Title: Always
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Characters: Vegeta, Goku, Piccolo
A/N: Please excuse any OOCness that may occur!
----
"I hear... a voice say "Don't be so blind"...
it's telling me all these things...
that you would probably hide...
am I... your one and only desire...
am I the reason you breath...
or am I the reason you cry..."
A disgruntled Saiyajin Prince fell back against the wall, blood seeping from a cut above his right eye. The thick liquid clouded his vision but he had been seeing red before hand. The GR was all but destroyed, the training bots nothing but piles of ashes, any equipment that had once been useable, now gone as though they had never been there. Seething, Vegeta clenched his fists again, his white gloves stained with blood. And this time, it was his.
The baka, he has no idea what he has done. What he started...DAMN HIM!
The Prince raged a mental war against himself, his ki jumping again as more anger filled him. Swinging around he punched through the only whole window, shards of glass exploding everywhere. His hand was dyed red, none of the previously white glove showing. But Vegeta didn't even seem to notice.
"Why Kakarott?! Why the hell are you stupid enough to do this to me?! Me! The Saiyajin Prince! I refuse to sink that low!" he yelled at the ceiling, hair flashing blonde then back to its normal raven color. His eyes danced madly as he charged up a blast in his palm, staring at it, as though it were nothing more then a child's play thing. It ends here and now. Idiot, thinks he can 'help' me. He knows nothing about me! Nothing! I will not let myself be overpowered by that moran! He suddenly felt something wet in his eyes and raised his free hand to them. He..he was crying. He was crying over some damn baka; The same man that had destroyed who he was; who had destroyed the title he so proudly wore! The blast shone brighter as his rage grew, and the Prince raised his hand level with his chest, teeth clenched tightly.
"I will not..let him...let myself...NO!" he yelled and discharged the blast. He waited. But..he felt nothing. No pain. Did he die that easily? Opening his eyes, he gazed into the face of the man who had done this to him.
Goku held Vegeta's wrist tightly, the blast having gone right over the Prince's shoulder.
"Vegeta.."
Growling, Vegeta lashed at him, eyes glittering insanely.
"Get away from me! Don't fucking touch me!" he yelled, the other man flinching back as if burned.
"Please, just listen.."
"I don't want anything to do with you. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?!" Vegeta yelled again, this time, tears leaking from his eyes again. Dropping to his knees, he slammed his fist into the floor, cursing himself.
"Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you... "
Goku stared at his fellow saiyajin in pain and confusion. Why was he so upset? He hadn't meant to hurt him in any way. Hell, he would never hurt him. Why was he acting like this?
The man blinked, eyes widening a tad.
Vegeta was crying.
Goku felt a twinge of distress coming from the fallen Prince. Silently, he closed the distance between them and knelt before Vegeta, reaching forward hesitantly and brushing a few of the tears away. At first, Vegeta leaned into his touch. Then, as if he had just realized what was happening jerked away, pushing himself backwards towards the wall.
"I told you not to touch me!" he growled, but it lacked its usual harshness…kind of. Goku sighed, his head dropping.
"Vegeta what did I do? Why are you acting like this?" The Prince seethed silently, one hand clenching.
"What did you do? What do you think you did!? In the middle of a sparring match you suddenly decide to lie out your petty emotions that only a human could have and expect me to just understand? You are below me you baka! I refuse to be conned into..into 'caring' for another creature. I did that once and look what it got me. You are nothing more then a rival to me Kakarott. Nothing more! Do you not understand? I don't want your pity or any of your other fucking feelings! I don't need anyone!" he roared, but his strength was gone. He panted softly, glaring at the other saiyajin. "Leave. Now." Goku stared at him, his face blank. Silence fell over the two and the Prince shifted uncomfortably, baring his teeth. "I said leave!"
"No." This caught Vegeta by surprise.
"What?"
