Fog, thick and burdensome, enveloped her. An ocean of smoke had come to seize her as its own, trapping her in the confines of a white cell that was as large as it was impossible, and even then, she felt claustrophobic.

She couldn't see, and the realization terrified her. Somehow, existence had become uncomfortably full and painfully empty; the walls were too high and the floors too long to make any sense of space, and every atom that touched her skin was condensed water, dragging her into her own body, trying to force her to collapse and accept a reality that could not be real.

"Pink Diamond has been shattered."

She tried to move, to claw at her light-constructed form to see if there was at least something she could attach herself to, something that would hold her weight while a future she could not bare rushed into the present, unsettling her purpose and upsetting her world.

She did not so much as twitch. Not a single muscle spasmed. Not a flicker of a frown.

Nothing.

Nothing, indeed, except for the silent madness that rattled around Pearl's head for the next several hours.

On the outside, things seemed normal enough. She was standing at attention beside White Diamond, a shaking, weeping, broken Blue Diamond on her knees before the dais. Blue Pearl had her own tears rushing down her cheeks, and a slight flash of recognition in Pearl's mind told her that Blue Diamond's powerful empathetic sorrow was compelling her to join them in their crying.

She could not cry, because White Diamond had not allowed it, so they both remained perfectly stoic while the Lustrous Blue Diamond fell to pieces a few feet away.

Inside, Pearl did not feel sorrow. She did not feel anything.

The sensation - or was it lack of sensation? - that was drowning without water, choking up her failures, and waiting on the last step of the stairs for a pair of shoes that could not follow and she had never deserved to know in the first place... It was her whole life, in a feeling, and it felt like nothing.

Her arms stayed bent, always up, always facing forward. Feet pointed, chin up, smile on, Pearl stood and did nothing and did nothing and did nothing and nothing happens and nothing can happen and oh god what is this feeling, why does it hurt? How can it hurt and feel like nothing at the same time?

Pink Diamond has been shattered.

Pink Diamond has been shattered.

After some time, Blue Diamond left the chamber. Pearl could not have measured if it had been a few minutes or several months - she had a loose sense of time to begin with - but now she was floating in the plane beyond the one she knew, a crack in the surface of sanity that robbed her blind and she felt every bit deserving of it.

How could she not have been there?

How could she not have been able to stop it?

Stop what?

Stop what?

Stop what?

Pearl felt the presence of acceptance at her lips, but she could not purse them, lick them, bite them for all these emotions were forbidden. Yet she yearned anyways, helplessly begging for a sense of relief or denial or acceptance or something other than this feelings please, anything but this.

Finally, after a very long time of scarce subsisting, Pearl tried to scream. Her mouth was sewn closed, it felt like the space between her nose and mouth contained all the mass of the universe, and instead a terrible image of clawing hands ran up her lungs, dragging her voice back down with it. Her begging was silenced, sharply and completely, and the words remained unspoken - please, someone, my Diamond - Blue, Yellow - even White Diamond, please… please, please, someone, please... anyone, please, help me…

Meetings. Years.

Time passed, Pearl guessed. It could have stood still. She didn't know anymore.

She didn't know anything anymore.

It was confusing. Some of units time seemed to last longer than others. Pearl didn't know if that made any sense, because wasn't the point of measuring the time between meetings to know how much was passing?

Does not matter.

There was only one thing that mattered.

Ignoring the question, ignoring the question. No answer no reality no answer no reality.

Stop what?

Stop what?

Stop what?

Ignore. Ignore ignore ignore ignore.

How can she best ignore? Ignore. Stop what? Ignore. With little else to do, frantic, Pearl began to count. Thinking about - ignore - could not be a valuable use of her time, so she focused on something else - anything else.

After her sixth recount of the three-millionth six-hundred thousandth one-hundred and ninety-eighth circuit, she realized with a jolt of terror that something was off.

White Diamond was not still. White Diamond was not giving her or another Gem an order, or working on something far above Pearl's head (literally and metaphorically).

She was... humming.

Pearl dare not crane her head, but she imagined it, looking far, far above her. What did White Diamond's face look like? She had never even seen it before. Or had she? Maybe she forgot, when she was trying to ignore. Pearl's smile felt a tiny bit more genuine when she imagined what she might look like, eyes of molten platinum, shining with an absurd amount of power. That was her best guess. A nice distraction from - ignore.

Stop what?

"Pearl." White Diamond spoke in a voice of decadent silk, and Pearl was so surprised she might have blinked, but she did not do so much as stir. Given how predatory White Diamond sounded, Pearl actually might have preferred to remain in their eternal silence.

A octave below a whisper passed through her tight smile. "Y-Yes?"

"Given this news," White Diamond began, pausing to gesture above them to some monitor. "I am afraid I must inform you that we will be staying together for a little while longer."
A flicker of what once would have been a frown tensed the muscles around her mouth, but nothing.

"U-understood. Than-nk yo-you." A pause, and Pearl felt the buzzing in her brain redouble in earnest, louder, angrier in its nature.

