Ch. 3: Shadows, Whispers, No Peace, No Forgiveness

(The Void)

Kerrigan's life continued to flash before her eyes. In the midst of the ending of the Brood War she saw what she had originally felt scratching and gnawing away at the back of her mind: Amon's voice. Seeing a threat in her independence, he had begun attempting to influence her. She also saw the noble sacrifices and her second "death" followed by her obtaining of an identity. So much pain and misery all around her and it followed her like a plague. What if she was always the source of such misery? She shook off the thought and resumed looking. Now was not the time to decide her actions yet.

. . . . . . .

"Friend Raynor, I bring tidings of doom. I have pierced the veil of the future and beheld only…oblivion."

"…Yet one spark of hope remains. It goes against all that any of us know or believe but you must do so. Justice calls out for her blood, demands that she pay for her crimes…but she must live. I leave you with a key into my memories. Study it carefully, observe all that is within, see…and believe."

. . . . . . .

At the end of the war, Kerrigan finally decided to turn her attention inward towards her own forces. Though she had emerged as the dominant power in the sector, she had observed from history and her enemies that it would not remain that way. In war, it was an evolutionary race to see who could find the shortest route to the greatest power; one that could not be duplicated or equaled. The Zerg were an evolutionary race and they were highly adaptable in order to overcome their lack of technology. Kerrigan put the last of the cerebrates out of existence and chose a course of action that she initially objected to in that she created sapient or human-like zerg that had intelligence and reason like homo sapiens. Thus, the Brood Mothers were born to begin the increase and advancement of the existence of the swarm. Where the Overmind ruled through logic and reason, Kerrigan planned to ensure the Swarm's ability to exist without her. Abathar was put to work finding ways to increase the healing abilities of the Zerg and even creating new potent forms like the Roaches and more intelligent infested Terrans. In place of the Defiler, Kerrigan promoted the creation of the Infestors which served in greater functionality particularly with their potent ability to spread infestation and seize control of Terran forces in order to sow chaos and discord.

And in the midst of all her preparations for the future, she continued to feel a kind of unease, as if everything was hopeless. She became pessimistic and fatalistic but was not resigned to just laying down and dying. No, but if it was to be the end, she would go out in glorious blazing defiance to the very end. Amon's influence was strong, but she was not too far removed from him to be directly manipulated or utilized as the Overmind had been. Seeking knowledge of the future, she became aware of prophecy and journeyed unto Ulaan only to be opposed by Zeratul. It was quite amusing how defiant he was.

"Our petty conflicts mean nothing now. Fitting that we should face oblivion together."

"NEVER!" the dark prelate roared in defiance.

In the end, he had become quite determined to believe that there was hope and resisted her even as she hounded him across the world. She had predicted his coming to the planet, but she had underestimated the will of his spirit and how great his refusal was to give up all hope on the future. When last they had been face to face, she had believed that he would have begun to crumble under the weight of his choice with the Matriarch, but he no longer gave any indication of dwelling on it. What did it take? What she did not count on, was just that as she had predicted Zeratul's coming to Ulaan, so had she been followed by another protoss name Praetor Karass who willingly sacrificed himself to permit Zeratul's escape with the fragments of the prophecy.

There was no point in the prophecy in the end. It would only yield little real useful knowledge. Instead Kerrigan found herself aware of a Xenalga device that had been scattered piece by piece across the whole of the Kropulu sector and chose to send the whole of the Swarm in pursuit of them. Terran space suffered from the massive invasion and newfound strength the Zerg had obtained under Kerrigan's vision, yet she was resisted by her former lover James Raynor and his band of rebel's who managed at almost every turn to obtain the critical prizes they raced each other for. Near the end of their race, she conceded defeat to them and quietly retreated to Char, but only because she was aware of the artifact's purpose. Instead, she chose to take the role of the observer, like a spider in its web, and wait. The artifact was a wild card but she must act carefully concerning it.

Ironically, the Terran's brought it to her without hesitation, but only so that they might use it against her. They were not prepared for her. When were they ever anymore? It was actually ridiculous, but it made sense owing unto the fact that a distinguished "general" was leading them on to the primary world she controlled. Their maneuvers meant nothing, their strategies were weak, and their numbers were reduced with contemptuous ease. And yet the defiance and spirit of Jim and his crew helped the army entrench itself and prepare to utilize the device.

Her forces were repulsed by savage defenses despite the overwhelming numbers against them, and so Kerrigan personally assaulted them with physical and psionic might. Yet they beat her back time and again forcing her into a state of desperation as they neared the point of activation. She fought against the invasion, and yet something stirred within her and she told the to not give up. Where did that contradictory statement come from? Some parts of her old self, influenced by the device itself perhaps, reached out and fought for freedom.

And then the world exploded around her and dissolved into nothingness. Her forces were heavily reduced in the surrounding area and as for her…

Arms. Voices. Through the dazed and blurry vision, through partially deaf ears, she was aware of figures approaching her. She was inside somewhere dark. The Hive? All she knew was weakness and exhaustion, the pain leaving her drained and helpless. A pair of hands, a presence, loomed over her, and a voice, far away yet familiar, spoke. Jim? It sounded like…he was talking…to someone. A bang, followed by another. Then she was rising, cradles in limbs of metal, and felt light upon herself as she was moved elsewhere.

"Jim?" she asked weakly.

"I have you." With that, she felt peace settle on her soul. Peace…it had been so very long…she quietly fell asleep.

. . . . . . .

