Yeah, well you come faster if I insult ya." He gave the money to Cologne. "I need to teach these jokers a lesson. Ya got any instant Nyannichuan in the back? I know Shampoo hoards a bunch of em, for some reason..."

Cologne hopped onto the table and walked up towards Hiroshi and Daisuke. She observed them closely with narrowed eyes. "I see... typical stupid little boys. Yes, I think I can arrange this, son-in-law." Cologne jumped off the table and hopped away.

"Wow, that old lady is creepy. Like a mummy." Hiroshi said.

Ranma shrugged while finishing his ramen. "Yeah, ya got that right."

Meanwhile at another table, Akane was stealthily eyeing Ranma as she ate shao mai with determination. Her own school friends, Sayuri and Yuka, were present, patting their tummies as they were stuffed to the gills on the pork and shrimp dumplings.

"Akane, can we go home soon? I'm pretty sure if I eat another shumai, I'm gonna burst," Yuka said.

Akane sighed. "Shush. I just want to see what Ranma is up to..."

"Akane act dumb trying to sneak." A familiar lilting voice said seemingly out of nowhere. "Great grandmother and Ranma teaching dumb school boys a lesson."

Akane jumped in her seat in surprise. "Ack! Shampoo! Don't do that! You're still on thin ice for the whole 'bombing my house' thing, you know!"

Sayuri and Yuka exchanged silent confused glances at each other as Akane continued. "And what do you mean Ranma's teaching them a lesson?"

Shampoo shrugged casually, giving Akane and her friends a smile.

"Dumb boys make light of Jusenkyo curse. Especially Nyannichuan. It true not bad curse compared to Maonichuan. Make airen cute and sexy." Akane's face grew flush as Shampoo pointed that out. Shampoo gave Akane a knowing look. "But Jusenkyo no no laughing matter. Curse still curse. Ranma show them with Instant Jusenkyo."

Akane, Sayuri, and Yuka looked at Shampoo confused. "Y-You mean you guys are gonna give them a girl curse!?" Sayuri asked in an excited whisper.

"Great-Grandmother making Instant Nyannichuan now."

"Ugh. That's so gross!" Akane said. "Bad enough Ranma has a girl curse. Now Hiroshi and Daisuke are gonna prance around like that."

Yuka nodded in agreement. "Besides, what's so bad about being a girl, anyway? Ugh, boys always think they have it hard."

"Yeah! It's probably a cakewalk to have a boy curse." Sayuri said.

Shampoo looked at the three and smiled a bit as she walked away. "Zēngzǔmǔ〜 Wǒ yǒu lìng yīgè xiǎngfǎ〜"

Ranma finally drank the broth from his fifth and final bowl of ramen. "Ahhh. Yeah, that hit the spot." He looked at his friends and began to smile. "Okay, I think we're ready to have an interesting day." Turning his eyes towards the back of the restaurant, behind Hiroshi and Daisuke, Ranma saw Cologne come on by.

"Wait... What's gonna happen now?" Hiroshi asked, a trace of perspiration on his brow.

"Don't panic, just let it happen," Ranma smiled as Cologne threw the glass of water on Hiroshi and Daisuke. The force of water shot past them and grazed Ranma and, at once, the three of the boys at the table ended up wet and with a new physical form.

While Hiroshi and Daisuke were in shock, Ranma sighed and wrung out her shirt. "Thanks ghoul."

Cologne scoffed and replied, "Calm yourself son-in-law, you already have that curse, it's no more harmful than any other water."

Ranma reached over to some leftover hot tea and splashed herself. She noticed there was no change in perspective as well as a raised eye from Cologne.

"Hmm... that is odd. Oh well, it shouldn't be permanent. I think. Give it a day or two."

Ranma slapped her forehead. "Why is it that even when I get one over on people, I still get screwed?" Ranma huffed, crossing her arms.

She saw movement out of the corner of her eye as she spotted Hiroshi and Daisuke try to walk out of the Nekohanten, but finding it difficult in their now oversized clothes.

Hiroshi was holding up her pants as, while Hiroshi as a guy was taller than Ranma, as a girl she was a bit shorter even than Ranma's present runty height and much more slight of frame than Ranma in comparison. To Ranma, Hiroshi now looked more like a sixth-grader in stature and figure than a third year high school student.

