Summary: Ownership is 9/10ths of the law. Right? What happens when a pudgy looking feline shows up on the doorstep of a professor and his flatmate? What happens when said owner goes looking for a chubby cat only to find him in the window of a stranger's house? No collar. No evidence. Will the young cat lover ever get her feline companion back from the swift-tongued animal enthusiast and his bookish friend?

This is: An AU with NO magic. In essence, nothing to see here if you don't like those kinds of stories. This isn't meant for all audiences and there might be pairings or may not. I haven't decided yet, but those that are my followers know I just really can't help myself. I repeat. There's no magic in this story and relationships may be different from canon to see to my wicked needs to write this story the way it was intended. I hope you all enjoy!

Sirius was sprawled out naked on the floor. Nothing unusual. Just enjoying the shag rug and a good drink after his shift. The sanctuary just brought in a full van of abused raggedy dogs from a hoarder's house. It was a mess even to get the canine's cleaned and fixed up. Even Remus had to pop over and check a few of them.

The door sounded, and a voice was cleared. "Pads, did you know we have a visitor on our stoop?" Remus declared as he came into the room frowning. "Put some bloody clothes on why don't you?"

The dark-haired man grinned over at his soaked friend before rolling unceremoniously on the rug. "Whatcha got there, Moony?" Sirius asked glancing at the sopping wet furball.

Remus Lupin stroked the balled mess and sighed heavily. "He looks scared, might have been the storm. I might need to get him warm and dry."

Sirius groaned and reached for his trousers nearby. "Always bringing in strays, Remus. A cat no less," He said as he yanked on his pants.

The sandy-haired man brought the cat into the sitting room, cautiously setting him down by the fire and calming the beast. It was matted and alien from the amount of water it was carrying in his coat. Bits of mud layered the cat like he fell into a hole and struggled to climb out. The feline stretched out on the rug and started to purr as Remus stroked him gently.

"Seems there is no collar. Not underfed so he has to be someone's pet," Remus mused as he settled down by the cat.

Sirius reached for a towel he used on his hair earlier and ran it gingerly over the animal. "The bloke is a bit ugly, isn't he?"

The other man hummed agreement as he caressed the pudgy-nosed cat. "I think I quite like this little fellow. He politely asked to come inside despite how cold and upset he was. Maybe we have a can of that tuna left for him, just to get something in his belly."

"Moony, you can't be serious," Sirius said and snorted. "I mean it. We can't have a cat here. I smell like a dog most of the time and he," His grey eyes narrowed as the damp feline started rubbing against him. "Trying to win me over, cat?"

Remus chuckled and made a clicking sound to get the cat to waltz over to him. The orange creature meowed loudly and pranced over. "I don't know; I think he's quite the addition. Please, can we keep him? If only until his owner comes looking?"

"Well," Sirius huffed and watched the animal flop on the towel near the fire before purring and closing his eyes. "I suppose. He does seem to be making himself at home."

"We'll get him some food and possibly brush out some of this mess. He seems to be a very charming fella," Remus mused as he scratched the cat's ear.

Sirius stood up from the carpet and groaned while flexing his back. "As long as he sleeps with you. I don't want anything to do with a bossy bedhog."

"Fair enough, Pads. I'll assume responsibility for our dear visitor. It has been a while since I've had a feline friend."

The bare-chested man barked a stream of laughter while shaking his head. "Moony, if you were more worried about pussy and less about cats, we would be able to enjoy the pub more."

Remus exhaled while shaking his head. "I deal with massive cats with claws daily. Why would I want a set attached to a woman?" He retorted with a quirked smile.

"Because those are far more satisfying to be scratched with as you make her purr," Sirius retorted with a giant grin.

"Touché, my friend. Now, I believe we should get our new mate cleaned up and fed."

Sirius bobbed his head and yanked the shirt off the armchair. "Fair enough. We'll get the beast some real kitty stuff tomorrow. I hope you realize his owner is probably glad to be rid of him. That tosser is a bit ugly."

"Well, takes one to know one, Sirius," Remus snickered with a suppressed smirk.

"Yeah, yeah," The dashing man grumbled. "Let's go, mate."

Hermione was in fits when she got home and saw the tree lodged in her window. Her feline companion was missing, and it took her landlord entirely too long to clear out the mess so she could block off the window. It was no use trying to look for her cat at two in the morning so Hermione would have to work twice as hard tomorrow. She felt awful. Her poor Crookshanks. He could be alone and wet under some car. The cat could be stuck in some ditch or even up a tree. She was nearly in ruins.

If it wasn't for Ginny coming over the next day with James and Albus, she was confident she was going to have a meltdown. The redhead was walking with the stroller as Hermione shook the can of treats while they walked down the block.

"Crooks, here kitty," Hermione called out in exasperation.

"Hermione, he'll come back. You know that," Ginny attempted to soothe her distraught friend.

"I called every shelter locally this morning. I even asked around to see if anyone saw him last night. Nothing. My poor baby is out there all alone," Hermione huffed, shaking the can again. "Here baby. I promise to get the meaty bits you like if you just come home."

"Kitty, kitty!" James echoed.

Albus hollered and grumbled in the sling around his mother. "The children are getting restless. Maybe we should pop over to the café for a refreshment. Harry says they serve the best coffee at this one," Ginny waved at the corner café a distance away.

