Chapter 18:

Severus:

Severus knew his own mind well, so it was not surprising that he'd be haunted by nightmares that night. In fact, it was strange he'd been able to fall asleep at all. But as expected, no matter how much he wished it would; sleep did not last forever. In the early morning hours, he woke with a start. He was sweaty and sticky, with a racing heartbeat and heavy breathing. Luckily, he managed to hold in the gasp that threatened to escape his lips when he woke. He glanced over at Tonks who lay on the other side of the tent, worried he'd woken her up for the second time that night. Her snoring had halted, and she stirred slightly while he studied her, but she didn't seem to have noticed his ravaging emotions. She only snuggled further into her blankets and continued snoring

Good. He didn't want her to witness his nightmares . . . again.

Merlin how embarrassing.

He knew it would happen eventually. It was impossible to avoid it when they were sleeping in the same tent after all. But he had hoped he'd be able to figure out some way to silence himself before it happened . . . but earlier he had been too exhausted to fight off the all-consuming wave of sleep before he even had time to perform his normal routine of occlumency. The consequences were dreams more terrible than usual and a forceful nudge back to reality by a concerned Tonks.

At least she didn't seem inclined to pity him for his nightmare, or Merlin forbid, coddle him. She'd simply woken him up and left him to his own devices. She didn't act like some other women he knew, like the Hogwarts matron Poppy Pomfrey for example who seemed to think an obscene amount of hot chocolate could scare away any fright.

No, that was simply annoying.

Unable to go back to sleep, Severus decided to have a stroll like he always did on sleepless nights. He slowly and carefully snuck out of the tent as not to wake up his companion and went out in the cold and fresh morning air.

Exiting the tent, he scanned the clearing ahead of them. The rain had stopped some time during the night and there were no eight-legged monsters in sight. Still, he didn't truly believe the three medieval wizards were strong enough to keep away so many of them. A horde of acromantulas as large as this, had enough strength to claw themselves through even the strongest of wards. Severus had cast a few wards of his own around the perimeter before he went to bed earlier, but he had been too tired to truly consider their situation. Now he realised how stupid it was to not have someone on guard.

But as long as they stayed undetected by the monsters, they should be out of danger.

He headed silently towards the lake, thinking it would be nice to wash off the clamminess from his nightmare. He stopped by the shore and curled his toes around the cool pebbles under his feet. A small part of him wanted to prove to himself he didn't fear the water. . . Stupid lake. Stupid water. He hated how Tonks knew about this weakness. It was such a stupid thing to panic about. But large masses of water always had that effect on him. Ever since that dreadful day . . . But he didn't want to think about it. There was nothing he could do about it. He knew he couldn't swim and yet he'd had no choice. It was either drown or be eaten by monsters. He would choose drowning any day . . .

He stared at the water for a moment before he almost spitefully took off his clothes until he stood by the shore completely naked. He knew propriety said he shouldn't, but he didn't think Tonks cared about that sort of thing anymore. There was no privacy between them anymore, and it surprised him how unfazed he had become with this idea. Physically they knew everything about each other, and even though he had never deliberately had a peek, he had also not been able to avoid looking at himself.

In the beginning he had been dead afraid to do things to himself that may seem . . . inappropriate. Things like accidentally brushing his hand against his boobs (merlin how strange it was to think ofthem as his), or to rest his hand on his thigh, or to simply draw his hand through his hair (which was highly tempting since it had become such an unfamiliar length). Not only because he feared Tonks would accuse him of perversion, but also because he secretly feared his own actions. What if he, sexually deprived as he was, fell for the temptation to . . . to do something with her body? What if he was unable to fight his own deep and desperate (and very secret) wish to . . . touch a woman?

A cold wind came across the lake and made a chill run through his body. Goose bumps formed on his breasts and his nipples puckered together.

To his great relief, his fears had been needless. Looking down at himself now, he felt . . . nothing. There was no sexual attraction to himself, no urge to touch himself in any inappropriate way, no attraction to other men . . . This realization had almost made him cry with relief (Tonks didn't need to know that).