Daisuke meanwhile, didn't seem to change much. She was a hair shorter than before, maybe about Ukyou's height, had a rounder face and softer features but it was still recognizably Daisuke. The only major change was the shock of blonde hair and something of a change in figure, sporting a modest chest, but a small waist and very pear-shaped lower body, her butt in particular.

"Oh no you don't!" Ranma said jumping over and grabbing the two by the scruff of their loose collars. " I don't need people claimin' I'm 'spreadin' deviancy' and if I left you two alone you'd probably just be doin'... something people keep sayin' I do everytime I'm in the bath..." Ranma paused for a second parsing his own words. "Any—anyway, We're doin' this fair n' square and I ain't keepin my eyes off you two. Come on, ladies, I'm gonna run you through your paces."

Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other, slumping in their saggy school uniforms. They audibly gulped at the same time.

Meanwhile at Akane's table, the three girls stood as soon as Ranma, Hiroshi, and Daisuke left the restaurant.

"Can I get the check please, Shampoo?" Akane asked.

Shampoo flitted back to the three girls. "Oh no worry, on house." She tilted her head questioningly. "You busy chasing airen and new 'girl friends', yes?"

The three girls nodded. Sayuri said, "I don't trust Ranma to not lose track of those two and if Hiroshi does anything, I swear..."

Yuka shrugged. "I just wanna see them suffer."

Akane rolled her eyes. "Either way, Ranma's up to something. I'm not gonna let him be a weirdo out of my-" She stopped as the felt a splash of water. Akane wiped the water from her face and felt disoriented as things were thrown out of kilter. She heard tearing sounds and felt a bit of a chill in her body.

For one, Shampoo seemed much tinier than before. Turning to Yuka and Sayuri, Akane's eyes bugged out.

Sayuri was tall, just about as tall as Soun, if not a smidge taller. Definitely too tall for the girls' uniform as the shoulders and sleeves of the jumper dressed were ripped open. His face was soft, but the jaw and cheekbones and a sharpness to them that read as bishounen perhaps with the long dark brown hair, but definitely male.

Yuka on the other hand was a bit taller, but had the same round face as before, though the broad shoulders and somewhat wiry build clashed a bit more with the long light brown hair.

Akane looked down briefly and saw the top of her own uniform was tatters, exposing a barrel chest and arms that would perhaps dwarf Ryuu Kumon or Ryouga.

Akane put these pieces together and said, in a voice that shocked her for how basso it was at first. "Wha-What did you do, Shampoo!?"

"Oh, just think you hide better spying on airen," she gave the three a playful wink. "Though need new clothes. Especially violent girl. Brought you things from duck boy closet. Should fit okay enough."

Shampoo presented a few sets of clothing. Yuka put one of Mousse's spare white robe and pants. Sayuri found a dark button shirt and navy slacks. Akane, in a grimace, opted for a tight white t-shirt with some text on it and acid wash jean shorts he was pretty sure Mousse had never worn. Akane frowned as he was made to acknowledge the extremely muscular build of his male body, having to tug at the shirt on until it stretched over his torso and biceps. He turned away and, with something approaching fear, pulled down the tattered uniform looked down to put on his shorts.

Oh my. Akane stood stock still in silence half-disrobed.

"You okay, Akane?" Sayuri asked from a distance.

"Soda can! I mean, yeah I'm good..." Akane quickly put on the shorts before turning to Sayuri and Yuka. They all quickly looked at each other for reassurance. While a bit unsteady, everyone seemed to agree they were adjusting for their new predicament.

Finally, Akane let out a sigh. "Okay, time's' a wasting. Let's go!"

The three young men, still a bit off balance, headed out of the Nekohanten.

Shampoo meanwhile began collecting their plates and cleaning the table of water with a rag.

"Oh, there they go," Cologne remarked picking up the plates. "I suppose it's fine for children to play."

Shampoo looked up from her work at Cologne. "Um, Great Grandmother? May Shampoo-"

"Oh, you'd go even if I forbade it," Cologne chuckled. "Just make sure they don't get into too much mischief, child."

Shampoo jumped up in joy and ran out of the restaurant.