Hermione conceded with a nod. "A bit of tea sounds good. There's still a nip in the air after last night's storm."

They walked a bit further and entered the small shop. It was cute and a bit outdated, but Hermione enjoyed the atmosphere tons. Hermione had a large ceramic mug in front of her with teabags seeping while Ginny settled her children in at the table. The toddler would quickly morph into a racket if he didn't get his juice and Albus was nearly as bad before Ginny offered the infant a bottle.

"How's work?" Ginny questioned as Hermione gazed out the window.

"Fine, usual. I'll be visiting the zoo's wildcat program this week. I'm going to have another go at trying to convince them on a more conservation route. It's imperative to get their upkeep to a satisfactory level so we can try to reinforce numbers of endangered animals. Hopefully, we can eventually work on a sound way to release animals back into their natural habits. That is still at least a decade off, and the resistance of their board is only hindering my efforts." Hermione finished with a heavy sigh.

"One step at a time, Hermione," Ginny reminded her.

The bell went off over the door, and two men walked inside. Most of the time Hermione didn't pay much attention to people, men mainly, but they were quite loud.

"You would be an awful husband, Moony," An attractive grey-eyed man declared with a chuckle.

The rather smart looking older man next to him rolled his eyes as they approached the counter. "I believe you're talking about yourself, Pads. Nothing you do would ever make them happy passed one evening with you."

Ginny snorted and twirled a finger in the air. "It's always the handsome ones that are gay," She whispered with a grin.

"I beg to differ. I'm outstanding, and you know it. I just have little staying power," The dark-haired man continued before leaning over the counter at the barista. "Love, please, our usual because this sod doesn't seem to be reasonable today."

The girl batted her eyelashes and giggled. "Of course, Sirius."

Hermione stifled a snort and turned back to her table mate. "So, I was thinking of maybe if I made flyers," She acted as if they were continuing a conversation over the loud wankers that entered the café.

"Might be good. It isn't like he ordinary looking," Ginny mumbled and caressed her son's hair. "James, darling, please eat your banana."

A loud, obnoxious sound of a chair dragging on the tile was heard, and the dark-haired man propped the seat backward next to them. "Hello, ladies, I need to make a point to my friend," The stranger declared as he sat down with a smirk.

Hermione flicked her curly-hair behind her. "I'm quite sure you didn't see us, but we're having a conversation. Firstly, this is not a pub. Second, there are children with us, so clearly one or both of us are married. Lastly, what gives you any right to think we want to talk to you?" Hermione spat sourly with a narrow gaze at the smiling older man.

The man folded his arms around the back of the chair, and his smile shifted to something more impish. "Firstly, darlin', you don't have a ring. Those kids are hers and you, sweetheart, look like a stick was lodged quite stiffly up your bum; so relationships are well out of your perimeter. Lastly, I saw you ogling me from across the café, don't act like you didn't notice. I came over to prove that I could still change a smile on your face. The name is Sirius," The intrusive stranger declared and held out his hand.

"Charmed, I am sure," Hermione growled, waving him off. "Now please, if you don't mind. We're going to continue with our brunch like you did not interrupt our very content late morning."

"Pads, leave them alone. Come on now; she's just minding her own business," The green-eyed man persisted as he took a few paces toward their table.

Hermione actually liked the tone in his voice despite his brash companion. He had a few deep scars on his face and hair that unruly sat on his head. All in all, the curly-haired woman was convinced that he was the brains of their outfit by the bag handle and book in one hand and a paper cup in the other.

"Remus, they don't mind our company," Sirius insisted and smirked at Ginny. "Don'tcha, red?"

"Honestly, we're just trying to get through our morning. Why don't you join your boyfriend?" Ginny grumbled as she started burping Albus.

Sirius raised a finger to argue with a frown, but Remus walked up and smacked his back. "Come on, loverboy, we have errands to run," He teased which only caused Sirius to groan loudly.

The dark-haired man huffed as he stood up. "It was a pleasure, red," He paused and winked at Ginny. "Hope to see you soon, sweetheart," Sirius finished as he leaned toward Hermione and blew her a kiss before departing.

The curly-haired woman bristled and moaned. "What a wanker," Hermione growled as she glared off at the men tripping down the street together.

"He's quite handsome," Ginny mused with a smile. "He had your number pretty clearly."

"Because I'm so obvious, Gin," Hermione spoke with thick sarcasm.

The redhead shook her head while rolling her eyes. "The opposite, Hermione. No one would guess you haven't gone on a real date in ages. I think that's why it's so amusing."

"Well, his boyfriend was nice, at least. Must be an appearance attraction," Hermione snorted with a tiny grin.

"Oh, that's just horrible! Probably true, though. They're an odd type."

James smacked his hand down on the table ending the conversation. "Oh, love, you are trying me today," Ginny sighed as the boy was pouting.

"We should go see what Ron and Harry are doing anyway. I will have another go at finding Crooks later before dark. He sleeps all day anyway," Hermione sighed, and the women finished up their brunch at the café on the corner of Grimmauld Place and Twelfth Street.

Author Notes: Just another idea that came to me as I was feeding my own felines tonight. Yes, It sounds like a bit of fun and hilarity could come from all this. Tell me what you think of this little intro!