But he had to admit, he was much more prone to crying when he was in her body than he was in his own. And that was not something he only convinced himself. His body reacted more strongly to his emotions and occluding appeared to be harder when he was in Tonkses body. He wasn't in full control of his occlumency shield and it required him to concentrate harder to keep it up. This part of The Switch surprised him. He had believed that when his soul was in her body, so was all his magic. But it turned out it wasn't so simple after all.

Part of him wanted to study this phenomenon closer; to do some experiments and find out exactly how and why this ancient potion worked and how it affected their bodies and their souls. For example, what would happen if Severus travelled to New Zealand? Would their souls still be able to find their host bodies, or would the distance kill them? Severus had a feeling this was the reason why Dumbledore wanted them to stay as close to each other as possible the last week. It made him wonder whether Dumbledore knew more about this potion than he cared to admit.

Severus had been standing at the shore for a while until he remembered what he was doing . . . He was naked for Merlins sake!

The thought made him duck hastily behind a bush by the shoreline. 'Shit'. He had forgotten about the three men they had recently met. Tonks may not care whether he undressed in front of himself, but he couldn't undress so carelessly in the presence of three unknown men. He was such an idiot! He gave himself many new and colourful names while he quickly pulled on his white chemise and washed himself with a cleaning spell. He didn't feel like going in the water after all.

The embers of the campfire were long gone when he went to check on them. He waved his wand and made some leftover wood pile itself together and light itself on fire before he sat down on a log next to it to warm his feet.

Those men were certainly bothering him.

He knew the wardrobe door had worked as a sort of time-turner. He didn't know how and why, but somehow it was a doorway to the medieval times. He couldn't deny that anymore. But that was where his acceptance stopped. The idea that they could meet people who had been alive at this time-period was . . . ridiculous. Yesterday it had been like spending time in some sort of theme park (not that he had ever been in a theme park before). But the presence of Nearly Headless Nick had suddenly made the time travel aspect disturbingly real. Their actions no longer had an uncertain effect in the distant future. Now the effects seemed more clear and real, and even more dangerous than they had yesterday.

How unlikely was it that on a journey to a legendary well that nobody knew existed, they simply happened to meet the only person they already knew from this period? How was that possible? It was like fate had drawn them together, and if there was something Severus certainly didn't believe in it was fate. If they had met by fate then that meant he and Tonks had been meant to drink the potion in the first place. That they were meant to find their way to the well in the fourteen hundreds. But for what? What was it that waited for them at the end of this journey? Did they even want to continue? Or should they admit defeat now and go back to Grimmauld Place? After all, what if fate meant they should stay in each other's' bodies forever? Or should he let himself hope for the better option, that there really would be a magic well somewhere waiting for them to come back?

He'd been so lost in his own thoughts he didn't notice when the figure approached him. He startled when someone sat down on a log across from him. The skinniest of Not-so-Headless-Nicks men. His name was something beginning with an F, Severus remembered. Mr F didn't say anything for a while, but he glanced at Severus occasionally with a shy look . . . as if there was something he wanted. Severus began to feel annoyed when the man continued to stay quiet for several minutes. Only when Severus had to fight the urge to glare at him challengingly did the man muster up the courage to speak.

"You know . . . There is no need to worry about the monsters anymore, my lady" said the man at last. "We can protect you now. We've got some nice wards against those creatures, they can't hurt you if you're with me- I mean if you're with us . . . we can protect you now."

Severus glared. He could protect himself! Why did this man believe he needed reassurance by a stranger? The worst part was that Severus had clearly noticed Mr F's unfortunate slip; 'If you're with me.'

Ugh.

He wanted to shudder but squashed the feeling down. He wanted to retort 'you're going to need protection soon if you don't stop looking at me like that.' Instead he forced himself to smile. "Thank you, sir."

Mr F looked like he wanted to say something else, but he startled when Not-so-Headless-Nicks' second friend sat down next to him (Severus couldn't remember his name). This man looked so much like a Viking pillager, Severus assumed his name must be something like Harold Fairhair or Haakon Bluetooth or . . . oh wait, those were real names . . .