"I said no. I'm not leaving." Goku meant every word of it. Suddenly Vegeta was on him, hands wrapped tightly around the other man's neck. Goku was too startled to react at first but after the moment's delay he reached up, trying to pry Vegeta's hands off without hurting the other man too much.
"Why won't you just leave me alone?!"
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you..."
The man below him gasped for air, tugging harder at the hands.
"WHY DAMNIT?!" Vegeta yelled again, shaking Goku with what strength he had left. Goku gasped for a breath, choking out the words.
"Because I care..too much..about..you.." he gasped. Vegeta stopped shaking him, his grip loosening a bit. His wide eyes stared into Goku's, ones that held no fear or pain.
"You still care? What the hell do I have to do to get you to leave me alone, baka?!" Vegeta hissed in frustration. Goku managed to get Vegeta's hands off his neck, coughing softly, wheezing.
"That's not going to happen any time soon," he whispered, refusing to give up on the fallen Prince. Vegeta just stared, the fight drained from his system.
"Why?"
"Because, you don't have anyone Vegeta. Neither do I. I know how you feel. You may not think so but I know exactly how you feel. The loneliness, the pain of having to sit in a quiet house, we're both alone, but together..maybe we can fill that space." the younger man said softly, for once, seemingly beyond his age. Vegeta dropped back into a sitting position, one fist clenched against the floor.
"I can't. It's not the same..no...I've lost it all...I'm empty. Nothing can fix that you third class baka! Nothing!" he yelled but for some reason knew it wasn't true. And once again I sink to the level that my race despises… Again, he knew that wasn't true. Before his mother had died, she had told him that the greatest strength was love. Vegeta barely noticed that Goku had closed the space between them again, resting a hand on his shoulder.
"Vegeta?"
"I feel... like you don't want me around...
I guess I'll pack all my things...
I guess I'll see you around...
Inside... it bottles up until now...
as I walk out your door...
all I hear is the sound..."
The Prince grunted softly, eyes on the far wall. Goku hesitantly moved his hand from Vegeta's shoulder to his chin, making the other man look at him. His eyes were a storm of emotions, something Goku had never seen before.
For once, Vegeta was battling himself and in the next instant he was up and by the door, staring coldly at Goku.
"Kakarott…just leave me alone. Don't follow me, NOTHING!" he yelled and was gone. Goku fell backwards into a sitting position, staring at the doorway.
"Vegeta…why.." he whispered, running a hand through his hair, eyes closed tightly. "Why can't you just let me help you, be with you?"
Vegeta flew faster then he ever had, wanting the distance between them to be great. He was an open book. For the first time since Bulma had died, the almighty Prince was an open book of emotions. His thoughts raced, his mind telling him to keep going but…his heart…his heart was telling him to go back. To except the love that he had been offered. But he couldn't. He knew it, or at least he thought he did.
Suddenly dropping, he landed in an open field, dropping to his knees as his boot-clad feet touched the ground. Vegeta's shoulders shook as a sob escaped him, something he never thought he could do. Tears leaked from his stone eyes that were, for once, not so cold.
Goku had long since left the gravity room, knowing that he had to find Vegeta. A nagging feeling told him to do so. His eyes burned slightly from the tears he had shed.
The tears he had shed over the man he was now looking for.
"Where is he..come on Vegeta…give me a sign will ya?" he mumbled to himself and as if the Prince had heard, a fairly large blast exploded in an open field not far off. Switching directions, Goku sped towards it, not liking the looks of it. Not much was left of the field, save a small portion of grass where a lone figure stood, something at its feet. Goku landed in front of him, staring wide-eyed at the sight before him.
"Vegeta? What the hell is going on?" he asked bewildered. The Prince was on his knees, a deer..or what had been a deer lying before him. Blood covered any part of Vegeta that hadn't been covered before hand, his eyes dead, and a feral smirk stood out on his face.
"Vegeta answer me!"
"Go away weakling." He replied in a flat tone. Goku blinked. This wasn't the Vegeta he knew. Why would he do this?
"Always... always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you..."