"I a-am so glad we will be together for a while longer, White Diamond."

Pearl lied, hating that she felt compelled to do so. How could she be so unappreciative? The words stung with deceit, as Pearl knew she should feel privileged to have spent all this time by the side of the most indomintible figure in the universe.

And yet, all she felt was a painful degree of solitude, and the urge to tell lies.

A silence befell the chamber, but it was unlike the usual quiet, the one Pearl recognized that she knew to be empty and suffocating and infinite. This one was filled by tension, and... something else. Something Pearl could not identify, but whatever it was, it felt like a ghost had its hands on her throat, whispering warnings into her ears. Whatever it was, Pearl knew only one thing.

It absolutely terrified her.

White Diamond took a small step backwards with each of her glittering sandals, and she bent at the waist over the edge of the platform. Unable to help herself, Pearl's mouth fell open just a bit, the closest to 'agap' that her lips could manage.

"There, there, Pearl." White Diamond lowered her arms to her side and refocused her gaze to study the quivering Pearl's face. She had adopted a tone that Pearl could not in good conscious call sympathetic. No, it was more like…

"There is no need for you to lie. I know how much you care for my little Starlight, but if you are to be my Pearl, you must be above such simple emotions."

Amusement.

"Do you understand?"

That was it. Morbid amusement, thinly veiled as words of comfort.

"I - " Pearl opened her mouth, only to close it again moments later . She realized she had started to lean back - to lean away - and her Diamond had ordered her to be still. Another misstep. Without skipping a beat, Pearl straightened on the tips of her toes and kept her smile as calm as possible.

"Of course. I - I am very sorry, W-White D-Diamond. I will not disappoint you."

At that, White Diamond quirked a brow high along her forehead, and her eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly.

"You are suffering, my Pearl." The massive matriarch clicked her tongue. "And to think, I tried so hard to help you rid yourself of such petty sentimentality."

Instinct, deeply embedded in her navel, caused her hands to fly to her lips in horror. She couldn't even explain why, and it was the most she'd moved in eons, but the need to cover her lips to prevent from admitting such a thing was a force all its own.

Stop what?

Ignore ignore - stop it stop what get out of my head please stop stop stop what - ignore ignore ignore!

White Diamond inched her head slightly to one-side, examining Pearl like she'd never really seen her before.

Her own heart betrayed her, and a single, wretched tear leaked over the side of her left eye. Pearl moved to swipe it away, but she could not remove her hands, and so a stray streak quickly became a steady river, flowing down one side of her face, breaking the order she'd been given.

"We will have to do away with that. Here," she lowered a massive hand, pointing a single finger to brush the tears away.

Bracing herself, Pearl prepared herself for a large, single swipe to grace her cheek.

Instead, she felt white hot agony.

A cerebral, chilling fire laid waste to her. A heaviness buckled her knees while a internal bruise began to swell, expanding and expelling her gem from her navel, and Pearl was gripping and twisting and fracturing and oh god it hurts. This was not numbness this was pure pain and Pearl swore she saw stars and galaxies and so much blackness that the universe could never fill it all, but there were shapes beneath it too, poofs of hair and waving hands and trembling fingers and wispy bangs and judgmental eyes and there was so much pressure in her chest it felt like she was going to cave in, a collapsing star, lucky enough to finally burn out.

Burn, burn, burn, pop. It was gone.

Gone.

Burnt.

Cracked, like overheated glass, split through the betrayal and the fear and suddenly - suddenly - Pearl's mind was no longer filled by that single question.

There was peace.

Simple, overwhelming peace.

Nothing was nothing and everything was nothing and that was finally, finally okay.

…

"There, that's better, isn't it?" A knowing voice asked of her. "It may have hurt, but it is a small price to pay."

…

"Yes, my Diamond."

That was the day Pink Pearl lost her eye.

A small price. Nothing, really. White Pearl did not need two eyes.

She only needed one eye to serve her Diamond, and now White Pearl was so happy. She did not think she'd ever been so happy, even before Pink Diamond left for Earth. Those days were stained by fears and worries. Pearl did not fear and did not worry anymore.

She had a full life here. Her Diamond, the most magnificent being in the universe, was pleased, because now White Pearl could be even more efficient. How foolish Pearl had once been - to think her Diamond wanted her to be perfect. Only Diamonds are perfect. Her Diamond only wanted her to try her best, and Pearl failed.

Pink Pearl failed, her mind corrected. You are not Pink Pearl.

Pink Pearl is the failure. White Pearl is a good Pearl.

She will always be a good Pearl.

Of course, she is not perfect - she only has one eye - and that was okay because she could be unsightly and other gems could look at her like she was a monster, but Pearl could do her job and that was all that mattered.

Smiling, Pearl marveled at her fortune. She had a purpose that was not impeded by emotions anymore; she had a mind void of questions.

She did not need questions, like her eye. Questions only served to confuse her, and that would hinder her ability to serve her Diamond. That was wrong. White Pearl is a good Pearl.

Good riddance. A nuisance. Unnecessary.

Dead weight, and she could not weigh down her Diamond.