"Good morning my lady" said a voice behind him and the Not-so-headless-Nick himself sat down on the log to his right. Severus noticed all three men kept a large distance between themselves and Severus, as if he emitted some sort of aura of stink. Or it could be that they held a respectable distance for Tonkses (his, ugh . . . husbands) sake.

However, they all became uncomfortably quiet where they sat. All of them settled to staring at Severus instead of starting a conversation amongst each other. It was like they had no clue how to talk to a woman. The only word Severus could use to describe the air between them was . . . awkward.

Awkward

Awkward

Awkward.

After another minute when the air became too tense to bare, he excused himself and hurried away to drag Tonks out of bed. He wasn't on good terms with her either but at least she didn't make an awkward atmosphere.

"Oi! Get up!" he said while he wrenched the tent canvas open. Tonks made a strange gurgling sound before she groaned. "Just give me five more minutes" she whined as if Severus was her mother.

"No!" he barked. He didn't want to be alone with the merry-men-of-awkward-silence anymore. "Get up and put on some clothes."

She made another groan of protest "Yes, mum." She turned over so she lay on her stomach and her blanket skidded off in the process and uncovered her back. It was strange how uncomfortable the sight of his own back made him. He didn't like to see other people naked. Male or female. It didn't matter if Tonks was currently in his own body and he'd seen that back several times. He gave in to the urge to turn away. "Nymphadora" he barked sternly.

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Mr Fun sports." She groaned again. Severus had to wonder what on earth she had just called him. "My name is Andromeda now-" then she halted. "No wait. That's you."

"Yes, that's me. And since I, lady Andromeda of Grimmauld, seem to be the first woman these merry men of Sir Not-so-Headless Nick have ever met, the atmosphere is becoming truly awkward" he admitted. "I will not leave this tent until you save me from death by ogling."

She burst into a fit of unmanly giggles. "Death by ogling? I knew you had a humour deep down somewhere."

He didn't know whether to be insulted or not. She didn't say these kinds of things to be mean, she simply liked to tease. Instead he settled for an exasperated glare.

"Wait . . . are they ogling you?" she asked with a sudden frown.

Severus snorted "No, but you better save me from it anyway."

"Alright. I'll come out soon. Just give me a few minutes" she gurgled again and hugged her pillow one last time.

He wanted to protest, but he understood she couldn't go outside shirtless. He huffed and trodded back to death by ogling.

Tonks joined them a few minutes later in which the atmosphere immediately lightened. She simply had a knack for social gatherings. She spoke freely, laughed and teased. And even after their disagreement last night she seemed completely fine with Severus's existence.

It turned out that despite his resemblance to a red-headed Viking pillager, sir Goddart (aaah, so that was his name) was an excellent cook. Severus ate his breakfast in silence and listened intently while sir Goddart tried to explain the direction they were going. Tonks always kept to his side, mostly to keep up the pretence of being a married couple. Ugh . . . Again, Severus hated this cover. If she had introduced them as brother and sister, they could at least have avoided touching each other. Now, they might have to hold hands or hug to keep up their lie. They might even have to . . . kiss . . .

Severus dreaded that prospect, but thankfully, Tonks pulled him to one side at one point and reassured him there was no need to show physical affection in front of Nick and his men. After all, this was the medieval times where people were a bit more private about their love life.

He didn't admit to the relief he felt at this knowledge, but he suspected Tonks must have noticed.

The rest of the 'Mirkwood' forest continued on the other side of the lake. The lake had only been a gigantic clearing in the middle of the forest something they all found quite curious. Even more curious was the fact that the acromantulas only seemed to prefer one side of the forest. The other part, the part they rode through the next day, seemed to be completely monster free. A fact that relieved his companions greatly, but Severus only found more worrying. What could possibly live in this part of the forest that scared away even acromantulas? Severus hoped he'd never have to find out . . .

Riding with the men of Sir Nicolas was surprisingly uneventful and (he had to admit) boring. At least he didn't have to entertain Tonks anymore. Severus could finally sit behind her in silence and simply listen to her conversation with Sir Nicolas without having to participate. How someone could talk as much as Tonks he had no idea, but she seemed to have found her match in Mr Still-got-his-head.