Ranma led the hobbling girls behind her down the streets of Furinkan. The two girls in ill-fitting Furinkan boy's uniforms got odd looks until they noticed a familiar redhead and then the look just became one of indifference. It was a nice day out and Ranma stretched out, as though trying to catch more of the sunlight on herself as she walked. Finally, out of tough, she turned back and, walking backwards looked at Hiroshi and Daisuke.

"How're ya holdin' up?"

Hiroshi sighed, "As you can see, I'm having some issues holding things up. I'm effectively playing dressup in my non-existent older brother's clothes."

"Yeah these pants kinda are flopping at the waist and there's a lot of room in the inseam now for some—ah yeah, that makes sense." Daisuke self corrected, causing Ranma to chuckle.

Ranma looked approvingly at the miserable girls and, with hand on her chin in thought, asked, "Where do people in our class go after school?"

Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other. Hiroshi mused. "I guess that new mall they opened in Hikarigaoka?" Daisuke nodded. "Yeah, that place is kinda trendy, especially after the shopping arcade in Asaka blew up."

Ranma looked away from her friends at the mention of Asaka. "Yeah... I heard 'bout that." She shook her head, "Okay, well that makes things easier," she replied. "Yeah, we'll go there. Let's get you ladies some embarrassing girly outfits and then we'll parade around scammin' other guys our age!"

Hiroshi jumped in front of Ranma, waving her hands and shaking her head "Wha-wait! W-we can't do that! There'll be Furinkan High guys! Well be eaten alive!" She felt her trousers falling down, at which point she moved to grab the waist again.

"Only if they buy us dinner first..." Daisuke replied matter of factly.

Hiroshi and Ranma looked at Daisuke.

"What? I'm not giving any of this away." Daisuke said pointing to herself.

Ranma smiled. "Dai's got a good head on their shoulders... kinda." She scratched her head. "Anyway, that'll give ya a taste of what I on the reg, especially in gym."

"Nobody asked you to play forward on the girls' basketball team," Hiroshi corrected, waving her finger at Ranma.

"It was just the one game! They said that I was 'faking the funk and can't slam the dunk' and then there was that ancient scroll Ryouga found that said if I could take the holy sphere through the ring I could get a wish!" Ranma sighed, "Why the hell didn't anyone tell me that holy prophet looking guy was just Wilt Chamberlain in a dashiki?"

The new shopping mall in Hikarigaoka was a bustle of activity. While technically an enclosed shopping mall with three floors of shops, escalators, and small restaurants, the large glass roof over the whole site as well as the open air design, made the mall feel more like an open air shopping center, along with a walkway to the nearby train station.

In a small room next to a shoe store, a meeting was taking place. The room nearly empty save for a small table in the center of the room and a row of folding chairs arranged in a line in front. Only the projected light saved the room from being completely dark. A hand clicked a button on the projector and a photo of the mall appeared.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. This is our jurisdiction." A clear baritone voice said in the darkness, reverberating in the mostly empty room. "We've been hired by the owners to keep the peace, ensure no one shoplifts and, most importantly, prevent this from happening again." A click and now a pile of rubble was projected.

"What the hell is that?" A woman asked.

"That was the outdoor shopping district near Asaka."

"What happened? Earthquake? Fire? Bomb?" another man asked.

"If only. No, this was done by the hands of humans. The worst sort of humans... teenagers."

Another click. Now projected on the screen were two teenagers one in a red shirt and black pants, the other in a mustard tunic and hunter green pants. They were engaged in combat.

"Come on, sir. A fist fight caused a shopping district to be torn down?"

Another click. This time the boy in red seemed to be pushing a large blue orb toward a fishmonger's shop.

"What the hell..."

"Yes. And it isn't just them." The man leading the discussion said. He began slowly clicking through various photos of different teenagers causing property damage throughout the shopping district as he spoke. "We don't have full profiles since they've somehow never been arrested or arraigned, but in order:

"Ranma Saotome, ringleader of this horrible terrible gang."

Click.

"Akane Tendou, his fiancee and fearsome girl gang leader of her own."

Click.

"Ryouga Hibiki. A homeless itinerant who may be on anabolic steroids based on eyewitness accounts of feats of strength and lack of awareness. Saotome's second in command. Exercise *extreme* caution."

Click.

"Tatewaki Kunou. The only one who has made a dent in Saotome's gang. Treat as a friendly, but stay out of the way of his swordsmanship."