Vegeta chuckled softly, staring at the deer remains.
"It came too close. It wouldn't listen. I told it to leave. But no." he mumbled, like he was in daze. Goku's face-hardened.
"Vegeta, I've never known you to kill on a spree like this."
"Then you obviously don't know me very well." Goku's head tilted slightly.
"What?"
"I'm a killer. That's all I'll ever be. I can't have objects of affection. They're taken from me. My planet, my mate, everything. All because of who I am.."
"STOP IT!" Goku cut him short, eyes blazing. "You know that's not true Vegeta! You have changed. Bulma's death was not your fault! Your…our planet being destroyed was not your fault! Things happen and you just have to except them. I don't know why you are acting like this but I don't like it. Vegeta, why won't you let me near you? Touch you, talk to you for kami sakes! I love you damnit! Why can't you acknowledge that?" the young man yelled, eyes full of tears. Vegeta now stared at him, eyes still blank. A heavy pause followed Goku's outburst, a soft breeze flowing over the men as the sun began to slowly descend.
"I don't know why you told me that. You of all people should know I don't care. Go away Kakarott. Go somewhere, far, far away. Just leave." The Prince's voice was soft, yet hard at the same time. Goku stared at him, an immense pain filling him. He took a shaky breath, not wanting to cry in front of him again.
"Fine. I'll go. But blocking out those who care won't help Vegeta. No matter how much you think it will…it won't." the saiyajin hovered off the ground, eyes staring at the fallen Prince. "Goodbye Vegeta." He whispered and was gone in a blast of light, nothing but his ki trail left. Vegeta stared, watching the trail fade before realization dawned on him. He had just hurt one of the few who still cared. Again.
"Goddamn emotions. I don't..I don't need them!" he yelled at the darkening sky, but he knew that wasn't true. He had let himself fall, again. Standing weakly, he took off into the air blindly, not knowing where to go.
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door...
and now I'm done with you..."
It had been a few days since the episode with Vegeta. Goku had trained by himself since then, more then he had in a long while. He didn't know any other way to ease the pain. Goten had stopped by once, but it had been brief. He had said he was worried and wanted to make sure things were all right.
If only Goku could have told him. But he was afraid too. For some reason, he was afraid. Slowing down, he noticed a shadow had fallen over him and turned, meeting eyes with someone who he hadn't seen in a long while.
"Piccolo. Long time no see." The namek nodded slightly.
"It has. I have something interesting I need to discuss with you Son."
"And that would be..?"
"Vegeta." Goku stiffen slightly, his face flinching slightly, but enough for Piccolo to see. "I thought something was up. I saw him yesterday. He looked lost. Sick almost."
"That bad?" Goku asked. Piccolo nodded, crossing his arms.
"Mind telling me what's going on?" The man sighed.
"We had an..argument. Nothing big." He lied through his teeth, looking up at Piccolo to see if he had bought it. Of course, he hadn't.
"You're hiding something Goku." The namek retorted, not looking the least bit convinced. Sighing again, Goku began relating the story to him, bit by bit.
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I left my head around your heart...
Why would you tear my world apart...
Always... always... always... always..."
Piccolo left Goku a few hours later, heading back to the spot he had last seen Vegeta. He wasn't sure why he was getting involved but…he didn't like the way things were at the moment. Dende had felt the same way.
Coming to the place were he had seen the prince last, Piccolo found Vegeta in almost the exact same spot, brooding as usual. He landed silently next to him on the cliff side, staring at the horizon.
"I talked to Son." Vegeta didn't even twitch. "He's in bad shape too. I don't see why you're been so stubborn." The namek mumbled arms crossed in irritation. What he hadn't told Goku was that he had gotten Vegeta to talk so he had known most of the details going into their conversation.
He just wanted to hear both sides.
"Are you listening Monkey?" This time, a low growl escaped the Saiyajin.
"Watch it namek, and yes, I did hear you. But I don't give a fuck."
"Why?" Dark eyes turned to look at him.