Sir Nicolas turned out to be exceedingly fond of the king, to the extent one could only see in a true fanboy. Severus quickly lost interest in the conversation, but Tonks kept up an interested tone for well over an hour while Sir Nicolas rattled on about all the king's great deeds. How he was the most gracious of the royals, how good he was at hunting and so on and so on and so on. How Tonks managed to keep a straight face was beyond Severus. Thankfully, Mr F saved her sorry ass by asking Nick about directions in which Nick was forced to focus on something else than his eternal love.

"Merlin he's intense" Tonks whispered eventually when Nick was out of earshot. Severus didn't bother to hide his amusement.

They rode on for a few hours in the direction Not-so-headless Nick guided them. The weather decided to keep its threatening grey clouds above, but rain started to fall in the early afternoon. Tonks insisted they take a break when their dizziness came over them and pretended to take a leak behind the trees. When The Switch happened, Severus found himself leaning on a tree trunk and wished above all else he could stay there for all eternity instead of going back to the talkative bunch.

But alas he was not so lucky. He would have to live with the company four other people for at least two weeks if he wanted to reach his destination. The problem: he was growing sick of it already. If he could at least have some hours for himself every day he might be able to bare it, but for the time being it seemed he could never get rid of Tonks. She seemed to stick to him like a leach, or perhaps like a parasitic worm of some sort. He knew it wasn't her fault, but for someone so used to being alone Severus started to feel suffocated.

They didn't reach the end of the forest by the time it turned dark, but the trees had become significantly smaller and less threatening when they stopped to camp for the night. Late in the afternoon the sun had decided to peak through between the clouds and lifted his mood considerably since his fight with Tonks the day before. It felt wonderful like a streak of hope in the otherwise desolate forest of despair. But no matter how much his mood had lightened during the day he couldn't ignore the extreme tiredness that overcame him when he stepped off the horse. Tonks's body needed a lot more sleep than his own apparently.

The merry men of sir Nicolas liked to set up their tents in a little half circle around a little enclosure for the horses to walk around in made from poles that they pulled out from nowhere. When it was time to camp Severus and Tonks watched as the three men waved their wands as if they had practiced a dance routine and the enclosure and the tents set themselves up in only a few minutes. Difficult seemed happy to be allowed to share the enclosure with three other horses and she bobbed her head and whinnied in delight while she headed over to the other equines. Severus felt like his head was stuffed with bricks, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep just yet. He was overtired and sore and his head swirled with too many thoughts of existential problems. But it was still delightful to lay down for a rest while Tonks stayed outside with Not headless and his men for dinner. Severus didn't bother with dinner but relished instead in the little time he had alone before Tonks entered the tent for the night. She lay down on her side without saying much (unusual of her) but he soon noticed the glances she sent in his direction.

"What is it?" He asked tiredly.

She looked curious about something and seemed like she weighed the idea of asking or not. But eventually she asked; "Will you tell me a bit about yourself?" He turned to look at her curiously. "Come on, we are going to spend weeks together in the same tent. The least we can do is to get to know each other better" she said.

". . . what do you want to know?" he asked suspiciously, wondering if she had a hidden motive for asking.

"Anything" she prodded herself on her elbows and rested her chin in her palm.

He hesitated, he felt strangely awake now. "I am not usually one to share things . . ."

"Well, it doesn't have to be deep personal information if you don't want to."

"Like what then?"

"Um . . . what is your favourite colour?"

He snorted "Oh no, that is going too far".

She laughed a sweet and hearty laugh "Sorry mate, can't help being curious."

A smile threatened to form on his lips "Its green."

She raised an eyebrow and he could sense what the was thinking. A Slytherins favourite colour was green? How Clichéd. He continued; "Not the tacky Slytherin colour you were just thinking about. More like . . . the green in the understory of a pine forest. Where everything is covered in moss."

She nodded in understanding. "Mine is pink."

"Like your hair I suppose?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nah, more like . . ." she considered her words for a while "like the colour people get in their cheeks when they blush. Or that colour you can sometimes see on the clouds during a sunset. When they look like bright wisps of pink magic. I only keep my hair in that light colour because it looks better on me."

she turned to look at him again "would you like to know why I like to keep my hair in all those bright colours?"