Click.

"Ukyou Kuonji. Narcotics dealer with ties to the Aizukotetsu-kai Yakuza clan. He's known to employ the services of deadly ninja assassins to do his dirty work. Known associate and probable boytoy of Saotome himself, the sick bastard. Rumor mill says that Saotome consumes a whole mountain of coke supplied by Kuonji before he goes on his rampages of destruction."

Click.

"Shampoo. A dangerous immigrant and possible Chinese spy. She can choke the life out of a JSDF agent in 20 seconds. Is Saotome's side girl, who according to the files, enjoys diplomatic immunity." He muttered under his breath, "Damn LDP..."

Click

"Mousse. Another immigrant with immunity. Possesses multiple deadly weapons and has been seen destroying houses using nothing but a plunger and a bad attitude."

There was another click and a red-haired girl in a red shirt was seen running away from an exploding lingerie shop.

"Unknown. She seems to be related to Saotome's group, though intel doesn't know if she's his sister, a mistress, or Tendou's own side chick. She's just as deadly as the other Saotome and... if the rumors are believed, she may even be Saotome, which would make him a master of disguise and almost certainly KGB."

A final click stopped the slideshow. The lights turned on and the speaker, a forty-something man with a square jaw, squarer hair, and donning a bright white gi over his blue security uniform, continued.

"We were hired with one purpose above all others. Keep these individuals from destroying the mall, by any means necessary. This is what all our training has been for. For the Honor of Martial Arts Mall Security, LLC!"

A chorus of shouts as similarly dressed security guards stood and raised their fists.

"Yes, Captain Watanabe, sir!"

Ranma looked over her work and nodded. She poured in almost a full year's experience with the curse and tried to distill the things that sucked most into one afternoon. This was the first of a long list of activities she had planned.

"Yeah... that'll be just right." Ranma said in a very satisfied voice.

"You're sick, you know that, Saotome?" Hiroshi squeaked from behind the sheet.

"Well, that ain't the first time I've heard that. Now c'mere, sweetie."

Hiroshi grunted angrily as she pulled back the curtain and raised her arms. "Okay, are you happy now? I look like a damn cupcake." Hiroshi looked down at the absurdly ruffled pink dress, feeling awkward encased in taffeta and lace.

"Not my fault you're junior petite, 'specially in the chest."

"Well I'm not supposed to-" Hiroshi stopped and crossed her arms, huffing. "I like 'em better this way."

"Really? Cause I see yer eyes when Shampoo runs around or when Ukyou's sarashi popped in Home Ec. after that fire at Akane's station."

Hiroshi narrowed her eyes and looked up at Ranma. "Well this suits me just fine..." She looked around. "Anyway, where's Dai?"

"Ah, crap." Ranma began looking around the change area until she heard a curtain open dramatically.

"Ta fuckin' da, girls." Daisuke walked out and Ranma and Hiroshi stopped in shock. Daisuke walked out in a striped mini dress with spaghetti straps and white 8cm high heels.

"Uhhhhh-" Hiroshi tilted her head looking down at her bare feet.

"Dai, what the hell is that!?" Ranma yelled.

"It's my 'Fujiko Mine' look." She smiled and danced around a bit. "Damn, I make this look good, especially in the trunk." She turned away from Hiroshi and Daisuke, running a hand through the short blonde hair and shaking her rear playfully. "Whaddaya think?"

Ranma and Hiroshi's initial reaction was, to their dismay, to look at that region before their higher brains clicked and they felt a wave of discomfort.

"I don't fuckin' believe this..." Ranma put a hand on her face and sighed.

"H-How, Dai?" Hiroshi squeaked.

Daisuke shrugged. "I just thought what would I find hot in a gal that looked like I do and I kinda went from there. Also, I've had a crush on Fujiko since 'Pink Jacket'."

Ranma shook her head. "No, no, no. This is all. Damn. Wrong. Okay, new plan. Hiro, as cute as a little button ya look, go ahead and get somethin' a bit more reasonable. Daisuke, you're gonna hafta change."

"Hey what about you!? Why do we have to get a new wardrobe while you just bum around in your normal crap?"