"Because I don't fucking care! Do you not get that? You're just as thick as Kakarott is!" he snapped. Piccolo seemed unfazed.
"At least I'm thinking rationally." The Prince rolled his eyes.
"Why the fuck do you even care? Don't you have a meditation appointment or something?" Piccolo's lips twitched slightly.
"I don't care, let's get that straight. I'm doing this on Dende's request. I think you should reconsider. You may find it's not so bad." He said as his parting words and left the Dark Prince's side, heading for Kami's lookout. Vegeta snorted, looking at the churning waters below. He then looked down at his gloves, which had permanent bloodstains on them. Is this really what I want?
"I see... the blood all over your hands...
does it make you feel... more like a man...
was it all... just a part of your plan...
this pistol's shakin' in my hands...
and all I hear is the sound..."
Goku walked back inside, his whole body sore and tired. He had trained nonstop since Piccolo's visit, trying not to think about it. He made himself a quick meal of fish and rice, sitting down at the small kitchen table. He paused, looking down at his plate. His thought's strayed to Chi Chi, his hunger fading. His appetite was gone. Sighing, he pushed back from the table, stretching his arms over his head. There was nothing left to do but sleep. But even that scared him. Plopping down onto the couch, the young man closed his eyes, trying not to think so he could finally get some rest.
Vegeta now sat on the Cliffside, legs dangling over the edge. He does care…I know that much…but…why? Why does he care…about me? I don't deserve to be cared for…. A tiny voice in the back of his head disagreed. He did deserve it. Like Goku had said, he had changed and it was for the better. A faint, almost soft smirk touched the Prince's lips and he shook his head a bit, hovering away from the cliff.
Now, to fix things.
A loud banging woke Goku up, causing him to fall off the couch with a soft thud.
"Kuso. Who could that be?" he mumbled, standing, his back cracking. The banging continued as he slowly made his way to the door.
"I'm coming, I'm coming." He called out, reaching his hand out to grasp the doorknob, pulling it open slowly. His eyes widen.
"Kakarott."
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
This life of solitude...
I guess that I'm out the door...
And now I'm done with you..."
"Veg..Vegeta?" Goku stammered, looking at the man on his doorstep. His fellow saiyajin looked better and a hell of a lot happier than he had the last time Goku had seen him. Vegeta smirked, nodding.
"Good job Kakarott. I see you do remember everyone's name." He joked, his arrogance back. Goku blinked, staring at him in complete confusion. Vegeta couldn't help but laugh. "Shut your mouth baka, you look like a fish out of water." The younger man did so.
"Why..why are you here Vegeta? I thought.." but Vegeta raised his hand, silencing him.
"I'm only going to say this once so listen Kakarott. I..I came to a conclusion last night. I.." he took a deep breath. "I don't hate you..and I don't want to push you away. I think..for once..you're right. I think we can help each other. In more ways then one. And if you EVER make me repeat that I will kill you, wish you back, and kill you again."
Goku was floored. I Did he just say that he..cared for me/I A slow smile spread across Goku's face, eyes brightening. The Prince rolled his eyes, almost regretting having said those words.
"And here it comes." He mumbled. Goku laughed softly, his eyes still on Vegeta, who was shifting around on the front step, almost…nervous. Stepping forward, Goku placed his hand on Vegeta's chin, tilting his head up.
"Was that so hard?" he whispered. Vegeta stared at him silently for a second before smirking.
"Now that you mention it…" Goku silenced him with his lips, kissing him slowly, them pulling back, his lips lingering. Vegeta's eyes had closed on their own, a soft blush covering his cheeks.
"Now what were you saying?" the younger man asked. Vegeta's eyes snapped open and he pushed Goku away, the other saiyajin laughing. The Prince's smirk grew a bit and he crossed his arms, snorting a bit.
"Up for a spar Kakarott?"
"I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I pick myself off the floor...
and now I'm done with you...
Always...
Always...
Always..."