He said nothing, only studied her, so she continued; "I admit, its partly because it's fun. And yes, it is kind of fun to stand out as well. But it's also because . . ." she scratched her nose cutely "brightly coloured hair is very uncommon in the wizarding world, but you can see muggles with all sorts of colours in the streets of London all the time. So, it's a sort of way to state that I want to belong in both worlds. Like my dad. He's a muggleborn so he used to be teased at school because he didn't belong in the wizarding world. But I am proud of my dad. And I also admire my mum for marrying him. You know she married him even though her family disinherited her. I think that was very brave."

Severus studied her for a while. "My mother was also disinherited" he suddenly blurted before he could stop himself. He regretted it a millisecond later.

Tonks went quiet for a while, undoubtedly waiting for him to continue. But he really didn't want to dwell further into this topic.

"Because she married a muggleborn?" she asked eventually, trying to make him continue.

Despite his better judgement, Severus answered her question. ". . . Worse. My father was a muggle. So, her family severed all connections to her and shut her off. I guess for a while they must have been happy but . . ." he trailed off, feeling uncomfortable now. He had a strange urge to flee but there was nowhere to go. Why did he share this? He never told anyone about his personal life for a reason! And yet she didn't push him to answer, he told her voluntarily . . . parts of him even wanted to continue now that he'd started . . .

". . . but he didn't love her?" she asked. He detected her hesitation. She was afraid he'd leave if she asked more. The thought made him snort. She was about as careful and subtle as a rhino in a glass factory.

"I don't know. Perhaps he did in his own twisted way. But she didn't tell him about her magic until I was born . . . then . . . I believe you could say love turned to hatred."

". . . And you ended up in the middle of it?" She asked more boldly.

"I was . . . forgotten most of the time. They became too busy fighting each other to pay attention to me."

". . . Did they ever abuse you?"

"You're being very bold now!" He warned so loudly she seemed to jump out of her skin.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have. You don't have to answer that if you don't want to!" she said hurriedly.

The regretful look on her face was strangely amusing and made him forget he was supposed to be angry. "No . . . no, never physically" he answered slowly.

"I'm sorry" She said hesitatingly. ". . . Do you still speak to them or . . ."

"No, they're both dead. When I was nineteen."

". . . I am so sorry . . ."

"Don't be, I didn't go to any of their funerals." He said dismissively. He wanted to end this conversation now. He knew he had shared too much, and now Tonks was going to pity him. Also, the memory of his parents tore up something in him he had long since tucked away. He'd convinced himself time and time again he was over his mother and father, but the pain in his chest said otherwise.

It took him a while to realise their tent had become very quiet after his last retort. Tonks had said nothing for several minutes already, something that was very rare for her. When he turned to look at her, he realised she was still staring at him with a strange frown upon her face. "You went awfully quiet" he pointed out.

She gave a nervous laugh. "Can you blame me? If I say something now it's either gonna sound hollow or stupid so I thought I'd shut up."

Severus couldn't help but smirk. "If I had known this was all it took to shut you up I would have done it sooner."

She gave an incredulous laugh and swatted his arm "you twat." But she grinned all the same.

The tent fell quiet again, but this time the silence was more comfortable than awkward. Severus felt strangely relieved at her reaction to his story. It seemed like he could trust her not to tell anyone about his secrets. Even now he detected something of a determination in her. A determination to keep his secret for him forever and to only reveal it if he gave her permission. He detected her thoughts which were currently processing the information he had just shared, and he observed how she developed a fascinating hatred for his parents. How Severus could detect this he didn't know, but he thought he had an idea of what was going on. The Switch gave them a unique opportunity to share things that defied all laws of magic, but while Tonks was more focused on emotions, Severus had always valued thoughts and deductions higher. Thus, it seemed like while Tonks could feel Severus's emotions strongly and clearly while she knew nothing about his thoughts, he could detect and even hear her thoughts more strongly than he could any emotions.