Ranma narrowed her eyes. "Okay well... damn. Fine, fine." Ranma sighed and began scouting the aisles, muttering "no, no, no, that's a 'Yoiko' look, was this stolen from the dumpster at the Chardin estate?,no..." Finally she stopped and pulled out a white sundress, adorned with large peach colored flowers.

That'll do. Ranma thought. Usually this'd be a third tier 'fuck with Ryouga's mind' kinda dress, but it's a nice day.

Ranma looked around and took a straw hat and matching wedge sandals before regrouping.

Daisuke kept the heels, but switched to a jumper style dress with a monochrome flower pattern over a peach-colored button blouse and a large billowy navy blue beret, letting a small bit of her admittedly short blonde hair peek out.

Hiroshi was dressed in a baggy grey sweater over a maxi skirt. On her feet were leather ankle boots with just a small heel.

"Huh, that's a big sweater."

"They're all big sweaters! Unless I wanna go shop in the kid's section and look like I watch Creamy Mami. Also I'm freezing! Aren't you two cold like this?"

Ranma shrugged, "my ki keeps me warm, but like Dai n' I are also more padded than ya are, shrimp."

Hiroshi's expression darkened. "Rub it in, why don't you..." Hiroshi paused. "Wait. Why the hell do I care anyway?"

Ranma gave Hiroshi a smirk. "Welcome to my world, chicken legs." and walked to the counter to pay for her things along with Daisuke.

Hiroshi paused and wondered before yelling, in a screechy mezzo-soprano, "Chicken legs!?" and ran towards them.

Akane, Yuka, and Sayuri were walking down the streets of Furinkan. For Akane, it was weird enough trying to get his bearings. The world felt a bit smaller somehow and his balance as off. He wondered if it was the slightly higher center of gravity that was the problem or a certain new weight imbalancing his posture.

"Uh, you guys okay? I'm sorry about this."

Sayuri sighed, "It's fine. Shampoo picked a quiet day for this, at least. I'm not sure I could be seen in school like this."

Yuka smiled, "I mean, I'm just happy we're walking around instead of playing stalker. Why do you care what Ranma does anyway?"

Akane looked back. "Because! Everytime I turn around it's either 'whoops one of the fiances almost married me' or 'oh hey here's my new rival' or 'oh I'm not doing anything weird just dressing up as a girl again for some convoluted reason and you're not invited to tag along!' It's just... annoying." Akane huffed.

Yuka and Sayuri exchanged a glance, but merely shrugged.

As they reached the curb of a large intersection, Akane stopped and sighed. "Damn Shampoo. Where could the heck could they have gone? At this rate they could be halfway to Shibuya for all we know..."

"My my, what have we here? Hey there, big boy," a voice said from around the corner, with more than a hint of sultriness.

"Oh no..." Akane sighed as her elder sister, Nabiki Tendou, walked up in front of the three.

"Are you a new martial artist and his tag-alongs? Or just a badly dressed boy band? I can forgive a lot of bad sartorial choices with that bod... well, for a night at least."

Akane's eye twitched. "You don't understand! It's—it's not what it looks like!" Akane waved his arms away. He looked and saw Sayuri put a hand to his face and sigh. Yuka meanwhile just looked amused, adopting a similarly relaxed pose to Nabiki.

"I mean, I don't blame her, chief." Yuka smirked as he commented to Akane. "You're pretty hot."

The middle Tendou held up a camera. "Oh really? And what does it look like then? I should take a photo for posterity."

"Nabiki, no! Don't you dare! I'll tell Daddy on you!"

Nabiki's eyebrows raised from behind the viewfinder of her camera. "I see... Well, someone is having fun and it won't be me." Nabiki gave Akane a grin and replied, "1000 yen for my time."

Akane rolled her eyes and fished out a bill, throwing it at her. "WHAT!? We don't have time for this. Ranma and his friends are running around as girls up to who knows what kind of things! We don't even know where they went."

"Oh my," Nabiki said, putting a hand to her open mouthed face and slowly drawing out a very theatrical look of shock before putting that hand on her hip and smirking. "You know, Akane, if the girls at school saw you right now, you'd have a wholly different hentai horde after you."

Akane stopped and blinked, visualizing the image Nabiki presented. She found her cheeks glowing red..

"Ah, I see you like that idea, Ms. Casanova?"

"No! I'm not thinking anything like that! Ugh, why do you have to make everything... weird!"