"Jim, I know what I did. I remember. Billions dead...because of me!"

"That was not you. That was the Queen of Blades. What they made you into. You're back to being Sarah again. And we're together now. So just hush, honey."

"It doesn't matter. Sarah Kerrigan, Queen of Blades...you don't understand. Maybe you can never understand. I have always been a destroyer…of things. Anything that I touch, anything I care about...that's why they picked me, Jim. Because I'm a destroyer of things..."

That was the opening of their knowledge of what Sarah was like now. Her humanity had returned though she maintained her dreadlock-like antenna for hair. Surprisingly, Jim had admitted that they actually felt like real skin instead of something else. It was little consolation to her and, at one point, Sarah actually attempted to remove them despite the pain it brought. Why was she still living? It hurt so much now; the way everyone treated her, looked at her, thought about her. Jim's tenderness and compassion was almost unbearable at times. The only thing worse was hearing his voice again: Arcturus. He found their hiding place, ambushed them, sent monsters after her. Her rage exploded and she beat them with psionic fists, tore them apart limb from limb with her mind and anger, scattered their bloody remains about with unconscious, reckless fury. A number of innocents were caught in the crossfire of her wrath. It seemed like there was no escaping what happened around her.

They escaped but it was impossible to escape the fallout of her actions. The Raiders were now terrified of her struggling stability and power. Valerian kept experimenting in hopes of understanding how much of her "Zerg nature" remained or whatever it was he wished to confirm. She began to regain her personality and center of self, but it was all crushed by guilt and a grudge against Arcturus. How was she supposed to live when all that she felt was regret from her actions as that "other" part of herself and a desire for revenge on the man who wanted her dead at all costs?

'Forgive him, forget all of it,' Jim had said. Jim…I want us to be together. I still love you and I know you do as well but…you don't know it like I do. I cannot be permitted to live in Arcturus' mind. He swore vengeance against the ghost's who took the lives of his family. I'm the last one standing. Even if everything burns down around him, he'll never stop. He can't. It's not just personal revenge…its survival. Mengsk…he is the "wall" between us and will remain there unless we do what we must. What I want…oh Jim…I hope you can understand. This pain…it's the only way. The future…we can't have a future with him in it.

And yet there was also the thought that it was probably best if she had died. What good could possibly come from her still living? Why? Nothing ever good had come from her existence. Everything just wanted her power, not her; they wanted the ability to destroy, all else was secondary. She was not a person, she was thing, an object. The only thing she had to live for was the death of the one person she had trusted and who had casually discarded as one might discard a cigarette or crumpled piece of paper. It wasn't something that was so easy to forget…or forgive. The darkness was all she had to protect herself or give her strength anymore. Out in the light…that was the place you died because you were exposed, vulnerable. Mengsk was the sort of man to ensure that you could never walk in the light again.

She was right in her belief that he would seek them out and try to kill them. The facility was discovered, assaulted, and the only choice left was to kill or be killed. Jim fought with her to get back to his ship in the shuttle bay but were cut off. She fought her way free and found Jim had not joined up with them. She attacked Valerian without hesitation for his lack of determination to get Jim only to be forced by the Dominion fleet to abandon the Hyperion and the rest in order to find and rescue the man she loved. It was all too easy to find a hive cluster with Zerg on the planet Phaethon but what was disturbing was how easily she took control of them. She destroyed the Dominion encampment there with ease and casually ordered the survivors killed only to be reminded of her previous "self".

Where was Jim when she needed him most? He had been correct, there was something very dark inside her. "Jim? Are you listening in on this frequency? Please, please answer me," she whispered to the communications array in the dropship. "Jim please, come in." She quietly whispered her heart to the silence. "I need you right now. I need…need you to hear me…"

A noise. She instantly spun snatching up the assault rifle and caught the source between the eyes: A Zergling. It must have followed her back on to the ship… She kept the barrel aimed steady. The creature gave a small growl but backed down without any fuss.

"…Interrupt your regular news cast to bring you this important news. Notorious rebel James Raynor was captured by Dominion forces in a daring raid, and summarily executed after brief interrogation. The Emperor had this to say…"

Sarah's eyes fixed on the screen in horror. Dead? No. Not possible. Tears of denial filled her eyes as the image of Arcturus filled the screen and his voice filled the ship. "Proud citizens of the Dominion. At long last, our nightmare has been ended. The lawless terrorist James Raynor, is dead. With this ending of his life, a new era of peace and freedom comes unto us all."

The rifle fell from Kerrigan's hands. Her hands clenched and emotion swelled like a sun within her. She screamed aloud and her power surged and raged causing the ships cockpit to flash with blinding light and streams and sparks of energy to race along its hull. Loud was her voice, but louder still was Arcturus. "The Protoss have retreated from our Dominon. And the Zerg threat has been removed. Their Swarm is leaderless." Kerrigan collapsed on to the floor and curled up into a fetal position with her head resting on knees, tears streaming hot and painful down her face. "In short, We. Have. Won." Kerrigan looked up. The Zergling was standing near her. It stared at her with unflinching eyes. "Our peace and security are assured. Good night my faithful subjects. No more fear shall assault our dreams ever again."

"Mengsk," she whispered coldly like a curse. The Zergling's terrifying face filled her vision and she felt the monster arise within her. Won? So long as anyone lived to oppose him, Mengsk had never won, or ever would. You actually believe its over? Well, your wrong. Its only beginning…and you will pay.

The darkness called, and Kerrigan charted the course towards embracing it. It was all that she had left.