Tonks turned to lay on her back and stared up into the tent canvas but none of them made a move to turn off the oil lamp.

"About that incident in the lake . . ." said Severus after a while, having returned to his more recent worries. "It's not that I am afraid of water . . ."

"I know, you're afraid of drowning. Not of water per sè."

"I don't usually . . ."

"Panic?"

He cleared his throat "I don't usually panic in such situations"

"You know it doesn't matter. I'm not judging you or anything. Besides, we were already about to get eaten by giant spiders, so it is kind of understandable. I guess it hit you twice" said Tonks with an understanding tone. "Also, I nearly had a heart attack when we saw the first spider. You handled that pretty well."

"Mhm" he said dubiously.

"But I am sure you know better than me how your mind works" she stated as if she wanted to assure him she wasn't trying to psyco analyse him. Which she clearly was.

"In those areas I am as clueless as you are" he admitted.

She seemed anxious to continue talking. Something was on her tongue again and for a while Severus had to resist the urge to raise his eyebrows in question. "I didn't tell you how amazing you were with the Acromantulas. Without your quick thinking we would both have been dead. I would never have thought about riding into the lake" she finally blurted.

He turned to her with a frown.

"And I am not just saying this to make you feel better, I'm saying it because I mean it."

". . . thank you." He said, wondering why on earth she felt the need to tell him that. He'd only done what was necessary. He turned his head to look at the canvas again "What amazes me is the mere existence of Acromantulas in an English forest. Acromantulas originated in Borneo. How did they even get here? And how did they manage to establish a colony?"

"They must have been transported maybe?" she suggested.

"Yes, but how? Remember we are currently in the fourteen-hundreds. There was no travel between England and Borneo at this time. I wonder how they got here . . ."

"Well either way, someone must have transported more than one and purposefully released them in the forest" she said.

"This must be the only Acromantula horde in England then" Severus mused mostly to himself.

"Oh, no. Didn't you hear there is a horde of them in the Forbidden Forest?"

"That is just a rumour" he said overbearingly. Wondering how she could even believe that sort of shit.

"No, apparently our dear old Hagrid has bred them in secret. There is at least a hundred of them."

He straightened with interest and propped himself on his elbows "How do you know this?"

"Well apparently, during your little misevents with the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley snuck into the forest on Hagrids orders and met up with them. According to Remus they barely got out of there alive." She held up a finger as if to prove a point to the tent canvas.

Severus stared at her with a sudden anger boiling inside his chest. Potter and Weasley had got themselves in more trouble than he realised. "Hagrid is lucky to still have his job. He is a danger to the entire school!" he said with distaste. Severus certainly didn't like his students, not at all, but he would never under any circumstance allow them to die on his watch. Especially Potter. Not if he had anything to say about it!

"But he is such a likeable guy. He is so sweet. How can you not like Hagrid?"

"It doesn't matter whether he is likeable or not if he puts his students in danger!"

"I know that, but Dumbledore seems to like him. Besides, he always brightens up the room when he walks in, don't you think? And he is also very fond of you actually."

"Hagrid likes every deadly monster, so that is hardly a compliment" Severus said snidely, still fuming over Hagrid's idiocy.

"Did you just call yourself a deadly monster?"

Severus cleared his throat and changed the subject. "I remember there were Acromantulas in the triwizard tournament, but I always assumed they were imported for the competition. Hagrid probably asked them to spare a few. Merlin, I need to inform Dumbledore about this."

"I know. And to think I snuck into the forbidden forest more than once. If I had known it was befested with Acromantulas I would never have gone near it."

"You snuck into the forbidden forest? More than once?" Severus realized his voice went into teacher mode.

"Yeah, what are you gonna do? Take points off from Hufflepuff?"

"You're cheeky, aren't you?"

"Aah, you're catching on" she said with a grin. Severus didn't fight it when he felt a smile form on his face.

After a moment of silence, without really considering his words he blurted; "You have to teach me how to ride."

"Yeah, you're right." After a while she added; "I can teach you how to swim as well if you like."

He snorted. "Now you're pushing it."

"Just saying."

"Good night Tonks."

"Good night Severus."