Nabiki shrugged and put a hand on her brother's shoulder. "Keep telling yourself that. I wonder what you're gonna do when you find your fiancé,—oh, sorry, fiancée? Maybe find a quiet little place, say, a utility closet, and 'work out your aggression'?"

Akane threw up his hands and covered his ears. "Aaaaah! I'm not listening! I'm not listening! Just tell me where Ranma and his pervy goons went!"

Nabiki shook her head, "Always worried about deviancy... projection's not just in 35 millimeters." The middle Tendou sibling rubbed her fingers at Akane in the universal gesture for "money please."

"I can't believe you're exploiting me when I'm in this position, sis." Akane sighed and rustled in his back pocket before pulling out a 1000 yen bill.

"If I can be frank. You all look like dorks. May I suggest the new mall in Hikarigaoka? I'm sure you'll find what you need, little sister, or should I perhaps say 'big brother'?" Nabiki laughed, "Poor little Ranma-chan won't know the first thing to do with you."

Nabiki slung her camera behind her shoulder and walked off waving, "Pleasure doing business with you, gentlemen."

Akane looked at Yuka and Sayuri. "Hikarigaoka? You really think they'd be there?"

Sayuri shrugged. "It couldn't hurt. That's where all the cool kids go after school. I mean it's not like they could go to Asaka after that gas explosion or whatever." She looked to Yuka, missing the somewhat blank expression Akane took.

Yuka nodded. "I don't got any plans and I got homework to not do. Onwards!"

The three of them looked at each other, nodding. They began running towards the train station.

The food court in the mall was set up almost like a festival than a traditional food court, with two rows of restaurant options ranging from the traditional like takoyaki and yakisoba, to crepes, pizza, and Indian food. The small restaurants, while built into the mall edifice and had kitchens in the back, too on the appearance of food stalls and the employees, in turn, tried to evoke the feeling of being at a fun party.

It was only partially successful, though on a lazy Saturday afternoon, the mood was generally bright and there were more than a few business owners feeling generous as they looked at the middling crowd of mall patrons walking up and down the rows of culinary delights.

"Oooh those look sooo tasty," a sweet natured voice with a shock of blond hair under a beret exclaimed, as she looked up at the vendor selling dango and taiyaki.

"Oh, you have a good eye. Why don't you have one on the house, young lady?" The middle-aged man staffing the stand offered Daisuke a fish-shaped pastry hot off the pan.

"Gee, thanks!" Daisuke smiled and walked away, almost without realizing the extra hippy nature of her stride away.

Meanwhile at a crepe shop, Hiroshi ambled up to a man in his late twenties. Affecting a voice and trying out the higher end of her register, Hiroshi sniffled a bit before saying, "Gee mister, that looks nummy, but my mommy stole allowance to buy sake and, and *sniff* she hit me when I asked why." Hiroshi started rubbing her eyes as though she was tearing up.

"Woah..." The man blinked, confused. "Um, aw, look. That's okay, sweetheart. Here have a crepe. On me!" He smiled reassuringly as he gave Hiroshi a crepe with strawberries and whipped cream.

"Th-thank you. I don't think this will go towards fixing my broken home life, but I ap-app-appre- I'm happy." Hiroshi then walked away, rounding a corner to where Daisuke and Ranma were, eating taiyaki and a corn dog, respectively.

Ranma blinked. "Wow, I haven't pulled the 'sad broken orphan' con in like forever. How did you guys pull it off?"

"Dude, it's not hard to fool people." Daisuke said. "Granted, I got an ass that don't quit, so it's like another arrow in my quiver." Ranma blinked and suppressed a slight shudder.

Hiroshi shook his head at Daisuke before adding, "You act like you invented scamming people for free food." Hiroshi snorted. "Oh, pwease mister, my weawwy mean alcohowic mommy will beat me if she found I was eating something not fwon a convenience stoaaaaw..." and then gave Ranma a flat, dry expression, keeping it as such while she kept eating into her crepe.

Ranma huffed as she pulled out the corn dog stick out of her mouth, "Ugh, way to make a good thing unappetizing." Ranma thought for a bit. "Okay, then. Playtime's over, chumps. Now you're gonna pick up some guys."

"Woah woah woah, what!?" Hiroshi said, almost dropping her food.

"I mean not for real," Ranma qualified, "but you don't understand how many times I've had to play coy for a dumb guy. Ya gotta understand what's that's like if you wanna say you can do this better n' me."

"Humor me, Ranma. Why have you had to pretend to be interested in men?" Hiroshi asked.

Ranma began counting off with her fingers. "Lesee, wishing sword, to try and help a spirit move on to the afterlife, to stop Akane from gettin' hit on, get Shampoo back her human form from a ghost cat, to get a sick kid take his medicine..." She threw up her hands. "Lots of stupid shit where the only recourse I had is seducin' someone as a girl and make them fall for me, even if I hated it."

Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other.

"Dude..." Hiroshi said in a stage whisper.

Daisuke nodded. "Yeah... I mean I sorta get what Ranma's saying, but even I'm starting to wonder..."

"Maybe he's right about the curse being weird?"

"Well, it's definitely messing with my head a bit, but like..." Daisuke asked, "are you feelin' up to find a guy to date right now?"

"No! I'm straight as an arrow! You?"

Daisuke looked a bit uncomfortable, "Dude. Middle school camping trip?"

Hiroshi nodded. "Oh yeah, sorry man."

Daisuke shrugged. " 's cool. That was a long time ago. Sorry again about your sleeping bag, by the way."

Ranma coughed. "If you're done? Let's see you dopes play along and rope some guys in."

"What about you?" Daisuke asked.

"Hey, when you go on a date with Kunou to get a wishing sword, then we'll talk. I've done plenty of fake dates ta last me a lifetime!" Ranma looked at the two of them. "Just go, chat up any guy that looks like an easy mark, and bring me back somethin' that shows ya did it. Ya know, like a present they got ya or their wallet or whatever."

Daisuke shrugged, "Sure. I get it. We commit petty theft on someone too blind by our tits or whatever and get something for our time."

Ranma blinked, "I mean... ya don't gotta put it like that."

"Why not? It's just a con job when you boil it down. Pretend you're something you're not, make someone happy a second, give 'em a show and then walk away robbing them blind, right?" Daisuke leaned down on her heels to look eye to eye with Ranma.

For her part the redhead looked a bit scared, "Gee, Dai, when ya put it like that, ya sound like the way my old man talks..."

"Well, the apple doesn't fall far off the tree, does it? Or is there more to it than simple artful dodging?"

Ranma struggled to answer a moment, trying but failing to stammer a response.

"Okay, I'm bored now." Hiroshi declared as she stood. "I'll see you jerks later." Ranma was too distracted to say anything as Hiroshi strolled off on her heeled boots.

After a moment Daisuke let out a laugh and put a hand to Ranma's shoulder.

"I'm just fuckin' with you, Saotome. It's just a game, right? Not like you get anything out of it other than a snack or some cash, huh?" Daisuke gave Ranma a knowing look. "I'll see ya later, before they close. I'll bring back some spoils of war. Might even be fun." She gave Ranma a wink and strutted away from the food court.

Hiroshi looked around. What the hell was she supposed to do to 'lure' a guy, especially when she felt like a little kid in this body? "This is stupid. All the guys our age look dumb and only a creepy pedo is gonna come up to talk to me. Sigh.." Hiroshi sat and pulled out a book to read.

"Oh, Kobo Abe. I love his work."

Hiroshi looked up and saw a young man. He was tall with long black hair tied back in a low ponytail. His face was oval, with a slightly angular jawline, but there was an effeminate softness otherwise. His eyes, however, seemed familiar though Hiroshi couldn't place them. His clothes were a little formal, a dark red button shirt with slightly too long sleeves and navy slacks and black sneakers. Better dressed than I usually am, Hiroshi thought approvingly.

"I, uh, just started reading him. I heard The Woman in the Dunes is his best work so..."

Hiroshi started feeling nervous. Was this what Ranma was talking about? Social interaction was weird enough normally. Daisuke was his best friend by virtue of being his oldest friend these days, having known each other since Daisuke transferred during 5th grade. Ranma was his only other friend by virtue of the fact that he was somehow one of the least judgy people he knew. Aside from the weirdness that happened around him—like today's bet—that turned away most of the Furinkan population, Hiroshi found that, as long as you weren't pushy about how he lived his life, Ranma was pretty nice.

There was only ever one other person Hiroshi had never felt weird around in his life. Yet, somehow, over time it had become weird between them and, by Hiroshi's reckoning, they hadn't really spoken much in three years. So now being faced with conversation and interest from someone else as, outwardly at least, someone else, Hiroshi found herself both apprehensive and being sucked in as the man spoke in a soft light baritone voice.

"Yeah, I was super into The Ark Sakura when it came out. There was something somehow sad and vulnerable about the protagonist, even though he was unlikeable as a person," the young man remarked wistfully, putting a hand to his chin thinking about what else to say. "I heard Abe was starting a new book, but it'll be a few years before it comes out."

As Hiroshi's eyes tracked the young man talking to her, she found herself... she didn't know the feeling. It was a kind of floaty feeling; the best way she could verbalize it was "letting go." She felt okay letting go a little and after a second she closed the book. Maybe this was worth looking into. Was this why Daisuke was acting so out there?

Hiroshi stood and gave a light bow. "I'm Hi-" Hiroshi paused and cursed herself. "Um, I'm Hiro-ko?" she supplied, testing the word on her tongue. The man for his part looked a bit confused but nodded.

"Cute. I'm Sa.. Sadahiko."

"Okay, maybe you can tell me more about Kobo Abe. Do you read any Murakami? I just finished Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World."

Sadahiko led the two down one arm of the mall towards a bookstore.

Ranma looked on distantly, crouching behind a bush and said, "Huh... never thought about the bookish approach. I'll hafta put that in my repertoire if I gotta get one over on any nerds." She shuddered at the thought of having to use seduction on someone like Gosunkugi.

Ranma then she recalled Daisuke's parting words and her expression hardened. There was something so galling about how much confidence she had when she'd barely been cursed more than a few hours. It was weird, but Ranma couldn't figure out why, or why thinking about it was making her feel weird, as well.

That train of thought ended when Ranma felt a looming presence over her. She was surprised by how close it got before her senses ticked, but that aura of angry ki was eerily familiar.

"Rrrrrrranmmmmmaaaaaa." A tall, muscular man with medium short black hair said, his voice grumbling. His hair seemed to twitch within the electricity of his ki.

"Ah, hell." Ranma turned to face the man behind him, but as she was still crouched low, she came face to face with something that made her face go ashen.

That's a damn daikon in there! Ranma thought as she looked at the jean shorts before looking up, past the strongly built trunk and chest barely contained by a stretched out white cotton T-shirt, and seeing a strangely familiar hairstyle on the strongly featured masculine face, Ranma's brain began to break. Ranma briefly thought the young man looked a bit like Ryu Kumon on steroids before she finally yelled at him.

"Ack! I-uh- um-who..." Ranma tried fluttering her eyes at the man, but only saw the anger envelop the young man. The face was unfamiliar, but the specific type of anger he felt was well-worn. Looking around unsure what to do, Ranma saw two security guards in uniforms and... white karate dougis? Ranma's brain was overloaded from so much information to process, so she defaulted to a variant of the secret technique.

"Get your hands offa me, you creep! Help! Police! Police!" Ranma yelled out. The man in front of her looked confused, and then panicked as the mall cops turned to face him and Ranma.

"No wait, Ranma! You don't-"

"Help! Help!" Ranma yelled at the mall cops, waving her arms hysterically. "This evil evil brute is trying to abduct me and do who knows what to my nubile virginal body!"

The security team quickly went to their position, surrounding the black haired young man. In a second, Ranma took a step back, then another, and before the young man knew it, Ranma had disappeared into the mall as he was now being pestered with questions by the security guards and lectured harshly against frightening young women.

Ranma chuckled. "Showed him. Trying ta sneak up on me like Akane. Getting all rumbly angry like Akane. Having that ear length bob like Akane..." Ranma slowed down. "Callin' me 'Ranma' like... wait, that couldn't've been..." She then remembered the first thing about the man she saw.

"No way that's Akane!"

I expect a few pitchforks for all the ascended extras here, but take it in stride, put on some 80s power pop and pop punk, and enjoy yourself.

Thanks to enpassant and RDavidson for reading and copyediting and providing notes.

This is a short series that, unlike the rest of my work, everything has been written and it is all about 95% copyedited. Expect the next chapter sometime next week.

～裏には裏がある